Thank goodness for fat shaming!

alysonland
alysonland Posts: 8
in Chit-Chat
After getting married 3 years ago I went from having a wonderful, thin, healthy physique to slowly gaining over 50 pounds. I was eating everything in sight and was blissfully unaware of how rotund I had become. One day my mother out of the blue said to me - "I'm worried about your health, do you realize how heavily you breathe when you walk?" and then added, "You know, you used to be so pretty, but you've really turned into a whale." At first I was horrified. I couldn't believe my own mother could be so cruel. But after I got over my hurt and anger, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. She was right. I had gotten fat. I found MFP and got to work.
I know I'm going to get beat up for this, but being told I was fat was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've now lost over 20 pounds, am feeling healthy, and I'm so excited to be getting back to being the real me. I think that there is nothing wrong with getting a good kick in the pants once in awhile. I believe that some people need to be told the truth for their own good. Telling someone who is obese that they shouldn't worry about their health or appearance isn't doing them any favors.
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Replies

  • TheDevastator
    TheDevastator Posts: 1,626 Member
    photo.jpg
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,237 Member
    My friend at work has my full permission to call me "Tubby" and mock me when she sees me snacking on the cookies at work. She takes full advantage of the privilege.
  • PaleoChocolateBear
    PaleoChocolateBear Posts: 2,844 Member
    It's a harsh reality but if the shoe fits, I think that sometimes people are too sensitive but your mom started her comment out of concern about your breathing and she was worried. I'm glad though you got on course and have been losing weight congrats.
  • alysonland
    alysonland Posts: 8
    Love that cartoon!
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    It can work if you're totally unaware of your weight gain. Most of us aren't unaware. That's when "helpful" comments become a problem. I've never needed someone to open my eyes to my weight. I've always been acutely aware of it.

    So basically, people can STFU about it to me. If I want an accountability partner, I'll ask for one.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,237 Member
    It can work if you're totally unaware of your weight gain. Most of us aren't unaware. That's when "helpful" comments become a problem. I've never needed someone to open my eyes to my weight. I've always been acutely aware of it.

    So basically, people can STFU about it to me. If I want an accountability partner, I'll ask for one.

    That's a good point, if my workmate just started calling me tubby, there would be issues. But I told her to, so it's ok :)
  • LeeLeehichisson
    LeeLeehichisson Posts: 17 Member
    Totally agree i wish someone had said something to me a lot sooner!!
    I only realised how much weight i had put on when my niece told me that if somone wanted to kidnap me they'd need a crane ha ha!! made me laugh but at the same time opened my eyes!
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
    people didn't start commenting on my weight till i was at my heaviest. then i got shamed by multiple ex's and people i used to be friends with. i was always unhappy with my weight gain but hearing it from ex's and old friends tore me apart.
    i wasn't ready to lose weight until 3 months ago... for myself though. not other people.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    photo.jpg

    LMAO, oh man that is great.
  • kristina_m92
    kristina_m92 Posts: 155 Member
    *picks my jaw up off the floor* I'd die if my mom said that to me. But, congrats on your weight loss.
  • CheriLMT
    CheriLMT Posts: 220 Member
    I guess you can call me sensitive but hateful comments in the form of "helpful" comments just make angry which triggers my binge eating and I run straight for oreos. Do I know this is unhealthy OF COURSE I do! I know how much I weigh and you telling to run and to "push through the pain" is not motivating me. That is how I feel about it.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    Can you really put on 50 pounds and not know about it? I really am asking this seriously, not intending to hurt anybody.
  • Einahhh
    Einahhh Posts: 139
    I'm just throwing this out there, but there's a difference between telling someone they need to do something about their HEALTH, and telling someone they are FAT. I don't think it's right for someone to feel terrible about what they look like, and if they make a change it should be because they want to become healthier, or to improve the way they look, and not solely because they hate their body.
  • alysonland
    alysonland Posts: 8
    Honestly, I knew I had gained a few pounds, but I swear I was delusional about myself. Willfully blind. When I stepped on the scale and saw how much I had gained I nearly fell over.
    I really do think that many people in this country, like me, don't realize or want to face the truth about how big they are.
    I'm not saying you should go up to a stranger and call them names (How awful!)
    I'm just thankful that my mother DID let me know.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
    same here only it was my doctor. I am glad he didn't sugar coat it. I had been working out for a couple of years but kept getting larger. It was what i was eating. Then I read and watcvhed forks over knives. watch it it is on netflix, then watch hungry for a change too.
  • TES225
    TES225 Posts: 1
    I think you are very mature for the way that you accepted your mother's comments and acted on them. The first part about your health wasn't so bad, but I definitely would have been hurt by the "whale" comment. But obviously you knew that it came from a place of caring. I'm sure that your mom is very proud of your progress--keep up the great work!
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
    Nail. Head. Good work. Most of us aren't here because we look fine; we're here because we're fat. And no amount of polite compliments will change that.
  • danielleburwell97060
    danielleburwell97060 Posts: 257 Member
    For me I guess I would have to draw the line at the "You used to be so pretty and now you look like a whale" I don't think it's right that just because someone is overweight means they are not beautiful. I think that self esteem and self worth are way too tied up in appearance in our society. Like someone said, there's a difference between saying you're concerned for someone's health and calling them fat and therefore not beautiful. Like somehow you cease to be the beautiful person you always were because of 50lbs? Don't think so.
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
    I think she could have worded her comments better, but if name calling worked for you I guess that is OK. Personally I always knew I was overweight and hated anyone telling me. I was not ready to lose weight until I was ready. No one's comments would have made a difference.
  • timberowl
    timberowl Posts: 331 Member
    Calling your daughter a whale is pretty inappropriate. She'd better be a cream puff herself to judge like that.

