thoughts about the children of overweight parents

I will say that I was allowed to pretty much have anything I wanted and whenever. My parents didn't buy much junk food such as sweets and what not. I was always a little overweight as a kid. I think unfortunately you have to find a happy balance in between the two. You don't want to restrict them too much but then again don't let them have anything and everything they Want. I don't have any kids so I really can't say. It's probably a lot easier said then done. I know my niece has access to just about anything she wants but just doesn't care for sweets. She would much rather be eating green beans then a candy bar. But I definitely agree if you cut it off completely it just makes them want it more.

We do not close the kitchen.

We also do not have HFCS, MSG, artificial coloring, flavoring or preservatives. It really limits the amount of 'junk' food my children can get into.

There is, however, plenty of fruit, raw veggies, milk, cheese, peanut butter, popcorn, hummus, and occasionally, whole grain crackers. I keep juice pops (homemade-just frozen all-natural, no added sugar, juice) and Newman's Fig Newtons, whole grain, for desserts. Once in a while, I'll make cookies or bake a pie or make ice cream. Usually, this is for a special occasion, like a holiday. One thing my family loves is homemade fruit salad with a small organic whipped cream on top. Delish!

Personally, I don't eat anything my children can't have nor do I serve them anything I should not eat. I simply monitor my calorie intake. My children are all very healthy...good weight, never sick.

I don’t have any children and never will have children but I am not going to be all up on my high horse about how people raise their kids. But I will say this. My Grandmother let me eat whatever I wanted when I was a child. I was rather thin until that summer I went from a 4t to a 6X and I was only 5 yrs old. Since then I struggled with food and why I eat what I do (I am an emotional eater) All I can say is that Your the parent You have to control what they cannot. They have not been taught what healthy food limit is and the consequences of grazing can be. Your child should not have access to the fridge 24 hrs but if you know they need a snack before a certain time (8:30pm) then by all means let them have it. Don’t feel guilty

I don’t bring sweets that often into our house because I act like a rat and eat them all in one setting. when I do I try to bring in a healthier version of the sweets such as Nana’s chocolaty Chippy Bars. I ate 4.5 bars in three days! But it wasn’t that bad due to the way they were made.

Please if your daughter is 10 and on the hefty side make sure she is eating the right foods she is at a delicate time and may need the extra calories for growth ect. But by all means don’t be the food Police Just be a parent who wants healthy habits for their kids.

A lady I used to babysit for had, what I thought, was a really good approach to handling her kids' eating. They couldn't have anything without asking, but when they did ask, instead of immediately saying "no" she asked them if they were REALLY feeling hungry. (It had to do with a common sense "diet" plan that she was in where they taught you to listen to your body for signs of hunger as opposed to eating when you THOUGHT you were hungry or bored or whatever and to really evaluate what goes into your body.) If they insisted that they really wanted/needed this thing, they could have some, but there were obviously portion limitations. I think it really helped them to start thinking about the things that they ate and it didn't deprive them AND taught them portion control from an early age.

I son needs to be outside as much as possible.....I was allowed most anything as a kid but we did have a garden and we ate alot out of it....I wasn't big as a kid i guess I wasn't super skinny either...I think the real difference is video games and the lack of gym for the kids....My son only has gym 2-3 a week and they don't take them outside enough at school...They have to push our kids too much...exercise isn't important to our schools now....They say they are trying to help with the children being overweight by cutting back what they can take to school for parties but they still serve them crap in the school. This is a major pet pev of mine...I am willing to pay more for them offer healthy food. I pack my son luch as often as possble but it is hard sometimes.

I think this is difficult. I grew up in a house with a very restricted kitchen. There were no snacks. There was breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If we didn't like it, there were no other options. Twice a month we would go out to a restaurant or fast food. I had to clear my food choices with my mother and she set a limit on soda. We never had soda in the house, unless it was a birthday.
My problem was that my parents bought themselves treats to eat. My dad always had big bags of chips that he would gorge on in one sitting on the couch. My mother would sneak a bag of candies when she thought me and my sisters were in bed. It made me constantly question why I couldn't eat what they ate. Why was I being "singled out". Because as a child that is how I felt. I think a parent has to not only set a standard for a child but follow it themselves. How can we expect our children to make healthier choices if we do not?

