Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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Replies

  • SadKitty27
    SadKitty27 Posts: 416 Member
    Honestly you should consider yourself lucky to be rid of him; you really dodged a bullet! (Granted there was a split.)

    He doesn't seem like a keeper to me. He was very cruel about things, and honestly who wants a guy who checks out other women so much? Also, what's with letting his family weigh in on his relationship to the point he does a 360? Is he a grown man or not? He is/was dating you - his family was/is not!

    It's time to cut the apron strings if you know what I mean? Plus if he really loved you, then he wouldn't have changed his mind about your relationship just because of what his family said... Real men in love wouldn't care about being seen in public with their lady no matter what.

    Now, I'm not going to lie and say looks don't matter (because they do a little bit - there has to be some physical attraction.) Don't get me wrong though, a bad personality can ruin the most gorgeous person.... But obviously your weight didn't matter at first, so why should it have mattered now?

    Personally, I think he's just really insecure and that's why he's so worried about his image when going out with you. You don't want a man who is constantly worried about such trivial things. Insecurity and a lack of confidence are the most unattractive traits a man could have imo.

    Personally, I would use this ordeal as both motivation and a lesson. First of all you must convince yourself that not only do you deserve better, but you can do better and won't settle for anything less.

    Then, lose weight (you can do it!) - You're already pretty... So when his shallow butt eventually comes crawling back you can inform him that his advances are not wanted. There will be much satisfaction in telling him no.
  • Monica_has_a_goal
    Monica_has_a_goal Posts: 694 Member
    DUMP HIM and lose the weight to make yourself happy..

    This momma's boy has to get a backbone and defend you, not give into his family's opinion.

    If he can't do it now, then he never will..

    Please hun, do yourself a favor.. dump him!

    If you're emotional eater, as you put it, imagine how emotional you'll get if you marry into this family.. ugh.. what a hot mess!

    and by the way, what guy in his RIGHT MIND wants to shrink his girlfriend's breasts??? i'll tell you.. a GAY one.. DUMP HIM!
  • Finnegan1330
    Finnegan1330 Posts: 3
    I say screw him AND his family - if they are that superficial, then it will only get worse as the years go by. Has he offered to go exercising with you? Has he done ANYTHING to indicate that he will support you in any way to help you lose weight OTHER than a freakin' breast reduction? Really? Sometimes people need tough love to get them motivated - but at the end of the day, you need to do things for YOU - not to please someone else.

