The thing to do ladies.

Do not hit on me while I'm holding my daughter's hand. It's one thing if she's a few feet away from me at a store, but it's highly inappropriate when she can hear every word coming out of your mouth.

I operate under the "treat others how you like to be treated" rule. So if a guy is creepy or inappropriate, I will shoot him down, flat out. Otherwise, if I'm not interested, I will politely decline.

And looks aren't my #1 priority when it comes to guys (yes it's important), but if an average looking guy can make me laugh or is sporting a vintage nintendo t-shirt, that's more appealing to me than some pretty boy who dresses better than me.

I wear glasses, and I get hit on a lot. Actually, I think I've gotten hit on more since I started wearing glasses, come to think of it.

OP, your way seemed the way to go. Nice, not pushy or disrespectful. You had no idea she had a boyfriend and like you said, all you could do was try. You never would have known otherwise.

To answer your question, the only place I don't want to be hit on is the gym.

Anywhere but the gym is fine - you will get a polite/kind response as long as you are polite and kind yourself, AND you take no for an answer...this is where it often goes wrong. Honestly I'm surprised you accepted her saying she had a boyfriend - generally that evokes responses such as "thats not a problem/are you happy with him/i can treat you better/so?/ and on and on ad nauseum. This is what has made me be ruder/unresponsive to being hit on over the years - 9 times out of 10 they will not accept your NO response no matter what reason you give, giving me the impression than men think you should be thankful they are hitting on you and if they want you you HAVE to want them. But we have brains too and can make our own decisions - as long as you keep these thoughts in mind, and just approach us with conversation and not pick up lines, you'll do just fine.

OH and approaching a woman with "you're so pretty why are you single" is moronic, DO NOT DO THIS.

OMG... I totally forgot about this. Last summer, I was walking with my 3 children -- 2 in the stroller and my oldest alongside. A guy outside of an apartment building struts over and starts hitting on me... I couldn't help but notice he had an ankle bracelent (as in, jail monitoring bracelet) on. His line was, "you know, you don't need to workout. Does your husband think you're fat? Because you're not."

I was still nice to him and a little creeped out because he was WAY too forward and went on and asked if I was on Facebook. I didn't give my name, but my oldest shouted it out and I was scared for awhile that I'd have a stalker, but I changed my walking route and never heard anything after.

But yeah, good times.

What is this "hit on" of which you speak?

Life was so much easier in Kindergarten...if I liked you, I hit you and you hit me back.

Seriously, I don't think it's that hard. We (both sexes) think too much about it and increase our anxiety/nervousness to the point that it's evident when we approach someone that has caught our eye.We've pretty much lost before we ever open our mouths because the body language is conveying a completely different message.

If a guy is nice to me, then I will turn him down nicely stating I'm with someone and blah, blah, blah.

However, if he's taking pictures of me on the train and follows me to where I'm heading and is being constantly creepingly persistent, then it's a case of shooting him down so hard, he'd be crying about it for weeks.

...yeah, it's happened a fair few times in my life, although once was more than enough!

Last time I got hit on was by a bus driver. I missed my stop and ended up going to the very end of the route. He was kind enough to give me a free bus ride to where I had to be :laugh: also, Tube drivers and bus drivers tend to hit on me a lot. Maybe they're the answer for free travel!

It seems like the line men like in these parts is "Are you married?"

I have started to say "yes" because saying "no" makes them think that I am open to being asked out, which I'm not because I am in a long term and loving monogamous relationship, though not married.

I like when men or women randomly compliment me, no matter if it's a creepy compliment or something that has nothing to do with my appearance. Compliments are always nice.

I wish it was tthe other way around more often. and the women approaches the guy. That rarely EVER happens with me.

I don't approach men because I assume if they want to talk to me, they will...since we all know thats how the game is played, you know?

Ehhhh.....screw that cliche stuff. If I want something, I'll go for it

Honestly, if a guy approached me and started a friendly chat or opened with something that made me laugh, I wil sit and chat away. For the most part, I don't care who he is or what he looks like.

-- If he asks for my number and I'm single and interested, I will give it to him. of course, this is usually after at least an hour of chatting. Otherwise I will just say "Maybe I will see you out again sometime."

-- If he asks for my number and I'm single but not interested, I will say no thanks, but I enjoyed our chat and maybe I will see him around. I will never give a stupid excuse. I am usually very straight forward.

-- If he asks for my number and I have a bf, I will say no thanks, I have a bf, but I enjoyed the chat and I hope he has a nice day/evening.

However, if a guy approaches me and is rude, obnoxious, drunk, etc.... I will walk away. I'm not going to waste my time or my breath on anything that has to do with him.

I would also like to point out that I have approached guys before. And I have been rejected by guys before. I know it's not easy being the one to initiate conversation.
I have also bought guys drinks without them knowing. hahaha That's always fun watching them try to figure out who bought the drink for them.:laugh:

Hahaha...I need a flow chart to this madness. So I can refer to it if I ever run into you. So many if-then statements.

Ladies, the hardest thing to do is approach you.

