Marriage - yea or nay?

2

Replies

  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
    edit: i think i am pro state-mandated formal reviews at 2 years initially, every 5 after that, with easy access to mediation if required.

    Because the government doesn't control enough of our lives and choices already.......

    it'd just be a sneaky way to help ppl think about wth they're doing w each other/get them off the hook/distribute guilt/responsibility for breaking up when things are awful as they SO OFTEN ARE. could be a form to fill out & stick in a drawer.

    but YEAH i love government (for social democracies), I am pro having governments. It's cool, we can disagree, no one's saying we have to go shopping together

    also was being kind of facetious
  • kaylaandthestarcatcher
    kaylaandthestarcatcher Posts: 836
    I'm not into the idea of it. My parents had a pretty nasty divorce when I was 14 (and already extremely angsty because of regular 14-year-old-angst) and it pretty much led me to the decision that I never ever ever ever ever ever ever want to get married.

    Even though a wedding sounds kind of fun. But I just want to wear bridal couture...
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    It's my 30th wedding anniversary in 6 months. Marriage to the right person, yes. It should be taught in high school, "How to pick the right partner".
  • Amanda3757
    Amanda3757 Posts: 1
    I was married for 17years with 3 beautiful children,we divorced after I found out he was having an affair with a stripper.looking back after 7 years and 2 failed engagements,I should have tried to work out the marital problems....
  • mikey1976
    mikey1976 Posts: 1,005 Member
    i never been married but i would give it a go. i'm already set in my way. my older brother is on his seacond marriage.. the seacond wife is worse then his first. i don't like her she is a wack job
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    If it's with the right person then I think marriage is a great idea.

    Commitment scares the *kitten* out of me though.
  • sinistras
    sinistras Posts: 244 Member
    Marriage should be celebrated, divorce should not!
    [/quote]

    ^^Yaaay^^ We just celebrated our 4th anniversary. Honestly, it is hard to remember what my life was like prior to even meeting my husband. He took what was black and white to a vibrant full color spectrum. I pray every day that we will grow old and gray with each other for company. 90+ and we'll celebrate our 70th! I hope our time together ends like the elderly couple from The Notebook--within seconds or minutes of each other--hand in hand, after a lifetime cherished together.
  • messy_Missy16
    messy_Missy16 Posts: 349 Member
    right now no but when i'm older yeah if i meet someone worth marrying that is
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    You're not going to love each other all the time...heck there are times you can barely STAND each other, but the long term results of mutual efforts are worth it.
    My husband and I have been married over 20 years, and he still lives to tell about it.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I was married for 17years with 3 beautiful children,we divorced after I found out he was having an affair with a stripper.looking back after 7 years and 2 failed engagements,I should have tried to work out the marital problems....

    This was the most insightful post of all to me. You saying you would've been willing to accept his mistake due to his other good characteristics or just because you haven't had better luck since him? I'm genuinely intrigued because I know couple currently going through something similar and I have been trying to stay neutral because I'm friends with both of them.
  • CharityGC
    CharityGC Posts: 499 Member
    My first marriage didn't work out so well (only married 2 1/2 years) but this one is much improved (working on 13 years next month). They're all different and most definitely not for everyone.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    Nay. Never been married, have no desire to get married. Marriage doesn't have the same meaning it did decades ago. Divorce is too easy to obtain, people don't communicate or work things out anymore.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,993 Member
    Guess I'm lucky. I got a sugar momma, get to pretty much do what I want and work because I want to and not have to. Plus I have a DW that's not insecure about me working with other females.
    For me it's works, I love my in laws (spend more fun time with them than friends) and I live pretty much stress free.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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  • likeschocolate
    likeschocolate Posts: 368 Member
    Yes.

    Good role models in parents and grandparents, still married for some ~40 and ~70 years respectively.
  • ittybittybadonkadonk
    ittybittybadonkadonk Posts: 11,634 Member
    Was married now divorced and single .......not opposed to getting married again but I am loving my freedom.... my ex was a controlling one or at least he tried
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
    I was married for 17years with 3 beautiful children,we divorced after I found out he was having an affair with a stripper.looking back after 7 years and 2 failed engagements,I should have tried to work out the marital problems....

    This was the most insightful post of all to me. You saying you would've been willing to accept his mistake due to his other good characteristics or just because you haven't had better luck since him? I'm genuinely intrigued because I know couple currently going through something similar and I have been trying to stay neutral because I'm friends with both of them.

    Yeah stay out of it if you want to keep them. as friends, let a counsellor handle that.

    Usually when people cheat it's cause stuff wasn't great before.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    Yay. I think married couples are more likely to work at things rather than throw in the towel, which is important when kids are involved.
  • kristina_m92
    kristina_m92 Posts: 155 Member
    I love this.
    Marriage is a vow, a commitment between two people and can be a beautiful thing. Being with your best friend, waking up with them, going to sleep with them, always having your best friend to enjoy the good part of lives with and having them there to help you through the bad parts, is all worth it! People do not take marriage vows for what they mean anymore and it is a sad thing. I can say that I used to be one of those people, but have finally woken up and realized what marriage should be and what it means. It is not just a piece of paper, it is the meaning and feelings between the vows that you speak during the ceremony. It is truly when two should become one, it means having a partner for life and to me that is awesome. I have been married and unfortunately it was not to the love of my life, which I also think many people now marry too quickly (I again was one of these people) and now that I have met my true love, I know that this is my time for happiness. So, I say don't do it if you don't mean it and for those who celebrate divorce, it is quite sad! It is a failure no matter how you look at it and who likes to fail? Marriage should be celebrated, divorce should not!
  • abheshek
    abheshek Posts: 525 Member
    looks like there are more divorced people than married people on this forum....Most people forget that marriage is a very difficult thing and one has to be mentally and emotionally very strong and robust to get into it

