Finding time to Exersice--need to vent!

ltlemermaid · July 2010

So I have been doing really well with eating better and trying to work out more for the most part. Its getting really hot and humid where I live so I try working out inside at the local YMCA. I have started running again and training for my first 5K as well, From training indoors for a while and up to 2 miles I tried running outside and could barely do 1/2 mile so now I am focused on running outside. Here is where my issue with life/time come in:

My husband is supportive of my workout plans for the most part as long as it doesn't affect him...We carpool together most days so I don't get home till 6-7pm. I can't go work out after work since its not enough time before I have to pick him up from work--I can't get my good work out in inside because I feel rushed and its still over 90F outside and humid so outside won't work either. When we get home I have to make dinner --I've tried going to work out first thing after work when we get home but he gets grumpy and complains about eating dinner that late (usually after 8/830). He doesn't cook at all so he won't feed himself...and waits for me.

I've started running after dinner (I wait at least 30minutes before I start running) outside. Its still hot and humid around 85 at this time making it more difficult for me. Its getting dark later now around 9pm, but I hate running by myself (and he won't go with me) when it gets dark...so I can't go on days when we come home really late.

So to solve my problem I decided to start running every other day at 5am..this made sense to me since evenings are too hot etc...well this would have been fine except now my husband complains that when I wake up at 5 it wakes him up and he can't get back to sleep--basically told me that I can't workout that early anymore!!!

Looks like on my early running days I will be sleeping on the couch seperate from him to get my workout in--lets see how this works out when he stays up till midnight or longer playing videogames---and I kick him out of the living room at 9/930 because I want to sleep!!

This is getting so frustrating!!! thanks for reading/listening...any advice on how to balance all of this would be great!

nsking83 · July 2010

"My husband is supportive of my workout plans for the most part as long as it doesn't affect him..."

Wow, how incredibly selfish. I'm far from saying that I have a perfect husband (ha!), but it almost sounds like your husband is doing everything in his power to KEEP you from getting your workout in. That's crazy!

I know most people will say that you just need to sit down with him and tell him how important exercise is to you, etc etc - but if you're anything like me, you'll become overly emotional about, he'll get mad, and you'll be no further along than where you started.

So, I'd say you just have to keep what you're doing, to show him that you're not giving this up.......it sucks that you have to sleep on the couch, but maybe he'll get the point if you do. Or hell, I'd just make him wait at work until I was done working out. I'd say....you either wait at work or get woken up early. Take your pick.

Would it be possible for you to ride a bike to the Y? I know it's hot out, but it's a little less strenuous than running outside.

I sympathize with you.......hope it gets better!

Amandac6772 · July 2010

I get up at 4:30 to workout but luckily nothing wakes my husband up(not even a screaming baby when our son was first born). I would just talk to him and tell him that it's important to you but also sleeping in the same bed with him is important to you. Love is supposed to be kind and unselfish. Since he loves you he should be able to tolerate this for you since it will make you a healthier person.

chrispol · July 2010

You can also do what I do, and set aside some time on Sundays (or whatever day works) and make food for the week. This way when you get home you can heat it up. he has warm food and you can go work out

Poached Chicken if you stick it in the fridge right away will stay nice and moist and tastes great with a nice nice sauce to go with it. Crock pot meals are also great, throw everything in the night before and turn it on when you leave for work in the am

I think it is silly that you have to sleep on the couch, its not fair to you. You are trying to better yourself and get healthy. If he wants to have you around long term, he should be thinking about your health. Obesity can knock at much as 30 years off your life span!

princessorchid · July 2010

I totally feel for you, my boyfriend kinda does the same thing - he's happy I'm getting fit but then gets grumpy because I go to the gym after work and don't get home until 7 or 8 most nights (I leave for work at 6am so I'm usually up and out before he even opens his eyes). I think your husband is being unreasonable, and you know some folk are just cranky when they don't get their own way (and it's not an outright attack on you, if you know what i mean).

The only suggestion I've got is to get a slow cooker or prep some meals in advance, so you can stick it on in the AM and then youd dinner will be ready for whenever you choose to eat it in the evening, leaving you with a good 45mins-hour to go for a run!