So, about a month ago I was in a store doing some shopping. I noticed an attractive girl. So after talking myself in and out of it, I got up enough courage to talk to her. She was very nice and engaging. Finally, I asked her out and her reply was, “that is so sweet but I have a boyfriend.” Ouch, denied….lol. No seriously she was real cool about it and all I could say was “had to take a shot.” She replied, “I am glad you did, made my day.” Wow, I had never felt that good, being turned down. Also, I have been turned down in much harsher ways. I have gotten the psshhh lip service, rolling of the eyes, the uh oh scary black guy look, the “you have not shot, how dare you even try look,” and my personal favorite, straight being ignored.

So I would like to ask you ladies something, how do you like being approached? Is there a place, besides work, where a person shouldn’t try? As always I like to give my thoughts first.

1. I totally understand you should be able to go out and not be “hit on” or approached by some guy you don’t even know.

2. Do you turn guys down harshly or are you nice about it? Assuming that you are not interested, do guys that you think are unattractive get the same treatment as guys who you find attractive? Meaning, do you turn down the attractive guys in a nicer way?

3. Do you have a favorite/no so favorite story about how a guy tried to hit on you?

4. Do you know how hard it is to gain enough courage to talk to you? Be nice to us….lmao


As usual I am just a curious guy and I love to get different opinions. Let’s keep this conversation light hearted and fun.

I don't even get the chance to turn people down, since nobody actually asks me out, but if I did I would do it nicely by lying and saying I already had a boyfriend, but also say thanks because that does make my day, whether the guy is good looking or not. I'm just happy to be asked! Also, it takes a lot of courage for us (me) to approach guys too so we know what it's like (ie near on impossible)

Honestly, if a guy approached me and started a friendly chat or opened with something that made me laugh, I wil sit and chat away. For the most part, I don't care who he is or what he looks like.

-- If he asks for my number and I'm single and interested, I will give it to him. of course, this is usually after at least an hour of chatting. Otherwise I will just say "Maybe I will see you out again sometime."

-- If he asks for my number and I'm single but not interested, I will say no thanks, but I enjoyed our chat and maybe I will see him around. I will never give a stupid excuse. I am usually very straight forward.

-- If he asks for my number and I have a bf, I will say no thanks, I have a bf, but I enjoyed the chat and I hope he has a nice day/evening.

However, if a guy approaches me and is rude, obnoxious, drunk, etc.... I will walk away. I'm not going to waste my time or my breath on anything that has to do with him.

I would also like to point out that I have approached guys before. And I have been rejected by guys before. I know it's not easy being the one to initiate conversation.
I have also bought guys drinks without them knowing. hahaha That's always fun watching them try to figure out who bought the drink for them.:laugh:

Hahaha...I need a flow chart to this madness. So I can refer to it if I ever run into you. So many if-then statements.

hahahaha
There are only 4.......

I'm single and interested
I'm single and not interested
I'm not single (and obv. not interested)
Guy is an @ss

Worst pick-up artist ever story......don't try this - it didnt work...gave me one hell of a laugh though....man walks up to me in a bar (of course...) and tells me he's been stalking me all night (ummm...lovely??) tells me i'm so pretty, blah blah blah...i respond very nicely that I'm married and he's barking up the wrong tree. his answer - I'm married too, we don't have to tell. (Strike 2!) then he tells me, I swear to god!! he tells me - he's not very good in bed, so after I have sex w/him i will appreciate my husband so much more...strike 3, you're out! yup - tried to score w/me by telling me he's a married stalker who's no good in the ole love making dept....
I know, you're all shocked I didn't grab my purse and run out the door w/a smooth talker like that :laugh:

Oh dear god...

Okay, I know I'm a freak but I hate being approached in public....it kicks in every last shy gene in my body and I get shell shocked. So that being said there are times when I'm more receptive and that would be when I'm expecting it...bars, concerts, or just feeling good about myself....I generally don't take them serious, because I don't know how a total stranger could want to spend time with a total stranger....so a quick thank you, giggle and off I go....I honeslty prefer to get to know someone before I get stuck with them on a date. but that is me!

Oh me too!! I'm soooo awkwardly, painfully shy :embarassed:

OP: You did the right thing. It is rare that guys have the balls to approach women anymore, so good for you, and keep it up. Most women appreciate when a guy can man up and display some confidence, as opposed to waiting on her to practically sit on your lap and shove her tongue in your mouth before you get the hint that she wants to go out with you.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with approaching a woman at the gym, as long as she's not in the middle of her workout. I think it's completely natural to approach someone in a setting that shows you have something in common. Just don't be rude about it. Interrupting is rude.

As for how the "game" is played ... let's not pretend it hasn't been "man chases woman" for thousands upon thousands of years and that it isn't based on biological tendencies. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a woman asking a man out. I've done it before. But the truth is, it depends entirely on what you're looking for. If you are ultimately looking for an alpha male, well, you'd better let him come after you. You can approach him, and he may very well be flattered by the attention, but flattered doesn't mean interested. Even the OP, who talked about how hard it was for him to gather the courage to approach a woman, managed to do it because he was that attracted to her. I once had an incredibly shy guy, who knew nothing about me other than my first name, go to great lengths to find out who I was and how to get in touch with me so he could ask me out. I wasn't even really attracted to him, but I was so impressed by his efforts that I went out with him twice.