Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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Replies

  • shaydon80
    shaydon80 Posts: 138 Member
    Screw him! You deserve someone who loves you for you and who cheers you on in your efforts. Not someone who puts you down and gives you ultimatums!
  • OneDimSim
    OneDimSim Posts: 188 Member
    My husband has says he loves me either fat or thin. Expect nothing less.....
  • Toady72
    Toady72 Posts: 4 Member
    Tell him to kick rocks!!! There are plenty of other guys out there who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Lose the weight for you and show him what he could of had.
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
    You are really pretty and you should not let a person who cares about you make you feel as if you should change yourself to be accepted by him.

    That being said, be glad that he showed you who he is before you walked down that aisle because you can see exactly what you are getting in this relationship. I spent alot of wasted years with the wrong man and then met my husband at my heaviest. He stood beside me through fat and thin and has never once said that I should change for him, that he loves me no matter what size. That is what you deserve and you are getting less than what you deserve right now.

    If his family calls the shots now then they will for most things in the future probably too. Think of what you would tell your best friend she deserves and go with that. Good luck!
  • abelthephotographer
    abelthephotographer Posts: 127 Member
    Dump him.

    In your OP you never mentioned him to be concerned for your health - or indeed your feelings. He is only concerned about what other people will say, based only on the way you look.

    J.E.R.K.
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    Oh he!! no.

    He said he doesn't want to ... have people wonder why he is with me.
    He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks.
    He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change.
    He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.
    He says I am perfect for him except for my weight.

    He, he, he, he, he, he... Where are YOU?

    All of this is about him and his insecurities. None of it is about your health, your mental or physical well being, and MOST CERTAINLY none of it is about him caring about you- just about how your relationship looks to others.

    How would you feel if you were looking into this from the outside? What if your friend/sister/cousin/daughter were in a relationship with somebody that treated them the way he's treating you? Heavy or thin, you deserve better. And I think you know it, too.
  • cybertazet
    cybertazet Posts: 12
    Men have always treated me that way too. We have to be super hot but they can look like Bubba-Gump. He isnt worth it but it really sounds like he had someone else and was using your weight as an excuse. Take care of you. I know you are hurting by this because trust me I have been there, it will get easier but DONT take him back even if he begs, because he will do it again when someone else comes along.
  • robin68562
    robin68562 Posts: 116 Member
    I know it hurts, but dump the loser and be glad you're rid of him. He loved you until his parents saw you and made comments? You need to find someone with enough intelligence to think for himself. You're the same person whether you're fat or thin and that's what should matter to him or anyone else who truly loves you. You can do a whole lot better. And you should lose weight because YOU want to lose weight. You can't do it for anybody else and you won't be able to maintain it simply because you're trying to please somebody else. Either do it for you or stay the way you are and find someone who will accept you and love you the way you are. Either way, you need move on to somebody much better who will be worthy of you. :flowerforyou:
  • sarahkalt88
    sarahkalt88 Posts: 51 Member
    Walk away. You need someone who will love you and support you in your journey. You can, and will do better for yourself. I may be wrong, but if he wasn't leading an active, healthy lifestyle he could have been contributing to you falling off your path. I had a similar issue with a past relationship. He encouraged me to be lazy and eat poorly so that I wouldn't be desirable to myself or others. I ditched him after 4 years, but the weight kept coming. Now I have a new partner that encourages me to stay on track, and tries to live a healthy life with me, and I'm succeeding! He even went as far as to purchase me a personal trainer to help me reach my goals. Not because he thinks negatively of my size, but because he recognized that I was struggling with were to start and how to change my life. Look for a partner like that, if he doesn't want to be with you along your journey, then he's not for you! You deserve to have everything you want, don't let anyone try to discourage you from that!
  • gmms57
    gmms57 Posts: 23 Member
    Well, the first weight you need to get rid of is him! Then you concentrate on your health and well being....don't ever lose weight for someone else. He will eventually get the girl that he deserves...you know what they say about payback!
  • jilltaylor86
    jilltaylor86 Posts: 87 Member
    Eff that guy! What a horrible, superficial way to act and hurt someone they "love". When I was 18, I dated a guy who didn't seem to have an issue with my weight until his mom started talking about how fat she thought I was, then he started making mean comments as well. That guy was a jack @ss, and breaking up with him was a wise decision. I'm with a wonderful, loving supportive man now (9 years later) that loves me no matter what size I am or what I look. You don't need that bullsh!t and you are DEFINITELY better off. Don't date a man that lets his family influence his feelings for you, or completely disregards your own feelings because you aren't "hot" enough. There's a guy out there for you, and this piece of dog crap isn't him.
  • amili045
    amili045 Posts: 99
    Honestly... That kind of attitude will only eat at you... I would leave him if he said that to me. You are willing to accept everything about him and he isnt willing to do the same for you. You are better than that. I can see from your picture you are a beautiful girl. He doesnt deserve you at all. He claims he loves you but expects you to go through surgery... Its your body and no one should be able to ask that of you and no one who truly wants whats best for you would suggest to pay for a breast reduction. As you seem to already have found out there are severe risks with surgeries. He is selfish and heartless and I would advise you to do the walking away. Dont let him dictate the terms. You can do better.
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
    He has every right to demand standards, he's voicing them to you. That you're perfect save for the physical aspect.

