Advice on helping my 11 year old lose weight

What about having him be more involved with planning? Like he gets to plan and help cook a meal or two a week and the rule is it needs to be a healthy balanced one? It could entail you researching recipes as a family, talking about what makes a meal healthy, talking about portions, etc.

Or maybe he has to pick and plan a family activity each day (or several tines a week) with parameters like everyone has to be moving and it has to last x amount of time and everyone has to participate. It could be a walk, a bike ride, soccer in the yard, Wii, basketball at the local school/park... Maybe by feeling in control and responsible and getting to order around the adults in his life a little, he'd be more inclined to want to participate.

You could try getting him involved in a team sport that will add some sort of accountability to his routine. Even if he wants to give up after a week he will have other people counting on him to stick it out. You could even start with a sport that doesn't require as much movement (like baseball) and work up to more active sports like swimming, soccer, tennis, etc. I think he really just needs to build up his confidence. He's probably feeling inadequate seeing other people do better than he is, or not seeing the results he wants right away. This is a great opportunity to teach him persistence and tenacity, not to mention get him in the habit of being active. You could try a family activity like bike riding, walking, sledding in the winter- just something that gives you family time. That way it's not always up to him to motivate himself. I know that when I started getting back into shape it was incredibly difficult to do on my own, but I went to the gym with mom a couple times, I got a personal trainer for a few sessions and after that I could motivate myself. But it's not easy adding exercise into your routine when you're not used to it. It can seem daunting and exhausting, and sitting on the couch seems much easier. But if you get him into a team sport he'll be able to make friends, be active without feeling like he's working out, and it will build his confidence. As far as nutrition, you'll never be able to control everything he eats, and constantly denying him treats will make him want to sneak them. I'm not saying load up on the sugar, but maybe every once in a while let him have something he wants in addition to the good food (and make sure the treats aren't a reward, but a treat. Don't make him think those foods are a prize for living well!) He's still growing, so I think getting him active will be the best thing. He's already very tall for his age, and he's going to shoot up like a sprout during puberty. He might even thin out if he doesn't gain anymore weight. I'd say keep up the home cooking and good nutrition, add in sports, and let puberty do its work.

I am in sort of the sme place. My 11 year old daughter started packing on the pounds when we took her off of ADHD meds (weren't working anyway) and then moved 3 months later, 800 miles from home. She gained almost 50 lbs in a year. Given I gained 40 and my husband gained 60.

They way we solved it was to all get on board with good health as a family. Planning healthy meals, especially school lunches. Finding other things to do on special occasions besides eat. For example, today is halloween, so instead of coming home with a giant sack of goodies, I got her a little bit of her favorites and we are going to a movie. She does Zumba Wii with me and has even joined in on 30DS. On occasion I have had to be a real cheerleader in this. Keep her spirits up. Make it fun instead of a bummer. Weekends always include something extremely active for the 3 of us.

Anyway. 3 months she is down 15 lbs and looking great. She is happier and has much less of a drive to play games on her butt. But, truth be told it was all my change that changed her.

My daughter is 11yo. You can lead by example and offer suggestions and assist your children but cannot MAKE them do anything at that age. Just be encouraging and make sure you are doing your part to be a good example!

no dis-respect inteded at all but I would have to disagree here. My children ages 22months-almost 14 can be made to do a lot of things. I am their mother, they respect that fact and listen to me. When we go walking, they didn't want to go at first, but they had no choice. They went because I told them they had to. They may have groaned and grunted but never once did they even utter the word "no". I hear the "you can't make them" thing a lot but i don't understand it. Being the mother I can make my kids do a lot, because well I'm their mother. In 14 years and 5 kids I have never had a child tell me no when I tell them to do something. They may not like it...but they do it. As far as eating healthy, I can make them do that too because I don't offer unhealthy alternatives. If I am providing their meals then they have no choice but to eat healthy. I provide 98% of their meals(they are homeschooled) so I don't have to worry about the other 2%(if they are at a friends, etc)...if they choose to eat junk there, it's okay because I know the majority of their food is healthy because I provide it.

Please don't talk to him. If you've been going on and off of diets as a family for a year, he's well aware that you think he's fat and want him to change and telling him yet again (no matter how nicely) can only further damage his self esteem.

