How do you put up with jealous/rude comments
JonnyR214
Posts: 228 Member
A couple months back, I had reached my goal weight and got rude comments from family members about my weight. Either I was too skinny, or looked sick, or looked skeletal, or looked like I was dying. It hurt me and all I did was binge back every single pound that took me a year to lose. I feel so ashamed of this but I'm restarting again, no excuses and no more eating because i'm deppressed. But I know these comments from coworkers, " friends " and family members will keep coming back. I know I can ignore it, but it really gets to me because these comments are from people who I care about. What can I do? I'm sorry if i'm venting I just didnt know where else to turn, i'm just so sick of it.
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They're probably overweight themselves, and therefore jealous of what you're able to accomplish. When I started working out, and had lost a few pounds, want to know what someone said to me? "You look good.. but too muscular." Are you joking? I had lost maybe 5-10 pounds, and I was still over 200 pounds. Wtf.
Just let their comments roll off your back. Find supportive friends. Talk to people on MFP. Just know that you're going to live a longer, healthier life, and they'll wish they had the strength you do.0 -
They're probably overweight themselves, and therefore jealous of what you're able to accomplish.
i love when someone who is just starting and is still quite overweight tries to tell me im doing it wrong makes me lol everytime0 -
It really helps to not care, but the most common personality type is the "we" type. They want to be like everybody else, and they want everybody else to be like them. That's why people make remarks when you do something different from what they are doing, and that is why you care.
But really - what you are doing doesn't affect them in the least. You aren't hurting them. Don't let them hurt you.
Besides, you're here. You have a new group to be "we" with.0 -
Haha. My mother is like that. She's big herself, and when I lose weight she tells me it doesn't look like it, or she'll make a comment about how I need to go for more walks, when I'm working out 4-5X a week at home.
Just screw them. Let them be miserable with their life, and you RULE yours.
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I am fifty and in my adult life have weighed everything from 48-92 kilos. I have never been everyone's perfect weight. I don't care now. It's about them not me.
I do tend to answer "You are going to end up skin and bone!" with "No muscle and bone!" which usually makes then shut up fast.0 -
what i did was i picked them off one at a time and then drove them out in suitcases packed in my trunk and buried them with an inch of lye over their bodies so that they decompose faster0
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As another MFP member put it so poignantly not too long ago, I'd snap back with "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you." :laugh:
But then again, I have a warning label that clearly states I can go from tranquil to raging, hormonal b*tch in 3.5 seconds when provoked, so maybe don't mind me. :blushing:
In all seriousness, I do sympathize with your situation. I think everyone on here has at least ONE story like this to share. It's a shame that negativity is so popular...0 -
They feel better about themselves, and more able to live in their delusional worlds about the state of their own bodies, if they convince themselves (and you) that you're the unhealthy one.
I've decided that next time someone tells me I'm too thin, I'm going to tell her/him that s/he is too fat (as they most assuredly will be).0 -
You can do it but you have to ignore those comments, I also have had remarks made to me and Im not even at my goal weight yet.
Next time someone makes a comment, just smile and say thank you.0 -
I would confront them. If they are your true friends and family that really cares, they hopefully will be honest.
Maybe something like, "Do you remember when I lost x# of lbs last year? Well, if you have not noticed, I've gained it back. I'm not happy and I've done some soul searching. I truly think the reason I became depressed and gained the weight back is because of the lack of support that was shown to me. You said some hurtful things that have stayed with me..."
Try honesty. Good luck!0 -
i understand completely! and agree with the above posts that it is more often then not, just jealousy of your new physic/your motivation in making a new healthier you.
personally i have learnt not to take it to heart because i know deep down that i not only look better, but feel healthier and have more energy than ever before. you should ask yourself whether you feel healthier and more confident with the 'slimmed down' you, or whether you felt better after you had a massive binge.
we are all here to support you because many of us have shared these same experiences.
you can do this.. if not for them do it for YOU. 0 -
Welllll. You say you weigh 130 and you suffered from an eating disorder. Maybe they are genuinely worried, I don't know.
