Not sure what to do or think.......

I hate to tell you, but I do think you have a real cause for concern here.
Part one: well, I don't really think that's a sign of anything wrong. Lots of women choose not to change their name and they are happily married.
Part two: A woman doesn't just one day take off her wedding ring she's worn for years, and decide she done wearing it. If she wanted to she could get one that doesn't cut off her circulation. It seems like a red flag to me, especially if you've had a rocky relationship for years.
Part three: I don't understand the different names on different sights at all. I mean, pick a name and stick with it. Sounds more than a little suspicious,like she is trying to cover up something.
I don't know if any of these things taken alone would necessarily mean something is wrong, but all added up I think it would be a good idea the seek some counseling.

I completely agree! there is seriously cause for concern here.

Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situation.

Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

I know these were meant as words of encouragement...but really are you a friend of his or just stalk his posts.
I think is very tactless of you to bring up ANY CONDITIONS he may have or not have and to relate his doubt to his meds come-on, that is not only rude but condescending and if he does have any conditions it is something he most probably deals with and not defines who he is.

And hell while I'm at it "If at all possible, remain a nuclear family." this is terrible advice...it basically is saying the same bs I've heard before in other loveless marriages "stay together for the kids sake" Great example to set for children...stay together even if your miserable because your a family (a sad one most probably if that's whats holding it together.)

I am not saying he shouldn't try but I will say just going through the motions is a waste of time for everybody involved.

Your heart was probably in the right place, but I think both your feet are in your mouth.

OMG, why would anyone post someone elses personal details on a social media site?? I would be devistated if someone did that to me... serious violation of trust. It is one thing for you to post your own business, but to display someone else's life like this??? No class!

Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situation.

Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

OMG, why would anyone post someone elses personal details on a social media site?? I would be devistated if someone did that to me... serious violation of trust. It is one thing for you to post your own business, but to display someone else's life like this??? No class!

That info is listed on his profile page. She just read what he himself already posted.

Sounds like there is a deeper issue here.

One: Unless she has a deep attachment to her name, (which she wouldve made clear to you before you were married) she shouldnt have taken this long to change it, if she agreed to change it in the first place. Some people want to get all nazi-feminist about it (women shouldnt have to change their names, men should change to their wives names blah blah blah) but seriously, unless she has a reason for it (wanting the family name to carry on, a deep love for it, etc) then she should have changed it. I changed my name when I got married (took me about 18 months to do so, because of procrastination). I had no deep attachment to my family name, it wasnt that big of a deal to me to keep it, I hate the hyphenation thing, just seems so pretentious, and I am more traditional in that aspect. I was raised with the ideal that daughters have their fathers last names because they belong to their father until they are married. It is the father's responsibility to protect, love, cherish and care for his daughter until marriage. When the daughter gets married, that responsibility transfers to her husband and she takes his name. (Please, nazi-feminists, dont read too much into this. Women are not property and Im using the word "belong" as a lovey-term, not a slavery term)

Two: Unless shes a doctor, mechanic or likewise, she should be wearing her ring. If she hated it, I would assume she wouldve told you by now. If she gained weight, you would have noticed and that would be an obvious reason for her not to wear her ring. When I was pregnant with my son and had raging swelling everywhere, I wore my wedding ring around my neck until after I gave birth. Our rings are very symbolic for us (myself and my husband) so we make a point to wear them every day. (it helps that mine is gorgeous!) But when my husband worked a job where wedding rings were discouraged (in a prison due to the potential safety hazard), I didnt make a fuss. He wore it when he could.

Three: shes hiding something. thats obvious. Ask her what shes hiding.

In short (because this was longer than I thought it would be) sit down with her and talk honestly. If you feel like its over and you dont want to try, then it is. If you love her, then you fight for her, if shes worth the fight. But dont wallow in misery because you deserve happiness. marriage counselling is a Godsend. Seriously. Try it.

good luck :flowerforyou:

i've just been called a nazi. my feelings are all hurted.

I had high school teacher call me a Nazi to my face, in front of the class... yes, at a Christian School.

OK - let me ask you this:

Part One: My wife will NOT change/drop her last name to reflect her married last name nor will she add my last name onto hers. She never switched over her Social Security Card years ago (got married in 2001 - yes 2001 not a type error) as this reflects her maiden name. When I ask her to do so....... many and many excuses follow suite.

Part Two: My wife will not wear a wedding ring. She claims it cuts off circulation, her fingers well, etc, etc. This she did back in 2009. When I ask her to do so....... many and many excuses follow suite.

Part Three: Social Network sites FaceBook, MySpace (back in the day) and other sites she switches between her maiden name, maiden and married name (hypenated) and sometimes just my last name only. Just recently though my last name, removed from everything.

