Fear of losing weight increased attention.please respond!

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24

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  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,370 Member
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    Are you sure you're not just looking for an excuse not to get this done? Men can be base creatures but we are more than a match for them! ;-) Get fit for you and focus on yourself rather than the reactions of others and you won't go too far wrong.
  • labellecanuck
    labellecanuck Posts: 105 Member
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    Self-sabotage because you don't trust yourself around men who are sexually attracted to you? Trying to ward off men won't work, and if it does, you'll probably be miserable due to the lack of attention.

    You don't owe these men anything, and your experiences are more than simply a consequence of your environment. You have to work on yourself; building up enough strength and confidence that you don't feel the need to respond to men that hit on you.
  • ripemango
    ripemango Posts: 534 Member
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    you're right - i shouldn't assume every1 wants a life partner....surely not all do.

    [quote
    something about your post kind of bothers me. i feel like you aren't looking for love!
    this kind of offends me. like a person cannot possibly be complete, happy, fulfilled and full of self love if they aren't looking to get coupled up.

    also, not wanting men to talk to you based on nothing but your looks... that's not the same as not wanting to talk to men at all. there are plenty of chances to meet people who have something in common with you, who aren't just talking to you because they like the wrapper.
    [/quote]
  • Zylahe
    Zylahe Posts: 772 Member
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    Sigh, i never get hit on. Even now.
    Surely i'm not the only one?
  • cleback
    cleback Posts: 261 Member
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    Good grief, I wish I had that problem! I'm married, but still, the attention would be nice.

    The grass is always greener...
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
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    In personal experience there has been absolutely zero correlation between my weight and the amount of attention I get from guys.
    i got the most male attention (stupid amounts, strangers fighting over me and trying to drag me away with them) when i was dangerously underweight. scary but true.
    i think predatory types are more attracted to women who look physically or emotionally vulnerable, and weight can be a sign they pick up on. the men who pay me attention now i'm a healthy weight are a lot less scary.

    That's an interesting point from your experience. I've never been underweight, so I wouldn't know. I think it's possible that some predatory types also see the same vulnerability in an overweight woman, especially if she's insecure about it. Nobody's ever fought over me though. I'm glad you're healthy now :)
    It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

    Those trinkets? They don't stop the determined. And those type of men pursue married women for a DIFFERENT set of reasons as they would pursue single women.

    Then tell them it's a purity ring and you're deeply religious. Quote bible verses about not having sex outside of marriage, then invite him to church. If that doesn't scare the creepers off, I don't know what will.
    Walk around with an unapproachable aura that gives people the impression you don't want interaction. Wear baggy sweats, too.
    Women should not have to do this. We should be able to feel pretty and presentable for ourselves.
  • alastria
    alastria Posts: 65 Member
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    Looool...I wouldn't even be able to understand this fear of getting attention from men. Maybe it's where I live, or maybe it's just that I'm just THAT unattractive, but I've never gotten attention from men. Like ever. I've never really had problems with walking down the streets or at work, or with friends.

    I think that you should focus on your weight goals before making an excuse not to do them because of "what if". Deal with certain issues as they arise, as it is possible that it won't even BE a problem.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    That's an interesting point from your experience. I've never been underweight, so I wouldn't know. I think it's possible that some predatory types also see the same vulnerability in an overweight woman, especially if she's insecure about it. Nobody's ever fought over me though. I'm glad you're healthy now :)
    better men are attracted to healthier, happier women. i've no desire for either a predator or a knight in shining armour, which is what i got in droves when i was nothing but a wisp.

    i'm certain predatory types respond to a lot of different perceived weaknesses. obesity, being underweight, timid demeanor. they certainly don't like toned muscles on confident, intelligent women.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    on the plus side, once i get pestered walking past a construction site once, i'll get plenty of extra exercise rearranging my route to avoid walking past it again.
  • alastria
    alastria Posts: 65 Member
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    You're NOT the only one. I NEVER get hit on. Ever. All my friends have stories about being hit on or creepy people, but....I can't even think of one time. Whether it be with strangers, friends, or creepy people.
  • bbydl64
    bbydl64 Posts: 30 Member
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    Married and my husband doesn't even hit on me
  • ladyark
    ladyark Posts: 1,101 Member
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    It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

    In my experience , the ring doesent matter. Since losing 70 lbs i get all kinds of comments now...none are actually horrable since its nice to hear these things but, i find it bothers me the most because these are shallow people that wouldnt have given me a compliment when i was heavier.

