Adults of A Parent wtih Terminal Cancer

My father passed away in January 2011 of pancreatic cancer two months after being diagnosed.
My parents were married 56 years.
I'm a nurse and knew his time was short as soon as I heard.
Sadly, I was not close to my father so I was more grieved by the lack of our relationship rather than his passing.
He was an alcoholic, so it did not come as a complete surprise.

I tried to live my life as normally as I could.
My daughter was seven at the time so she took priority and both my parents understood this.
Although, I only live five minutes from them (my siblings are an hour or so away) so I did everything I could to help.
Including caring for him at home his last few days (his wish), after he became unresponsive.
He was on home hospice, but they only come in once a day and my mother could not physically care for him on her own.
I took off work for about a week and a half.

I did gain a bit of weight, but it was such a short time period that my life wasn't disrupted for very long.
I prayed. I met with my pastor. I shared and cried with my husband. I let people love me.
I was blessed with incredible support from the staff at my daughter's Christian school, where I spend much of my free time volunteering.

Hope this helps.
Message me if you would like

If your family has not put hospice in place, help them with that, and hospice will provide help for family members too. Counseling is part of what they do, and teaching/assisting the whole family to find what works for them with the process... sending hugs, love and light!

I don't even know what to say, thank you for your feedback and giving us/me a piece of your heart It helps.

:flowerforyou:

So sorry you're having to go through that.

My father has prostate and bone cancer. The prostate cancer he was diagnosed with back in 1999 and the bone cancer back in 2007. He had gone through two full founds of radiation (45 for the first round for his prostate, and I think 15 for the second for his bone cancer) and it was in remission, but his PSA is rising again.

My mother has an ARRAY of health issues and she is handicapped. It's hard watching our parents become feeble. It's especially hard being an only child and deal with this stuff. My oldest daughter helps, but she will be 18 soon and will have her own life she needs to carve out.

Edited for grammer. I am my OWN grammar nazi.

Hugs>>> u do what u can! Parents understand....

I just lost my dad last June 4. It will be one year this June. He died of esaphogeal cancer. He was diagnosed nov 2009. It was really hard ESP seeing ur loved one just waste away. My dad lost so much weight. He looked so fragile????. It was even hard to see him eat because he had such a hard time swallowing. The tumor was right above the stomach. We had to watch if he choked.

I live about 45 min away from my parents home. I helped my mom with my dad because she took care of my gpa and gma at the time. My gpa had Alzheimer's and my gma had congestive heart failure and was on dialysis 3x a wk. I took him to most of his radiation, chemo and DR's appt and other procedures he had to go thru along the way...

I wasn't close to my dad, in fact I had some bitterness towards him. But after his diagnosis, I got close to him. I even shared with him about our Lord and Savior and that he needs Him because it's only through Him, will I be able to meet Him in Heaven one day. And when it was time, He accepted the Lord Jesus into his life. He had in home hospice but then it became harder after a week. His health just declined. It w as hard to watch the suffering so we called the ambulance. Took him hospital. Then it was time for hospice facility as hospital couldn't do anything for him anymore. The pain meds was not helping. Hospice had him on morphine. He had some good days in there and looked like he was gonna get better...but hospice have pamphlets and those were just some of the signs. I got to tell him everything I wanted and so did he. I was there when he went and I thought I couldve handle but I didn't.

Add me as a frien if u want.
Take care. Hugs to u

I have learnt, painfully, there is never the right thing to say - every one's experience is different. The best response I got when my father was ill was "Life can really suck". Which it did at the time, it validated what we were all thinking - but didn't become something to dwell on. Hearing this was so much better than hearing of someone's brother's wife's father's experience - which was often the last thing we wanted to hear.

So with that said - here is my experience, should you wish to continue reading.

I had sold one place, and moved back in with mum and dad while I was looking for another, when my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer (which had already gone to his liver). My dad's approach to this was amazing, and we took our cue from him. Instead of saying 'why me?', he was more like 'why not me?'. From my parents perspective, everyone was to continue on living their life an go about their regular business - knowing that we would drop whatever we had planned to be that extra ear at the specialist if that's what was needed. My brother, sister, parents and I continued to share our lives & feelings - good & bad, and mum and I shared caring duties day to day.

We would laugh when dad made a special effort to put on a happy face when my sister would come from out of town to see him. From then on she became the 'Golden Child' , Sarcasm, wit and humour was what got us through a lot of stuff. For me - it was important to allow my sister to be involved in things we did for dad when she could so that she felt she was actively contributing - dealing out the meds, cooking different dinners until we found something he could eat!!!. We knew that each of us had limits to what we could do, where we could be.. There were no recriminations - just respect and gratitude for each other, and thankfulness (?) that we could do something -no matter how big or small it seemed.

Nothing was hidden amongst the immediate family. The specialist never gave dad a timeline/ deadline - rather had him just focus on milestones to aim for. In the following 16 months, Mum & Dad had their 50th wedding anniversary, my niece turned 21, my brothers 50th birthday. He cried the day I finally bought my dream house - insisting on celebrating with a glass of champagne, even though I could see he didn't enjoy it..

