How do you put up with jealous/rude comments

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  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Don't let it bother you.

    Or smile and say "thank you".
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
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    Thats why: do it for you, not for her, or him or them, or it - not for god or government, for yankees or mets, for ravens or chargers, do it for you, not your cat or dog, your mom and dad. DO IT FOR YOU!
  • mncodergal
    mncodergal Posts: 58 Member
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    It's really amazing how a smile and a "thanks for your concern" seems to confuse the instigator. It's almost as if they want to hurt us because deep down inside they are so jealous of your accomplishments. Do what is right for YOU.

    I have family and a partner who love to sabotage my eating plans. I've finally (FINALLY!) realized what I need to do for my metabolic resistant body and when I start eating the proper way I get those looks and comments of "you're eating THAT?", "What, no meat!". Then they go trying to "set me straight".

    You did it once, you can do it again. We're all proud of you reaching your goal and will support you getting to your new goal.
  • GleeDee00
    GleeDee00 Posts: 18
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    I think sometimes it just takes time for other people to adjust to the "new" you. My family was the same way with me. For my brother, he was shocked because I had never been smaller than him before. My mom was just really concerned, but I was 30 lbs away from my ideal healthy weight. She thought I looked too skinny and would comment on it all the time. But I was losing the weight in a healthy way (through diet and exercise). I eventually gained back 20 lbs. But I realized that this is about MY HEALTH, regardless of what anyone else thinks. My opinions had to become stronger than their's.
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    You need to be fully confident that you are losing the weight and getting healthy for you, and you alone. You need to be totally secure with your new body when you get back there. When you have that, nothing anyone says will knock you down. Insecurity is what allowed you to backslide.

    Smile sweetly and tell them thank you for their concern, but you worked hard to get to where you are and you are happy with the results. Practice this statement in front of a mirror several times before you are going to be with these people so you can say it with confidence and without hesitation. You might have to do it again when you get back home just to affirm it and recover from whatever comments were thrown at you. Keep practicing it until you believe it!

    Good luck!
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
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    Just get in your own head and find some internal focus. It's probably happened to everyone on this website who has had a significant loss. People get jealous. Also, I think making a big change like weight loss makes people feel like the whole dynamic between you and them has changed, even when it hasn't from YOUR side. When I see people make a huge positive change in their lives, I generally find that inspiring and I feel happy for them, but I'll admit, I've had moments in the past where I also felt a bit ashamed because - if they could do it, what's my excuse? I feel that way about the many ex-smokers I know, yet here I am still a smoker. Someone who is immature and unable to handle that is probably going to make some kind of irritating comment to the person who changed. Keep that internal focus and shut their comments OUT.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    HMMM I dont know how I would handle this right now I use the I'm still a fat ugly blob excuse.

    Maybe i woud say something like dont worry I'm working on being a fat ugly obese blob again...do you know if there is any lard in the cupboards? What no lard then how am I going to go from skeleton to blimp?

    Then I guess I'd go back to eating my food, and if they offered it again. Maybe I'd say did you find any lard for me? IDK that would be a tough one and might bring me bring me back into a depression binge again.

    I'd have to answer with some sarcastic smartazz comment.
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
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    I get the "you need to stop losing any more weight" comments from family members and others too. At first it used to get to me and then after I just disregarded them or told them that I still needed "to tone some things up" they got tired of going on and on about it and decided to stop saying it. You can't take it personally because you have to do what is right for you. Good luck and you can do this.
  • Tapemymouthshutplease
    Tapemymouthshutplease Posts: 101
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    Everyone has a different perspective on things. If the people who are telling you that you are too skinny are very overweight, maybe they are genuinely concerned that you have lost too much weight. I have a similar situation. I have friends that are very overweight, and I love them very much I know they care about me, but I know I am going to get the "bean pole" comment and such. One of my friends calls me "Little one", she threatened to wear me as a scarf one day, I thought that was hilarious. However, when I come home from work, my husband will look at me and say "Are you really going to eat that?" sometimes he will poke my belly, like look at that bulge. So I live between two different worlds, with different perspectives. I want to be a healthy weight of 120, right now I am 135. Am I a bean pole? No! Am I grossly overweight? No. Am I listening to the people around me? Hell no! I am going to lose weight down to 120 pounds, that will make me happy with me, and that is all that matters. I agree with the girl that said to ask the Dr about what your healthiest weight is. That is great advice. You can also look up the BMI chart, that will give you a good idea of where you should be. Good luck!
  • thehka
    thehka Posts: 74 Member
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    I told my mom the other day that my goal is to lose 40 pounds and her response was, "You'll look weird." Jee, thanks. I just told her that's because you're used to seeing me as chub chubs and she said, "Yeah you're my chubby baby!" u_________u I am a grown woman mother! >:[
  • pinkperfume
    pinkperfume Posts: 50
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    They probably aren't used to seeing the, "new you". They saw you as one way for years and then all of a sudden, you look different. They compare the old you to the new you and the "new you" looks thin (not too thin) but they are comparing the old to the new. A stranger wouldn't meet the new you and think you're too thin (bc you're not). Give it time, ask them to chill out on the comments about YOU and then in due time , they will forget what the old you looked like and start seeing the new you as the REAL YOU. It will pass.