Good luck! x

CudyBug · July 2010

In all honesty I would tell him its either he gets woken at 5 am or he makes dinner on the nights you workout when you get off work. It is suppose to be 50/50 effort in marriage and since you both work I find it unfair that he expects you to make dinner every night. So either he makes the dinner or he just deals with it and eats later when your done with your run. I think the problem might be power and he just wants all the power it seems and that is completely unfair and selfish of him.

ltlemermaid · July 2010

Thanks nsking83...and you are totally right with the whole sitting down/emotional/angry part of it! I didn't have this problem when I strictly worked out at the YMCA--I just went later in the evening 830/900 the only thing that sucked about that is the Y closes at 10pm so I was limited in my time but I made it work. Now that I am trying to do both Y inside and some running outside the issues have come up. He was perfectly fine with me going to the Y and even now tells me to just workout inside since I don't have time/high temps outside...but I want to run outside! My 5K races are outside not in!!

I try to work out at the Y when I get a chance (on my non running days for a lighter workout/weights), I don't have a bike currently and want to get one...not sure about riding all the way to the Y though--I would have to go through a shady part of town to get there...One thing I could do is to tell him to use the other car or motorcycle that way I can go work out at the Y right after work--if we don't car pool I can get my workout in and get dinner done at a descent time...but my concern is with trying to run outdoors--it gets conflicting and difficult to manage in the heat--hopefully when in cools off later in the year this won't be an issue anymore..

I've tried getting him to come with me just on walks to get him involved, he wanted a Y membership so we could go together which I cancelled when he didn't want to go for 4 months--we have 3 dogs that love walks, but he doesn't even want to do that.

jbwegner · July 2010

No offense to you, your hubby, or your marriage, but this sounds incredibly unfair, selfish, and manipulative. I say stand up for yourself and make your goals a priority. If you don't, who will? It is 2010 and any grown man should be able to reheat a dinner you preped on Sunday, scoop something out of the crockpot, heat up a frozen dinner, or make a freakin' sandwich. I'm hoping it works out for you. Keep us posted! :flowerforyou:

ltlemermaid · July 2010

Thanks for the other comments/suggestions--I like the prepping food ahead of time on sundays for the week--I will have to try that sounds like a great idea. Do most foods freeze/defrost well? We do have a crockpot too so I can try that as well. I do notice that if its a quick fix meal or something I am just reheating (extra left overs) I do have more time for my work out and the conflicts where not there...

He doesn't cook at all minus the rare occasion when he makes a frozen pizza or eggs...he would really starve in a house full of food (we always joke about that!). Before we got together if he was hungry he would go out to eat all the time--never cooked at home..then again his parents rarely cook at home as well...I've tried to get him to help me in the kitchen to teach him to cook simple meals but he gets bored/loses interest and doesn't want to do it. At least I can get him to help out with the other house chores...

jbwegner · July 2010

I totally understand. My husband is a video game junkie and the only things he will do to help around the house are cutting the grass and taking out the garbage,,,sometimes.

Yes, many foods freeze well. Casseroles and soups/stews especially. Check out Robin Miller on Food Network, Her whole thing is your prep for three meals on one day and she shows you how to adapt it from day to day. She also has several books.

ltlemermaid · July 2010

Thanks jbwegner I will have to check out Robin miller--I LOVE the food network!

mariabee · July 2010

I have an idea. Tell your husband to sleep in another room on the days you have to get up early. (No, really... I'm being serious). You can make up for it on the nights you do sleep together.

Leave your workout clothes in the bathroom so you just need to make a bee-line there, and your running shoes can be at the front door.

Otherwise, tell him to get over it and if he's not going to join you, to zip it. :laugh: This is the lifestyle you've chosen, and he can come along for the ride, or not.

Sorry... but I have a very supportive husband who hates the gym - would rather yank out his toenails with rusty pliers... but he still joins me in almost everything I do (girly workout videos, gym, tennis...) (except for morning sessions, which he refuses) because he knows it's what I need for some kind of sanity.

or:

You can try some more hard-core interval training so your workouts are cut in half.

PS: Robin Miller is awesome - but her show isn't on in Canada anymore

LotusF1ower · July 2010

So I have been doing really well with eating better and trying to work out more for the most part. Its getting really hot and humid where I live so I try working out inside at the local YMCA. I have started running again and training for my first 5K as well, From training indoors for a while and up to 2 miles I tried running outside and could barely do 1/2 mile so now I am focused on running outside. Here is where my issue with life/time come in:

My husband is supportive of my workout plans for the most part as long as it doesn't affect him...We carpool together most days so I don't get home till 6-7pm. I can't go work out after work since its not enough time before I have to pick him up from work--I can't get my good work out in inside because I feel rushed and its still over 90F outside and humid so outside won't work either. When we get home I have to make dinner --I've tried going to work out first thing after work when we get home but he gets grumpy and complains about eating dinner that late (usually after 8/830). He doesn't cook at all so he won't feed himself...and waits for me.

