preteen is over-weight
keishamccray
Posts: 2
My daughter is 11 and she is 148lbs. We are on the calorie counting thing, thingand we exercise everyday. But is is still gaining weight. At least a lb a week. Can someone give me any suggestions on what i should do. Im tired of my baby crying and saying she will always be fat no matter what she does. Im trying to stay postive but its starting to worry me. If you have an suggestions, i would appreciate it.
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Replies
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My preteen is heavy (poor thing is built like me *sigh*) but she's not calorie counting. We're talking healthy food choices, encouraging activity, doing things together, talking together about struggles instead of turning to food.
I wonder if she's calorie counting and you're both exercising what she's eating when she's not around you. I worry if I set my kid up for calorie counting, that sets up a lifetime of yoyo dieting. Is she under a doctor's care? If she's not, that's where I'd start, and I'd seriously considering some sort of nutrition education plus finding a super fun activity she loves and not labeling it "exercise".
Of course model model model good eating habits.
It's so hard as a mom sometimes.0 -
I have a different opinion on this. I was always heavy as a teenager, and I wish my parents had taught me about calorie counting, or taught me what a proper serving size was!
Good for you on teaching your child this. I feel like I have done all sorts of diets EXCEPT calorie counting. And you know what the funny thing is, the calorie counting one is the only way of eating that I don't feel hungry, or deprived, and I've done tons of diets.
Is it possible your preteen is gaining muscle?0 -
the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems0
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Check your kitchen... how much junk food is in there. If it is there, get rid of it. How many meals did she have last week that came from a fast food restuarant? Unfortunately, eating healthy usually means eating at home. More work for you, but great benefits for the whole family. Good luck to you. My daughter was overweight, but I was in denial about it. Now she is 30 and has always been overweight. I agree with another poster that it is better to just push healthy eating and not counting calories.0
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Talk to a doctor. I know plenty of kids that were heavy, and then when they hit their growth spurt it evened things out. She will also be gaining weight because her hormones will be starting to fly around - she's about to hit puberty, so don't force her to concentrate too much on losing weight - just on being healthy and active. In fact, unless at the doctors, don't weigh her - it will only hurt her (as it has been doing) even though she's making positive changes!0
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This is so sad, i have no advice to give as i do not know what the right answer is, it's a tricky situation to be in, i think you need to seek some professional help here and speak to your Dr first perhaps there is a physical reason for her weight gain if she is eating right and being active, perhaps her thyroid needs to be checked, you also need to make sure she is eating the right amount of calories for her age e.t.c (not sure what that is your Dr can advise best)
i do feel it is important to try get this under control now but without instilling insecurity in her too, you don't want to end up with her having an eating disorder - this needs to be dealt with very carefully
again please seek some professional help on this so you can make sure emotionally and practically it is being handled properly
wish you all the best0 -
Has she seen a doctor? That might be a good place to start. He will have better advice for you then anyone here will, and he'll know if shes overweight because of what/how much shes eating vs. a medical issue.
And try not to focus on "calorie counting". Thats not something you want her worrying about at such a young age. Focus on talking and learning about healthy food choices, exercise etc. Does she play sports? Or have an interest in jogging/biking/swimming ect? Something that will keep her busy and active, without feeling like a chore?0 -
I would not stress her over calories. Keep healthy food options in the house and keep being active with her, maybe take a nutrition class together to learn how healthy foods can fuel your body better. I remember being overweight at that age and while my parents knew nothing about healthy eating they did encourage activity and focused on how I felt about myself vs me being overweight. They never commented that I was overweight or fat and I appreciate that to this day because I already knew it and heard it from kids at school. I know everyone is different but I felt much better about myself with their encouragement, I feel like being put on a calorie counting/workout schedule would have been miserable at that age. I'm not saying you're commenting on her being overweight or anything, but I assume the calorie counting was your idea and in my mind I would have been thinking "oh, my mom thinks I'm fat and wants me to lose weight" which would have added tenfold to the feeling bad about myself.0
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Talk to a doctor. I know plenty of kids that were heavy, and then when they hit their growth spurt it evened things out. She will also be gaining weight because her hormones will be starting to fly around - she's about to hit puberty, so don't force her to concentrate too much on losing weight - just on being healthy and active. In fact, unless at the doctors, don't weigh her - it will only hurt her (as it has been doing) even though she's making positive changes!
