Not sure what to do or think.......

I have a hypenated last name. I work under my maiden name, and use my husband's last name when not at work. We discussed this at length before we got married. I love my maiden name. It's unique and it had been name my entire life! That is not an easy thing to give up. Luckily, my hubby said "I don't care what your name is, as long as you will marry me."

I didn't wear my ring to work for years, because I didn't want it to get damaged.

I don't change my name on Facebook, tho.

With all that said, if you have suspicions she is cheating on you, ask her. Unless you are paranoid, those suspicions are probably legitimate. Get it all out in the open, then determine if/how you want to work on it.

These things are not the reasons your marriage is rocky, nor grounds for divorce. You obviously know there are underlying issues here, and forcing your wife to use your name and wear her ring won't fix them, it's just controlling. If she wanted to, she would be doing so. You demanding it won't fix whatever reason she doesn't want to.

Her using her own name and not wearing a ring might have nothing to do with the state of your marriage and her feelings towards you.

If you're talking to a fitness forum about your relationship issues instead of your wife or a marriage counselor, no wonder you're in this situation. You have communication issues.

Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situation.

Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

The name thing? Thats not a big deal. I agree with others, let that one go.

The ring? Most women love their wedding rings. They show them off and really take care of them. However, I think thats something you have to accept. Some people, male and female, dont like wearing any type of rings. Im one of them.
Whats the saying anyways....engagement ring, wedding ring, suffeRING.

If the marriage is on the rocks the rocks are usually in the bed.

1) I changed my last name when I got married. And honestly, I'm glad I did (I got tired of people misspelling my maiden last name, why Green was so hard to spell out I have no idea) and to me, it is significant (ok start blasting me). Also, I changed my card to reflect my name change and it has saved a lot of hassle.

2) My husband, with the work he does as an IT, he can't always wear his wedding ring. And there have been times where I have walked out and forgotten to put mine on (and living in a Catholic community, people notice and nag) or when I go to work out, i take mine off so it doesn't go flying (which I have had happen because of how much weight I have lost) but unless its either weight gain, her work environment, or something significant, it would raise a red flag to me.

3) I never changed my myspace to reflect that I am married (and honestly i forgot my password to it) but I did change my Facebook the day after we got married, as well as my Twitter and I didn't include my maiden name in the change. A friend of mine didn't finally change hers over until after 5 years of marriage and a kid.

I would say if it is bothering you that badly, then either talk to her or go and get counseling, but from what you are saying, it sounds like she has checked out of the marriage a long time ago and is trying to do everything she can do make sure it ends, and yes its hard to hear but it takes 2 for a marriage to work, not just one or the other.

I hate to tell you, but I do think you have a real cause for concern here.
Part one: well, I don't really think that's a sign of anything wrong. Lots of women choose not to change their name and they are happily married.
Part two: A woman doesn't just one day take off her wedding ring she's worn for years, and decide she done wearing it. If she wanted to she could get one that doesn't cut off her circulation. It seems like a red flag to me, especially if you've had a rocky relationship for years.
Part three: I don't understand the different names on different sights at all. I mean, pick a name and stick with it. Sounds more than a little suspicious,like she is trying to cover up something.
I don't know if any of these things taken alone would necessarily mean something is wrong, but all added up I think it would be a good idea the seek some counseling.

I completely agree! there is seriously cause for concern here.

Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situation.

Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

I know these were meant as words of encouragement...but really are you a friend of his or just stalk his posts.
I think is very tactless of you to bring up ANY CONDITIONS he may have or not have and to relate his doubt to his meds come-on, that is not only rude but condescending and if he does have any conditions it is something he most probably deals with and not defines who he is.

And hell while I'm at it "If at all possible, remain a nuclear family." this is terrible advice...it basically is saying the same bs I've heard before in other loveless marriages "stay together for the kids sake" Great example to set for children...stay together even if your miserable because your a family (a sad one most probably if that's whats holding it together.)

I am not saying he shouldn't try but I will say just going through the motions is a waste of time for everybody involved.

Your heart was probably in the right place, but I think both your feet are in your mouth.

OMG, why would anyone post someone elses personal details on a social media site?? I would be devistated if someone did that to me... serious violation of trust. It is one thing for you to post your own business, but to display someone else's life like this??? No class!

Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situation.

Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

OMG, why would anyone post someone elses personal details on a social media site?? I would be devistated if someone did that to me... serious violation of trust. It is one thing for you to post your own business, but to display someone else's life like this??? No class!

That info is listed on his profile page. She just read what he himself already posted.

Sounds like there is a deeper issue here.

One: Unless she has a deep attachment to her name, (which she wouldve made clear to you before you were married) she shouldnt have taken this long to change it, if she agreed to change it in the first place. Some people want to get all nazi-feminist about it (women shouldnt have to change their names, men should change to their wives names blah blah blah) but seriously, unless she has a reason for it (wanting the family name to carry on, a deep love for it, etc) then she should have changed it. I changed my name when I got married (took me about 18 months to do so, because of procrastination). I had no deep attachment to my family name, it wasnt that big of a deal to me to keep it, I hate the hyphenation thing, just seems so pretentious, and I am more traditional in that aspect. I was raised with the ideal that daughters have their fathers last names because they belong to their father until they are married. It is the father's responsibility to protect, love, cherish and care for his daughter until marriage. When the daughter gets married, that responsibility transfers to her husband and she takes his name. (Please, nazi-feminists, dont read too much into this. Women are not property and Im using the word "belong" as a lovey-term, not a slavery term)

Two: Unless shes a doctor, mechanic or likewise, she should be wearing her ring. If she hated it, I would assume she wouldve told you by now. If she gained weight, you would have noticed and that would be an obvious reason for her not to wear her ring. When I was pregnant with my son and had raging swelling everywhere, I wore my wedding ring around my neck until after I gave birth. Our rings are very symbolic for us (myself and my husband) so we make a point to wear them every day. (it helps that mine is gorgeous!) But when my husband worked a job where wedding rings were discouraged (in a prison due to the potential safety hazard), I didnt make a fuss. He wore it when he could.

Three: shes hiding something. thats obvious. Ask her what shes hiding.

In short (because this was longer than I thought it would be) sit down with her and talk honestly. If you feel like its over and you dont want to try, then it is. If you love her, then you fight for her, if shes worth the fight. But dont wallow in misery because you deserve happiness. marriage counselling is a Godsend. Seriously. Try it.

good luck :flowerforyou:

i've just been called a nazi. my feelings are all hurted.

I had high school teacher call me a Nazi to my face, in front of the class... yes, at a Christian School.