Thank goodness for fat shaming!

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alysonland
alysonland Posts: 8
in Chit-Chat
After getting married 3 years ago I went from having a wonderful, thin, healthy physique to slowly gaining over 50 pounds. I was eating everything in sight and was blissfully unaware of how rotund I had become. One day my mother out of the blue said to me - "I'm worried about your health, do you realize how heavily you breathe when you walk?" and then added, "You know, you used to be so pretty, but you've really turned into a whale." At first I was horrified. I couldn't believe my own mother could be so cruel. But after I got over my hurt and anger, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. She was right. I had gotten fat. I found MFP and got to work.
I know I'm going to get beat up for this, but being told I was fat was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've now lost over 20 pounds, am feeling healthy, and I'm so excited to be getting back to being the real me. I think that there is nothing wrong with getting a good kick in the pants once in awhile. I believe that some people need to be told the truth for their own good. Telling someone who is obese that they shouldn't worry about their health or appearance isn't doing them any favors.
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Replies

  • TheDevastator
    TheDevastator Posts: 1,626 Member
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    photo.jpg
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    My friend at work has my full permission to call me "Tubby" and mock me when she sees me snacking on the cookies at work. She takes full advantage of the privilege.
  • PaleoChocolateBear
    PaleoChocolateBear Posts: 2,844 Member
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    It's a harsh reality but if the shoe fits, I think that sometimes people are too sensitive but your mom started her comment out of concern about your breathing and she was worried. I'm glad though you got on course and have been losing weight congrats.
  • alysonland
    alysonland Posts: 8
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    Love that cartoon!
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    It can work if you're totally unaware of your weight gain. Most of us aren't unaware. That's when "helpful" comments become a problem. I've never needed someone to open my eyes to my weight. I've always been acutely aware of it.

    So basically, people can STFU about it to me. If I want an accountability partner, I'll ask for one.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    It can work if you're totally unaware of your weight gain. Most of us aren't unaware. That's when "helpful" comments become a problem. I've never needed someone to open my eyes to my weight. I've always been acutely aware of it.

    So basically, people can STFU about it to me. If I want an accountability partner, I'll ask for one.

    That's a good point, if my workmate just started calling me tubby, there would be issues. But I told her to, so it's ok :)
  • LeeLeehichisson
    LeeLeehichisson Posts: 17 Member
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    Totally agree i wish someone had said something to me a lot sooner!!
    I only realised how much weight i had put on when my niece told me that if somone wanted to kidnap me they'd need a crane ha ha!! made me laugh but at the same time opened my eyes!
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    people didn't start commenting on my weight till i was at my heaviest. then i got shamed by multiple ex's and people i used to be friends with. i was always unhappy with my weight gain but hearing it from ex's and old friends tore me apart.
    i wasn't ready to lose weight until 3 months ago... for myself though. not other people.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    LMAO, oh man that is great.
  • kristina_m92
    kristina_m92 Posts: 155 Member
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    *picks my jaw up off the floor* I'd die if my mom said that to me. But, congrats on your weight loss.
  • CheriLMT
    CheriLMT Posts: 220 Member
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    I guess you can call me sensitive but hateful comments in the form of "helpful" comments just make angry which triggers my binge eating and I run straight for oreos. Do I know this is unhealthy OF COURSE I do! I know how much I weigh and you telling to run and to "push through the pain" is not motivating me. That is how I feel about it.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Can you really put on 50 pounds and not know about it? I really am asking this seriously, not intending to hurt anybody.
  • Einahhh
    Einahhh Posts: 139
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    I'm just throwing this out there, but there's a difference between telling someone they need to do something about their HEALTH, and telling someone they are FAT. I don't think it's right for someone to feel terrible about what they look like, and if they make a change it should be because they want to become healthier, or to improve the way they look, and not solely because they hate their body.
  • alysonland
    alysonland Posts: 8
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    Honestly, I knew I had gained a few pounds, but I swear I was delusional about myself. Willfully blind. When I stepped on the scale and saw how much I had gained I nearly fell over.
    I really do think that many people in this country, like me, don't realize or want to face the truth about how big they are.
    I'm not saying you should go up to a stranger and call them names (How awful!)
    I'm just thankful that my mother DID let me know.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
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    same here only it was my doctor. I am glad he didn't sugar coat it. I had been working out for a couple of years but kept getting larger. It was what i was eating. Then I read and watcvhed forks over knives. watch it it is on netflix, then watch hungry for a change too.
  • TES225
    TES225 Posts: 1
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    I think you are very mature for the way that you accepted your mother's comments and acted on them. The first part about your health wasn't so bad, but I definitely would have been hurt by the "whale" comment. But obviously you knew that it came from a place of caring. I'm sure that your mom is very proud of your progress--keep up the great work!
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
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    Nail. Head. Good work. Most of us aren't here because we look fine; we're here because we're fat. And no amount of polite compliments will change that.
  • danielleburwell97060
    danielleburwell97060 Posts: 264
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    For me I guess I would have to draw the line at the "You used to be so pretty and now you look like a whale" I don't think it's right that just because someone is overweight means they are not beautiful. I think that self esteem and self worth are way too tied up in appearance in our society. Like someone said, there's a difference between saying you're concerned for someone's health and calling them fat and therefore not beautiful. Like somehow you cease to be the beautiful person you always were because of 50lbs? Don't think so.
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
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    I think she could have worded her comments better, but if name calling worked for you I guess that is OK. Personally I always knew I was overweight and hated anyone telling me. I was not ready to lose weight until I was ready. No one's comments would have made a difference.
  • timberowl
    timberowl Posts: 331 Member
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    Calling your daughter a whale is pretty inappropriate. She'd better be a cream puff herself to judge like that.

    If she's really concerned about your health then your appearance would be irrelevant. Calling you a whale is superficial and shows more concern about what complete strangers might think than about your health OR feelings.

    It really depends where it comes from. If my mom said that I'd be upset but I'd get over it.

    If my boyfriend said that to me, it'd instantly be over.

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