Being told you're not fat

Its projection, they want to lose weight but by you losing weight they are feeling like failures cause someone else is achieving what they arent.

I love it when people say that to me. Better still is "You look great! Whatever you doing, keep doing it!"

Pretty much anything that someone says to me about me, if it's meant as a compliment, I enjoy hearing.

Most likely people are not just walking up to you and saying" wow you are not fat". It is likely you are talking negatively about yourself and they are trying to boost you ego, be a good friend, encourage you or just trying to stop the negative self talk that makes others uncomfortable.

I think that the population has grown to such a high average of obesity that people who are overweight can appear "normal" compared to the mean, and fit people can be seen as unhealthily thin. I get plenty of weird comments too :-)

Would you rather people tell you that you are fat?

Do people just walk up to you and say, You are fat? Or is it in a conversation where you are talking about being fat?

If you want people to stop telling you that you are not fat, stop telling them that you are.

I think there are 4 kinds of people who would say things like that & some of the other posters have already discussed them...

Nice People Who Don't Know What to Say...they don't want to admit that they think you are fat, and can't stand that awkward silence of NOT saying anything if the subject comes up. So they try to be nice & say you're not fat, or they never thought you were fat, and they honestly think they're being nice. NOT helpful.

People in Denial...think this is usually rare, but probably the best example would be a mom, dad, or spouse, who really look at the person & do not see them as fat. NOT helpful.

Skinny People Who Are Insecure...these people only feel good if others are bigger than they are, so they will do everything they can to discourage dieting, & encourage eating. They may or may not even realize they're doing it. NOT helpful.

Overweight People Who Feel Convicted (or Jealous of) by Others' Efforts/Success...these are overweight people who probably tell themselves that they've tried everything & nothing works, even if they didn't really try very hard. Or people who say they'll always be fat, so what's the point of trying. If anyone else succeeds, then that makes them more uncomfortable and probably jealous too, so they have a vested interest in making sure others fail. Again, they may or may not even realize they're doing it. NOT helpful.

HELPFUL PEOPLE...will celebrate your progress, won't call you names, but also won't lie & say you weren't overweight, and they will encourage you in your efforts. When someone lies, maybe understanding where they're coming from will help you feel sorry for them, instead of be irritated. You just keep on doing what you're doing & surround yourself w/helpful people.

My family tells me that. My butt is huge, my belly is too soft and round, BMI 33, and that's AFTER my weight loss. They told me I wasnt fat before I lost the weight to look like I look now - still fat

iv'e had a "friend" constantly tell me i wasn't fat because she wanted to stay the cute, thin, fashionable one. she was lying and i knew it from the beginning. needless to say, i dropped her like a bad habit. i find that being real with yourself is the first steps to this journey. no longer ignoring the fact that i am fat helps and not needing validation from ANYONE. we got this! good luck

With a BMI of 38.59, I'm defiantly obese. But yet I've got people such as my boyfriend and friends telling me I don't excatly need to lose weight and "you're not fat". But family and doctors telling me I do. It isn't about there views or how they think of me, its about what I want and I want a healthy BMI lol! ♥

I experienced this for the first time really last night. I posted a before/current side by side on FB last night.

And while I appreciate the sentiment of "I think you look good in both pics!" it was a little frustrating to not have the work I've done recognized via those pictures. I did get some very encouraging "good work!" and "you're really working hard!" comments, which helped.

I think people are being polite and trying to convey that they like you at any size, which is nice. That's a sign of affection. Where it hurts is not being recognized for the effort in between.

That's what MFP is for. I know here I can come on, post those pictures, and people here are going to know what work went into the difference into those pictures.

I get it all the time.. I know in their mind they think they are not hurting my feelings but in truth they made the struggle that much harder. Making me think I was ok and just accepting me at where I was and continuing to get larger.

I truly appriciated the few friends that nicley encuraged me to workout, eat right ect.. They are my most supportive friends now. And its funny some of those people who made me feel thin at my before weight haven't given one compliment now. Its taught me to worry less about what others say and focus on what I truley think and feel about myself.

I would get that, but it's because of the way I dressed camoflouged how big I was. I put up my before and "almost there" picture in a more revealing and far less forgiving outfit and my friends told me they didn't realize then how big I actually was... on the charts I was obese too, both my BMI and body fat % were really high....but I wasn't close to morbidly obese so people say it doesn't count as obese....

I think that the population has grown to such a high average of obesity that people who are overweight can appear "normal" compared to the mean, and fit people can be seen as unhealthily thin. I get plenty of weird comments too :-)

^^this is what I think too. People always tell me I'm not fat. I'm 5'7" at 183 and when I'm naked I can see the fat!

I think that people struggle with honesty. I can tell myself that I'm fat and need to lose weight, but I've gotta say that hearing it from someone else would still crush me.
Not that I expect anyone to lie to me either, that is just equally annoying.
In my opinion, I don't think that people know how to deal with those types of scenarios so they get uncomfortable and just say what is easiest!

I do get that. Problem is, I own a mirror. But then again, we should start loving who we are right now. That is my issue. I guess, just let them say what they will say, smile, and keep up doing what you are doing.