I definitely agree with this. When I was 11, I gained some weight and had a few very negative comments from family members (that still stick with me). Shortly thereafter, I grew two inches and my boobs started growing. Although I lost most of the pudginess with the changes in my body, the negative reactions are something that stuck with me well into adulthood. Being treated like the fat kid at a young age, even though I was a normal, active child, really shaped a lot of my issues with food.
Encouraging healthy eating and exercise is great. Modeling a healthy lifestyle is great. Don't make it about the numbers on the scale or her being overweight, but about fueling her body in a way that will make her feel energetic and strong.0 -
Im not putting pressure on my daughter. I tell her everyday that she will grow into her body. But the other children at school is the ones making fun of her and calling her names. There is no unhealthy snakes at our house and when we come home from grocery store we portion everything out. I dont want people to think its me pushing the weight loss with her. She wants to do it and i am going to do whatever i can to make sure she is doing the most healthy thing possibe.0
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I don't have an answer, but I always wonder why we don't teach kids about calories. We say teach them portion control which is basically a generic calorie count. But, as we see here, we are all different in our caloric needs.. I am breastfeeding so I can have a bigger portion of certain foods. We need to make health and calories about science- teach our kids we keep track of calories in order to supply ourselves with proper energy. How many people are completely ignorant about calories here on MFP (myself included)? I would rather teach my kids how to eat properly over learning from friends and the Internet.
In your case though, she is about to hit puberty so that might be a culprit. A talk to your doctor might be good just to make sure he is healthy otherwise. I wouldn't weigh her except for the doctors- that puts the focus on the numbers. Just be active as a family and eat healthy. Have her find healthy recipes and cook them together and show her how to properly measure food.0 -
My daughter is 11 and she is 148lbs. We are on the calorie counting thing, thingand we exercise everyday. But is is still gaining weight. At least a lb a week. Can someone give me any suggestions on what i should do. Im tired of my baby crying and saying she will always be fat no matter what she does. Im trying to stay postive but its starting to worry me. If you have an suggestions, i would appreciate it.
have you talked to her about what she might be eating when you aren't around? if you are both eating an appropriate amount of calories and exercising, and she isn't losing then its really just one of two things: a medical problem, or she's eating privately. I used to sneak food into my room to eat, and take every chance I could outside the home to eat. and I would eat a lot on my own, because I knew that at home I'd have to be a lot more restrictive.
For all the people saying not to create stress for her about her weight... what is the alternative? wait until she has more years of unhealthy habits to battle? I think as long as you stay positive with her, and make sure she knows that her self-worth isn't tied to her weight, then dealing realistically with her problems is the best thing you can do for her.
ETA: i want to acknowledge that she's going through puberty and some weight gain from growth and filling out is of course expected, but if the gain you see seems to be unhealthy weight, instead of her hips just filling out, that's when you'd need to be concerned. I figured that was implied, but i just wanna point it out.0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems0 -
Im not putting pressure on my daughter. I tell her everyday that she will grow into her body. But the other children at school is the ones making fun of her and calling her names. There is no unhealthy snakes at our house and when we come home from grocery store we portion everything out. I dont want people to think its me pushing the weight loss with her. She wants to do it and i am going to do whatever i can to make sure she is doing the most healthy thing possibe.
Actually, that she's so motivated to count calories really concerns me because this is exactly the age where eating disorders run rampant in young girls. It's easy to be frustrated and to turn to extremes.
I really think getting some medical advice is still best, just so SHE hears it from someone "professional" because kids will often take the advice from others before their parents.0 -
THIS!Talk to a doctor. I know plenty of kids that were heavy, and then when they hit their growth spurt it evened things out. She will also be gaining weight because her hormones will be starting to fly around - she's about to hit puberty, so don't force her to concentrate too much on losing weight - just on being healthy and active. In fact, unless at the doctors, don't weigh her - it will only hurt her (as it has been doing) even though she's making positive changes!
I definitely agree with this. When I was 11, I gained some weight and had a few very negative comments from family members (that still stick with me). Shortly thereafter, I grew two inches and my boobs started growing. Although I lost most of the pudginess with the changes in my body, the negative reactions are something that stuck with me well into adulthood. Being treated like the fat kid at a young age, even though I was a normal, active child, really shaped a lot of my issues with food.
