I'm not finding the support that I need

PaigeAnderson100
PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
in Motivation and Support
I don't think this site is really working for me in the support department.
I have 200+ friends and I think a handful of them are truly supportive and encouraging, they talk to me every day and really seem to care about what I am going through mentally and physically. I like those friends that I have.
The other couple hundred of people are really only on here for themselves which please don't get me wrong, that's great that you are on here to lose weight and worry about yourself. I just don't understand the point of becoming friends with people if you aren't going to comment on anything, you aren't going to give any positive feedback and you really don't care about that person's weight loss journey. I add people who I feel like I can relate to, learn from and/or encourage on a daily basis... I always give positive feedback, I never judge anyone's choices, I listen, I make time out of my day to post an inspirational morning post and I try to do as much as I can to show them that I care. I support, encourage and care for each and every one of my friends but, the favor is rarely returned which is very sad to me.
I realize that people on this site are on here to better themselves in a certain way, they are not here to babysit you or give you recognition but, I am on here for myself, to teach, to learn and to support.... I just wish that I could find more people like this.

When I was doing the weight watchers program, they had meetings every week where we could talk about recipes, become friends, share our struggles, acknowledge the good things that we did and just be better overall together. I loved the support that I got from doing that but, I wasn't able to financially stick to the program. I thought that the people on this site would be the same way but, I guess that I was wrong. Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places, maybe I am too picky and maybe I am just downright unlucky but, I sure wish that I could find a few more friends who want this weight loss just as bad as I do.

I'm not saying that not having this type of friendship is detouring me from weight loss because, it's not. I am motivated with or without friends but, it sure would help to have positive feedback, recognition, acknowledgement and support from someone who is going through the same type of thing.

I felt like I needed to get this off my chest and maybe someone who is also struggling with this will read this post and add me.... Thanks for listening.
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Replies

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
    I get what you're saying- I really do. But I'm wondering if those people who you are speaking of also have 200 friends and it gets a little tedious to comment on every single thing people post. Do you write out 200 "good for you!"s every day? All I'm saying is that if you require support from all 200 friends, I think you should get to deleting those who have become irrelevant to you.
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
    I am not sure if I have the heart to delete anyone...
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • BigBrunette
    BigBrunette Posts: 1,543 Member
    I am not sure if I have the heart to delete anyone...
    If they miss you, they'll add you back.

    I think 200 friends is too much to manage with daily support and encouragement. I can't even manage 20!
  • ktdidit78
    ktdidit78 Posts: 29 Member
    They won't even know you did it. Select that handful of people that really do support you and that you enjoy communicating with, and delete the rest.
  • Catlady87
    Catlady87 Posts: 302 Member
    You need to start over again. Delete your friends who haven't logged in recently, then the ones you haven't spoken to for ages and whittle it down until you have left the ones that give you the support you need!
    Change your profile so that people can see what you are after in a friend.
    And if you want add me, cos I'm supportive - I'm on here every day and very chatty
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    I personally try to support all of my friends, but I admit, it's difficult sometimes to keep up with everyone. If they don't find the support they need from me, I'm sure they'd delete me if it's not working out for them. Personally, I'm not expecting anyone to comment on anything I post. It's nice when they do, but I don't feel like I need them to be outwardly supportive all of the time. A 'well done' or 'great job' every now and again is nice, I suppose!

    Focus more on those who DO support you the way you like them to. =)
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    I would say, MFP needs different friend-ing categories.

    Apart from that? There are personality differences.

    There are people who don't have the same goals or are really talkative in your feed, which I find odd.
  • 1Kristine1
    1Kristine1 Posts: 697 Member
    I am not sure if I have the heart to delete anyone...

    If they are not in regular communication with you, it's unlikely they will even notice you've deleted them, much less take it personally. Just do it.
    This.
  • sexymuffintop
    sexymuffintop Posts: 636
    Don't get it...they don't support you, delete them. It's not RL they won't come and find you and be all hurt about it. It's the tiniterweb so you get to do what you want. :wink:
  • oldy76
    oldy76 Posts: 185 Member
    Wow. I can't even imagine trying to keep up with 200 people!! I have 17 friends on here and I support each and every one of them - even that can be a big job if everyone's having a good day. After removing all the 'friend collectors' I've ended up with a nice bunch of people who truly care! I've even met six of them in real life so I think a wee cull of your list is definitely on the cards! You don't owe them anything and they probably won't notice anyway (as has already been mentioned!!)
    Good luck to you.
  • Textmessage
    Textmessage Posts: 387 Member
    Seems like an easy fix. Delete those that don't fit what you need. Btw, your goals shouldn't be dependent on 200+ people anyway.
  • tjsoccermom
    tjsoccermom Posts: 500 Member
    I would agree with others, 200 friends is a lot, and if I had so many I wouldn't be able to keep up on supporting them. Find those that log everyday and do tend to comment and stick with those. I don't have that many friends but I still don't comment on everyone's posts every day. I just don't have that kind of time. I do make a point to send a message if a "friend" hasn't logged in for a few days or if they have posted a weight loss. Sounds to me like you need pare down to just those that you find to be supportive and look only for other's that will provide what you need in terms of encouragement.
  • NadiaSAKloof
    NadiaSAKloof Posts: 19 Member
    I comment on posts I see on my profile, so if a friend does not comment, or mention that they are having a difficult day, I do not comment. I don't just send them a message because I assume they are managing on their own. I don't know if you update your status saying what you are struggling with? Also, do you give your friends support the way you are expecting support from them? Maybe they feel the same about you, but I don't know your situation.