I now have a son, thank goodness he is only 5 1/2 months. I tell my hubby all the time that he needs to work on his eating habits or we are going to have a problem. I eat pretty well now. My hubby is a junk food junkie. I know I won't tell my son he can never have McDonald's but I don't want him having it everyday (like my hubby would want, lol). It really is finding a medium. If you restrict it could end up with a child going wild at the first chance (I got my first job at a fast food place and went bonkers spending my money on fast food) but if you do not set up rules and help them .... well I just see a future with potential health problems.

I wasn't overweight until the summer between 7th & 8th grade. I stopped moving around that summer and basically sat on my butt in the house and ate. I've been overweight since.

In our house my 3 1/2 year old can eat when she wants but she has to have a piece of fruit or a veggie or cheese stick first. She is hungry all the time, but at the same time, she never stops moving. I hope this continues and am making my best efforts to keep her going and setting a good example by going to the gym and going on walks, etc. with her so she see's her parents being physical as well.

I grew up pretty poor and while my mom did her best to make sure we ate healthy, we were never encouraged to do sports or anything like that because they couldn't afford the cost of it. We ate alot of canned veggies and hamburger helper growing up. It was what we could afford.

Now I am lucky enough to be able to afford to buy fresh groceries and I am truly thankful for that. It also helps in way that my daughter seems to have a wheat allergy and a mild dairy allergy as well. It helps because I have to pack her lunches and we are limited at home in what kinds of foods we bring in as well. Make it much healthier.

SO, no locked kitchen. She eats at least one to three snacks after dinner. And I also make sure she eats her dinner...no not eating it and then expect to get a snack later on. To me that is important.

I don't know if this will help. I always cooked dinner for my family. I always tried to have healthy balanced meals. I had healthy snacks in the house, fruit, cheese, yogurt and nuts etc. I tried to watch my son's intake of sugar and artificial foods because he tended to be a little active. So, we didn't keep alot of junk food in the house. We would have treats - homemade oatmeal cookies, jello with fruit desserts and real ice cream (no sugar added). He could always have his dessert if he eat all his dinner. He is 19 now and is tall and lean - maybe it helped or maybe he was just born that way.... I don't think I would have a locked kitchen policy.. but eating late is not a good habit and my mother wouldn't let us eat after 9:00. But we knew that and if were hungry we eat before that!!!!

WOW! There are a lot of interesting points of view on this post.
I do not have kids...yet, but I was raised in military household. My dad was a marine and my mom an ex-marine. I have ALWAYS struggled with my weight. My mom has had eating disorders but even at her biggest has still been tiny. She is a perfect example showing weight is not always a physical thing... it is also very mental!
My parents educated me at a very young age and I think that hurt my chances of just making better lifestyle choices. I always thought about what I ate and if I did enough physical activity. That brought on depression because I never felt like i did enough. And it didn't help that my sister was a bean pole... and still is! She can eat whatever she wants and never work out and she looks like a model....with sexy curves.
Looking back, I wish my parents would have kept certain things from me... like the exact amount of calories in foods and the "quick" diet "fixes".
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my parents and I am very well educated on health... I just wish I was able to control it more.

My kids get snacks when they ask for em, as long as they ate at mealtime and I'm not cooking when they ask.... I don't require clean plates, but everything should be tasted and ate until full. I do try to offer fruit or celery sticks or something healthy before they ask for sweets, but if they want some candy, thats fine too. Long as they know the healthy stuff is around. My daughter has started stealing my hard boiled eggs as snacks, and I think thats cool.
My kids are still young enough I think that if I can manage my moderation, they still have a chance to naturally learn control. (If Daddy will stop breaking out the giant hershey's chocolate bar!)

Striking the balance of allowing them food when they are hungry...but limiting the choices.
Think about how emotions play a part in feeding rituals and avoid using food as a reward, celebration... comfort....or punishment.

