List of things worth living for.

I am Type 1 Bipolar. I have an abused history where my parents have told me they wished I were dead. You are not alone.

I am currently on Lamictal, 400 mgs. It is, to date, the most stable medication I have been on. Over the last four years I have tried: Paxil, Zoloft, Amitryptiline, Temazpam, Abilify, Rispordal, Trazadone, and Hydroxozine. In writing this, I feel like I might have left a med or two out, but can't quite remember.

The point of this is that you need to keep trying - especially with medication. Bipolar by psychology is not enough. You will continue to spiral out of control. You will continue have suicide ideation. You will not get better. We have a chemical disorder. That requires chemical treatment. One - or two or three - bad experiences with medication does not warrant swearing off them completely. It is only an excuse.

And no - you do not get to hurt other people. You do not get to lash out at others because you were hurt. You do not get to do to others what was done to you. That is not allowed. You will not heal, you will not feel better, you will only be digging yourself further and further into self-hatred.

What they did to you does NOT give you permission to do the same to others. Being dealt that pain DOES NOT give you free reign to hurt other people. You do not have that right. It is unfair and it hurts and it is cosmically cruel that you have to live with it.

But you do. The more work you do on what they did to you, the easier it becomes not to hurt other people.

There is a danger to asking people you don't know what they are living for. It will remind you of what you do not have, which will make you feel worse. There are safer places for this line of questioning - which is a valid question. It will not help to toss it out to the general public.

Your parents - and likely other people - were abusers. Contemplating if they were right will not help you heal.

You have reached out which is admirable. But the help you will get here is not what you need. It will only add to the pile of "Well I tried this and it didn't work", when in reality, what you're trying CANNOT help. You are looking for hope in a place where people cannot give the kind of hope you need.

You don't stop here. You don't lay down the sword on the battlefield and accept your fate as one of never ending agony. You keep going. You keep trying. You. Just. Don't. Stop.

"If you're going through Hell - DON'T STOP. KEEP GOING." The wastelands of mental illness and the frustrations about treatment do not ever go away. No one will be able to make that promise to you and be able to keep it. But you can get better. You can rise out of it. You can reach ground zero and you can build up from there.

You just have to keep going. Find the right people. Find the right treatments. Be ready for both of those to change - our illness shifts (both chemical and mentally) - there will never be a place where it stays good all the time.

But you do not stop. You keep going.

I'm someone that "think positive" has worked for. But it's not as simple as "think positive." It's really frickin hard work actively LOOKING for the positive when I know it's my natural inclination to see the negative first. Like doing a word-find puzzle. There will be words that jump out at you, but sometimes the word you're looking for is going to be backwards and diagonal. It's hard to find. But it's still there.

my kids! they need me!!

First and foremost, seek help.

Secondly, realize that for most those feeling are nothing more than chemicals in the body gone sack, so you cannot trust your feelings.

Third, meditate and start looking within for beauty and solace.

Lastly, volunteer and help others. That is the best medicine.

Totally agree. Your happiness comes from inside. Learn to meditate. It will change your life in ways you cannot even imagine. It feeds the soul.

I am Type 1 Bipolar. I have an abused history where my parents have told me they wished I were dead. You are not alone.

I am currently on Lamictal, 400 mgs. It is, to date, the most stable medication I have been on. Over the last four years I have tried: Paxil, Zoloft, Amitryptiline, Temazpam, Abilify, Rispordal, Trazadone, and Hydroxozine. In writing this, I feel like I might have left a med or two out, but can't quite remember.

The point of this is that you need to keep trying - especially with medication. Bipolar by psychology is not enough. You will continue to spiral out of control. You will continue have suicide ideation. You will not get better. We have a chemical disorder. That requires chemical treatment. One - or two or three - bad experiences with medication does not warrant swearing off them completely. It is only an excuse.

And no - you do not get to hurt other people. You do not get to lash out at others because you were hurt. You do not get to do to others what was done to you. That is not allowed. You will not heal, you will not feel better, you will only be digging yourself further and further into self-hatred.

What they did to you does NOT give you permission to do the same to others. Being dealt that pain DOES NOT give you free reign to hurt other people. You do not have that right. It is unfair and it hurts and it is cosmically cruel that you have to live with it.

But you do. The more work you do on what they did to you, the easier it becomes not to hurt other people.

There is a danger to asking people you don't know what they are living for. It will remind you of what you do not have, which will make you feel worse. There are safer places for this line of questioning - which is a valid question. It will not help to toss it out to the general public.

Your parents - and likely other people - were abusers. Contemplating if they were right will not help you heal.

You have reached out which is admirable. But the help you will get here is not what you need. It will only add to the pile of "Well I tried this and it didn't work", when in reality, what you're trying CANNOT help. You are looking for hope in a place where people cannot give the kind of hope you need.

You don't stop here. You don't lay down the sword on the battlefield and accept your fate as one of never ending agony. You keep going. You keep trying. You. Just. Don't. Stop.

"If you're going through Hell - DON'T STOP. KEEP GOING." The wastelands of mental illness and the frustrations about treatment do not ever go away. No one will be able to make that promise to you and be able to keep it. But you can get better. You can rise out of it. You can reach ground zero and you can build up from there.

You just have to keep going. Find the right people. Find the right treatments. Be ready for both of those to change - our illness shifts (both chemical and mentally) - there will never be a place where it stays good all the time.

But you do not stop. You keep going.

Just bumping this particular post to increase the likelihood that it is not overlooked.

Hummus, and puppies to play with while I eat my hummus.

Sounds messy. I have hummus and a 75 lb. lab collie cross who aspires to be a lap dog. Close enough.

LIFE is worth living, never give up, darkness is now present for a reason to help you grow and it will pass!

So many amazing things worth living for:

Sunsets & sunrises
Fresh air in my lungs
Ocean, rivers & lakes
Dogs
Delicious food
Wine
Family
Music
Art
Naps & sleeping in

I hope you feel better soon! :flowerforyou:

Disney. Seriously.

I love love love Disneyland.

/supergeek

Aside from the obvious of my husband, family, friends...

my cats. long walks on a nice, sunny day. and frozen yogurt.

The feel of being pinned to the seat back in a 400+ HP street car.
The shakes you get after going WAY too fast on a motorcycle.

And, as corney as it sounds, helping others. There is something about lending a hand, literaly or emotionaly, that makes you feel like, at least that one day, you were able to help someone else.