BF Issues - HELP/ADVICE?
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If you are a size 4/6, you are not fat, even at 5'3". When someone loves you, they love YOU, not your body. Time for a new boyfriend.0
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I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.
He's lying about something.
Then, I'd show him the door.
^^ this...
5' 3" and 145 is not huge by any stretch of the imagination...I am obese and expect to turn selfish guys off but would not ever allow this sort of emotional abuse. Sorry, you may love him but he is getting ready to find someone else for his bed if he has not already.0 -
Id give him a slap in the face tell him to jog on and grow up he doesnt likr bigger people lol what a joke u can do better in my opinion he playing away0
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REALLY..... Show him the door!!!!!0
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I Thought the title meant Body Fat Issues, =/
anyway, I went through something similar OP. EXCEPT, and let's see how entertaining this is for everyone:
I was 220 lbs when I met my Fiancee.
I'm now much smaller
My Fiancee had absolutely NO problems AT ALL getting it going with me sexually when I was obese.
I know i'm still overweight for my size however it really made me feel horrible about myself when he wouldn't sleep with me for MONTHS at a time.
I asked him, and he gave me the same excuse your BF did. It hurt, I cried, it didn't make sense.
I pulled away somewhat. Then, one day I brought up how it was even possible to have that as a viable excuse being that when I was morbidly obese he had no problem having sex with me.
Apparently, the problems we had interim really put a damper on his ability to perform with me.
I was in a dark place then and the lies didn't come to light until about a year and a half ago (that's about the time the sex dwindled)
He found me more attractive then because I was beautiful to him, inside, and he knew I was working on my weight.
Once all the lies and deceit came out, he said, I was less attractive to him and since my weight is still an issue (though not as big of an issue) it really killed off all attraction.
Something tells me there's more to the story. Ask him flat out, if nothing has changed with you physically, what's going on. There has to be another reason.
For anyone that's wondering, once my fiancé and I talked it out and he was able to heal from it all, our sexual relationship has greatly improved. There's always something else deep down in there that's going on. Talk about it.
*Hugs*0 -
From a male point of view.
He's lying (medical,cheating, etc.).....
You are willing and have a pulse.
Most normal males in their 20's would be knocking the bottom out of it.:drinker:
Good luck young lady:flowerforyou:0 -
Talk to him not the message boards. If you want an adult relationship, then speak to your SO as an adult.0
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145 pounds @ 5'3" isn't that big (I'm 5'2" and was 145 at my heaviest), so I can't figure out why that size/weight combo would be such a turnoff that it causes things to end entirely. I agree with others that have said that your weight is not the problem.
I'd be very suspicious if I were in your situation. Clearly SOMETHING has changed. If not your size & shape, then maybe something in your interactions? Something he's got going on (work? school? family?) I would be very concerned that there's another woman involved.
Crappy situation, any way you slice it. I hope you guys figure it out!0 -
If I were you I'd do a little digging and see if he is into pornography. Men who become addicted to pornography tend to have a problem with women's body image. Normal women are no longer good enough their expectations become so high they can no longer perform so to say. Do not let this man destroy your image of yourself. From what I see in the pictures you are beautiful. You may be a little overweight but not in an unhealthy way.
Knowing men as I do with 47 years experience behind me, the sex might slow down if he is unhappy but it is very unlikely to stop all together unless he is taking care of his needs in some other way.0 -
If either of you are not attracted enough to even TRY to have sex in 4 months... then it's already over, and you just don't know it yet.
Forget the reasons why or blame, none of that really matters. He might be cheating, you might be a horrible person - we don't know the whole story.
There's obviously nothing wrong with you physically. Overweight people have awesome sex lives all the time. But you two aren't compatible. Fix it or move on.0 -
I try to eat healthy but my body just doesn't like to lose. I was doing yoga 5-6 times a week, but I tore all the ligaments in my ankle so right now I'm in a boot. I just feel it came up at a time that I can't do ANYTHING..but even when I HAVE tried my body just doesn't react the way the average person's does due to medications that I'm on. My body is content the size it is or something cuz I am adamant about calorie counting.
Did his inability to perform coincide with your injury? Was there anything else that happened around the time you two stopped being intimate? Just to play the devil's advocate for a moment, perhaps it really isn't your weight that's affecting him but something else that he doesn't recognize. Sometimes people jump to conclusions about the source of a problem that are just plain old wrong. It's possible that this is what he did.