I've started running after dinner (I wait at least 30minutes before I start running) outside. Its still hot and humid around 85 at this time making it more difficult for me. Its getting dark later now around 9pm, but I hate running by myself (and he won't go with me) when it gets dark...so I can't go on days when we come home really late.

So to solve my problem I decided to start running every other day at 5am..this made sense to me since evenings are too hot etc...well this would have been fine except now my husband complains that when I wake up at 5 it wakes him up and he can't get back to sleep--basically told me that I can't workout that early anymore!!!

Looks like on my early running days I will be sleeping on the couch seperate from him to get my workout in--lets see how this works out when he stays up till midnight or longer playing videogames---and I kick him out of the living room at 9/930 because I want to sleep!!

This is getting so frustrating!!! thanks for reading/listening...any advice on how to balance all of this would be great!

grrrrrr could just kick his butt! :mad:

I have to say though, that you are one determined woman! There you are, trying your utmost to accommodate him and all he can do is pick holes in everything you do and find fault! That makes me so mad! The bit that really hit home though was when you said he stays up until all hours playing videogames, so it's okay for him to do what he wants to do as long as you do everything else and make sure you cook for him???

Girl, you need to stick salt in his coffee, washing-up liquid in his gravy (only a few drops or it will show) and cook his scrambled eggs with the shells still on!

Seriously though, he is just being petty. He moans you wake HIM up and he can't get back to sleep. Let's say you were not doing ANY exercise and would get up once or twice in the night to go to the toilet, would he moan the same thing then? Because you would still be getting up, you would still be padding out of the bedroom - or is he only finding an excuse to try and stop you doing your workouts.

You may find you have a bit of a battle on your hands with this one, it'll be a battle of wills, however, going from your posting, I don't think you give up lightly and neither should you.

Give updates, perhaps he might just find it in himself to either cook on a few nights or perhaps even join you on your runs!

glfprncs2 · July 2010

Otherwise, tell him to get over it and if he's not going to join you, to zip it. :laugh: This is the lifestyle you've chosen, and he can come along for the ride, or not.

THIS! Seriously, your husband isn't being supportive. He expects you to take care of his needs first regardless of what you need for you to be happy.

My husband refuses to do anything to help his health. He's tall (6'4") and thin (185 lbs.) so he feels he doesn't need exercise or have good nutrition. That's fine, but he needed to understand that I do and that I'm not going to change my goals because he doesn't want to join in. If he wants to eat dinner at 7:00 p.m. and I'm exercising, he's got two choices: Fix it himself (there's an entire pantry full of bread, peanut butter and Ravioli JUST FOR HIM!) or wait for me when I get done. Period. My husband also tends to fall asleep on the sofa and that's where I find him when I get up for work at 5:15 a.m. The first time he 'hushed' me while I was making breakfast, I blew it off. The 2nd time, though, I was like, "Are you kidding me?" It's my house as much as it's his and I have the right to make some noise while I'm making breakfast. If you don't like it, get OFF THE SOFA and go into the bedroom.

Husbands are not children...they are capable human beings. I think it's time to start treating him like the adult he is.

jbwegner · July 2010

[[/quote]

THIS! Seriously, your husband isn't being supportive. He expects you to take care of his needs first regardless of what you need for you to be happy.

My husband refuses to do anything to help his health. He's tall (6'4") and thin (185 lbs.) so he feels he doesn't need exercise or have good nutrition. That's fine, but he needed to understand that I do and that I'm not going to change my goals because he doesn't want to join in. If he wants to eat dinner at 7:00 p.m. and I'm exercising, he's got two choices: Fix it himself (there's an entire pantry full of bread, peanut butter and Ravioli JUST FOR HIM!) or wait for me when I get done. Period. My husband also tends to fall asleep on the sofa and that's where I find him when I get up for work at 5:15 a.m. The first time he 'hushed' me while I was making breakfast, I blew it off. The 2nd time, though, I was like, "Are you kidding me?" It's my house as much as it's his and I have the right to make some noise while I'm making breakfast. If you don't like it, get OFF THE SOFA and go into the bedroom.