    Chemistry and attractiveness is very important and I understand the people that are saying "dump him blah blah blah" but he deserves someone whom he is attracted to.

    He's holding on because he believes you have it in you to change. He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children. Someone who WILL be able to have children (or at least the reason wouldn't be because they are overweight)

    He loves you. But he wants to love all of you. Nothing wrong with that.

    As far as changing yourself for him, that's on you. I'm sure at the end of the day, you want to lose weight and be healthy because you would feel better. So do it for you. Change for you.

    I might agree with some of this if she'd weighed 50-100 pounds less when they started dating. From the OP, it seems like she's been overweigth from date 1, and that hasn't changed much. So, if he didn't find her "hot" or 'attractive" or is embarrassed to hold her hand at the mall, he should've known that the first time they met. So, this argument doesn't have merit, for me, in this situation. And, if he liked her but wasn't physically attracted to her from day 1, why wait 2.5 years? That's what troubles me. If he liked everything else, why not start talking about a healthy lifestyle and do fun, active things together from the beginning, and then if nothing changed, break it off before they'd spent so much time and emotion on each other? And, the fact of the way he said it sucks *kitten*.

    It's possible it DID bother him at first. And what happened? He fell in love with the inside. But falling in love with the inside does not save a relationship all the time because couples, even the most in love, fight sometimes. So there should be chemistry. He probably thought it would get better. He probably thought he could get over it because he was in love with who she was and then it hit him that he wanted to be proud in all aspects - nothing wrong with that.

    Maybe his family told him he could do better physically. Who knows. No one knows but the OP and her BF. When I met my fiancée I was depressed, unhealthy and had a low self esteem. He fell in love with me. He pushed me to become better and healthier and while he was in Iraq, I was getting healthier and losing weight.

    He had made some comments, of course. Said he took great care of his body and wanted someone who did the same. Said he wanted to show me off and you know what, so did I. So I did it for me, and said to myself if things don't work out after this, then at least I will be happy and healthy and my self esteem will go up.

    Long story short, although I am no where near where I would like to be. He compliments me all day every day and flashes me on his arm like I am the most beautiful woman on the planet.

    So to say he's shallow, or a d*ck, is wrong. He tried to tell himself he loved her for who she was and he just couldn't anymore. If he didn't tell her, maybe their sex life would drain and she was be even more insecure or it would cause MARITAL problems if he did agree to marry her at this point.

    Maybe his timing was horrible. Maybe he needed a push from his family. Guys aren't always so soft with words *shrugs* I read Evan Katz the dating coach blogs on line and I've realized men just speak differently than women. She says she has self esteem issues, that's probably what the big problem is.

    We all know esteem is what makes someone sexy and if she's moping around all day about her weight or says she will lose and then doesn't do anything about it --- well then hes prob getting pissed off about it and is tired of waiting. The OP has been on this site since 2011....does anyone even notice that? How draining would it be to be in a relationship with someone that yes, you love, but want to be healthier and now for 2 years they cannot seem to get their health under control.

    Sorry if this is insensitive but I don't completely disagree with what he said or did. We only know one side.
  • loulaa62
    loulaa62 Posts: 6
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    definitely. if you want to change then you can and will do that, but if he truly loved you he would love you at 50 or 500lbs. i would leave, make my own decisions about what i want. that's the only way to be happy! never change yourself for someone else, as you won't make it very far.
  • Alyssa__Lauren
    Alyssa__Lauren Posts: 148 Member
    He sounds like a ****. Send him packing and find someone who will love and appreciate you no matter how thin or fat you are.
    My ex boyfriend told me that I was overweight to my face and I let him get away with it. I really wish I didn't now...
  • AliciaStinger
    AliciaStinger Posts: 402 Member
    *kitten*. Something else is up...