My thoughts are that if the food in the house is all healthy, it seems unlikely that he's really doing THAT much damage at school/friends. Getting him to be active is key, and signing him up for a sport would would be ideal (depending on his temperament).

However! Please rely more on your pediatrician/nutritionist than the advice of those of us on here (including me). They are the experts and the ones who know your family and your son. Follow their advice.

I can tell that you're concerned about your son and just want for him to be healthy and happy, but please tread lightly. I don't think a heart-to-heart is really what he needs here.

Agreeing wholeheartedly with this post, as well as with the people who have suggested finding a physical activity that he enjoys and will choose for himself - you may need to think creatively - his preferred activity may or may not be a traditional team or individual sport or something you can do as a family, and may take some experimentation to find, which I know can be wearing/time-consuming. The key is that he has to enjoy it, or it will feel like a punishment, and you'll be dragging him, kicking, screaming and digging in his heels, behind you, which will be exhausting for both of you, as well as bad for your relationship. Don't forget that he's likely to have a fairly substantial growth-spurt in the next couple of years as well, so he will almost certainly slim down by default. You need to be in a good position to maintain those healthier proportions when they come, though, by starting some good habits now. You'll never be able to entirely control his eating outside your home, so focus on the things you can be proactive about.

We have tried talking to his pediatrician, who recommended a nutritionist, who told us basically. Yes hes fat, cut out the junk food, get him involved in sports, stop enabling him. We have done that and he will stick with it for a week then give up and say he cant do it.

First the nutritionist is right - STOP ENABLING HIM.

You're the adult, he does not have an income to buy his own food, right? Make sure the only food available for him is healthy. I would make a big deal about it, just control the food available to him. Sure you may not be able to get him to exercise, but you have much more control over that he eats than you think.

Finally, MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO. We are primates we imitate behaviors. You need to model healthy eating, activity levels and positive attitudes about healthy living.

My daughter is 11yo. You can lead by example and offer suggestions and assist your children but cannot MAKE them do anything at that age. Just be encouraging and make sure you are doing your part to be a good example!

no dis-respect inteded at all but I would have to disagree here. My children ages 22months-almost 14 can be made to do a lot of things. I am their mother, they respect that fact and listen to me. When we go walking, they didn't want to go at first, but they had no choice. They went because I told them they had to. They may have groaned and grunted but never once did they even utter the word "no". I hear the "you can't make them" thing a lot but i don't understand it. Being the mother I can make my kids do a lot, because well I'm their mother. In 14 years and 5 kids I have never had a child tell me no when I tell them to do something. They may not like it...but they do it. As far as eating healthy, I can make them do that too because I don't offer unhealthy alternatives. If I am providing their meals then they have no choice but to eat healthy. I provide 98% of their meals(they are homeschooled) so I don't have to worry about the other 2%(if they are at a friends, etc)...if they choose to eat junk there, it's okay because I know the majority of their food is healthy because I provide it.

Ok, I can "make" my kids mow the lawn and go outside to play and keep them from eating junk by not buying it. However, really you are only "suggesting" these things and they are agreeing to it technically. If they don't do what I ask, I can establish consequences that they don't really like so much. However, they certainly can choose to not mow the lawn, not go outside to play and eat junk whenever they get the opportunity (at friends' houses). I make nearly all my kids meals. They can choose to eat it or not. I cannot MAKE them eat healthy. I cannot literally MAKE them go outside and play. Sometimes I swear that they are eating dustbunnies because I don't know what they are growing on. (And I don't know how you are raising kids that never say "no" because that's my kids' favorite word, at least when they were younger.)

I see it's been said before but, more sports. That sounds like a great idea!

Ok, so I didn't read the whole thread, forgive me if I'm repeating stuff…

My daughter ended up being referred to a dietician. She's not much over weight, but she has just about reached the end of her growth (she's 14) but was still putting on weight. She put on 10 pounds last year while growing less than 1/2" so the doctor wanted to help her build good habits before it really becomes a problem. Here's what the dietician recommended (keep in mind these are for a 14 year old girl, your son may need more or less):

-WHOLE GRAINS for carbs. Reach the ingredients list on bread - if white flour, bleached flour, or even unbleached flour is the first ingredient, it doesn't qualify (a lot of "mulit-grain" are in this category). Brown rice, whole wheat pasta, cereal with at least 2 g fiber and less than 5 g sugar. About 5 servings a day total (learn how big a serving size is)

-FRUITS - whole fruit, not juice. If you get canned, either light syrup or in juice. 2-3 servings

-VEGGIES - frozen or fresh. 3+ servings

-protein, 5 "ounces" a day, (an ounce is 1 oz meat or fish, 1 T peanut butter, or 1 egg- up to 4 yolks a week).