Start lifting heavy weights, it will give you healthy muscle and force you to eat enough to do it. You'll look and feel great.0 -
To paraphrase a genius of our time, Katt Williams.... if you have zero haters you better get to 40 before the summer gets here...
Heaters gone hate.... sorry to be oversimplistic but that kind of behaviour is a reflection of their character, not yours!0 -
I just smile and take it with a pinch of salt. I know where I want to be and a passing comment isn't going to change my mind.
Determination and motivation will get you where you want to be. Don't let people tale that away from you.
Good luck x0 -
When someone tells me STOP you've lost enough weight you're too thin (which I'm NOT) it's usually someone quite overweight themselves saying it. I just chuckle and consider the source. My only suggestion is, go see a doctor, have him/her check you out and tell you if this is a good weight for you, and when he/she says yes, tell those naysayers that your doctor disagrees with them. I looked at your photos... looks like you're in great shape! Six pack goin' on and looking very healthy.0
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kill them with kindness.0
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How tall are you? In your profile you say your former weight/goal weight is 133 and you have an ED...maybe that's not a healthy weight and people are genuinely worried about you.0
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A couple months back, I had reached my goal weight and got rude comments from family members about my weight. Either I was too skinny, or looked sick, or looked skeletal, or looked like I was dying. It hurt me and all I did was binge back every single pound that took me a year to lose. I feel so ashamed of this but I'm restarting again, no excuses and no more eating because i'm deppressed. But I know these comments from coworkers, " friends " and family members will keep coming back. I know I can ignore it, but it really gets to me because these comments are from people who I care about. What can I do? I'm sorry if i'm venting I just didnt know where else to turn, i'm just so sick of it.
This exact thing happened with my husband over the holidays. My husband went from 250+ lbs to a lean & muscular 160 in about two years. When we went back for Christmas all comments were of "concern" for my husbands health. "Is he sick? He's too skinny, He's looking older, You need to stop him from losing any more weight"
It was said so many times by family during our visit that even I started to wonder if maybe he did go a bit to far. Then I realized something. No one in our family is into fitness at all. No one works out, no one eats healthy. And although our family may not all be obese people, they don't understand how it is to look and be a fit/athletic person.
My husband eats a lot, a lot of fresh whole foods (grains/veggies/seafood). I know for a fact he's not starving or sick. I believe people just get use to seeing you a certain way that when you make a major change to your appearance, they freak out.
I know those comments towards my husband were not meant to be mean, they didn't come from a place of jealousy or hate. It's from ignorance. And it still hurts. For someone who has never worked so hard to change something so major, like their body, they can't possibly understand how much work and dedication goes into it.
He looks great, nice and slender in his clothes. And without them on.... OMG! I promise, a sick dying starving person DOES NOT have a muscular body like his!!!!
Do it for you! Hang in there!!!0 -
When someone tells me STOP you've lost enough weight you're too thin (which I'm NOT) it's usually someone quite overweight themselves saying it. I just chuckle and consider the source. My only suggestion is, go see a doctor, have him/her check you out and tell you if this is a good weight for you, and when he/she says yes, tell those naysayers that your doctor disagrees with them. I looked at your photos... looks like you're in great shape! Six pack goin' on and looking very healthy.
Second the see a doctor to make sure you're healthy and on the right track - and if you are:
"and some how I don't think I should be taking healthy eating and weight loss advice from you. My doctor isn't complaining..."
"You know it's never the fit and healthy people that tell me I've gotten too skinny. It's always those that could lose 20, 30, or 50 pounds that say that."
If you don't want to be as rude as that "I'll stop when I'm happy with what I've done. You don't get to decide when I'm happy."
I've said all of these to various "friends," family members over the last few years. Stay determined and motivated and what they say will matter less and less. Eventually they'll stop altogether. I used to binge and purge (years of it) but it wasn't until I stopped letting what other people said dictate how I felt about myself that I stopped.0 -
tell them to F Off0
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Don't let it bother you.
Or smile and say "thank you".0 -
Thats why: do it for you, not for her, or him or them, or it - not for god or government, for yankees or mets, for ravens or chargers, do it for you, not your cat or dog, your mom and dad. DO IT FOR YOU!0
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It's really amazing how a smile and a "thanks for your concern" seems to confuse the instigator. It's almost as if they want to hurt us because deep down inside they are so jealous of your accomplishments. Do what is right for YOU.
