Getting Married Young

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  • ngressman
    ngressman Posts: 229 Member
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    So.. my fiancé and I are 21 and almost 23.. we are getting married next July 4th :love:

    We have been together 5 years this coming May 3rd. I'm just watching some friends that are getting married.. and I was told that I would need to give my fiancé a 'hall pass'. I totally disagree with this. I'm just looking for some good books that I can read and write all over.. We both like reading books like this.. I just don't know of any for younger couples.. I don't want to end up making him feel like he needs a hall pass.. I want to be the perfect wife for him and I would hope he wants to be the perfect husband for me too. Couples that want to share their tips I would appreciate it!!

    and yeah.. 'sexy' books too!

    Thanks :smile:

    Adding:: The only ones I'm finding are Christian.. I would like ones that aren't religious.
    I don't think the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is Christian. It's a good one either way. The hall pass is the perfect way to ensure a divorce in the near future. Hmm. I just skimmed the table of contents, but the Love List looks like a good read. I married young and my marriage is wonderful. I do think it is because my husband is 100% committed to me. I don't think he would even want a hall pass if I suggested it.
  • lhourin
    lhourin Posts: 144 Member
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    I thought Mating In Captivity was a good book for the sexual stuff....though we've been married for almost 14 years, so I was coming at it from the perspective of having been together so long. But it had good ideas and things to keep in mind about appreciating each other, keeping things fresh, etc.

    Best of luck. Several of our friends married young and are still going strong. Don't let anyone talk crap about that! :)

    And, oh yeah, hall pass is the worst idea ever. Seriously, why would anyone ever marry someone else who actually WANTED one?? That in and of itself is a sign of (bad) things to come.
  • grantdumas7
    grantdumas7 Posts: 802 Member
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    Odds are against you that you will have a successful marriage. Honestly I would wait at least 5 years until even thinking about getting married.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
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    I got married at 21, been 17 years now without the need for a hall pass.... like WTF? I think you read 2 many self help books (what happened to listening to YOURSELF) and watched Hall Pass 2 many times.

    As for those saying wait till you are older to get married...... like WTF? What has the age of WHEN you get married got anything to do with it? Another 5 years is not going to make any difference if they know they want to be together forever.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.
    Why do you need to change? Its simple, 'you' are who he is marrying if you aren't good enough and you fear he will cheat on you without being "better" YOU need to break up and try being single so you both can have an experience.


    I'm not getting out what I need to say right :tongue:
    I'm not trying to change.. I just want to be prepared for the different 'stages' we will both go through.. and I know I'll be a different person at 25, 30 years old.. Trust me, I love this man! He is amazing to me.. I just want to see other peoples stories and advice on how to keep that..
    Change is inevitable, but even when we change our basic personality remains the same. I am not married but my SO and I met young (he was 19 and I was 21) we've been through a lot. Married or not we would have gone through it, we have changed but we love each other and that has changed to fit our relationship. Of either is or it isn't and there is no self help book that's going to prepare you for the its ands or butts of your personality changes for aging. :/
  • gettinfitaus
    gettinfitaus Posts: 161 Member
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    I am turning 21 this summer, and my fiance is turning 24 as well. We are getting married in September of this year!
    I think the whole "hall pass" thing is bull, honestly, lol. Its like the last desperate act of someone who isn't ready for commitment.

    What she said. I married at 23, to my now ex husband who is the ex because he wasn't anywhere near ready to be married. Which is the whole point, if you are both ready then you will be fine. If one of you isn't ready but is going along to make the other happy then there will be trouble. The other thing to do is to make a concerted effort to grow closer. Work hard to find things to do together make sure that you participate in your marriage instead of just coasting through it.

    But if someone needs a hall pass... Alarm bells should be ringing.
  • diolpah
    diolpah Posts: 134 Member
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    My advice is to ask the hall pass salesman if they can throw in an STD screening and some couples therapy for 40% off.

    Might as well save money if you're going to make a terrible decision.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
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    You don't need to give him a hall pass at all. My husband and I were 22 when we got married...a month from him being 23. Now, you can want to be a great wife, but changing yourself will not help either. The important thing is to work on your marriage, know which duties are whose (ie he takes out the trash and helps with dishes after dinner, you vacuum, dust or whatevs....can be changed up depending if you both work or if just one of you). One good book I read was Venus and Mars in the bedroom. Its been a lot of years but I still remember bits and pieces that helps. I wouldn't stress too much...he should know who he is marrying by now :)
  • fluffykitsune
    fluffykitsune Posts: 236 Member
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    I've been with my boyfriend since I was 14 (I'm only 18 atm lol.. he turns 22 next thursday).
    We have intentions of getting married, but not anytime soon. Hes in the air force for 6 years (5 more to go) and I'm not going to marry until hes out and I'm done with college.
    If he had the slightest thoughts about wanting a 'hall pass' he can kiss my *kitten* good bye. When he decided he was tired of being in the friend zone and asked me out he made a commitment.

    I guess it helps that we're both pretty nerdy and not party-ers, so the thought of being single/sleeping around never appealed to us.
  • stringbeann
    stringbeann Posts: 84
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    I got married in November (i was 20) and my fiancee was 23 We had been together for 4 years previously and neither of us would want a hall pass nor think its necessary. Why would anyone want that? Its so silly!
  • kellyjennings5074
    kellyjennings5074 Posts: 1
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    I got married at 19 and hubby was 23. We will celebrate our 15 th anniversary this year. I think you are over stressing about the marriage. Stop listening to your friends about the hall pass. Whoever suggested that is truly not ready for a commitment and i wonder on the intentions behind that comment. You are not going to be the perfect wife and he's not going to be the perfect husband. It's how you guys handle the mistakes that matter. You can read self help books but the only people who are knowledgeable about the dynamics of your relationship are you two. In my opinion self help books rely on other people's insecurities to make a buck. Trust in yourself and your fiancé to figure out what works for you.

    Here is my advice

    A marriage is full of peaks and valleys. Remember that valleys don't last forever. Hang on during those times.

    Keep your family and friends out of your relationship. Seek each other out for support don't look for support from outside your marriage.

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