Dairy - 3 servings a day (1 cup lowfat milk or yogurt, 1/2 c cottage cheese, 1 oz hard cheese)

SWEETS - only once in a while.

Physical exercise - 30 minutes a day. This is very important!!

Our downfalls were more the excessive starches during snacking than too much candy/sweets. She would grab a slice of bread or a handful of crackers way too often and be well over the recommended 5 servings. Now she stops to think, is she really hungry or is she just bored.

The nice thing about this is, the nutritionist talked to HER, not just to the parents. So this is her responsibility (although we help out). And because it came from someone other than parents, she listened. She tracks calories (she should be getting 1600-1800 daily, counting exercise) and participates in "challenges" with us since we are both trying to lose weight too. It's not her parents nagging her to eat right - just asking "do you have room for that in your day?" and let her her decide.

Can you get a referral for a nutritionist, or have the pediatrician talk to him about it? (Without him knowing you've asked would be best). At 11, he needs help in developing the good habits, but he has to be the one to take control of it. You can't do it for him, and you can't dictate to him; in a few years he will be making all his own food choices and if you help him learn to make good choices now you'll do much better than if you make all the choices yourself.


ETA: Ramen is a biggie for kids this age. She can have ramen this way: half a block of noodles, 1/4 seasoning packets, stir in 1/2 c or more of frozen veggies and mix in a scrambled or poached egg. Then it's a real meal!

My son wanted a dog. We went to our local rescue & got him one. House Rule: he must walk the dog for 20 minutes before he is allowed any screen time! We also encourage him to earn money. He now mows grass, rakes leaves, shovels snow, ect. We never had 'the talk', however I often find different documentaries to watch (like SuperSize Me), and we discuss it. The beauty of your situation is, your son doesn't have to lose weight, he just has to maintain while he gets taller:) BTW, My son lost 5 lbs. and grew 6 in. this year. His weight is now healthy and he is choosing to play sports.

I haven't read all the responses (short on time) but wanted to add one thing if it hasn't already been mentioned. I'm not sure what his household responsibilites are but one way to get him active would be to start helping around the house. Vacuuming, raking leaves, mowing the grass and just cleaning in general gets him up and moving. Have him help put away the groceries, carry things to the car, put things in the attic, etc. Anything that gets him doing something! It's small things but adds up and encourages a more active lifestyle.

Has no one brought up sparkteens? THAT is where your teenagers need to be...on a site designed for children trying to eat healthy. NOT on MFP where the parents need to lie just to register them...

What if you guys worked out with your son?

People have mentioned enrolling him in sports, but I actually think it's a bad idea to force something like that onto a child. I was never a big kid, but I had a lot of self-esteem issues because of PE and being forced into team sports that I was terrible at/hated. I didn't begin to enjoy exercise until I was given freedom to find what I liked and realized that it didn't have to be a jock fest/competition.

I also don't think throwing away video games/TV is the answer. I don't like how video games are toted as this evil menace that causes obesity and violence. It's about moderation. Games can be very enlightening, artistic experiences and I thoroughly enjoyed them as a preteen/teenager and still do. I also cherish the memories of all my favorites. If he truly loves games, he shouldn't have to just chuck them. You should try getting him interested in rhythm games that move your body, or other games specifically designed for exercise. The Wii, Playstation Move and Kinect for the Xbox all have great titles that will get your body moving, and they're actually FUN, and there's always DDR as well.

Okay. Here's my two cents. Let him eat what he wants! Just teach him portion control. Instead of letting him eat that whole burger, maybe you should just let him have half. Instead of that soda that he wants so badly, try suggesting the zero calorie option. There are ways that he can eat what he wants! As long as you stick to his calorie limit. He's a preteen! You can't expect him to eat like a rabbit and be happy.