All the weight I've lost, my boyfriend has gained?

bdeezy3396 · April 2013

To me this does sound shallow. He was ok with you when you were 40lbs heavier correct? So I'm lost why you're not ok with him? I guess this is why some relationships do break up when one person loses weight or does a makeover.

bethlaf · April 2013

This advice will be unpopular, but take it anyway.

Leave him. You've described a generalized apathy that likely goes well beyond his weight.

Also, you're 20. Don't wear a boat anchor on your life's on-ramp.

call me negative nellie , i agree with this poster.
you dont live together - youre young, hes a slacker. there are better guys around..

EdTheGinge · April 2013

I'd say tell him how you feel and he should realise that you're only saying it out of love. You shouldn't feel like this and he needs to know that. Us guys take the hint, come on we're blind to subtle things like that lol

saxmaniac · April 2013

He should break up with you. If 25 pounds is that big of deal, you're not going to make it long term.

I gained and lost 50, and my wife stuck with me, and never said a bad word. We've both been thin, both been fat, she's been thin when I was heavy, and the reverse. She's been up and down through three pregnancies.

SoDamnHungry · April 2013

I agree with the people who say tell him. How does he know unless you tell him that you're unhappy? Some people gain weight so gradually they don't even notice how much they put on.

Beckaroo727 · April 2013

MrsBigMack, That's a lot of wisdom from a lot of life lived. Thanks for sharing.

LauraJo08 · April 2013

He should break up with you. If 25 pounds is that big of deal, you're not going to make it long term.

I gained and lost 50, and my wife stuck with me, and never said a bad word. We've both been thin, both been fat, she's been thin when I was heavy, and the reverse. She's been up and down through three pregnancies.

Well, n=1 does not make someone an expert on how weight gain/loss affects a relationship and what is healthy for the couple, so I think it's kind of funny when people bring their personal anecdotal evidence into the picture.

It sounds like the OP is not only complaining about his weight, but also his apathy, lifestyle, and overall difference from how she wants to live her life. Just like others have said OP, it is probably a good idea for you to think about what is important in your life and what your goals are, and if he is not/won't head in the same direction, you might need to consider breaking up. I think that this is an important discussion not only about weight, but also about what kind of life you two envision, whether together or apart.

Best of luck.

Marefr · April 2013

It's a deal breaker. I agree with those who say it's not just the weight, it's the attitude.

saxmaniac · April 2013

Well, n=1 does not make someone an expert on how weight gain/loss affects a relationship and what is healthy for the couple, so I think it's kind of funny when people bring their personal anecdotal evidence into the picture.

Sigh, I'm not really serious.

That said, if you read enough threads here, you'll see that lots of people DO think you should break up:

"I weigh 400 pounds and my husband said I should lose some weight for my health."
"He doesn't love you! Controlling, abusive, and shallow. Divorce him! Take everything he has!"

It gets old after a while.

Here's my REAL advice: you can't control another person, and, you're a fool for trying. All you can do is set an example and hope they'll come along with you.

Would OP like it if her BF lost 25 pounds, and then decided she had to lose her 40? Probably not.

LauraJo08 · April 2013

Well, n=1 does not make someone an expert on how weight gain/loss affects a relationship and what is healthy for the couple, so I think it's kind of funny when people bring their personal anecdotal evidence into the picture.

Sigh, I'm not really serious.

That said, if you read enough threads here, you'll see that lots of people DO think you should break up:

"I weigh 400 pounds and my husband said I should lose some weight for my health."
"He doesn't love you! Controlling, abusive, and shallow. Divorce him! Take everything he has!"

It gets old after a while.

Here's my REAL advice: you can't control another person, and, you're a fool for trying. All you can do is set an example and hope they'll come along with you.

Would OP like it if her BF lost 25 pounds, and then decided she had to lose her 40? Probably not.

Haha ok, I got you. And yes I agree, every time I see a post that is like "My boyfriend doesn't find me attractive anymore," and then you find upon further reading that she's gained 60 pounds since they met...all the people shouting "shallow *kitten*!" make me want to roll my eyes. Of course he isn't going to be as attracted with you if you've put on 60 pounds of fat...physical attraction is part of a relationship, just like support, emotional attachment, intellectual stimulation, etc.

bbl2013t · June 2013

since i was 200 lbs overweight and still 180 lbs overweight, his 20lbs doesn't matter, he could be 200 lbs overweight and i would still find him hot!

aNewYear123 · June 2013

My only question for you - is this really about his weight or is it about the sitting on the couch doing nothing? They really are two different issues.

If it is the weight, you can't lose it for anyone but yourself and he can't lose it for anyone but himself. Maybe he hasn't really noticed, so you can mention it, just don't harp on it. You can probably get him moving by getting him to exercise with you. If he is competitive then he won't want to be behind you if you are jogging together.

All the weight I've lost, my boyfriend has gained?

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