That being said, he's a jerk for what he said to you regardless of the reasons. There's a thing called tact that this guy was lacking when you guys spoke.0 -
It's not you.I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.
He's lying about something.
Then, I'd show him the door.
you could be 6 foot 2, 98 pounds blond hair, blue eyes ect. and he'd be still giving you this super lame excuse.
he has had his fun and he wants to dump you.
Dump his sorry bum first.0 -
I have to agree with the others...I dont think for a minute it has to do with you, or your weight.
I dont know if its medical or something else (not at all saying he isn't a great guy)
But if he asked u out this size and had sex with you at this size initially, doesnt make sense at all since nothing has changed!!
If a guy cares about you, the weight/size wont matter!
You are too young to be in a relationship (not even married with kids) to not have sex for months at a time
The physical aspect is a very important part of any relationship....would try to by sympathetic and get him to talk
good luck!
kim0 -
Problem isnt your weight.. IT"S YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!!!
If he was such a nice person he wouldnt have told you your weight scares him. Show his Butt the Door.0 -
As a man who shows little emotional and has a hard time expressing to my wife how beautiful and wonderful she is to me... I am offended by this guy. When you attack attributes of your partner you are doing yourself a disservice. I would never put my wife's looks down no matter what problem may be happening, whether it be our sex life or it be a silly argument. So for him to deflect is cowardly, childish and not masculine at all.
Do yourself a favor and find an emotionally mature man. This one isn't ready for a serious relationship (up to you if you want to sit around and wait for him to decide to grow up.)
Oh and when you break up with him, tell him it's because his only useful organ doesn't work and that scares you.0 -
If it wasn't an issue before, I don't understand how it is an issue now. What has changed since you first got together? Not to put bad thoughts in your head, but could it possibly be that there's some one else?
Either way, don't let him determine if and how much weight you should lose. I know it sounds cliché, but you're not going to be happy in a relationship if you're not happy with yourself. Figure out if losing weight is something you WANT to do. If you do, hopefully things get better, but if you're happy with your size, don't lose an ounce for him and find someone who will love and appreciate you just the way you are.
BTW, feeling sexy and beautiful are determined by you, not by your boyfriend or parents or friends. This is something that comes from within. I hope that helps. Best of luck.
I agree! Maybe it's just my (bad) experience with men, but it almost sounds to me like he is just using your weight as an excuse. If nothing else has changed (that you know of) and you are still trying to be intimate, then something else is going on with HIM.
Good luck tonight!0 -
From a male point of view.
He's lying (medical,cheating, etc.).....
You are willing and have a pulse.
Most normal males in their 20's would be knocking the bottom out of it.:drinker:
Good luck young lady:flowerforyou:
QFT--great words cliff!!!!
wow if he thinks 145 and 5'3" is fat then im glad he hasn't met me....lol...you need to find yourself a new man that loves you for you, not you for your body!!!! there are tons of guys out there probably waiting for him to leave and will be knocking at the door.0 -
Let me start off by saying I did not have time to read everyone's responses.
But I am 5'3" and I am currently 178 lbs. I do not think that at 145 you are by any means "fat" or "ugly", this obviously has nothing to do with you. There is something up with your boyfriend. There is no way that all of a sudden, if you have not changed, that he just cannot perform in bed. That just sounds like an easy way for him to try to blame you or make you feel like it is your fault when in actuality he is hiding something.
Just my 2cents, not worth much, but I would tell him if he feels this way then it sounds like it is time to move on.0 -
If your weight hasn't changed at all, then something else is happening up in his head and he just was throwing out your weight as an excuse or diversion from the real issue. Kind of a **** move.
or....it really is the weight and in the beginning he was so attracted to other traits of yours that attraction over rode his not liking your weight, but now it has caught up to him. Also, a **** move.
Basicly, it sounds like one way or another he isn't giving you the whole story, and if you are going to bring up a gals weight you better give the whole damn story.
Sorry, but I am not holding out a lot of hope here.
And by the way, I am the same height as you but have a good 25lbs on you, I would LOVE to be your size girl....you look good!
