My worried hubby .

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2

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  • jadeyq1
    jadeyq1 Posts: 178 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Whoa angry much?

    Bit much to say you don't like him because he's a little insecure in himself, poor guy. I don't think the OP was expressing any discontent towards her hubby so not necessary for anyone else to.
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
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    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    it does happen. Many people stay with their spouSes when overweight because they feel they have fewer options. Once they start losing weight, it brings added attention from the opposite sex, and people start thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. So, yes, it does happen. Likely there were other problems in the relationship as well, before hand.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Ummmm, okie dokie then.

    Have you heard of yoga? Meditation? Anger management? Singing Kumbaya? Maybe having a quiet walk around the duck pond? You should try these.
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
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    My hubby "jokingly" said something similar... I lost weight and quit smoking and he asked of I was polishing up my resume for a new man. I jokingly told him I didn't have the time or patience to put 24 years into training a new man.

    I think with any major change to one partner in a relationship, some insecurities are perfectly normal. Our relationship is very solid and my behaviour hasn't changed at all (like the pp said happened when her sister started going out to bars and whatnot).

    Reassure your hubby that you haven't changed how you feel about him.

    PS: ignore the poster that turned it around to a cheating husband... that's extreme and not your situation at all.
  • kellster111
    kellster111 Posts: 113 Member
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    I had the same conversation with my husband, i think he was joking but i'm not 100% sure, so I suggested that we get fit and healthy together, we don't get much chance to exercise together as we have children who can't be left alone yet but we talk about what we did at the gym each time, compare weights lifted etc he has lost 2 stone and i have lost 3.5 stone so we are in it together.
    We managed to get out for a run together and go to the gym as kids were away this week and we had a great time, he didn't realise quite how fit I had become and he struggled to keep up sometimes so it has spured him on to do more.

    Perhaps suggest to your husband that he joins you even if it just for a walk each week and build up to more exercise, could bring you closer together and give you an extra supporter.
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    I find it EXTREMELY ironic that you mention "projecting" in your post.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I think it's pretty sweet that he's willing to share his insecurities with you. Just reassure him that he's the only man for you and he should be okay.
  • SusanKing1981
    SusanKing1981 Posts: 257 Member
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    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    Yes, I did. However, I had fallen out of love with my husband years earlier and just never had the self confidence to leave.
    After I lost the weight, I had shed loads of confidence and it gave me the courage to leave him.

    So it does happen, but as someone else mentioned there were underlying issues.
  • Textmessage
    Textmessage Posts: 387 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    I find it EXTREMELY ironic that you mention "projecting" in your post.

    Ditto on the irony here. Somebody has issues...
  • alicevick3
    alicevick3 Posts: 21
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    My brother felt the same way when his wife lost about 100 lbs. He started going with her to the park when she ran, to the gym etc. some times taking their adult kids or my mom. As a result, everyone is much healthier and happier. Clearly communicating feelings and motivations strengthens the relationship and family.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    WOW! Simmer down. It sounds like YOU are the one projecting YOUR issues onto others...
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    some people change, regardless of whether they lose weight or not.

    And sometimes, a relationship already has problems, regardless of whether they lose weight or not. Weight loss can sometimes be an excuse to create a seperation that was already building.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Her husband is pissing YOU off and you say HE has issues????
    Obviously someone did you dirt, but that's no reason to project that behavior on to everyone else.
    Get help and get over it.
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
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    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    It sounds like you have your own insecurity issues to deal with
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    For a lot of people, their relationship was really over before anyone was ready to admit it. One person will devote himself or herself to self-care and health, and they find the confidence it takes to leave their spouse or partner. So, yes, it happens. I don't think it happens in the cold, mean-spirited way people want to imagine it does.
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
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    As soon as my weight loss really started to become noticeable some men started telling my husband that he better watch out because I was going to be hot. Fortunately that didn't affect his trust in me or his support for me but it did upset him.

    I'm not sure who they were insulting more, my husband or me. Neither my morals nor my love for my husband is imbedded in my body fat.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    I'm in my 40's and started a bit of a mid-life crisis last year. Lots of things to that, but I know since getting back in shape my wife has asked if I thought about having an affair, leaving her, etc. I think it is natural. Best we can do is confide in them the reasons being healthier is important to us and support them in their journey's as well.
  • jalloggio
    jalloggio Posts: 141
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    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    I fellow trainer at the gym had a client once who's husband made her quit her pt sessions because he was worried she would cheat on him with the trainer. It was sad because this girl was making incredible progress. I guess her husband had some insecurities and this was how he dealt with it. It happens a lot I'm glad my wife and I are on the same page.
  • Nikki31104
    Nikki31104 Posts: 816 Member
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    My boyfriend of 9 years has said the same thing to me. My aunt's boyfriend has said it to her as well. I would never think of leaving my honey. But I think once they see us looking better and feeling better they get worried. Just let him know that he is important and you are not going anywhere.
  • PattiBear85
    PattiBear85 Posts: 24 Member
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    My mom did it to my dad. But my Dad was a bit oblivious till the day she left, trying to keep the house afloat. .:ohwell:

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