I have family and a partner who love to sabotage my eating plans. I've finally (FINALLY!) realized what I need to do for my metabolic resistant body and when I start eating the proper way I get those looks and comments of "you're eating THAT?", "What, no meat!". Then they go trying to "set me straight".
You did it once, you can do it again. We're all proud of you reaching your goal and will support you getting to your new goal.0 -
I think sometimes it just takes time for other people to adjust to the "new" you. My family was the same way with me. For my brother, he was shocked because I had never been smaller than him before. My mom was just really concerned, but I was 30 lbs away from my ideal healthy weight. She thought I looked too skinny and would comment on it all the time. But I was losing the weight in a healthy way (through diet and exercise). I eventually gained back 20 lbs. But I realized that this is about MY HEALTH, regardless of what anyone else thinks. My opinions had to become stronger than their's.0
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You need to be fully confident that you are losing the weight and getting healthy for you, and you alone. You need to be totally secure with your new body when you get back there. When you have that, nothing anyone says will knock you down. Insecurity is what allowed you to backslide.
Smile sweetly and tell them thank you for their concern, but you worked hard to get to where you are and you are happy with the results. Practice this statement in front of a mirror several times before you are going to be with these people so you can say it with confidence and without hesitation. You might have to do it again when you get back home just to affirm it and recover from whatever comments were thrown at you. Keep practicing it until you believe it!
Good luck!0 -
Just get in your own head and find some internal focus. It's probably happened to everyone on this website who has had a significant loss. People get jealous. Also, I think making a big change like weight loss makes people feel like the whole dynamic between you and them has changed, even when it hasn't from YOUR side. When I see people make a huge positive change in their lives, I generally find that inspiring and I feel happy for them, but I'll admit, I've had moments in the past where I also felt a bit ashamed because - if they could do it, what's my excuse? I feel that way about the many ex-smokers I know, yet here I am still a smoker. Someone who is immature and unable to handle that is probably going to make some kind of irritating comment to the person who changed. Keep that internal focus and shut their comments OUT.0
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HMMM I dont know how I would handle this right now I use the I'm still a fat ugly blob excuse.
Maybe i woud say something like dont worry I'm working on being a fat ugly obese blob again...do you know if there is any lard in the cupboards? What no lard then how am I going to go from skeleton to blimp?
Then I guess I'd go back to eating my food, and if they offered it again. Maybe I'd say did you find any lard for me? IDK that would be a tough one and might bring me bring me back into a depression binge again.
I'd have to answer with some sarcastic smartazz comment.0 -
I get the "you need to stop losing any more weight" comments from family members and others too. At first it used to get to me and then after I just disregarded them or told them that I still needed "to tone some things up" they got tired of going on and on about it and decided to stop saying it. You can't take it personally because you have to do what is right for you. Good luck and you can do this.0
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Everyone has a different perspective on things. If the people who are telling you that you are too skinny are very overweight, maybe they are genuinely concerned that you have lost too much weight. I have a similar situation. I have friends that are very overweight, and I love them very much I know they care about me, but I know I am going to get the "bean pole" comment and such. One of my friends calls me "Little one", she threatened to wear me as a scarf one day, I thought that was hilarious. However, when I come home from work, my husband will look at me and say "Are you really going to eat that?" sometimes he will poke my belly, like look at that bulge. So I live between two different worlds, with different perspectives. I want to be a healthy weight of 120, right now I am 135. Am I a bean pole? No! Am I grossly overweight? No. Am I listening to the people around me? Hell no! I am going to lose weight down to 120 pounds, that will make me happy with me, and that is all that matters. I agree with the girl that said to ask the Dr about what your healthiest weight is. That is great advice. You can also look up the BMI chart, that will give you a good idea of where you should be. Good luck!0
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I told my mom the other day that my goal is to lose 40 pounds and her response was, "You'll look weird." Jee, thanks. I just told her that's because you're used to seeing me as chub chubs and she said, "Yeah you're my chubby baby!" u_________u I am a grown woman mother! >:[0
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