Why are people not happy for you when you lose weight??

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13

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  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Well envy and jealousy has already been thoroughly covered...so I will just add the truth hurts peoples egos, especially if it is delivered without tact (not suggesting this is the case with you)

    I would suggest don't stop striving for your goals because of others opinions or lack of them and remember obsession is a word lazy people tend to use for dedication.

    Good luck with your journey of health and fitness :)
  • 24redwine
    24redwine Posts: 43
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    I think many of us are competitive at some inner level. We feel superior over others who struggle with weight or carry more weight than we do. When we see those others succeeding at weight loss, oh no...now there is a self-esteem issue. And yes, people feel uncomfortable when someone nearby is able to achieve goals they have only hoped for but not actually accomplished. They started the diet on Monday and quit by Wednesday, but you kept going with a healthy lifestyle. I do think we should be careful not to preach to others or add to the discomfort by trying to coach others unless they specifically ask for it. Just do what is right and healthy fo you. Congrats on your success -- ALL OF YOU.
  • sunnyhlw77
    sunnyhlw77 Posts: 204 Member
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    I agree with the comments of jealousy. My inlaws are famous for this. They are all overweight, some are more than others. I've always weighed less than them. My sister-in-law had a health scare, she started losing weight (she's also high borderline diabetic), I've been very supportive, thought that might bridge the gap but it hasn't. I'm not sure what thats about. It is what it is, whether its jealously or something else. Keep your chin up! :smile:
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
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    Because they're jealous *****es.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    ......when all you do is try to be so positive to them and help them with their weight loss goals??

    Reading between the lines here... how exactly are you trying to "help them with their weight loss"? Are they asking for your help? Sometimes people who succeed at something can seem preachy when they give out unasked-for advice about it. When people ask how you lost weight (which is usually accompanied by some self-derogatory comment about how they wish they could do the same) most of them don't really want to know. It's best just to say "diet and exercise" and then change the subject. If they really want the details they'll press the matter.
  • darleyschroeder
    darleyschroeder Posts: 322
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    Generally jealousy. Some people don't have much motivation and feel bad about themselves. Seeing someone be fit and looking good can be tough when you're down on yourself.
  • KenzieeeBrooke
    KenzieeeBrooke Posts: 28 Member
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    Jealously!!!
  • Tamurken
    Tamurken Posts: 14
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    Here is a rather long post.
    As a person who have seen both side of the spectrum within a 3 year period I can provide this insight.
    I started off 3 years ago at 280 lbs, got mad at myself, then dropped down to 250 pds in a few months. I then sharply dropped to 230 lbs and was rather muscular. I received compliments and everyone was really proud of me. But I noticed a few people seemed to despise me, especially 1 friend who literally "dropped me" due to me being too "health nutty". I tried to stay upbeat and positive but at times I felt shame as if I was flaunting my new found health. I also found that my comments that I thought was motivational were viewed as insensitive and mean. At this point I was trying to get everyone to pretty much say "I was able to change, so can you!" But I was always given an excuse. " You don't have kids, you don't have to travel for work, this is the way i am and will always be."
    And then I made my own excuse. Work stress got to me and I fell back into alot of bad habits because of it. I was in the office late, so I stopped working out, ate bad since it had to be quick and drank heavily again to decompress. In 1 year I regained weight back to 257 lbs. People were trying to motivate me to get back to the gym or watch my eating as I was rapidly ballooning but I didn't care. I resented people for saying that to me and that they didn't understand the stress I was going through. I wanted pity and be told it was ok for me to comfort myself by playing video games and eating cheesesteaks.
    I then wokeup and realized that I had no excuses, I was being lazy. I went back to a gym but was embarrassed at how weak I was compared to a year ago. Exercises were embarrassing to to do and I was de-motivated and not pushing myself.
    So I decided to join Crossfit last month as I felt a coach might help. ( I'm not pushing crossfit but it helped me personally get back on track so I suggest everyone find what works for them whether its group exercise or running solo.) Now I look back about a month ago and say why did I wait for a year to get back on track. I'm only down 5 lbs but I feel immensely more healthy. As it is, I hoped my story helped people see both sides of the spectrum and understand that the "haters" are like that for a reason. It's not DIRECT hatred toward you, its hatred toward themselves that they need to make an excuse to justify why you can do it and they why can't.. So, take the high road, don't talk fitness or health with them as it upsets them. And if they bring it up just answer back that "It took lots of work and time to get to this point but it was worth it" and end it there.
  • darleyschroeder
    darleyschroeder Posts: 322
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    I have a friend who was a total hottie when she got married. Then she had two kids and ended up weighing over 300 pounds. Her husband stayed the same weight the whole time. She tried everything to loose weight and couldn't, he kept sabotaging her, "let's go to dinner, let's get a pizza, let's have drinks...." Finally, she had gastro bypass and went down to 105 lbs. She looks awesome! She had lots of energy, she got a promotion at work, then a new job, then a divorce. He couldn't handle it. He needed to be the big fish. Go figure. Some people are just not happy with themselves. What is the saying, "misery loves company". But when you've decided to not be miserable anymore, you need to find some new company. Keep up the good work, and don't let anyone bring you down to their level. With or without your current friends, YOU deserve to be happy and healthy.
    yeah what's up with people not being happy for their spouses? I loved it when my hubs got super fit, it was hot! I feel proud to have such a good looking man!
  • jadams1650
    jadams1650 Posts: 139 Member
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    The truth...They don't care about your weight loss and are indifferent to their own. You are encouraging them to do something that they really don't want to do. You are officially a PITA...and a fit one at that...two strikes...
  • ckeatonrn
    ckeatonrn Posts: 17
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    I've lost 60 lbs over the last 2 years with no back-sliding. Some at work are truly happy for me and support me. Others want to be supportive but seem to 180 degrees different. I'm told (by some) I am obsessed, work out too much and that I can't have any fun eating anymore. I think I'm focused, deligent and being healthful. I do have more fun because I'm able to do more.