    Its a very hard mind game i have found .....the mental part of losing weight and getting healther is harder than the physical part.
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
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    i'm certain predatory types respond to a lot of different perceived weaknesses. obesity, being underweight, timid demeanor. they certainly don't like toned muscles on confident, intelligent women.
    I agree, mostly that they don't like confident, intelligent women. And when you get to the point that you're confident, you realize you don't deserve to put up with B.S. and guys who aren't worth your time are pretty easy to avoid and ignore.

    For the OP, I think there's a good point here that it's a lot easier to deter unwanted attention when you're confident and assertive. That being said, I think it's great that you want to work on you right now without looking for someone. It's very respectable :)
    I have too many girlfriends who go around looking for a man to make them happy. You just kind of want to shake them and say NO! You go get happy first... then date.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    Just get fit and ugly.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

    In my experience , the ring doesent matter. Since losing 70 lbs i get all kinds of comments now...none are actually horrable since its nice to hear these things but, i find it bothers me the most because these are shallow people that wouldnt have given me a compliment when i was heavier.

    Its a very hard mind game i have found .....the mental part of losing weight and getting healther is harder than the physical part.
  • healthyformeanMona
    healthyformeanMona Posts: 143 Member
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    Fear is the first word that caught my eye. Deal with the fear, and you will do fine. A counselor may or may not help with this. Depends on your counselor. "It's none of your business what someone else thinks or says about you."
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    Now I understand, it is nice getting noticed but not if these people would not give me the time of day if I was heavy!
    It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

    In my experience , the ring doesent matter. Since losing 70 lbs i get all kinds of comments now...none are actually horrable since its nice to hear these things but, i find it bothers me the most because these are shallow people that wouldnt have given me a compliment when i was heavier.

    Its a very hard mind game i have found .....the mental part of losing weight and getting healther is harder than the physical part.
  • Flintbeats810
    Flintbeats810 Posts: 84 Member
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    Not sure if anyone guys have put in there two cents but the amount of attention that I get from ladies since i lost over 80 lbs is ridiculous!!! I'm not trying to make it sound like i'm all handsome or anything i just think i'm a generally caring and nice guy and people are now like "He has always been nice....and look at him now" But to me that is so shallow because about 80% of the attention i get is from people i have been working with for over 5 years. Like most have said "most of these people wouldn't give me the time of day before" and I think that is such a HUGE pet peeve of mine. if you weren't there in the Begininng don't expect to be around now. When it comes to those people I can easily be "freindly rude"! like ignore half there conversation and then say "oh where you talking to me?i'm sorry , i didn't think you were talking to me....you never talke to me." Its either that or gut punch every person that was rude to me before but wants to be "friendly" now.

    I have my wife (my Fiance to be exact) and thats all i need and all i want. Of course i'm a little flirtatious sometimes. i've been overweight my entire life i'm just experiencing what its like to have POSITIVE attention just because of the way I look. But at the same time i'm still me. I'm not going to completely be all the way rude and ignore someone but i have no problem pointing out that "its funny that since i've lost weight you've been alot more friendly"
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
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    <- If someone gives you a hard time just give them the Jenna Marbles go away face. Youtube it for directions.
    Hello. I think some of the reason why it's hard for me to lose weight is bec of psychological issues which I will discuss over with a counselor. But I haven't posted in over four months and I always get such GREAT comments and learn from everyone here.

    I am at my heaviest weight, 185lbs and I've been going through some tough times. I had to cancel my gym membership, (unemployed), stopped working out, being home I have eaten more. I am pretty worried. One of my fears of losing weight is the increased attention I may get from men. When I was 130lbs in 2001 I looked great, I had dates every week. But they were all a bunch of jerks. Then, even at my biggest weight, strange thing is, I can still get dates no problem. But they are STILL all jerks. Most just want sex, and I'm on this whole new spiritual path this year.

    Do any single girls here notice that they got more male attention after they shed the lbs? Right now I just want to ward all men off, except for friends only. I have a hard time fighting it off, because I love attention, but it's hard for me to stay on the right path I'm heading. So in a way I am not losing weight, one reason: I don't want men paying attention to me, especially if I look much more attractive. How do I combat this fear?? Any suggestions? Thanks.

    fitforlife34
    Nope. No extra attention. If anything I got more attention when I gained weight...no idea why. Boobs? More shapely go away face? :tongue:
  • clairegogogo
    clairegogogo Posts: 215
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    Enjoy the attention if you like it, and choose carefully :) That's all, and losing weight is for yourself, keep that in mind and do it for the healthy body you deserve. Good luck!

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