Not sure what to do or think.......

Options
124

Replies

  • moontyrant
    moontyrant Posts: 160 Member
    Options
    Why won't YOU take HER last name? Sounds like you're not really committed to the relationship, imho.
  • Tuffjourney
    Tuffjourney Posts: 971
    Options
    My first wife complained and made excuses about changing her last name, so she never did it. That's just one of a million reasons why she's the EX-wife.

    When I met my current wife, I told her in no uncertain terms that she was going to take my name. Not hyphenate it, not put it off, not ignore it, and not complain about it. She changed it the very same week we got married. She loves my last name and can't stand when people call her by her maiden name.

    While I happily took my husband's name when we got married.. I wouldn't have if he would have done like you said you did. It isn't the husband's place to tell a woman she has to change her name.



    Yep.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    Options
    the ring and the name....not that big a deal (as far as I am concerned)

    if I ever get married, I don't know if I will change my name. i'm partial to mine now. however that being said if he wanted me to take his name, and it would make him happy, then sure...why not....but i'm not attached to the issue.

    the ring....again...not attached to the issue....if he didn't wear it, oh well...i don't always remember to wear jewellry either....can't complain about that....

    honestly those are THINGS...what matters is what is in the heart....if some guy took the time to make a vow to me, and to love me...that's all I ask from him, that he honor that vow and love me...everything else is just things...

    now...the moodiness and the playing with her identity on social media sites? that's trouble to me...that's an internal dialogue with herself about how she feels about being married...and it's playing out in public for all to see...including you...

    THAT is a problem in my eyes....try some counselling...

    it may help.

    that's about all I can offer in terms of advice.
  • zumbalinda22
    zumbalinda22 Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    Looking at everything all together, it looks like counseling would definitely be in order: there appear to be issues to deal with. I have to comment on the name thing, though. I've been married almost 24 years, and I kept my maiden name. My name is my identity - it's the name I was born with, and the only name I can see myself ever having. Luckily, my husband did not have a problem with this. I understand why someone would not want to give up the name they've had all their life, but the fact that she uses different combinations of names on accounts and things seems a little odd. If your marriage is important to you, you need to talk to her and maybe suggest some help. If she's not interested in working on the marriage, you probably have your answer.
  • mllst18
    mllst18 Posts: 188 Member
    Options
    Well, clearly it is an issue for you. I just don't see why she couldn't have both your name and hers....but anyways...it seems like you have more of a trust issue with it and don't think that she's doing it for the right reasons. I would say that a relationship can't work without trust.
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,721 Member
    Options
    Revolutionary idea:

    Maybe she likes her birth name and wants to keep it.

    Maybe wearing an expensive piece of jewelry is a fuss and she'd rather not bother just because of a tradition.

    But using your last name only on social networking is a possible red flag.

    I've never changed my last name, anywhere, and we're still happily married. Wtf.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
    Options
    you should change your last name to hers. Problem solved.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    I have no energy left for this *sigh*
  • Lunarokra
    Lunarokra Posts: 855 Member
    Options
    1. Changing last name is Optional. I wish I had known that years ago and not changed my last name. In all my documents i always sing with my maiden name as middle name. It's a part of me, my identity.


    2. My marriage was rocky and i threw the ring (it was a simple band) and he didn't have one.

    3. I like to keep my work related away from my personal so my status is under my maiden name but in my status I 'm married and it's linked to whom.


    Hope you can commmunicate with your wife if it really bothers you.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    Options
    Um.. Could she be having an affair? Does she ever post anything about you or being married on her facebook? (pictures, status updates, etc). This all seems kinda shady to me. Maybe you should do some investigating!
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    Options
    I will not be changing my last name if I ever ( :grumble: )get married. Does your last name suck? And is hers awesome?

    Sounds like you're looking too far into things to me.
  • luckyshilling
    luckyshilling Posts: 229
    Options
    Part 1: Something you should have discussed before marriage, 10 years later is too late to start complaining & a long time to hold a grudge/bicker about.
    Part 2: Also something you should have discussed before marriage, and is also too late to start complaining & a long time to hold a grudge/ bicker about.
    Part 3: She is immature and dramatic for ****ing around with her name all the time on facebook, you are immature and dramatic for checking up on it all the time.