    Good luck!!
  • terlyn20
    terlyn20 Posts: 142 Member
    are you serious? he wouldnt' have seen anything but *kitten* holes and elbows and might not have seen that through 2 black eyes.
    i've been married 32 years to a man that adores me as is. ive been under weight, just right and over weight, but all he sees when i looks at me is PERFECTION! and why do i have a man like that? Because i am worth it- to be adore and loved above all else is the least i'll settle for and i hope you'll do the same. if you dont believe you are worth it, then nobody else will either. oh and PS this DAMF does not get a 2nd chance - like others said RUN RUN RUN and do not Look back.
  • SkySnav
    SkySnav Posts: 7
    Wow. Hun I would leave! That is superficial and you deserve way better! A guy like that doesn't deserve you. The way you described is not that of a loving boyfriend but more of someone that wants to change you to make themselves look better. Good luck on your journey though.
  • CZenks
    CZenks Posts: 17 Member
    I think you should lose him AND lose the weight.....in that order!!! What a jerk! You are way too good for him and I don't even know you.
  • ThatCatholicGirl
    ThatCatholicGirl Posts: 209 Member
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    THIS!!!!!!!!!!! :happy:
  • Lind140
    Lind140 Posts: 140 Member
    He doesn't love you for yourself, that much is obvious from his new attitude, I would end
    the relationship very soon, begin a healthier lifestyle for yourself, and yourself only.
    Don't start this with emotional issues of being hurt or angry, take some deep breaths,
    look ahead at a new and healthier you and do it for you. You will feel better and meet
    someone more deserving of you. Good Luck!
  • tlou5
    tlou5 Posts: 497 Member
    I think you deserve better. Tell him to use his money to get rid of his man boobs. :) Sorry you are facing this, but this does not sound like love and you deserve better.
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
    First I would dump him and then I would worry about me! If you want to loss weight then do it for you, if you are happy like you are then you need to find someone who is happy with you just like you are!
  • GLJezebel
    GLJezebel Posts: 312 Member
    Run away and don't look back.
  • krisfosgate
    krisfosgate Posts: 4 Member
    It sounds like he is pretty superficial, and doesn't deserve a relationship with you. My mother in law told me it makes her sick to look at me, because of my weight. However, my husband has stood by me, and pretty much told her to take her judgmental views elsewhere. You have to do what's right for you. And, like others have said, you can only lose weight successfully by doing it for yourself.
  • SixCatFaerie
    SixCatFaerie Posts: 690 Member
    Aww Hell No! If my husband did anything like that he would get smacked repeatedly! If your boyfriend folds like that under pressure from his family and won't stand up for himself or for you, then you need to tell him what it's like & that you are not going to lose weight for him or anybody else! You have to wonder what else he won't stand up for? If you were to get married, would he let the family choose how the wedding will be? What your children will be like or what kind of house you will live in? I may be overreacting here, but he should love you for you and to hell with everyone else. Just my 2 cents!
  • MelAb8709
    MelAb8709 Posts: 140 Member
    I guarantee you that if you do lose weight (for yourself, because you want to) you will resent him. Losing weight brings a lot of self-confidence. You will see yourself in a way you never did before, even if you consider yourself to have high self-esteem now.

    Even if you do lose weight, how will he react when you have children?

    He needs to think for himself, not let his family put thoughts into his head. Is he really so perfect? I highly doubt it.

    I know the advice is easy to say, not easy to do, but ... I think you know what to do.
  • bunnymum150
    bunnymum150 Posts: 311
    kick him to the curb quick honey! Be thankful that you found about this character flaw before you wasted any more time on him. I have lots of other thoughts, pros and cons that have likely all been shared before my reply.

    We have to love ourselves and pray that when the time is right that the right man will come along. I recently saw a clip on a news program about a former pro volley ball player, model, cinderella marriage - and the title of her book just out is "my foot is too big for the glass slipper". I have not read this book yet but it is alot about how things are not always as they seem and require work.

    Grace and peace to you while working through this situation :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • bnorris2013
    bnorris2013 Posts: 256 Member
    I am sorry that your going thru this my heart goes out to you and how you must feel after hearing this news

    You need to do what your heart tells you - My opinion he is a jerk and does not deserve you - If he truly loved you he would accept you as you are or work along side you to give you the encouragement you need to lose weight

    But again its your life and people don't know everything that is truly going on do what you feel is best

    Personally I would lose weight get smokin hot then let him know you won't marry him til he learns to accept people for who they are and then I would move on with my life
  • demonlullaby
    demonlullaby Posts: 499 Member
    he sounds like a scumbag, tbh.

    lose weight for you not because someone tells you that you need to. this doesn't really sound like love.

    & do you really want to be apart of a family that is this judgmental and such...
  • mrswaite08
    mrswaite08 Posts: 93 Member
    Get away from him before you're married with children and feel like you're stuck with him. What a terrible thing for him to say to you. Get healthy for you & you only.
  • aka1030
    aka1030 Posts: 15 Member
    I haven't read any of the other comments so I may be repeating others, but don't lose weight for anyone but yourself. YOU deserve to be HEALTHY. It is not about wearing bikinis, short shorts, etc. It's about being and feeling healthy, positive and loving yourself. And it is also about him loving you - not "fat" you, not "thin" you, just you. Being attracted to your spouse is definitely part of marriage but it is not skin deep. I've been married 3+ years so I'm by no means the expert but I've learned a lot. My weight has definitely fluctuated since we've met but he's never once made me feel less beautiful or desirable for it let alone thought about what others think. I started on MFP because I wasn't loving the body I was in or how I felt and he supported and encouraged me. I started MFP and a month or two later my husband joined with me. It's great when you can be active and healthy together.