    ^^This.

    First of all, if you profile picture is current, I think you're beautiful. Yes, you're overweight, but you're pretty. The problem I see is that being overweight comes with more complications that whether you (or this guy) think you're beautiful or not. If I were with someone who was overweight, I would want them to lose weight because, if/when I make a life commitment, I don't want health problems to cut our time short or limit us. STILL, I wouldn't tell someone that I'm not marrying them unless they lose weight (let alone "a lot" of weight. I couldn't even see myself asking someone to lose weight; that is an individual's choice. I would do everything in my power to be there for my S.O. if he wanted to lose weight, but I wouldn't use weight as a bartering tool.

    Second, he IS bartering marriage for something other than eternal love. It's not even something easy, like not kissing him with onions on your breath. We're talking about something that is very difficult and takes a lot of time. Maybe he does love you, but it sounds to me like your guy isn't so sure. In fact, it sounds to me like he's just using your weight as an excuse not to marry you. It sounds to me like he's already not interested, and he has just put off marriage indefinitely by asking you to make this huge, hard, and slow change that he has seen you struggle with already.

    Third, if this is as a result of his family, my guess is it's not going to get any better.

    Honestly, I know breaking up is HARD (especially if you're that serious), but if he is going to play these little control games, tell you that he's staring at other chicks because they're attractive and you're not, and expect you to be perfect even though he obviously has some stuff (weight and personality) to work on, then I wouldn't stick around. I'm sorry.

    Good luck with everything.
  • marysowter
    marysowter Posts: 121 Member
    My heart goes out to you,Your boyfriend I am sorry to say is not a good person,You asked is he shallow well yes he is.If you decide to lose weight it must be on your terms and for you,and honestly I would say good bye to him and move on,x
  • lambchristie
    lambchristie Posts: 552 Member
    After my ex and I split and got divorced I finally lost my preg weight and was smaller than when we were dating. Before I went to his place to dropped our son off to him for his weekend visit I got all dressed up in my newest dress that was an amazing green wrap around number. Heels, make-up, hair ... the whole package. By the time I got home my phone was ringing and he (ex) was on the other end. What did he say? "If I had known you would have lost all that weight and looked so dam good again I would have never divorced." What did I say? "That is exactly why I would never take you back. You never loved me for me but for what I looked like."

    I say, love hurts ... breaking up is hard to do ... but this guy has displayed an attitude of a man who doesn't love you for you on the inside. Cut your ties now. At least you were not married and had a child together...that pain is even worse.

    Stay positive and get healthy for you.
  • RawCarrots
    RawCarrots Posts: 204 Member
    Run. Run as fast as you can, and count your lucky stars you didn't marry him!


    I know it probably doesn't look like it now, but trust me, one day you'd look back and be thankful you escaped.
  • pobalita
    pobalita Posts: 741 Member
    He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts.

    If he's admitting to this kind of crap now, he will ALWAYS be looking around (and more) whether you are married or not and no matter how good you look. Do you really think losing weight will change his heart? What will happen when you get pregnant and gain a few pounds? Will he stop loving you then?

    Get rid of him now. This jerk will make you feel like crap and cheat on you no matter what you do to please him. If he wants girls in bikinis and short shorts, he will find them. And when they aren't good enough for some superfluous reason, he will find another one. Honestly, if he's treating you like this out of the blue after 2 1/2 years (because I don't buy the "family" excuse one bit after 2 1/2 years), he probably already is cheating on you.

    Believe me, it feels much better to be alone than it does to stay with someone who makes you feel like crap about yourself. You are beautiful. You will easily find someone who deserves you.
  • kcthatsme
    kcthatsme Posts: 5,136 Member
    When I married my husband, I was 5'6" and 120. For the first 11 years, I was anywhere between 111 and 148 (depending on if I had just had a child, etc.) After the 11th year, I was in the 180's. I was there for 16 YEARS. I am now back to 129 - 133. Neither he or I want me to get back to 120. It just wouldn't look good on me now. During ALL the years of our marriage, he has never treated me the way your boyfriend did to you. He has always been complimentary to me. Always told me how beautiful, sexy, etc., I am. That is exactly what you deserve also. Really!

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