BF Issues - HELP/ADVICE?

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  • ForABetterMe89
    ForABetterMe89 Posts: 196
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    Seriously? I'm not reading all the responses before me, I'm sure what I'm about to say was already said. Your boyfriend sounds like a mad douche. You're not really overweight. you're fine. If you had amazing sex for 6 months at the same exact body then I don't understand how there's a problem now. A size 6 Jean is pretty damn good. Im thinking there are some underlying issues he doesnt want to bring up, or wont. Maybe he has a genine ED problem, in which a doctor is in order .If it really is because of your weight leave the douche vag and find someone who can get it up.
  • Carrie_Dabs
    Carrie_Dabs Posts: 7 Member
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    I can't be bothered to read other people's responses... as I don't have time, but I've just stumbled across this, and honestly? I can't believe I'm reading this?

    Numero uno, you are not fat. by any stretch of the imagination. A US Size 6 is a UK Size 8... you're 5"2. Not even close, lovely.

    2. If you haven't changed shape, then that is 100% NOT the reason that he's not wanting sex anymore. Everyone has different libidos, my ex's was below average, and yeah, it always tails off a little after the initial rush, but he must have found you sexually attractive in the first place. He may have other issues...

    3... if he DOES have other issues, then blaming YOU is a downright s*itty, dirty, lowdown, scummy thing to do, which in turn, brings me to number 4, 5 and 6.

    4. He's a *kitten*

    5. You deserve better

    6. He's a *kitten*.


    Please don't let ANYONE knock your confidence.
  • jonesin_am
    jonesin_am Posts: 404 Member
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    I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.

    He's lying about something.

    Then, I'd show him the door.

    ^^This. If he loved you your size wouldn't matter.
  • Bighiker2
    Bighiker2 Posts: 100
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    I am 5ft2 and at my biggest last July I was 144. I have been married for 14 years and we still have intercourses several times a week. I think that it is a little too soon for him to have lost interest/desire in sex with you. I don't think it's a matter of weight, either - you aren't that big at 145!!! -.

    I wish you all the best but it is a huge red flag... What is he going to do in 10-15 years? Really, this would be an eye opener for me. If things don't get better SOON, and stay that way, I honestly would run for the nearest exit if I were you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    i thought this was going to be a thred about bodyfat....
    I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.

    He's lying about something.

    Then, I'd show him the door.

    this. he just isnt into you any more would be my guess.
  • dimsumkitty
    dimsumkitty Posts: 120 Member
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    My OH was exactly like this. And you know what? I lost 2 inches off my waist since he told me this and our relationship is perfect again.

    He can't help what he feels when he looks at you. You can help what you look like. If there are more reasons for you to stay together than just looks (we are compatible in so many other ways), and the way you look is an obstacle to that, then you owe it to both of you to improve it!

    My OH has improved himself in many ways for me, and I've improved myself in many ways for him. We owe it to each other to make each other happier.
  • jaymesjourney
    jaymesjourney Posts: 85
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    My husband met me when I was well over 200 pounds...From day 1 he has told me how beautiful I am. I have stretch marks, my stomach isn't flat and I am very insecure. He makes me feel so loved and beautiful everyday even when I put myself down. It's not you that has the issue, its him. Find someone that makes you feel beautiful no matter what.
  • twelfty
    twelfty Posts: 576 Member
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    ........... you're not huge in the slightest, if you have a big bust, which going by your second pic.... through a thick jacket you can see them (sorry for perving :P ) imo you're curvy but no way near unattractive, and i'm not into larger sized ladies (no offence to them) i'd say there is another issue, tell him to cut the bull****
  • kitka82
    kitka82 Posts: 350 Member
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    i thought this was going to be a thred about bodyfat....

    So did I.. that's a blower.

    Yeah, so a size 5/6 jeans is not fat by any stretch of the imagination. Unless you are 4 foot nothing. Then, maybe. But still...

    My husband never commented on my weight, even after I had gained 80 pounds since we started dating. I had to drag out of him the fact that he was less attracted to me. Since then I've lost 60 pounds. If you gain a lot of weight, your man is going to notice. But there is such a thing called tact.

    The physical aspect of your relationship ebbs and flows. If there's been a dramatic change (and not for the better), there should be some open, honest conversation. I don't like the same things I liked 5 years ago. We continue to grow and evolve as people. Sometimes we're too busy. If he's stressed at work, I usually have to initiate. Depends on the guy.

    Anyways, it's not all your fault. And you're not fat. Talk to him. If you're not satisfied with what he has to say, don't continue to waste your time with him. Life is too short.
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
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    I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.

    He's lying about something.

    Then, I'd show him the door.

    ^^^THIS

    It never ceases to amaze me how young women waste time and energy and give their hearts to jerks. But you know what? I was a young dumb girl once too. Count this as a lesson learned and keep it moving!

    Honestly, he's ridiculous. Move on.

    Sorry but this!

    If everything was fine in the beginning and you are the same size as you were he's not telling you something. He's lying about the reasons why he isn't interested. It's not your weight that is the cause of the problem.

    My husband has still loved me even though I have gained 50lbs since we met. Everything is still fine. He has never said I was fat or made any comments about my weight... and gets mad if I call myself fat or anything like that. Some people do lose attraction if one person gains weight however that's not your issue here. If things were fine in the beginning he's lying about something now.

    NEVER change yourself for someone else. NEVER think YOU are the problem here because you aren't. I think you need to sit him down and ask him what the real issue is. If you are the same size now as you were in the beginning yet there are problems, he's lying about something and you need to figure out what it is. You need to know the real issue he has so you can either work with him on getting over it or you can move on.

