BF Issues - HELP/ADVICE?

Options
2456

Replies

  • xscarletXbegoniasx
    xscarletXbegoniasx Posts: 74
    Options
    You deserve better. Although you may love him and you probably have good times together, you deserve someone who loves you for YOU. Despite your weight, whatever. Its better to go now while you've only been together a short time. What if you were to have kids together and you have some baby weight on after and hes going to again be grossed out by you? That is not something you want to teach your kids. But hey this is just my opinion good luck
  • Jesswatt10
    Jesswatt10 Posts: 7
    Options
    He may be a good person, but it sounds like he's not good for you. He says he wants to talk tonight but unless he has some new insight and TRUTH as to why he doesn't want to get physical with you then I think you should reevaluate things.
    I was with a 'good guy' who brought out the absolute worst in me and I didn't even realize it for years. The minute it was officially over I felt like a new person, it was amazing. It was agonizing making the decision to leave, but once I did it was such a relief. He made me feel like crap about myself and to be honest, he never did it on purpose, it was just the dynamic that the relationship had. The only thing to do is walk away and make yourself the priority.
  • Sagesdvice
    Sagesdvice Posts: 1
    Options
    First, I have to say that you are only a little overweight, not fat. I have to agree that there there is something else going on. I don't think it's your appearance. I would have to ask what are his stats? Could he be having stress issues, perhaps at work, or other health issues?
    Men are funny critters (I know, I'm one, lol), and we don't like to admit, even to ourselves that any lack or fault is ours. We look to find that fault in others so we can lie to ourselves and think we are perfect. Just wish we could get away with that and have it all work out, lol.
    In any case, have that talk, and see what he has to say. If he's not interested in someone else, then go for it, and tell him you want him to sit back and relax, and let you do the work - if you can arouse him, great, if not, then he needs to see a Dr.
    Sage
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    You don't have a problem, he does. YOU ARE NOT HEAVY, you look healthy and fit. There are plenty of guys out there that would find you attractive. That's neither here or there. The point is he should love you for who you are. My gut feeling...he's hiding something. And being a classic *kitten* by deflecting the blame onto you. I'm not saying dump him, but dump him. Well OK have a good heart to heart discussion first but be prepared to cut your losses and move on.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,634 Member
    Options
    Sounds like he's looking to "sow some oats" before really settling down.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • cwojo
    cwojo Posts: 158 Member
    Options
    GET A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!: :smile:
  • marqcutie80
    marqcutie80 Posts: 68 Member
    Options
    I don't want a sex-less relationship..and I don't want to feel like I'm with someone who doesn't find me attractive.

    You need to repeat exactly this to him when you talk about it tonight. This is 100% honest and there's nothing wrong with letting him know what he said hurt you and has now made you feel insecure. He may not have meant it to come out that way.

    If he continues to act like a douche, you can always tell him that even though he's got a small d**k you're still willing to have sex with him. ;)
  • UnoDrea3732
    UnoDrea3732 Posts: 342 Member
    Options
    Sounds like an excuse for something else. Even at my heaviest (320lbs) I never heard that excuse.
  • djtessatessa
    djtessatessa Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    Sounds like he is a huge douche bag who is preying on your insecurities. Get rid of him.
  • CM9178
    CM9178 Posts: 1,265 Member
    Options
    Honey, you don't have a weight problem, you have a boyfriend problem. If he truly cannot perform, he should see a doctor. A healthy young man shouldn't have trouble getting an erection.

    On top of that, it's wrong for him to put the blame on you. Your weight is not the issue and even if it is, do you really want to be with a man who only wants you if you meet some arbitrary standard of beauty?

    This.
    P.S. - I'm 5'2 and my goal is 135, so I guess I'll be "fat".
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    Options
    If you are a size 4/6, you are not fat, even at 5'3". When someone loves you, they love YOU, not your body. Time for a new boyfriend.
  • jeslaughter
    jeslaughter Posts: 131 Member
    Options
    I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.