Husbands are not children...they are capable human beings. I think it's time to start treating him like the adult he is.
[/quote]

Amen! And what does THIS mean? I keep seeing it everywhere, and at first I thought people were forgetting to type the rest of the sentence...

thumper44 · July 2010

He's not a man. He's a boy and still wants a mother around to cook his dinner.

So basically when he gets home from work he wants to play video games until midnight and have someone cook dinner for him, and someone walk the dogs??

Let him cook his own dinner, or starve. Show him the freezer, the stove and the microwave.

What is his excuse that he can't take the dogs out for a walk? He will be missing his video game time? and playing video games until midnight and they complains about being woken up at 5am. Boo hooo.

He doesn't sound supportive AT ALL.

My $0.02 worth.

LotusF1ower · July 2010

THIS! Seriously, your husband isn't being supportive. He expects you to take care of his needs first regardless of what you need for you to be happy.

My husband refuses to do anything to help his health. He's tall (6'4") and thin (185 lbs.) so he feels he doesn't need exercise or have good nutrition. That's fine, but he needed to understand that I do and that I'm not going to change my goals because he doesn't want to join in. If he wants to eat dinner at 7:00 p.m. and I'm exercising, he's got two choices: Fix it himself (there's an entire pantry full of bread, peanut butter and Ravioli JUST FOR HIM!) or wait for me when I get done. Period. My husband also tends to fall asleep on the sofa and that's where I find him when I get up for work at 5:15 a.m. The first time he 'hushed' me while I was making breakfast, I blew it off. The 2nd time, though, I was like, "Are you kidding me?" It's my house as much as it's his and I have the right to make some noise while I'm making breakfast. If you don't like it, get OFF THE SOFA and go into the bedroom.

Husbands are not children...they are capable human beings. I think it's time to start treating him like the adult he is.

Amen! And what does THIS mean? I keep seeing it everywhere, and at first I thought people were forgetting to type the rest of the sentence...

If you look on that person's posting, you will see they quoted somebody else first. "THIS" means they are making a point regarding that quote. :happy: (I think that's what it means anyway :laugh: )

alliemoonmommy · July 2010

Haaaa! Your husband sounds a lot like mine!
My suggestion -- buy him a barbecue. I very rarely cook. so if he wants to eat, he throws something on the grill. No big pots or pans to wash either!
I think your morning workouts are a great idea. I started bootcamp from 5am to 6am twice a week, and it's done wonders for me.
Stay strong, and don't give in. You need to take care of yourself and put your needs first.
Oh, and HE can sleep on the couch after late-night gaming. Your alarm clock won't bother him then, I bet!

Barneystinson · July 2010

I totally understand. My husband is a video game junkie and the only things he will do to help around the house are cutting the grass and taking out the garbage,,,sometimes.

Yes, many foods freeze well. Casseroles and soups/stews especially. Check out Robin Miller on Food Network, Her whole thing is your prep for three meals on one day and she shows you how to adapt it from day to day. She also has several books.

Oh gah...my fiance is also a video game junkie, and that basically describes the chores he does 'round the house. To be fair, if anything goes haywire with plumbing, electric, or IT-related, he fixes it promptly. He also takes the cars into the shop or does work on them himself.

The Robin Miller cookbooks (and cooking methods) are pretty great. I also recommend meats / fish from Costco that are packed in easy, freezable single-serve packs that can be thawed in the fridge and cooked portion by portion. I like freezing soups, chilies, and sauces for later use - saves a lot of time.

And as for my fiance and my exercise plan? He's not a morning person AT ALL, but I told him I'd be getting up early to workout (P90X or boot camp DVDs), and sometimes he's a grump about it and sometimes he isn't. I work out in the living room instead of our more open upstairs area so I don't wake him up while jumping around. That was my compromise. He knows I cook, clean, pay the bills, etc etc and keep his stuff in line, so he really doesn't have much room to complain. Just talk it out with him and I'm sure you both can work something out.

aippolito1 · July 2010

Tell him to suck it up and work out whenever you want. Boys can be stupid. My boyfriend used to complain any time I wanted to wake up early 'cause it cut into cuddling while sleeping time so I wouldn't work out in the morning. I try to run 3x/week in the morning before work and he's learned to deal with it. Sometimes you just have to work around them the best way you can.

rybo · July 2010

This is an unfortunate situation that goes FAR beyond just finding time to exercise. I wish you the best in resolving the situation and being happy and getting what you deserve.

horndave · July 2010

Tell him to bite it. Exercise when you need to, marriage is a give and take situation. Not just about the husband. /rant off.