    She's drama and your a drama junkie if you have been at this for 10years and haven't gotten divorced yet.
    Ergo....you are PERFECT for each other.
  • mstrickland9
    mstrickland9 Posts: 102
    Options
    Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

    If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

    I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

    Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situatio

    Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

    Wow, you just told the whole MFP community some very serious and private things about the OP and his family! Very tactless and thoughtless! Did you think how he might feel with all his private medical stuff on here for the world to see?
  • luckyshilling
    luckyshilling Posts: 229
    Options
    Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

    If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

    I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

    Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situatio

    Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

    Wow, you just told the whole MFP community some very serious and private things about the OP and his family! Very tactless and thoughtless! Did you think how he might feel with all his private medical stuff on here for the world to see?

    He is airing his marital dirty laundry for the world to see.....I'm just sayin'.:indifferent:
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    Options
    Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

    If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

    I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

    Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situatio

    Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

    Wow, you just told the whole MFP community some very serious and private things about the OP and his family! Very tactless and thoughtless! Did you think how he might feel with all his private medical stuff on here for the world to see?

    whoa.
    nice judgement.

    HE posted it several times for ALL the world to see.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
    Options
    Your boys, whose last name do they have? Why would she not want the same last name as her children? As others have said, too late to make a deal of it now. The ring, no big deal. She doesn't want it so sell it and get yourself something fun. A mountain bike, motorcycle, tattoo, hookers and blow, whatever. The name changing thing on all her social websites is a bit worrying.

    Best of luck to you.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    Options
    Part 1: Something you should have discussed before marriage, 10 years later is too late to start complaining & a long time to hold a grudge/bicker about.
    Part 2: Also something you should have discussed before marriage, and is also too late to start complaining & a long time to hold a grudge/ bicker about.
    Part 3: She is immature and dramatic for ****ing around with her name all the time on facebook, you are immature and dramatic for checking up on it all the time.

    She's drama and your a drama junkie if you have been at this for 10years and haven't gotten divorced yet.
    Ergo....you are PERFECT for each other.

    he's bi-polar.
    to me they are both immature and high maintenance.

    tomorrow she might be the bees knees again. You never know.

    I wish them well, but realistically i see loads of therapy for all four family members in the future.
  • mstrickland9
    mstrickland9 Posts: 102
    Options
    Just really wish you the best...you have Mood Disorders and are Bi Polar, your two children are both special needs. The one is autistic and the other presents with AdHd.

    If at all possible, remain a nuclear family. It takes work but you are 39 years old and you are likely capable of staying within the marriage and working to make it better. Never base your real world life on websites, FB, myspace etc.

    I am not exactly sure what meds you take everyday but am thinking you must be on several different medications, may that be something that needs an adjustment?

    Rather than upset your entire life, look for the strength to make the best decisions within your present situatio

    Here Rooting for you ☺☺☺☺☺

    Wow, you just told the whole MFP community some very serious and private things about the OP and his family! Very tactless and thoughtless! Did you think how he might feel with all his private medical stuff on here for the world to see?

    He is airing his marital dirty laundry for the world to see.....I'm just sayin'.:indifferent:

    That's true, maybe I was too quick to judge.
  • ekahnicole
    ekahnicole Posts: 216 Member
    Options
    Talk to her and then get some counseling.
    he's bi-polar.
    to me they are both immature and high maintenance.

    tomorrow she might be the bees knees again. You never know.

    I wish them well, but realistically i see loads of therapy for all four family members in the future.

    You post gives a very negative slant to bi-polar disorder, I think that's a bit insensitive considering many people here struggle with things like that and depression, or have a close friend or family member that does.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    Options
    Talk to her and then get some counseling.
    he's bi-polar.
    to me they are both immature and high maintenance.

    tomorrow she might be the bees knees again. You never know.

    I wish them well, but realistically i see loads of therapy for all four family members in the future.

    You post gives a very negative slant to bi-polar disorder, I think that's a bit insensitive considering many people here struggle with things like that and depression, or have a close friend or family member that does.

    perhaps. But at the same time, I have lived with several people with the disorder and they all were prone to over-reaction/mood swings, irresponsibility and emotional instability.
    Still, my post was specific to the OP. Not intended for your friend or anyone else.
    read his previous posts if you want to see what I based my opinion on.

    Edited to note, that i attempted to edit my earlier post, to make it more " positive" and was not allowed.

Categories