    He's lying about something.

    Then, I'd show him the door.

    ^^ this...
    5' 3" and 145 is not huge by any stretch of the imagination...I am obese and expect to turn selfish guys off but would not ever allow this sort of emotional abuse. Sorry, you may love him but he is getting ready to find someone else for his bed if he has not already.
  • jade1989mummy
    jade1989mummy Posts: 5
    Options
    Id give him a slap in the face tell him to jog on and grow up he doesnt likr bigger people lol what a joke u can do better in my opinion he playing away
  • smitty328
    smitty328 Posts: 164 Member
    Options
    REALLY..... Show him the door!!!!!
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
    Options
    I Thought the title meant Body Fat Issues, =/

    anyway, I went through something similar OP. EXCEPT, and let's see how entertaining this is for everyone:

    I was 220 lbs when I met my Fiancee.
    I'm now much smaller

    My Fiancee had absolutely NO problems AT ALL getting it going with me sexually when I was obese.
    I know i'm still overweight for my size however it really made me feel horrible about myself when he wouldn't sleep with me for MONTHS at a time.
    I asked him, and he gave me the same excuse your BF did. It hurt, I cried, it didn't make sense.

    I pulled away somewhat. Then, one day I brought up how it was even possible to have that as a viable excuse being that when I was morbidly obese he had no problem having sex with me.

    Apparently, the problems we had interim really put a damper on his ability to perform with me.
    I was in a dark place then and the lies didn't come to light until about a year and a half ago (that's about the time the sex dwindled)

    He found me more attractive then because I was beautiful to him, inside, and he knew I was working on my weight.
    Once all the lies and deceit came out, he said, I was less attractive to him and since my weight is still an issue (though not as big of an issue) it really killed off all attraction.

    Something tells me there's more to the story. Ask him flat out, if nothing has changed with you physically, what's going on. There has to be another reason.

    For anyone that's wondering, once my fiancé and I talked it out and he was able to heal from it all, our sexual relationship has greatly improved. There's always something else deep down in there that's going on. Talk about it.

    *Hugs*
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Options
    From a male point of view.
    He's lying (medical,cheating, etc.).....
    You are willing and have a pulse.
    Most normal males in their 20's would be knocking the bottom out of it.:drinker:
    Good luck young lady:flowerforyou:
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Options
    Talk to him not the message boards. If you want an adult relationship, then speak to your SO as an adult.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    Options
    145 pounds @ 5'3" isn't that big (I'm 5'2" and was 145 at my heaviest), so I can't figure out why that size/weight combo would be such a turnoff that it causes things to end entirely. I agree with others that have said that your weight is not the problem.

    I'd be very suspicious if I were in your situation. Clearly SOMETHING has changed. If not your size & shape, then maybe something in your interactions? Something he's got going on (work? school? family?) I would be very concerned that there's another woman involved.

    Crappy situation, any way you slice it. I hope you guys figure it out!
  • Valera0466
    Valera0466 Posts: 319 Member
    Options
    If I were you I'd do a little digging and see if he is into pornography. Men who become addicted to pornography tend to have a problem with women's body image. Normal women are no longer good enough their expectations become so high they can no longer perform so to say. Do not let this man destroy your image of yourself. From what I see in the pictures you are beautiful. You may be a little overweight but not in an unhealthy way.
    Knowing men as I do with 47 years experience behind me, the sex might slow down if he is unhappy but it is very unlikely to stop all together unless he is taking care of his needs in some other way.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Options
    If either of you are not attracted enough to even TRY to have sex in 4 months... then it's already over, and you just don't know it yet.

    Forget the reasons why or blame, none of that really matters. He might be cheating, you might be a horrible person - we don't know the whole story.

    There's obviously nothing wrong with you physically. Overweight people have awesome sex lives all the time. But you two aren't compatible. Fix it or move on.

Categories