    As for me at 24 marriage is the last thing in my mind.I have to complete my masters in engineering and then find a good job.
  • sheldonsteyn
    sheldonsteyn Posts: 483 Member
    I went as far as gettin engaged, pumped the brakes n backed outa that real quick!!
  • OLeoLionessO
    OLeoLionessO Posts: 152
    nay
  • CheriLMT
    CheriLMT Posts: 220 Member
    I got divorced about a year ago, there was no celebration....I was and still am heartbreakingly sad...I lost my best friend and he's not coming back but I am finally at least to the point where I can look at my situation and realize I have to pick up, start from where I am and build a new life. I pray to God that I have a true soul mate out there that he will send in his good timing but for now I will be getting to know who I am without a man in my life. I
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    Yay with the one I have. Probably no if it ever ended.. but not sure. They would have a lot to live up to to match him. I don't think anyone would be as special as him ever but then we met so young. He's not perfect and neither am I though but we know how to forgive since we're human so if you go into marriage remember you're going to have to learn to be forgiving/understanding.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    My partner and I don't really want to get a formal marriage. We are planning to do some common-law-marriage arrangement and he wants some wedding-like party, which isn't important to me but it is to him so I'll be glad to do it.

    We want to be together forever and have a family of our own and that's what counts the most. For me some legal arrangement is important (as a safety net), to him only saying some vows in front of our loved ones is enough. So we're planning to do both things, but we'll do them our way (small event, no religious aspects at all, and overall pretty fun and casual).
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    Marriage is a vow, a commitment between two people and can be a beautiful thing. Being with your best friend, waking up with them, going to sleep with them, always having your best friend to enjoy the good part of lives with and having them there to help you through the bad parts, is all worth it! People do not take marriage vows for what they mean anymore and it is a sad thing. I can say that I used to be one of those people, but have finally woken up and realized what marriage should be and what it means. It is not just a piece of paper, it is the meaning and feelings between the vows that you speak during the ceremony. It is truly when two should become one, it means having a partner for life and to me that is awesome. I have been married and unfortunately it was not to the love of my life, which I also think many people now marry too quickly (I again was one of these people) and now that I have met my true love, I know that this is my time for happiness. So, I say don't do it if you don't mean it and for those who celebrate divorce, it is quite sad! It is a failure no matter how you look at it and who likes to fail? Marriage should be celebrated, divorce should not!


    This.


    Exactly what I've always thought & believed. I wonder why people even bother to get into a relationship at all if they think so little of commitment.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    I went as far as gettin engaged, pumped the brakes n backed outa that real quick!!


    Then why did you bother getting engaged? Sorry but don't propose if you are not following through. It wastes your life & the other persons.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Whats the skinny on marriage? I was watching Louis CK standup on HBO last night and he said he has been divorced 5 years and those were the best 5 years of his life. He said, sure there are people who are in love and want to get married and they should because the best part about it is the divorce, and that be happy because divorce is forever. So I scratched my *kitten* and wondered whether marriage is just bills and inlaws.

    i was never bothered about getting married... untl i met my husband!!!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    If you don't want to get married then don't. My husband and I are happy (for 15 years), we have great and continually inventive and acrobatic sex, it's the best!!!
  • billd935
    billd935 Posts: 11
    Speaking from 30+ years of marriage and separated only by death. Marriage is tough, it is not an easy ride through life and there are no guarantees; however, the rewards can be worth it, but you have to be willing to work, forgive and compromise. This is not to say you should loose yourself but when it does come together, it is so wonderful that it can be beyond words. It can also suck beyond words. To me the payoff was worth the risk. Just don't give up at the first hurdle. There are however situations that call for walking away without working on it, domestic violence comes to mind.
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
    Exactly what I've always thought & believed. I wonder why people even bother to get into a relationship at all if they think so little of commitment.

    Look, no one wants to get divorced. Everyone hopes it will work out. The woman earlier who had an idea that schools should offer classes in choosing a good partner was dead right.

    Some weren't lucky enough to grow up with good models of loving behaviour, and wind up throwing themselves into commitment with people they really didn't have the experience to judge were wrong or hurtful for them. And by the time they figure it out, they're all in.

    Or, they had amazing parents, and couldn't predict things would go wrong, because they'd never met someone so messed up, and assumed they were fine like all the people they grew up knowing (rationalizing away the problems, which might not even properly announce themselves until much later), and by that time they're all in also.

    Or they just let inertia drive the relationship because all their friends are getting married and there's not much else to do, and they've already been with so and so for years, and they lack the drive to pursue happiness or buck convention. So they forget to break up with someone they don't actually like until they have screaming nightmares at 33.

    Also I think a lot of people get lazy because work and the other parts of life grind them down.

    But if people do their best to be happy together and it doesn't work, I see it as a crime against nature and all good things to insist they suffer until death.

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