Our marriage - VERY rocky VERY unstable over many years - not because of this or just because of this but other issues.

So my question is this - do these three items have a significant value towards a marriage? What to do if she refuses to do so? Grounds for divorce?

It's nice to have the same last names, but it's also fine to have different names. I didn't want to change my name when I got married -- I'd had that name all my life. At the same time, I loved my husband. It isn't the name, it's the person, the friendship, the trust.

It sounds like you might have control issues. I hope you will see a counselor and talk it out. Good luck.

i've just been called a nazi. my feelings are all hurted.

I had high school teacher call me a Nazi to my face, in front of the class... yes, at a Christian School.

we should both have a little cry that the mean people called us names!

Not trying to be rude or a d*ck, but why would you want to ask strangers on a diet and fitness site about problems in your marriage? These are things you need to discuss with your wife.....Best of luck, hope you get it sorted x

1. Its a name...not that big of a deal. If your name is important to you think about that maybe hers is to her. If you want to match, you could have changed yours. I have a friend that got married and her hubby changed his to her last name. If something that trivial is a deal breaker for you then maybe the whole marriage thing wasn't the best way to go.

2. I rarely wear my wedding ring. I am looking at it right now on my desk in a jewelry box. I cant wear it to work and then I just forget to put it back on. Besides, it doesn't fit right now anymore anyway. *puts that on the list of things to do* My hubby lost his over a year ago and we haven't replaced it yet. Not a big deal either and doesn't really mean anything. I would be more concerned if she made a show of wearing it but you kept catching her coming home with it off.

3. Other people find you on social networking sites through your maiden name. Makes sense to have it on there to me. I would be more concerned if she was hiding the fact that she is on those sites and started locking her computer.

You say your marriage is unstable. I would work on real issues and let the whole name thing go. Seems like a trivial thing and certainly not something worth divorcing over.

i've just been called a nazi. my feelings are all hurted.

I had high school teacher call me a Nazi to my face, in front of the class... yes, at a Christian School.

we should both have a little cry that the mean people called us names!

I think I was more confused than anything else. But we should have a cry... on the count of 3.
1...2...3

OK. that's over.

When I got married I took his last name, and that was not easy bc his (now ours) is 18 letters long!

I had everything changed over the days after our wedding. I mean EVERYTHING.
Also, let me note. My husband is military so everything had to match, if I took his name I needed it all to say his name.


Wedding ring- I wear mine EVERY day. I have 3 rings to make up my set and I wear them all day. My husband rarely wears his. He doesn't at work because of the type of things he does in the Marines (i understand.) But he will wear it when we go out and about.

My facebook states my first name, married name, and maiden name so other people can find me, like before I got married.

Every relationship has its ups/downs and signs that the other is unhappy. Yet if she has always done these things (no ring/no last name change) I'm not sure I would worry 100%. Now if she had your name and changed it to hers, or wore a ring and then stopped....then you might wanna worry.

Good Luck

Same!

Revolutionary idea:

Maybe she likes her birth name and wants to keep it.

Maybe wearing an expensive piece of jewelry is a fuss and she'd rather not bother just because of a tradition.

But using your last name only on social networking is a possible red flag.

Wow, what a lot of issues for concern and ones that have bothered you for years which is so unhealthy for you and your marriage. To be honest, I think that you should be having a serious chat with your wife; if you are actively seeking grounds for divorce then you are obviously unhappy. Instead of focusing on what she might want, spend some time thinking about what you want and where you want to be in the future.......Please try and talk with her or go for some counselling. I wish you much luck and a favourable eventual outcome. Take care x

My first wife complained and made excuses about changing her last name, so she never did it. That's just one of a million reasons why she's the EX-wife.

When I met my current wife, I told her in no uncertain terms that she was going to take my name. Not hyphenate it, not put it off, not ignore it, and not complain about it. She changed it the very same week we got married. She loves my last name and can't stand when people call her by her maiden name.

1) Just because she doesnt change her name or wear a ring .. does NOT mean she isnt committed to your marriage. I do believe you need to sit back and look at all the ways she DOES show she commits to your marriage. I do neither as well however I am very committed to our marriage. A name nor ring will solidify a relationship.

2) If there is no other commitments... find out why.

3) fix it. I have been seperated and thought it was the best thing. I begged for my marriage back and fight for it daily now. Being content is often better then over the moon happy or continually expecting things that are unfair to you both.

You got married for a reason, you knew it wasn't going to be easy. If you're looking for ways out.. then maybe she is too. But unfortunately no one but you can determine that. And until you figure out why you both are looking for ways out, if thats the case. Its not fair to walk away without trying to fix them. Being "unhappy" isnt justifiable. Marriage is a devotion.. not a piece of paper that seems to be easily ripped up.

GO FIGHT!!