    Personally, if I were you I would leave. It's not worth it. It's not worth you feeling bad about yourself or thinking you are the issue here because I don't think you are.
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
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    A great relationship doesnt just happen, it takes generosity, love, patience and work. All you who are advising that she dump her guy should stop and take a deep breath and be quiet cuz you dont have anything invested in this.

    OP stick with it a little longer, take a deep breath, and chill.

    I cant imagine any man being able to go 4 months without. I think there is something broke with him, mental or physical. You can gain a lot if you stay calm and nonjudgmental - & dont get emotional. Be willing to hang in there and work through this..... this is not just his or her's problem, this is yall's.

    Be cool and play the cards the best way you know how. Maybe it's his job, maybe youve worn him out, maybe yall are in a rut, maybe, maybe, maybe....but in looking at you I can promise, there are many guys who would let you eat crackers in their bed!

    Thank you. Thank you everyone for opinions, encouragement, and advice. I'm not ready to cut my losses..but I do feel a little more confident should it come to that. We had a long talk this evening and he was extremely apologetic saying he should have never said the things he did..and that he's just stressed out and it was an easy excuse..and a wrong one. We are going to try and work through it but at least through it all..he knows it's important to me, to him, and that certain things should never be said. Whether I end up with him or not I do appreciate all the compliments and I know I'll be okay..no matter what. I'll continue watching what I eat and once my ankle is healed I'll be back to my yoga..but it's going to be for ME.

    Thanks again everyone. Only time will tell at this point.

    Yeah it hurts and Ive been guilty more times than not of being the *kitten*.This kind of stuff happens in relationships and in my experience, is soon hidden amongst all the good things. You appear mature and level headed and I have to believe that you just didnt pick some loser off the streets; and that your guy does have good qualities.

    You do deserve better, but you have to nurture it for it to grow. Be patient & be charitable, try to put this behind you. Remember the lesson but also keep a short memory, who knows, just maybe one day the shoe will be on the other foot and you need his patience.

    Wisdom comes from experience and you both just accumulated a little more of both.
  • Mandykinz2008
    Mandykinz2008 Posts: 292 Member
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    I don't want a sex-less relationship..and I don't want to feel like I'm with someone who doesn't find me attractive.

    You need to repeat exactly this to him when you talk about it tonight. This is 100% honest and there's nothing wrong with letting him know what he said hurt you and has now made you feel insecure. He may not have meant it to come out that way.

    If he continues to act like a douche, you can always tell him that even though he's got a small d**k you're still willing to have sex with him. ;)

    Thanks. I was completely honest and he was too. He felt really bad for what he said and said that wasn't really the issue. I think we can work through it..and he's going to a dr. I don't think he's lying to me about not cheating..so we shall see. However, should it not turn out well your last line will be utilized lol

    Thanks everyone for responses
  • Sharkington
    Sharkington Posts: 485
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    I agree with those who mentioned telling him exactly what you told us.
    With that said, however, i am a bit baffled as to how you'd be considered "fat". I am looking at your profile pictures and I never would have thought such a thing, so I understand why this is so confusing for you! I also don't understand how he was able to perform in the beginning, but not now - especially if you have not gained any weight. I wouldn't doubt he is holding something back and using your weight as an excuse - maybe he is not being entirely honest about something. I don't know him, and maybe that isn't the case, but it's a possibility. :/ You do deserve to feel desired and attractive to your SO - and since you really love him, I hope you can work it out. If not, it may hurt in the beginning, but you also need to think of your happiness in the long run. Life is too short and there will undoubtedly be guys out there attracted to you NOW. :flowerforyou:

    EDIT
    Oops, just saw your latest reply. I'm glad you guys feel up to working things out. Best of luck to you both!
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,370 Member
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    There's enough pressure already for us all to conform to a so-called 'ideal' as it is. You really shouldn't feel like you have to in a good relationship.



    .
  • Querida0323
    Querida0323 Posts: 5
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    I'm glad he's going to a Doctor about this. Good Luck Babes. I'm wishing you happiness
  • MommaWheezy
    MommaWheezy Posts: 28 Member
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    You are beautiful!!! I'm 5'2" and was 150 pounds so I know you're not fat, just a little curvy. I was also in a boot 3 times in 2 years so your weight may come off slowly until you can exercise so don't get discouraged.

    As hard as it may be, he's already left so let him go. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? He's a coward for blaming you so give him the boot.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
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    Honey, you don't have a weight problem, you have a boyfriend problem. If he truly cannot perform, he should see a doctor. A healthy young man shouldn't have trouble getting an erection.

    On top of that, it's wrong for him to put the blame on you. Your weight is not the issue and even if it is, do you really want to be with a man who only wants you if you meet some arbitrary standard of beauty?

    This.
    P.S. - I'm 5'2 and my goal is 135, so I guess I'll be "fat".

    I'm 5'3" my goal is 145-149
    bring on the fatties!
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
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    to the OP, the issue is definitely his.
    He's lying, or impotent.
    you haven't changed, (and shouldn't unless you want to ) he has.
  • supercatie18
    supercatie18 Posts: 82 Member
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    I also didn't read everyone's responses... but I am exactly the same height and weight as you...I think we're a great size! IDK about you but I'm the type where my curves are well proportioned to the rest of my body :flowerforyou: Honestly, I think some men prefer our body type to someone skinner anyway.

    Yes I am trying to lose a few pounds to tone up, but I've started to worry less about it lately. My body isn't perfect, but my boyfriend thinks it is.

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