LotusF1ower · July 2010

Oh, and HE can sleep on the couch after late-night gaming. Your alarm clock won't bother him then, I bet!

BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA perfect!!!! :laugh:

tabbydog · July 2010

Cooking is one chore my husband won't do also. He does other house chores, and cuts the grass and fixes the cars. AND he gets in a snit occasionally b/c we don't eat until 8:30-9 most nights. I work, have an hour's commute, and (especially in summer) I am not coming directly home and cooking. Even if I'm not working out (I run in the mornings, wicked early, and he never wakes up, so I usually ride my horses after work). When he gets B!tchy about eating late, I tell him he is always welcome to cook. He promptly shuts up. Seriously, even if he didn't, I would just ignore him like a spoiled child having a tantrum. Totally wouldn't dignify him with a response of any kind!

ltlemermaid · July 2010

My suggestion -- buy him a barbecue. I very rarely cook. so if he wants to eat, he throws something on the grill. No big pots or pans to wash either!

We do own a very nice grill---its my grill though I really mean he doesn't cook!! not even on the grill!! (yea his guy friends give him a hard time about this too!) Don't get me wrong I love to cook/grill but I need to find a balance to be able to workout as well...

When he gets home he usually sits on the couch watches TV/computer time or plays video games. Sometimes (not often) he will work on his pond. He does help me with cleaning the house (at least I got him helping me with that) and laundry...He doesn't want to walk the dogs because he sees it as exersice and doesn't want to do it...and when I can convince him to go on the rare occasion he complains the whole time. (this also explains why the dogs listen to me better than him on walks!)

Thanks for all the support/suggestions--we had the no morning exersice arguement this morning and I thought it was the stupidest thing in the world! I will try talking to him tonight and hopefully we can find a happy medium where I don't sleep on the couch and can workout when I want to/can. I am thinking about also starting to plan/prepping my meals ahead so that I can have them ready quick so he can eat and I can work out etc...

HOSED49 · July 2010

I agree with the fact that your husband is more of a child needing a mommy than anything. I would venture to say that when he talks to his mother he talks down to her also. He cant exercise because that would cut into his xbox/ps3 time, cant cook because it would mean he cant get online with his friends and play, thus putting his friends and those stupid games as more important than you! I am guessing that if you told him you would throw it on him, he would struggle with the decision of wether or not to stop playing the game! If this is in fact true, that the games are more important than anything you do, or just more important than you, then you need to re-evaluate your priorities. He doesnt put you first, which I would think wouldnt make you happy, so start being happy. Go work out when you want, he says anything, tell him its your game/computer time and to get over it. Oh and he will get mad when you talk to him about it, he knows he can and you will probably back down and he gets his way. So let him get mad, you workout whenever you want to , he will get over it or if he doesnt , then buh bye- I am tired of raising you! He doesnt support you, he manipulates and uses you, look at all these responses. Not one of them says, well you should cook his dinner and tip toe around him, how dare you interrupt his game time! You asked for the help, please utilize it and dont give into him.

ltlemermaid · July 2010

Thanks HOSED49 and everyone else...all of these comments have really helped me to see something I already know needs to change--its great to have all of your support in this.

As for him talking down to his Mom--no he really doesn't she is very strong and opinionated and doesn't let him get away with anything! When he does get whiney I remind him that I am not his mother, she lives in TX, I am his wife! Looks like I am going to have to put my foot down more often around him and not let him be a baby anymore especially when it comes to the time when we both come home from work.

I'm having a talk with him tonight and hoping this can all be straightened out to start out at least...I have a feeling this is going to be a long process!

oats4breakfast · July 2010

Perhaps what your husband needs, is a full on *kitten* kicking.

ltlemermaid · July 2010

Perhaps what your husband needs, is a full on *kitten* kicking.

LOL oh believe me I really wanted to give him one this morning!

mworld · July 2010

he's definitely not being supportive!

bashing him on the internet isn't particularly cool either imo.

ltlemermaid · July 2010

he's definitely not being supportive!

bashing him on the internet isn't particularly cool either imo.

I don't see it as bashing--just came here to vent and get advice/support...

Finding time to Exersice--need to vent!

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