I love my baby even though she destroyed me.

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  • Ashshell
    Ashshell Posts: 185
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    She destroyed you? WTF?
    You had a child what did you expect was going to happen? Your body to remain intact? Perhaps you should of thought of the consequences and the things that would change with bringing a CHILD into this world.

    Now go get off your butt and fix the sh&t that is bothering you and stop saying those horrible things about someone who has NO FAULT over your body.

    Wow. You are incredibly rude.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    Oh, I get it. This is the day when people only read the title, then go in a thread to insult the OP on the way the title was phrased! I was confused at first because when I actually read her comment in addition to the title, I never sensed she resented her baby.

    OP~ I know it can be depressing to gain weight, even for such a wonderful purpose. You've lost the weight before, so you know what to do. You can do this.

    Congrats on the new baby!

    ^This
    People need to lighten up. I'm sure what the OP meant is "she destroyed my stomach," which is a totally normal feeling to have.
    ^And this

    I can't count the times I've heard my friends say that their baby wrecked their body, after giving birth. Sometimes they're referring to their stomach, lady bits, breasts. In my experience, it's never been an indication of PPD. I think OP was being light hearted and honest. It was painful for me to have s.ex for 2 years after the birth of my daughter and DH and I would joke that she broke me. It's just a joke. We're not terrible parents who need to see a therapist. We're totally in love with her.

    OP, my baby also destroyed my body. I lost about 40 lbs during her first year, from breastfeeding and eating right. My stomach saw vast improvement. Unfortunately I gained that weight back after I stopped BFing, so my current state is from me destroying my body. My little is 3 now and the joy of my life. Congrats on your little one!
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    I'm not a woman nor am I with child but.... "she destroyed me" sounds... a bit harsh don't it?

    I don't have kids, but I'd think if I did it be great. So what if it takes a year to lose the weight. You just created a person. That's awesome. Destroyed you? Errr...poor kid

    I'm sure she meant it in a light manner. I have two kids and my stomach will never look the same. It looks a bit like a wrinkled road map. I love my kids and I like to lovingly say they wrecked my tummy. I'll say it to them when their teens too.

    That's so sweet! I think it's wonderful to tell kids that they've wrecked their parents.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    People need to lighten up. I'm sure what the OP meant is "she destroyed my stomach," which is a totally normal feeling to have.


    OP, like weese said, focus on your beautiful baby girl right now. The weight will come off, much faster than you'd imagine (YAY NURSING!)

    In regards to your stomach, the stretch marks will *never* go away, but, they WILL become much less noticeable over time...almost nonexistant. Three things will help with the sagging and the stretch marks:

    1. Time. Seriously....it takes a long time for things to "tighten" back up if you will. Be patient.
    2. Moisturize. I use a body lotion with collagen, and it's done wonders. Don't bother with any of the "stretchmark" or "scar" removal oils and creams. They don't work. Just get a good body lotion, and remember to moisturize after you shower, paying special attention to your stomach.
    3. Strength train. I *can't* stress this enough. My stomach looked the same for 3 years after giving birth. In fact, the more weight I loss, the worse it looked. Once I started moisturize, it got better, but when I started strength training (as in, lifting REALLY heavy things and putting them down), my skin really started *snapping* back into place. Of course, I also have age on my side. The younger you are, the more likely it is that, while it'll never return back to pre-baby status, your stomach will regain it's shape, and you won't have very much, if any saggy skin to deal with.


    Just remember, it won't happen over night. Embrace your stretch marks. They're proof of what the human body is capable of, and they're a wonderful reminder of the beautiful little girl you brought into the world. Best of luck.

    Fabulous post. Good and compassionate advice here, OP.
  • gracielynn1011
    gracielynn1011 Posts: 726 Member
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    Honey, I've got 3 kids. I know what you are feeling. And for a while I was depressed and thought that having kids had ruined me. But I realized that having my kids had not ruined my body. I ruined my body, by not eating right, exercising, and generally not even caring about how I looked. The important thing is that you fix it. It may never be what it was, but it doesn't mean you can't have a smoking hot body (stretch marks and all!).

    With my last pregnancy, I gained 40 lbs (with my first 2 pregnancies I gained 40 lbs each, and only lost the weight from one of them). I decided that I wouldn't worry about it and would just eat right and try to walk or work out as much as possible. I had lost my 40 lbs by 6 months. You are only 7 weeks, please be patient and give yourself time. Also, the belly that you have now at 7 weeks is still swollen and your insides are still moving back into place (sorry for that gross mental image!). When everything shrinks and moves back into place, your belly will look better. The stretch marks will fade, but they may never go away. I still have mine, they still look wrinkly and gross up close, but the color is faded to my normal skin tone, so you really have to look close to see them.

