Fearful for what my friends will say.

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katekross
katekross Posts: 463 Member
in Motivation and Support
Feeling really awful-- warning this is a complete rant but I'm feeling horrible about this situation.

So my best girlfriends just asked me to come over tonight and have a little get together with them.. pretty low key. I would normally be there in a heartbeat...but not anymore. It sounds so mean, but I love my friends. They do not care about their bodies and will eat whatever they want. I recently just got a personal trainer, and I'm so committed. I am considered pre-diabetic, so it all comes down on my health. Being with my friends, I feel comfortable about my body because we have similair bodies. When I'm not with them I feel like **** and I'm super self-conscious. I've got 63 pounds to cut lose and it's not a healthy environment to be in. I would love to tell my friends why I do not want to come over. But, I'm really struggling about how to tell them that this is not an ok environment. I do not want them to be cut lose from my life, but they need to be respectful of my new lifestyle, and I don't feel that's what will happen. HELP!
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Replies

  • MamaKL5
    MamaKL5 Posts: 69 Member
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    Just be honest with them. Tell them that right now you're focusing on you, and you don't feel like you have enough self-control not to indulge like you used to.
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    Just be honest with them. Tell them that right now you're focusing on you, and you don't feel like you have enough self-control not to indulge like you used to.

    Your photo is very fitting to this very topic :)
  • shirdiana
    shirdiana Posts: 49 Member
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    people, (family and friends) get used to us the way we are, they don't like change. So sometimes they sabotage our diets! They are not being mean, but they are afraid we will change, and sometimes they don't even know they are doing it. good luck to you, because it's hard to make changes especially if you're going against the flow.
  • lkplibra
    lkplibra Posts: 147 Member
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    Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:

    1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
    2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
    3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
    4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.

    They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
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    you have to be able to control yourself in these situations. go hang out with your friends. Have a good time. control yourself.
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
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    I will never cut out time with friends or family just because I am trying to lose weight. I would prefer to learn how to deal with those situations as I wouldn't not spend time with them because they eat differently than me or don't have the same goals.

    Eat something before you go so you aren't hungry. Bring a fruit and veggie tray with you to snack on.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
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    That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.


    would they be supportive of having healthier snack options tonight? If not, eat before you go.
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    I will never cut out time with friends or family just because I am trying to lose weight. I would prefer to learn how to deal with those situations as I wouldn't not spend time with them because they eat differently than me or don't have the same goals.

    Eat something before you go so you aren't hungry. Bring a fruit and veggie tray with you to snack on.

    I certainly do not want to cut out time with my friends. THis is why I was afraid to post this, because I look like a really bad friend. I'm not.
  • imjusme
    imjusme Posts: 24 Member
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    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have some friends that are really supportive and those who think it's funny to eat junk with me around. I chose very wisely who i hang out with and when. I agree with the previous posters who said be honest. Believe me some people have laughed at me, like it's a joke when I tell them why I am hesitant (when I am honest)....these types are just ignorant. I have to say though as a yo-yp dieter I am trying new thinking. Instead of avoiding these situations I prepare better for them. I watch what I eat all day, get in a good workout, and eat before I go out. This is reality, that we will be in situations that we can't control, around foods we would love to scarf down, and around people that haven't yet adopted a healthier lifestyle. That is my challenge, to not avoid but deal with them. GOOD LUCK!
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.


    would they be supportive of having healthier snack options tonight? If not, eat before you go.

    No WAY!! They will always have **** for snacks.
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have some friends that are really supportive and those who think it's funny to eat junk with me around. I chose very wisely who i hang out with and when. I agree with the previous posters who said be honest. Believe me some people have laughed at me, like it's a joke when I tell them why I am hesitant (when I am honest)....these types are just ignorant. I have to say though as a yo-yp dieter I am trying new thinking. Instead of avoiding these situations I prepare better for them. I watch what I eat all day, get in a good workout, and eat before I go out. This is reality, that we will be in situations that we can't control, around foods we would love to scarf down, and around people that haven't yet adopted a healthier lifestyle. That is my challenge, to not avoid but deal with them. GOOD LUCK!

    Thank you SOOOO MUCH!! :) This was extremely helpful :) I do need to be honest with them. Thank you :)
  • Buckyball47
    Buckyball47 Posts: 1
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    I drink 2 large glasses of water before going to a "dangerous" food situation or restaurant. Sometimes I'll serve drinks/food to others instead of drinking/eating myself. I get the smallest plate I can find and put a little bit of everything on it. When asked about it, I say that 1) I'm not feeling hungry, 2) feeling a little nauseated, 3) just ate a meal (accidentally), 4) have something at home to eat.
  • Nefetete
    Nefetete Posts: 343 Member
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    why would you want to pass on spending time with your friends. Personally I would just ask them to have healtier options too or just bring snack i want to eat with me. Seriously you can not expect others to change their ways for you but you can control what you eat.
  • bossyfairy
    bossyfairy Posts: 111 Member
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    You dont look like a really bad friend, you just look like a person who wants to make changes, IS making changes but looking for a way of coping with a situation you know you are going to be facing - very sensible hun!!