    His family has no place in this but since they've already butted in he seems pretty impressionable by them and others. Today it's your weight, tomorrow your haircut, then your complexion (all of which are beautiful, of course). And what, you need to be his version of thin etc in order for him to be with you? That's not what you want hanging over your head every day for the rest of your life. You need someone who will offer you unconditional love, not a love that is dependant on the scale. That's the only way it works.

    Good luck to you.
  • cwoods80
    cwoods80 Posts: 18 Member
    I think it is sad that he is persuaded by his family's thoughts. If he truly loves you...he would support you and love you no matter what...just like you would him. And if he does truly love you like he says, than he is a complete fool to issue such an ultimatum over appearance. Unselfish, unconditional love does not come around every day...and it doesn't matter what a person looks like ultimately. Bodies change, beauty fades, things sag and are subject to gravity.

    I say it's his loss. You are beautiful.
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    So.. if he doesn't love you because you're fat - and you lose the weight to keep him - what happens if something happens to you - illness, accident, whatever... that leaves you less than perfect? Paralyzed from an accident; bald due to chemo; with stretchmarks and bigger hips from children?

    I say be thankful you find out what a pr!ck he is prior to marrying him. It may seem like the end of the world right now, but there are other men out there (trust me, I know how hard it is to be patient - I didn't marry until I was 37 - but the man I married loves me for me - regardless of weight). You can't meet Mr. Right if you're with Mr. Right Now.

    Onward and Upward!
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    simple,, lose the weight and get hot and have whoever you want.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    This is harsh to say (someone else told me this) - you are his moped - fun to ride but he doesn't want to be seen in public with you. Lose this moron. You really are beautiful - honestly. Lose the weight for yourself but make sure he sees you at goal weight to let him know what he lost out on. Another reason to lose this douche bag is once you reach goal weight - he will find another "flaw" in you to nag you about. No way to live / love.
  • BabeYOUREfat
    BabeYOUREfat Posts: 18
    I've been in that situation before, and just recently got out of it. He didn't like my weight at 164, and he still thought I was fat at 126.

    The moral of this story is: If he doesn't like you now, he never will. Find someone that thinks you are beautiful, you deserve it. <3;
  • iceandfires
    iceandfires Posts: 16
    i think it was a blessing in disguise that you were dumped. yes, it hurts. yes, that was time you'll never get back. however! now you won't be wasting any more of your precious time on someone who is a complete idiot. rock on, and keep being the wonderful person that you are.
  • Siobhan1983
    Siobhan1983 Posts: 24
    If he were concerned about your health because he loves you, that's one thing. But it's all about appearance to him and what others think. Dump him, then loose the weight for you!
  • scwilson38
    scwilson38 Posts: 104 Member
    What bothers me is the things he said. If someone who loves us is concerned about our weight and is wanting to help, they can simply say, "I'm worried about your health and want you to feel happy and good about yourself. How can I help you through this journey? Maybe we can do it together. I'll be here for you no matter what." He said, "I want to be with someone who wears bikinis and looks like thin girls that I check out and I'll buy you a breast reduction to look thinner." Do you hear the difference? His approach was selfish, unkind, and unsupportive. You may need to evaluate if this is his overall attitude towards you, how he makes you feel about yourself and if you are willing to continue to be treated this way. You are beautiful and there are plenty of men out there who would love you for you, curves and all! :)



    I like the way you worded this. Sometimes women do not see this because of low self esteem or self image.
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    This^^!!!
  • 130annie
    130annie Posts: 339 Member
    Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

    Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
    [/quote

    Sounds like he listens to mummy and daddy too much...If you want to lose weight...Do it for you!
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    this. how hurtful. his intentions are totally selfish. nothing in there mentioned your health or your wellbeing. dump him, sexy it up, and move on!

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