    DON'T use food as your crutch again, bc you see where it got you. You're not happy at this heavier weight. Let this be your lesson. when you're hurt find a way to deal with it besides eating. You sound like an emotional eater. make a list of things you can do in place eating. Make the list now vs waiting until you're upset to figure out what to do.

    If you have a good friend you can call, that would be ideal. I usually call a friend who talks me out of doing something crazy (like over eating).
  • pinkperfume
    pinkperfume Posts: 50
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    Wanted to add that when you're upset from comments. . .

    You could also jump on MFP when you're upset and post immediately, that you are upset and thinking of binging. There seems to be a lot of ppl on here at all times and I bet you'll find several to talk some sense into you and make you feel better within minutes before you eat. Emotional eating and binging is a disorder you'll probably have for life. I have it and some days I do so good and then other days, I can't eat enough and it's bc I am depressed. Sometimes I binge, just bc something inside of me tells me too but not sure why.
  • SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish
    SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish Posts: 831 Member
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    From your pictures, you don't look overweight (or maybe that's a "before, when I was at my ideal weight"?). I would get a medical opinion and rule out the possibility you may have an eating disorder, and if your doctor also thinks your goal is a healthy weight to be at, I'd thank the commenters for the "compliment" as you get there and take it as a validation you are making a big change. If you can get to a healthy weight that makes you feel good too, other's opinions dont really matter, change the people and find someone who supports your healthy weight instead of changing your weight!
  • HSingMomto7Kids
    HSingMomto7Kids Posts: 345 Member
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    That is so tough when you want the support!! You are doing great!
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
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    i got the you're too skinny comments too, but flip side is these fools haven't seen me anything other than fat
  • neva4saken
    neva4saken Posts: 300 Member
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    Well when those closest to our hearts hurt us we tend to retreat back to what we are most comfortable with. When I was diagnosed as morbid obesed no one in my family up to that point said a word. But when I lost over 100lbs and I was athletic and energetic and feeling and looking great, oh now i am a gym rat. Or you must be starving yourself or something else negative, people have a tendancy to tear down what they are jealous of it makes them more secure about themselves. I made up my mind they couldn't say hey you're getting out of shape, or you're overweight or stop me from killing myself (although it was not their responsiblity) so once i made my mind up to better myself and regain my health I dare not permit them to penetrate me now. Now that you've slipped and fallen off the wagon, climb back on, and do it for you. It's your life, your health, your well being, DO IT FOR YOU and no one else approval or disapproval will ever knock you off the wagon again! You are worth it!
  • anifani4
    anifani4 Posts: 457 Member
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    A couple months back, I had reached my goal weight and got rude comments from family members about my weight. Either I was too skinny, or looked sick, or looked skeletal, or looked like I was dying. It hurt me and all I did was binge back every single pound that took me a year to lose. I feel so ashamed of this but I'm restarting again, no excuses and no more eating because i'm deppressed. But I know these comments from coworkers, " friends " and family members will keep coming back. I know I can ignore it, but it really gets to me because these comments are from people who I care about. What can I do? I'm sorry if i'm venting I just didnt know where else to turn, i'm just so sick of it.

    Here's an idea. Answer with the question, "Why do you think that? " They just might say because you're so much thinner than you used to be. Then you can say, " this is how I want to be because I feel so much stronger and healthier. You'll have to get used to it." If they keep on, you can ask them to stop or keep their opinions to themselves.

    Don't feel too badly about the binging and regaining. It's happened to me a number of times and to many others. I see it as a learning process. You look at what's happened and figure out a way to do it differently next time. And that's exactly what you're doing by asking for advice here. You've got some good responses to think about. All the best to you.
  • AnnaMarieDinVa
    AnnaMarieDinVa Posts: 162 Member
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    I need to lose weight, but I am tall, so it doesn't look like as much as it really is, and my co-workers need to lose approx. 3 to 4 times what I do -- hence their perspective. I tell them the absolute truth. When they say, "you don't need to lose any more weight" I reply, "well, my doctor says I do...and she went to medical school, so I am going to go with her opinion..." That usually quiets them down. ;)
  • antdogs
    antdogs Posts: 191 Member
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    everyone is telling me that too about how im eating salads and healthy food and fruits everyday im the same i just irgnore it and move on
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
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    I get a lot of this crap too because I'm at a "healthy" weight already, with a normal bmi and all that. But I'm small framed, not fit, and a classic case of skinny fat, which no one who doesn't see me naked really gets. I have a ton of weight that can be lost and still be in a healthy range - 20 lbs! Every time someone mocks my diet, it is so frustrating. I'm not stupid and I know I'm not overweight, but I know that I could look so much better.

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