    If she's really concerned about your health then your appearance would be irrelevant. Calling you a whale is superficial and shows more concern about what complete strangers might think than about your health OR feelings.

    It really depends where it comes from. If my mom said that I'd be upset but I'd get over it.

    If my boyfriend said that to me, it'd instantly be over.
  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
    My dad used to call me sumo when I was a teenager, I wasn't overweight at the time but all that name calling really upset me and made me think why shouldn't I just put on weight if that is how people see me? I then went the other way and starved myself for years. Then came the kidney tumour. I think so called "fat shaming" can be just as harmful as it can be helpful in some situations. I think if someone has put on weight and doesn't seem to notice a friendly word should be the first port of call.
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
    I got married and moved from Chicago to Arizona. After a year, I came back to visit my parents, and the FIRST thing my dad said was "You got chubby." That hurt. But, I didn't do anything about it because I was married and "well, I'm done keeping myself looking good because I'm off the market now and don't care."

    Well, it took years later for me to realize that I weighed too much. When I was nearly 200 lbs, I decided to do something about it. I lost 50 lbs and felt great.

    Then the weight came on again, then off, then a little bit more. Now, I understand the correlation between eating, exercise and weight loss.

    I would NEVER tell anyone, even my loved ones, they were fat. HOWEVER, if they ask me about their health OR wanting to lose weight, I will gladly tell them what I do to be successful. AND, I will gladly give them the kick in the pants they need to motivate them.
  • Lulzaroonie
    Lulzaroonie Posts: 222 Member
    So basically, what you're saying is "Thank goodness for abuse!" "Thank goodness someone made me feel bad about myself!"

    All I have to say to this thread is, just because you're losing weight, or have lost weight, doesn't make you any better than others who haven't or who don't want to. Don't kid yourselves into thinking that you're somehow superior to larger people, and don't even kid yourselves that you care about other peoples health, or their fitness.

    Who other people are, what they are, is nothing to do with you. So stop with the self aggrandising, it's so unbecoming.
  • NadiaSAKloof
    NadiaSAKloof Posts: 19 Member
    Bit harsh, but each to their own. I would not take a comment like that well, but we are all different. Personally, I find looking at photo's the biggest wake-up call. As for mirrors in clothing store change rooms, well that is just plain depressing! :wink:
  • greenteakedi
    greenteakedi Posts: 2
    Other peoples health and appearance is nobodys business. I wish people would stop body shaming. It doesn't matter if you're trying to be helpful by calling someone a whale or fat. Body shaming is body shaming. Reading and hearing things like this made me hate my own body when I was growing up. Only if someone had the guts to tell me pretty does not necessarily means thin and fit. Sure we can all agree that being obese is not healthy but telling someone what to do with their own bodies is nobodys decision to make but their own.
    Seriously seeing things like this makes me sick to my stomach.
  • deedee303z
    deedee303z Posts: 31
    Yeah, my dad used to give me lengthy lectures on my weight every time I saw him. I tried explaining that I had already discussed it with my doctor, etc (I had and I was doing something about it--I had just had a huge change in lifestyle and hadn't figured out how to adapt yet)--and got the "but I'm just telling you because I love you" line. Well, he continued on (nagging, threatening, bribing, etc) until I threatened to leave immediately the next time he brought it up. If anything, he delayed my doing anything about losing weight--both because I was so upset I couldn't think about it and because every time I visited he did his best to sabotage any diet I was on.

    You know my husband handled it better: "honey, I love you but I am worried about you because you don't seem to be happy about how you look. Is there anything I can do to help? I want you to be happy." No wonder I adore him!
  • Zehornet
    Zehornet Posts: 14 Member
    Ever since I was a teenager I have been at the receiving end of weight comments from my close family , mother and father. I'm glad it worked for you, but for me it made me:

    Ignore her comments for 5 years because she was being stupid (I was at healthy weight).
    Then, once I had decided to ignore her because of this, I started putting on more and more weight. Into being fat.
    The abuse didn't stop, in fact, I blame my low self-esteem on it.

    All these comments came out of a wish to be helpful, straight from the horse's mouth. They haven't done me any good at all. For 7 years they have been tormenting me about it. Guess what?

    You cannot, I repeat, cannot - make someone lose weight from fat shaming or "helpful comments".

    They will do it when they finally decide to. As I have, and so far I've lost 6 kg.

    Poopy comments are not helpful. All it does is make people feel like lard tubs, and if they are anything like me, then they already felt pretty bad to begin with.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
    If that works for the OP the more power to her.

    Personally, I reserve "brutal honest" for my 2nd or 3rd attempt at getting my point across and the person is being thick.

    That being said, there's a wide span of options between outright denial and sounding like a comedian trying to take down a heckler.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
    Other peoples health and appearance is nobodys business.

    I disagree with this....worrying about somebody's health isnt a bad thing. I watched my Mum gain and lose weigh several times, her suffering with a myriad of health issues surrounding her weight. There is no way I sat back and watched her get more unhealthy. I didn't want to be without her.

    The way to change someone however is not usually shaming. Make them want to be the fittest, strongest and healthiest they can. Be proud and encourage them to look after themselves. Im happy to say my mum has lost over 8 stone now and is just a couple a way from her goal weight. Shes stronger and fitter than she has been in years.
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
    I wish someone told me, I realised when I saw a pic of me in the water on hols with the kids, I didn't even recognise myself, I asked my hubby "who's that" and he laughed and said "it's you" so time for a change it was although I didn't actually make a move for another 4 months but I sternly talked to myself for those 4 months ... good on your mum, honestly is the best policy (for me anyway)

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