    I agree with the others - you NEED to cut that list down! Best of luck. x
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
    I keep my friends list at a dozen or so. Up to two weeks is a vacation. If they haven't logged in after that, POW, they're outta here. But remember, tracking your intake and exercise is the main purpose. The camaraderie is just an added bonus.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I am not sure if I have the heart to delete anyone...

    Then don't moan about having loads of 'friends' that aren't supportive! Can't have it both ways!
  • seanezekiel
    seanezekiel Posts: 228 Member
    You add people because of common interests or common goals. you like a post they made, ect ect. You cant possibly expect to connect with all 200 people you have added? Your entire day would be consumed trying to keep up with that many people. Trim your list to people who you support and that support you. People you have made even a small bond with
  • Foxxy18
    Foxxy18 Posts: 119 Member
    There's a delete button... if those people bother you, use it. If you don't want to use it, don't complain in the threads. I clean out my friends list every other week. I have over 100 of some of the greatest people on MFP on my friends list! I feel like I relate to them & we encourage each other on a regular basis. Although, I don't need each one of them to comment 'Great burn!' every time I exercise. There are awesome people on this site, you just have to look a little.

    ETA: spelling.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
    I'd rather have a few supportive friends than just go for numbers. Delete.
  • JezzD1
    JezzD1 Posts: 431
    Have an issue? Here's a tissue =)
    No but really tho, if your friends don't pay enough attention then delete them and narrow down the list to the people who you truly interact with. It will make your life easier ;-)
    Also try making a real friend in life maybe one that goes to your gym, or from weight watchers? Sometimes having live company to workout with or call when your bummed and want to eat garbage can really help.
    Feel better <3
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    I'm not sure that the internet is the best place for the support you are looking for. Maybe you could make your own weight loss group with real life friends?
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Quality>quantity
  • ronda201766
    ronda201766 Posts: 3 Member
    add me
  • bigtosmall
    bigtosmall Posts: 6 Member
    You are not on this site for anyone else but yourself. It 's like getting advise from your friends:keep what works for you and get rid of the rest. I like the suggestion about categorizing your friends, but personally I would wipe the slate clean and starting the friends that offer support. Doing something over and aver again and expecting a different result never works.
  • rekite2000
    rekite2000 Posts: 218 Member
    A vast majority of people won't be offended if you deleted them. I am not the most supportive of friends (I try, but I don't worry about it). If I am not supportive enough, I wouldn't take it personally if someone deleted me. If you don't want to delete, then don't stress about who comments on your stuff. I think if you can find a solid 5 -10 friends, you will be golden.
  • tracyschreier
    tracyschreier Posts: 81 Member
    I add people all the time. I probably add 5 or so a day! I usually do this from the boards when they've said something profound or funny as ****. But I don't depend on them to bolster my journey in any way. I think it's just a happy accident when you see something on your profile and you get to say "Woo hoo!" or "Way to go!" Otherwise, I'm just happy to be moving in the same direction with everyone. My partner is on MFP and I never see her at all. She's very private and wants no friends. And we've both just started and are doing well and love this site. Perhaps your expectations are a little high. Most everyone here has a family, children, school, career, exercise, shopping, chores, cooking, eating on a DAILY basis. Take the good and leave the rest. You're obviously making pretty good progress.
  • ellepribro
    ellepribro Posts: 226 Member
    I don't think this site is really working for me in the support department.

    I don't think it's the fault of the site, but rather the people on your friends list. Make it work for you. Delete the people you don't interact with.
    I go through my friends list every few weeks. I take the time to motivate all of my friends, and I only keep the ones who do the same for me.
    You're here for you, don't worry about feeling bad deleting people who don't even interact with you.
  • mair123
    mair123 Posts: 50 Member
    During my journey to lose the weight- I only had 1 friend, who I have known in real life for over 15 years- my college room mate. She was embarking on a life changing journey herself and it was great to be support systems for each other. Now that I am at my goal weight, I primarily use the boards for running tips/advice/feedback. I have added some more friends who are also running. Unless I am at work, I usually use MFP through my phone, so it is not always to comment. Plus, when I do give feedback, support, encouragement I want it to be genuine- not a general, "you are awesome" or "good job". If this is something that really bothers you, I'd take the suggestions others have given you- update your profile to let people know you want friends who will offer daily support and narrow your friend list down from 200 to maybe 20 tops.
  • peggybrant
    peggybrant Posts: 144 Member
    I am not sure if I have the heart to delete anyone...
    If they miss you, they'll add you back.

    I think 200 friends is too much to manage with daily support and encouragement. I can't even manage 20!

    absolutely agree.

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