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I saw this in your profile:
"Though I've gone the eating disorder route before which resulted in treatments"
If he knows this and still brought it up the way he did, that doesn't say that much about him.0 -
I haven't read all the responses, but I had the exact same experience in a past relationship. I had started dating the guy when I was a little heavier and it didn’t bother him at all, then I lost 30 lbs and all of a sudden he started telling me that I looked like I was putting on weight and that I needed to watch what I was eating (even to the point where he suggested that I should continue my workout regime but just stop eating for a while until my thighs got a little slimmer). Anyway, it turns out that he had come to the realization that he was no longer in love with me and he didn’t know how to deal with breaking up with me so he just pushed me until I broke up with him. This may or may not be the situation you’re in, but my advise either way is that when you talk to him just be 100% honest about how you’re feeling and ask him for the same in return. If he is questioning whether or not he wants to be with you, better to find out now. I can tell you that I went through almost 6 months of fighting and beating myself up and I made some really bad decisions before I finally gave up on him and I wouldn’t want to see anyone else go through that. It can take a long time to build yourself back up once someone has spent so much time tearing you down.0
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Whatever happens, it sounds like it's his problem, not yours. So if things go south please don't feel that you might as well give up. You've lost a good amount of weight and improved your health so continue on the path for you...because that's what really matters. Truthfully, 5'3" at 145 lbs. is very reasonable and in no way "huge"...so I hope you don't feel you need to lose a lot more to be acceptable. Wishing you the best because each of us deserves good things.0
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Oh sweetie,
Been there, done that. I want to ask you: Who do you Love more: Him, or You? To be honest babes, sometimes feelings change. Unfortunately not in the directions we always desire. I hate to say it, but by experience... it looks to be just an excuse.
If he really has problems with dating girls by their weight, it goes to show that he has a problem.
(HUGS) Have a fast recovery. There is a correct answer to my first question.. I hope you make the right choice for you. Life is way too short.0 -
Honey, you don't have a weight problem, you have a boyfriend problem. If he truly cannot perform, he should see a doctor. A healthy young man shouldn't have trouble getting an erection.
On top of that, it's wrong for him to put the blame on you. Your weight is not the issue and even if it is, do you really want to be with a man who only wants you if you meet some arbitrary standard of beauty?
Yep, with this reply!0 -
You are too young, smart ,and gorgeous to settle for less. See what he has to say, but IMO...GONE!0
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. When we first met, he was an offensive linebacker and powerlifting and I was 10 pounds up from my skinniest weight ever after a stomach parasite. Well, we both gained a lot of happy weight. lol (Me - 20 pounds, him - 40 pounds!) And although we aren't sexually active, our mutual weight gain has never negatively effected our relationship. I have always thought he was handsome, and he told me I was beautiful everyday. When I started to lose weight, he became very supportive, but continually reminded me that I was perfect just the way I was. He wants to lose weight for health reasons, and I encourage him. I am now at the same weight I was when I met him, and I can say that the way he saw me never changed. BUT, I am more comfortable in my own skin, which has helped our relationship just because I'm not constantly struggling with self-image.
My point is, in a loving and caring relationship, you don't see the person as much for their physical appearance, but the emotional and spiritual connection becomes more important. If your BF can't accept you for your current weight, then that says a lot about his true courage.0 -
Honey, you don't have a weight problem, you have a boyfriend problem. If he truly cannot perform, he should see a doctor. A healthy young man shouldn't have trouble getting an erection.
On top of that, it's wrong for him to put the blame on you. Your weight is not the issue and even if it is, do you really want to be with a man who only wants you if you meet some arbitrary standard of beauty?
Couldn't agree more!! There are plenty of men out there who will love you for YOU, even if you gain 100lbs. Dump the idiot with issues, and you'll find your sexiness and a new man who will appreciate every inch of it!0 -
I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.
He's lying about something.
Then, I'd show him the door.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^I completely agree with this!
Sometimes it hurts to walk away but down the line you'll wonder why you stayed that long. Good luck & keep your head up girlie, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, don't let anyone (or any limp biscuit) make you feel otherwise!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Play the song "bye, bye, bye and cry me a river" back to back as you load his bags into his car. Seriously, move on.0
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You're not "fat" but any stretch so I do'nt understand what the deal is.... I would feel like he's keeping something from you. Idk. sorry.0
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