I'm eighteen years old and have been overweight since I was four. My mom attributes my 4 y.o. weight gain to the fact that her mother got very sick and died and so she was busy being a good daughter and had to put the good mother (i.e. making meals for me) on the back burner for the time being. I would NEVER blame my mom for my weight gain and would NEVER ask her to put me before my grandmother (who was one hell of a woman) but, now, I always whine to her "You should have strapped me onto a treadmill, measured all my food, banned pizza and ice cream and not allowed me to go to birthday parties! SO MANY GOODY BAGS!!!" As a child, adolescent and teen, being overweight SUCKS. It's hard. You get teased, judged, looked down upon and can never quite be like the other kids. I always complain that my mom didn't deprive me then so I could have been happier now.
ON THE OTHER HAND- every single time my mom looks over at my plate and says, "Monica, should you really have a third piece of pizza?" I look her dead in the eye and shove the whole thing in my mouth and swallow without chewing. It's part of the rebellious side of me, I guess, but the more she tries to monitor me or keep tabs the more I want to pig out as if saying 'HA! TAKE THAT!' She always says, "You're not hurting me, sister," and deep down I know that, but I guess it hurts when you feel like you're being watched like some kind of mental patient on the verge of losing control. Especially when I was dieting and would, say, workout and save calories so that I could have a scoop of ice cream and then when I finally got that ice cream, all cold and glorious in my little bowl, to have my mom say, "Monica, you're doing so well, do you really need that ice cream?" It drives me nuts!!!! I know she's doing it out of love, but it's still so frustrating. I still have tons of guilt whenever I eat a "bad food", and I think a lot of those type of feelings come from the way my mom always made me feel weak or like a cheater for eating them.
At the end of the day, I started losing weight because I wanted to. I got fed up with struggling and decided to do it for myself. I know that's cliche but it's true. I think the best thing for any parent to do is to start early and teach your kids to love fruits and veggies and to be active. And if they do get to a point where they need to drop some weight, provide them with as much support and as many tools as you can. Cook healthy meals and buy healthy foods. Sign up for an exercise class together or get them a gym membership and maybe even a nutritionist. Be there to listen and talk to them. Praise them. Notice. I never feel better than when my mom will be looking at me and say "God, you're such a tiny little person!" or "Good choice, Moni." And don't point out when they mess up or chastise them. WE KNOW. Be subtle, "Hey, wanna' play some tennis on Monday evenings?" is a lot better than "You've been sitting on the couch all week!" Don't push them, because they're not gonna' do it until they're ready and it honestly does hurt our feelings.
As kids, we want to make you proud. If you're there for us, that's the most we can ask for!

We do not have a closed kitchen, we keep a limited amount of junk in the house (air popped popcorn, halloween candy-two pieces a week, chips are bought once a month and when they are gone-they are gone, ice cream is natural and a treat once a week), she may have as many veggies as she wants, fruit is not limited unless she goes on a binge of it and could possibly have issues later that day. Dairy is optional (we use soy and nut milks every day) Meat is also optional (her father eats it, I do not), she has a choice between the vegetarian option or the omnivore option. There is no white grain products in the house either, all whole grains and usually in grain form (quinoa, teff, amaranth, millet, brown rice/wild rice, oats). At the moment she is at summer camp and she does eat their food but the processed food is limited and they have the option of milk or water for drinks. At home it's the same, water or milk and juice maybe once a week...no soda unless at a party or outing. We've done away with as much processed foods in the house as possible. She also knows what is healthy and what is not, education is the first line of defense for childhood obesity. While neither me nor her father are over weight we believe that eating properly and excersize are key to being healthy not just maintaining a healthy weight. She's limited to 1-2 hours of tv/video games/movies a day. The rest of the time should be spent outside or playing creative games or reading. It's all about balance otherwise I know she would rebel (same way with attire/friends/ect it's about give and take and how it will work out in the long run, not just the right now).

Funny because I always felt the opposite, I was allowed whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and a lot of times as a child I would eat till I got sick!! I don't know how many times I went to bed feeling sick, all because I over ate. I was thin as a young child, got chunky from ages 8-12 and then thinned out a bit, then got heavy after marriage and kids. Anyways, with my oldest three kids (my youngest is underweight) I have watched what they eat but to a point! If I know they are just saying it because they are bored we will find something to do!