The day I moved into my house was the day went into palliative care. Nothing was left unsaid - over the course of dad's illness, we all had our own times with dad and shared our thoughts with him, and he with us. The hospice had happy hour every day - something mum & dad did at home, which they could still enjoy together. Dad had strong faith, and we got our strength from him.

Just continue to love your family. Don't leave anything unsaid. Enjoy the quiet, silent times together too. And remember it hurts so much because you love them.

hi jax, my husbands dad beautiful man passed away on good friday from lung cancer, he was diagnosed at xmas, its all very hard, im sorry, so ill send a rqst as im going through what i think you are, we emmigrated to australia and dad was back in uk we were told that he would last till xmas anyway he didnt , sadly, my hubby has gone back, i have to stay here in oz, kids and work etc and just cant afford all of us to go. It is the worst feeling, im sending you hugs and FR on the way xx be strong its a bloody evil thing xx

My dad died of bowel cancer in 2001. It was hard but I wouldn't have changed my time spent with dad. I was lucky enough that I could postpone my study and work allowed time I needed off when dad got too sick. I got sick myself with rsv as I was burnt out from work/study/hospital visits. What I learnt is no matter what you do they understand. Dad's family couldn't all visit him but he got that. He also told me (in a lucid moment) that sometimes it's harder for those watching someone die rather than the person dying themself.
Hugs it's not an easy time

My father in law was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer last week. They gave him 4-18 months. It's hard watching him and my husband go thru this. They are best friends

This content has been removed.

My heart goes out to all of you.

My mum was diagnosed with leukaemia last year. Luckily they caught it when they did. She had 4 lots of chemo which put her in remission. Then this year it came back and she was treated again and is again in remission. She now has 4 cycles of consolidation treatment to get through which will take until after Xmas. She's been hospitalised 3 times for Hickman line infections and had to have hers out and replaced.

We live 300 miles away. Probably not far in US terms, but we're in England. It's a good 5-6 hour drive and around the same n the train. I work and have 2 young children so I can't just go off to visit when I feel like it. It's been very difficult. My sister was living in China when our mum was diagnosed so she came home. She's still there, and my brother lives locally, plus my dad is there of course. Luckily I'm a teacher so get the school holidays, but when my mum is feeling crappy after treatment, she doesn't need a 2 and 4 year old running about!

I'm hoping that she will stay in remission but constantly petrified that it will come back again and eventually there will be nothing more they can try.

My Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2011..she is still hanging in there and is doing okay considering! she lived with me for almost two years. Now she lives a few minutes away. These are all wonderful things and I am grateful! But I have immense guilt because my dream of moving back across the country is coming to reality. My family is ready to move, however I can't seem to get rid of this huge guilt of leaving her here while she is sick.. She is no alone here, lots of family and friends.

I am experiencing this right now, also, and am overwhelmed with sadness and helplessness.

My mom has lived with Multiple Scleroses for over 30 years... she is 63 years of age, I just turned 39 in March. I found out 9 days before my 39th birthday that my mom has advanced lung cancer with metastasis to her abdomen and spine. My parents live 400 miles away in another state. My boyfriend of 10 years and I drove out immediately upon finding out about the cancer. I went out again the next month for a week by train. (I live in LA and have anxiety issues with driving - I get panic attacks and can't drive the freeways here.)

My mom wasn't able to start treatment until after May 1st. She had a difficult time getting medical coverage, even through the "affordable" care act her insurance is $825 a month.

She doesn't qualify for Medicare.

She has had one round of chemo, which was last week.

This week her pain has been unbearable. And the tumor in her lung has grown.

I'm at a crossroads.

My mom and I are extremely close; we talk every day. We are in a good place spiritually and in our relationship. I cannot change this disease of the outcome. I can only express my love and gratitude for having a tremendous role model and genuine joy in my life to nurture and shape me into the woman I am.

My guilt is from my father. He wants me out there RIGHT NOW but I can't be. And even if I could, it would change nothing.

I do plan on going back out mid-June. In less than 3 weeks. But I'm unable to go beforehand.

This is my guilt... We have a non-refundable trip -- our first vacation in 5 years -- in two weeks. The trip was planned with another couple months before learning about my mom's cancer.

My mom has expressed that she wants us to go. That we MUST go. She understands and knows that it took us 8 months to save for a 5 day trip because of changes in my career and that if we don't go we lose $2,000 between lodging and airfare. Ironic that I made a change with substantially less pay so that I would have the chance to spend more time with my family and now this life lesson that I've yet to figure out.

When I talk with my dad he talks like the end is minutes away. When I talk with the staff at the oncology department they tell me that I know the outcome but it honestly is the outcome we will all meet some day and that my mom is not going to perish this weekend.

She is in the ER right now to get an IV to control her pain and is getting antibiotics for the area that the initial biopsy was done (she has a treatable infection there) and then will go home with a script for higher pain meds that are prescribed for end of life care.

I know she is dying. But cancer will not destroy her spirit. Just as the MS did not dampen her spirit. My mom is a beautiful, loving courageous woman and I am trying to keep that with me and praying on being able to get out there again in a few weeks to share pictures with her of our trip. It's what she wants... I wish my dad could be stronger for her and himself.

I know when the time comes and she takes her last breath I will forever be changed... but I also know she will remain with me always because she is why I am the woman am. Every day is a gift. She taught me that. I will always be thankful.