    Food is not my focus anymore yet it really is for most people. Since I need/want to stay away from unhealthy food, I don't eat much of what others bring to work. You know how family gatherings are food events - that sets up an immediate sense of tension. If I don't eat, it makes me "selfish" or "ungrateful for other's efforts." Sorry folks, that's the new me, and I'm happy with me! I cannot have two masters.

    Be happy and satisfied with yourself for your own effort! Don't let others bring you down because they aren't on the same wave lenght as you. Stay away from saboteurs as best you can, say thank you to those who encourage you. I agree with 24redwine - don't preach. Answer questions directly about your methods but don't drone on and on. Let your results be the last word :-)
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    @Tamurken...you the man...well said , there are often two sides to any given story and your honesty is refreshing.

    Life is not black and white, its a whole lot of grey with rainbows and sparkles I hope.
  • emmacssmith
    emmacssmith Posts: 24 Member
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    We were talking about this in my medical sociology class- people are very uncomfortable with change. They see you as overweight and that's how they define you. Once your status doesn't go along with that idea anymore people don't know how to act toward you. Sort of similar to how a cancer survivor may feel- they were defined for so long by their illness and now the only way people know how to define them is as a cancer survivor, when really they're so much more than that. If you're making a change they will have to come up with a new way to define you- a formerly overweight person, maybe? Its unfortunate but society needs to place you in some role and when you change your role it can be uncomfortable!!
  • Judybowler
    Judybowler Posts: 20 Member
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    I want to thank each and everyone of you personally for taking the time to post a response...Congratulations to all of you on your weight loss journeys and changing yourselves positively....WOOT WOOT!!! (Doing happy dance for you all) Many points of view to read and think about...just know that I am truly happy for the people who are involved in this post for whom I was referring to... I guess change is scary for others as well as it for myself...and I didnt realize that change could make someone change their feelings about you...(me).... Thank you all for your insights...I will continue my journey with or without them....but I now know that I have MFP friends to be there for me as well....Thank you all... HUGS!! Have a great day all!!
  • Tamurken
    Tamurken Posts: 14
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    We were talking about this in my medical sociology class- people are very uncomfortable with change. They see you as overweight and that's how they define you. Once your status doesn't go along with that idea anymore people don't know how to act toward you. Sort of similar to how a cancer survivor may feel- they were defined for so long by their illness and now the only way people know how to define them is as a cancer survivor, when really they're so much more than that. If you're making a change they will have to come up with a new way to define you- a formerly overweight person, maybe? Its unfortunate but society needs to place you in some role and when you change your role it can be uncomfortable!!

    Well said! I agree that your viewpoint is a frank and honest take on our society. How many people jumped on Kristie Alley when she lost weight as unhealthy and just for the money, then laughed at her when she regained weight! And Kim Kardashian (who I hate using as an example) and Jessica Simpson were being ATTACKED because they put weight on DURING AND AFTER the pregnancy by the tabloids and news!

    Judybowler: You are doing a great job in your fitness goals and made a great post topic! My compliments to you for bringing up a topic that others may feel wary of bringing up. Kudos to you and best of luck on your future goals!
  • Judybowler
    Judybowler Posts: 20 Member
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    Thank you Tamerkin...and good luck to you as well :)
  • kaylindeschanel
    kaylindeschanel Posts: 105 Member
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  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    The person who matters most is the person in the mirror. If he or she is happy for your healthy weight loss or increased fitness level (and your doctor's on board), nobody else's opinions should matter all that much.

    Let the opinions that matter not, not matter.

    Congratulations to you on the positive changes in your life. :flowerforyou:
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    The truth...They don't care about your weight loss and are indifferent to their own. You are encouraging them to do something that they really don't want to do.

    I have found this to be the case more often than not. Even closer friends that I interact with regularly. Weight loss is currently first and foremost on your mind right now. It is not on everyone's.

    It's not always malicious or ill-intentioned when people ignore your efforts. They sometimes honestly just don't notice.

    Lots of people also don't really know how much work does go into losing weight. Media has taught them it can be done with a pill - so they can be simply ignorant and not KNOW that you are working so hard.

    One thing I've found that helps is focus the majority of your weight loss talk and support here. Everyone's in the same boat of body composition and will understand the work you have to put into it.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    People who are great shape themselves are invariably happy for you.

    People who are insecure about their own weight have trouble feeling happy for others.

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