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. Focus on caring for your baby, but don't forget to care for you also. You need to keep your spirits up. Maybe taking a walk each day, put baby in a sling and take her with you if your hubby can't watch her. Maybe go get your hair cut and styled, or colored. Do something for yourself right now that will give you a little lift. You are worth it, after all, you just grew a little human!
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
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    I'm not a woman nor am I with child but.... "she destroyed me" sounds... a bit harsh don't it?

    I don't have kids, but I'd think if I did it be great. So what if it takes a year to lose the weight. You just created a person. That's awesome. Destroyed you? Errr...poor kid

    I'm sure she meant it in a light manner. I have two kids and my stomach will never look the same. It looks a bit like a wrinkled road map. I love my kids and I like to lovingly say they wrecked my tummy. I'll say it to them when their teens too.

    That's so sweet! I think it's wonderful to tell kids that they've wrecked their parents.
    ^i don't agree with this. You should wait until they are legal adults before you try to destroy them back.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    Good. Grief.

    So many judgmental folk in here debating a choice of words. The OP is entitled to her feelings on the situation as they're HER feelings. Telling her not to think of it like that won't suddenly, magically alter that perception.

    My kids ruined me too! There are certain parts of my body that feel like they won't EVER get into shape, and I wasn't really in shape to begin with. It's also really easy with the lack of sleep and the hormonal craziness to get completely down on yourself. OP, promise us that if you feel like the level of upset you have with your body gets too much, like if you were to want to harm yourself or your baby because of it, that you will see a doctor. Please.

    Otherwise, take it easy. This isn't a race. Your baby doesn't care if you're in perfect shape, because she fits in your arms no matter what. =)
  • KeepJoJoPushin
    KeepJoJoPushin Posts: 36
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    ....no baby can destroy you...or body. 7 weeks dude....weight loss isn't magic ...be patient....and you're on bed rest.
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
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    Firstly, congrats on the new one. I know we all have felt this way after first having a child. Yes, we don't fit into our clothes anymore and we feel fat and ugly but with time it will come off. You need to first off allow your body to heal from the birth and slowly incorporate some exercise in when you can. Believe it or not your weight will come off easier than you think.
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
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    Good. Grief.

    So many judgmental folk in here debating a choice of words. The OP is entitled to her feelings on the situation as they're HER feelings. Telling her not to think of it like that won't suddenly, magically alter that perception.

    My kids ruined me too! There are certain parts of my body that feel like they won't EVER get into shape, and I wasn't really in shape to begin with. It's also really easy with the lack of sleep and the hormonal craziness to get completely down on yourself. OP, promise us that if you feel like the level of upset you have with your body gets too much, like if you were to want to harm yourself or your baby because of it, that you will see a doctor. Please.

    Otherwise, take it easy. This isn't a race. Your baby doesn't care if you're in perfect shape, because she fits in your arms no matter what. =)

    Very well said Muse. I'm so thankful to have you as a friend. XD
  • ahmommy
    ahmommy Posts: 316 Member
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    I skimmed the other responses and I think you've gotten some great advice mixed in with the judgment.

    I just want to say, you're barely at the point where your doctor has probably given you the green light to start exercising. I know I was told no exercise for the first 6 weeks post partum. So you haven't had a chance to make any progress yet. It takes time, although nobody wants to hear that when they're just starting out.

    The first thing I would do is google "diastasis recti" and make sure you don't have it. If you do, normal core-strengthening exercises like crunches can make it worse instead of better.

    If you're nursing, I would eat no less than 1800 calories a day. Your body expends roughly 500 calories a day making milk for your baby. I've read all kinds of comments on how limiting calories and exercising affects milk supply. Some women can cut calories and do fine. Others can't cut calories but can exercise as much as they want. Many women have to do both in moderation or it will decrease their milk supply.

    When my older daughter was nursing, I was so hungry that I ate way too much. I was afraid to cut back because I was already having supply issues. It caused me to hang onto about 15 lbs of weight. With my younger daughter, I didn't have that ravenous hunger and managed to drop all of the pre-pregnancy weight by 4 months post-partum. She's 13 months old now and I'm starting the process of getting more fit and reducing my body fat percentage.

    Some women hold on to body fat while they're nursing, so be aware that you may have difficulty losing weight while nursing. If that's the case, just be aware that you won't necessarily have the same problem with your next child.

    One last piece of advice - head over to the success stories forum and look for a thread where mamas show their success getting rid of the post-baby pooch. There are some amazing transformations out there. It can be done!
  • ahmommy
    ahmommy Posts: 316 Member
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    Here's a link for you to peruse. It takes time and hard work, but it can be done!

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/893049-lost-your-lower-belly-pooch-show-it-off
  • 1258936
    1258936 Posts: 115 Member
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    Haters aside, I understand how you feel. Those stretch marks will be with you always (anyone saying different is trying to sell you something), but will fade in time. Wanna see my inspiration for hot body after baby? Check this mom out http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2012/10/09/veronica/

    She rocks
  • msaestein1
    msaestein1 Posts: 264 Member
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    People need to lighten up. I'm sure what the OP meant is "she destroyed my stomach," which is a totally normal feeling to have.