One summer my second son was 5 and went to his grandmas for a month then to his dads for a month (while I was in college) and gained 15lbs!!!!!!! After that I really had to watch him closer and STRESS to my family that NO he didn't need seconds on dinner every night nor desert every night!

I don't have a lot of crap food in my house on a regular basis, I try to save chips, cake etc. for treats on special occasions or for a movie night etc. I am also lucky because my kids are not big on sweets at all. But I do have fibre one bars, fruit snacks, cups of fruit etc. for lunches at school and preschool. I also don't allow seconds at meal time UNLESS its veggies or salad etc. OR if I just give them a little bit at first to try and they like it then I'll give them seconds. I always serve veggies on their plate even if I know they don't like them! They eat fruit every day too and I buy the veggie fruit juice, but they drink a lot of water as well! I buy 1% milk too!

Anyways, I don't go over board and freaky about it, but I try to set SOME good examples!

I'm in a hurry so I can't read all of the posts, but I really needed to say what I was thinking before I left the house,:laugh:

I was raised in an unrestricted house. A European background, meaning everything was centered around food and saying no was disrespectful. Vegetables came in cans, if there were any beside potatoes. Fruit would be fresh and "snacks" had no limits. All three of my siblings were severely obese by age 12 and I was anorexic.

What that has taught me, is education is the key. In recovery, the parents are urged not to control food. But to make sure healthy- not low cal/low fat/diet- foods are available. Take part in meal planning and sharing as a family. Not to fuss over calories because if you are offering whole foods, calories are automatically low. It was quite interesting how out of 20 of us anorexics/bulemics, all of us learned "dieting" from our parents. But not one of us were ever taught that food is for nourishment more than enjoyment or discipline. (Quick note, not all 20 patients were underweight either. Several were obese all their lives.)

What I do with my daughter is a combonation of what I learned in recovery and Love and Logic parenting. (Great book, BTW)

~My kitchen stays stocked with whole foods.
~Treats are bought, like chips, soda, ice cream- only once per month. If she wants to eat them all in one day, I let the tummy ache do the teaching. I can tell you this with confidence, we only had that problem once. The lesson was learned and poor choice not repeated.
~I do NOT talk about calories and fat, but I do teach her to read the labels. What is the portion size listed? Can you pronounce the ingredients? Do you still want that or would you like an apple?
~Meals are served and planned in advance. She has a choice to participate in the planning and preparation. When a meal is served, we sit at the table together, say a word of thanks, and enjoy the meal. I prefer that she not take seconds of one thing untill everything is gone.
~I have taught hre that each meal should include a protien, a whole grain, and lots of veggies, one of which should always be green. She sticks to this when away from home and that makes me very proud. However, when visiting grandma, the veggies are often replaced with fruit and she learned on her own why veggies are so vital.
~We talk openly about food. She tells me about friends who are dieting (10 years old) or counting calories and she worries about them. We live by a motto around here, "We eat to live, not live to eat." While we spend extra time planning or foods, shopping, and being honest- we spend far less time obsessing. We have our days, but they are few.
~I do close the kitchen after dinner, simply because I clean it and that is that. If she wants a snack, I won't say no. But she is expected to leave the kitchen as it was when she went in. What the leads to is, "I'm really not that hungry, just bored" Why? Because she has to think about it and work for it. If she really is hungry, she will do it. But in the beginning, that was more habit than anything because I would let her slide on dinner and have a snack later so she didn't go to bed hungry. But going to bed hungry is a valuble lesson and it only took a few times before she understood why making the choice to participate in planning would be to her benefit.
~Lastly, because our kitchen is stocked with whole foods and I do not have set rules about restricting (not many) she has learned to feel the difference in her body. She would prefer a snack of sliced bananas and strawberries with a drizzle of chocolate sauce for dessert and carrots and hummus for a snack, opposed to 100 cal packs or candy.


OK, I'm running late now.............