Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

I don't usually fall in with the "just dump him" crowd. But on this one, I have to agree with that consensus. He is very obviously trying to manipulate and control you, and just for his own shallow pride. It doesn't seem like he is concerned at all for your health, just appearance. Leave him, learn to love yourself, lose weight and get healthy FOR YOU and build your confidence. Then find a decent man. I'd add, bring your new man to a place that this one frequents, so he can see you with someone better than him

I say if you want to attract Mr. Hot Buff Stuff, you have to be Mrs. Hott Buff Stuff. Like attracts like. And maybe this guy just changed his mind. I say take a break, focus on yourself, and if it's meant to be, it will be. Let him go, and watch him come crawling back if he loves you that much. He'll apologize.

Noo way, anyone would be 50x better without him. He sounds needy and CONTROLLING.

That's how my ex was anyway. I had the same problem but opposite, because he wanted to fatten me up. Either way that's deeply rooted psychological problem that many men have or have a tendency to turn to when faced with a strong, beautiful smart woman.

He's trying to control some aspect of you to assert his dominance.
The weight is a huge one not only because he knows you're making changes mentally FOR HIM, but he can also see his affect on you physically. You become the walking evidence of his dominance.

He is obviously afraid of your power and cannot handle it.
Find someone who not only appreciates you, but celebrates who you are, and can stand by you proudly anytime, anyday.

Whether it be weight loss, weight gain, whatever.

The whole point of a relationship is partnership and this sounds like more of a battle.

Run.
Run hard.

Hi OP. First off, I just want to say you do not deserve this... Straight to the point, he's a complete *kitten*. It's completely fine for a significant other to want there girlfriend or boyfriend to be healthy, and if that calls for them wanting you to lose weight, that's fine, but the way they could present that you and make that okay would be if they were to assist you with meeting your weight loss goals and encourage you every step of the way, without putting you down or comparing you to anyone regardless of what family or anyone else might've said. What he did to you was flat out wrong. Instead of helping you, he put you down and basically attacked your self worth. The fact that he said he wanted to be attracted to you and check you out the way he would check out other thin girls???!!! That comment he made to you proves that he doesn't care about you or your health! He just wants you to be thin, so that it could be a boost to his ego. He sounds like he is very shallow and lacks character. My question to you is, why the hell were you even with him???

I know it hurts now and you guys been together for quite some time... But look at this as a blessing in disguise, because you would have married an ignorant, selfish, jerk, and who the hell wants to be seen with that? He doesn't want to be seen with you, well you shouldn't want to be seen with a person like him.

I hope you meet your goals, not just for looks, but for health reasons and when you do, don't ever take him back, because a *kitten* like him, will probably want you back once you change.. I know your heart probably hurts, but please take some pride in who you are and don't take him back. All men are not like him, there are really great guys out there that will be much better for you, please don't settle for this idiot.

You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
If that is his attitude to you then he isn't worth it. I know you've been with him a long time but he really doesn't sound like a nice guy.

^^^THIS!! you aren't going to be happy if you lose the weight for HIM! You won't be happy if you constantly wonder "how fat is too fat for him?"! IF it were truly love, he would love you no matter what, for who you are, and stand up like a man when his family comments. A TRUE LOVE relationship does NOT succeed or fail on ULTIMATUMS - and essentially that's what he's saying.

Lose weight FOR YOU. Get healthier FOR YOU. NOT for him to keep him so you can always fear he will turn around and reject you someday because he wants something else changed.

dump his sorry *kitten*. Lose weight for yourself not anyone else. do this for YOU . If he cant love you for your amazing personality then he isnt worth your time. You deserve someone who accepts you for you<33

I'm sure you've already had a lot of feedback and I have to think deep down that you already know what you want to do about the situation. However, that being said...I took a look at your profile and something you wrote jumped out at me. "I am tired of feeling insecure and judged"

I personally think he did exactly that and you have to figure out for yourself if you can accept his opinions (ultimatum) or if you need to move on.

From a girl who has ALWAYS been overweight/obese -- true love doesn't care about your size. I asked my husband if he could tell that I had gained 30 pounds since we met. He had every reason to lie (I mean what guy wants to answer that?!) but he was honest with me and I love him even more for it.

sounds like an *kitten* and like something else happened.... hes hiding something and he's a d*** . thats all there is to it. YOU should only change for yourself. not anybody else.

About how big is this guy??? That's about how much weight you need to lose.

This. He is, at best, too involved with mommy and daddy and at worst, a heartless jerk

His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

Chances are he felt this way long before his family came to visit, and just didn't have the guts to say it until they encouraged him, which makes him a jerk. If he didn't feel that way about you before, and his family convinced him to tell you this, he's a mama's boy and a jerk.

I've been in bad relationships before, and I know that no matter someone tells you, you have to make this decision for yourself. You just have to come to the realization that he's not the right one for you on your own terms. I know it hurts, and it's really hard to let go, but do you want to be with someone like that? You deserve someone who loves you and cares about you, no matter what size you are.

The only thing I'll add to the chorus of clear-headed people counselling that you cut your losses is this: thank God you discovered his true colors are BEFORE you married him.

There are plenty of good-hearted guys who will love you for who you are, who will encourage you to be better, and stand by you when life it tough. Never settle for anything less.

Move on my friend.
Love yourself first.
Lose weight and get in shape for yourself, for your future.
Find someone who will love you, who is not so superficial.
You can do it.

thank god that he showed you his true colors before you married him and had kids! I know it hurts now, but even if you lost all the weight *he* wanted you to lose - he'd find something else. He is obviously weak minded for that to influence him so much.

Dump his sorry, spineless *kitten*, find someone who truely loves you and lose weight for yourself to be healthy ! I met my husband when I was heavier - i've been heavier and thinner and he has literilly loved me through thick and thin!

Sorry its going to hurt for a while, but you will be much better off in the long run! <hugs>

WOW. Superficial much??? There is so much wrong with this, I'm not even sure where to start. Lose weight for YOU, not for his family, and not for him, so he can "check you out" Wtf?? This isn't love. I'm sorry he hurt you like this.