    OP, like weese said, focus on your beautiful baby girl right now. The weight will come off, much faster than you'd imagine (YAY NURSING!)

    In regards to your stomach, the stretch marks will *never* go away, but, they WILL become much less noticeable over time...almost nonexistant. Three things will help with the sagging and the stretch marks:

    1. Time. Seriously....it takes a long time for things to "tighten" back up if you will. Be patient.
    2. Moisturize. I use a body lotion with collagen, and it's done wonders. Don't bother with any of the "stretchmark" or "scar" removal oils and creams. They don't work. Just get a good body lotion, and remember to moisturize after you shower, paying special attention to your stomach.
    3. Strength train. I *can't* stress this enough. My stomach looked the same for 3 years after giving birth. In fact, the more weight I loss, the worse it looked. Once I started moisturize, it got better, but when I started strength training (as in, lifting REALLY heavy things and putting them down), my skin really started *snapping* back into place. Of course, I also have age on my side. The younger you are, the more likely it is that, while it'll never return back to pre-baby status, your stomach will regain it's shape, and you won't have very much, if any saggy skin to deal with.


    Just remember, it won't happen over night. Embrace your stretch marks. They're proof of what the human body is capable of, and they're a wonderful reminder of the beautiful little girl you brought into the world. Best of luck.

    Agree...thanks for the post. I think everyone is taking the title way to seriously. It could have been worded better, but she is a walking hormone full of emotions. Her baby is only 7weeks old. I would just sit and cry for no reason immediately after having my son. I am sure she doesn't mean it in the literal since.

    Also, I am sooo happy you posted this. I was glad to see that saw some results in your skin 3 years after having your child. My son is 4 and I thought getting rid of my fluffy bellybutton and skin was a lost cause. Hopefully, I can tighten up as well.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    Destroyed might be a strong word, but I think the OP just means that she feels that the pregnancy took a lot out of her.
    But I'm with you. You can still look great after having kids.

    I think my kids are more destructive. Here's are some of my battle scars:
    - My 7 year old destroyed my knee when she left her toys out and I tripped and sprained my knee. (brace required)
    - My 4 year old destroyed my nads when she decided to leap off the couch and land feet first into my crotch. (hospital visit and ice packs required)
    - My kids destroyed my desire to have more kids when they stuffed cheese and pudding into my CD player. (not fixable... I mean the CD player)
  • krithsai
    krithsai Posts: 668 Member
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    Destroyed might be a strong word, but I think the OP just means that she feels that the pregnancy took a lot out of her.
    But I'm with you. You can still look great after having kids.

    I think my kids are more destructive. Here's are some of my battle scars:
    - My 7 year old destroyed my knee when she left her toys out and I tripped and sprained my knee. (splint required)
    - My 4 year old destroyed my nads when she decided to leap off the couch and land feet first into my crotch. (hospital visit and ice packs required)
    - My kids destroyed my desire to have more kids when they stuffed cheese and pudding into my CD player. (not fixable... I mean the CD player)

    Hahahaha! You're cute :) I started thinking of the time when I decided I wanted to look at the people behind the TV(you know newsreaders lived within the TV..) and it came crashing to the floor. My dad was happy that it didn't land on me :)
  • Scarlett_Belle
    Scarlett_Belle Posts: 145 Member
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    :flowerforyou: I haven't had any children yet but I can tell you from my mom's experience after she had me it took a coupld months to start losing weight and then when she stuck with it she was the smallest and in the best shape of her life after me (second born). Just stay motivated and give your body time to heal properly. It's no small feat you have done- enjoy your blessing
  • Michburrow
    Michburrow Posts: 8 Member
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    Firstly congratulations on your baby girl.
    7 weeks is such a short time considering it took 40 weeks to stretch out!
    I have 4 children and must say bio oil and time has been my savior. My tummy never bounced back but good undies help too!
    Good luck and enjoy your baby.
  • DebraLosesIt
    DebraLosesIt Posts: 60 Member
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    Haha!!
    "She destroyed me?" That's a little harsh.

    It's entirely possible that the OP's baby destroyed her.

    Ask my mom.

    36 hours of labor later, I was born into this world at 11lbs 1oz...

    After me, four other babies just kinda fell out.
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
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    My son will be 25 in June. Right after he was born my thyroid bottomed out and I gained to 220. 9 years pass and I'm was finally down to 190. I get pregnant with my daughter. Life sucks and I gain to 254. I'm back down to 189 and I plan to go for the slender fit look. I'm 55. This will not be easy at my age but it's doable. If it's doable for me then it's doable for you. *HUGS* Give your body and mind a chance to recover. Being a new mother is a world class PITA. You CAN get back in shape though.

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