    I would eat something healthy before I go / make sure I did an extra workout to remind myself what I am doing and why (things like soup are good and filling) so I don't feel v. hungry and then have a v. little bit with my friends and keep my munchies under control (and be super good the following day if needed)

    Show them you mean business!! I hope they are good friends who will support you.

    Good luck!
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    I drink 2 large glasses of water before going to a "dangerous" food situation or restaurant. Sometimes I'll serve drinks/food to others instead of drinking/eating myself. I get the smallest plate I can find and put a little bit of everything on it. When asked about it, I say that 1) I'm not feeling hungry, 2) feeling a little nauseated, 3) just ate a meal (accidentally), 4) have something at home to eat.

    Thank you so much :)
  • petstorekitty
    petstorekitty Posts: 592 Member
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    So, my friends and I are similar and some of us are on different levels of how committed we are to losing weight.
    I'm good most of the time, but some weekends I cut lose and I drink too much and eat chips or whatever.
    Sometimes I don't. For *me* It's more important to live my life than alienate myself.
    AT fisrt when I'd go to a party and not drink people thought it was weird, but the trick is to not bring attention to it.

    another girl in our group is in the same place as me weight loss wise (we have about the same left to go) and she'll go out with us and make a big deal about what's on the menu and REFUSES to drink anything and is super weird about it.
    aaaaand we all talk about it when she's not around because she acts like a crazy person.

    Just don't act like a crazy person. Don't be all "I can't eat cupcakes because I'm trying to lose weight." or "how dare you not have carrots for me?!!?!"" hehehe

    Since you're starting out and if you feel like this event will be far too tempting for you, just pretend your sick or something. Or go an do your best and learn from it.
    Until you figure out how to balance your lifestyle you can't expect your friends to balance it too.

    You'll eventually figure out how to go to hangouts and what to do to be able to enjoy them. ie: what you can afford to snack on or drink versus your exercise for the day, etc.
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
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    You dont look like a really bad friend, you just look like a person who wants to make changes, IS making changes but looking for a way of coping with a situation you know you are going to be facing - very sensible hun!!

    I would eat something healthy before I go / make sure I did an extra workout to remind myself what I am doing and why (things like soup are good and filling) so I don't feel v. hungry and then have a v. little bit with my friends and keep my munchies under control (and be super good the following day if needed)

    Show them you mean business!! I hope they are good friends who will support you.

    Good luck!

    FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!
  • katekross
    katekross Posts: 463 Member
    Options
    So, my friends and I are similar and some of us are on different levels of how committed we are to losing weight.
    I'm good most of the time, but some weekends I cut lose and I drink too much and eat chips or whatever.
    Sometimes I don't. For *me* It's more important to live my life than alienate myself.
    AT fisrt when I'd go to a party and not drink people thought it was weird, but the trick is to not bring attention to it.

    another girl in our group is in the same place as me weight loss wise (we have about the same left to go) and she'll go out with us and make a big deal about what's on the menu and REFUSES to drink anything and is super weird about it.
    aaaaand we all talk about it when she's not around because she acts like a crazy person.

    Just don't act like a crazy person. Don't be all "I can't eat cupcakes because I'm trying to lose weight." or "how dare you not have carrots for me?!!?!"" hehehe

    Since you're starting out and if you feel like this event will be far too tempting for you, just pretend your sick or something. Or go an do your best and learn from it.
    Until you figure out how to balance your lifestyle you can't expect your friends to balance it too.

    You'll eventually figure out how to go to hangouts and what to do to be able to enjoy them. ie: what you can afford to snack on or drink versus your exercise for the day, etc.

    Thank you <3
  • mkakids
    mkakids Posts: 1,913 Member
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    Personally I would eat a HUGE salad with protein before going and bring a healthy snack that you can have with. Even if noone else eats it.

    Some party tips I try to follow when dieting:

    1. Bring some thing healthy to share
    2. Eat a huge low cal meal before leaving
    3. Always have a huge glass of water in my hand so I can sip when I want to munch
    4. Chew a really strong gum (or use listerine strips) so food tastes bad.
    5. Pick one small "cheat" food to enjoy while there. Try to eat it later in the evening....so when you want to munch you can remind yourself that its ok to have a small portion and you will enjoy it later.

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