Encouraging healthy eating and exercise is great. Modeling a healthy lifestyle is great. Don't make it about the numbers on the scale or her being overweight, but about fueling her body in a way that will make her feel energetic and strong.0 -
IMO calorie counting isn't the norm. I grew up with disordered eating for a number of reasons and will probably have to log for the rest of my life, it's a pain in the rear. My goal with my children is to encourage eating the right foods when they're hungry and not eating when they're not in hopes they won't HAVE to count every calorie. Obviously if weight issues develop with them we can talk about it. But that's my thought process.I don't have an answer, but I always wonder why we don't teach kids about calories. We say teach them portion control which is basically a generic calorie count. But, as we see here, we are all different in our caloric needs.. I am breastfeeding so I can have a bigger portion of certain foods. We need to make health and calories about science- teach our kids we keep track of calories in order to supply ourselves with proper energy. How many people are completely ignorant about calories here on MFP (myself included)? I would rather teach my kids how to eat properly over learning from friends and the Internet.
In your case though, she is about to hit puberty so that might be a culprit. A talk to your doctor might be good just to make sure he is healthy otherwise. I wouldn't weigh her except for the doctors- that puts the focus on the numbers. Just be active as a family and eat healthy. Have her find healthy recipes and cook them together and show her how to properly measure food.0 -
Im not putting pressure on my daughter. I tell her everyday that she will grow into her body. But the other children at school is the ones making fun of her and calling her names. There is no unhealthy snakes at our house and when we come home from grocery store we portion everything out. I dont want people to think its me pushing the weight loss with her. She wants to do it and i am going to do whatever i can to make sure she is doing the most healthy thing possibe.
kids are going to be kids they are going to call you names whether you are fat skinny tall short black white green or yellow.
again at 11 years old losing weight shouldnt be her problem or issue. she is still growing and developing into a woman and cutting calories or anything else can be detrimental to her development.
the best thing for you and her to do is to focus on being healthy through eating and trying to get some exercise through sports and other activities.
you have to stop with all that portioning things out that is just adding to her pressures. you as the parent should focus on making healthy meals and supporting her through positive reinforcements.
if she lack confidence martial arts are great for children. they help them develop confidence0 -
the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
You're right, it's much better that she love herself while developing diabetes than to fit a healthy, society mandated image.
Better yet, we could all do a better job of staying at a "Healthy" weight. At some point you have to be an adult.
No. Being overweight is *NOT* okay.0 -
I have a pre teen who is overweight. I feed her healthy food and portion control. I don't let her count calories. Not right for them to worry about it. I count for her in my head.. She plays soccer and goes running at the gym with her big sister and sometimes with me do the treadmill. But i let her mess around in the gym and do what ever she wants without pressure. Problem is she sneaks food at night in her room or always comes home with food from kids at school ext.. This is why she isn't losing much... just saying0
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the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
You're right, it's much better that she love herself while developing diabetes than to fit a healthy, society mandated image.
Better yet, we could all do a better job of staying at a "Healthy" weight. At some point you have to be an adult.
No. Being overweight is *NOT* okay.
and it is not normal or healthy for an 11 year old to go around counting calories either.0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.0 -
the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
You're right, it's much better that she love herself while developing diabetes than to fit a healthy, society mandated image.
Better yet, we could all do a better job of staying at a "Healthy" weight. At some point you have to be an adult.
No. Being overweight is *NOT* okay.
Getting an eating disorder is *NOT* okay. Socially mandated images are *NOT* okay. Being healthy definitely *IS* okay however. And our bodies are beautiful things. I'll always be considered overweight by societal standards but guess what? I'm going to be incredibly healthy whether or not society says my 'image' is what is acceptable.0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.
Very well said. Thank you.0 -
My sons have always gotten pudgy around the middle (I always called it their "root beer belly") and then they grew taller and stretched out.
Due to our divorce and lack of healthy choices, my youngest son put on some serious weight between my crutch of convenience foods for time strapped meals and the constant pizza buffet that is his dad's house. He is also asthmatic and is always on steroids for treatment.
All in all, of course I was concerned. I have always struggled with weight and didn't want my sons to struggle with it too. I took my son to the doctor and she said little kids shouldn't be put on a diet exactly. They need to move more and eat healthier. So that's what we have done since. He's been 107 lbs for the past two years and he is almost 7 years old.
He's gotten taller and therefore less round around the middle. He's not rockin a kid sized six pack yet, but he's well on his way. He's 4'5" and more comfortable in his body. He started playing basketball in the YMCA and baseball season is in full swing. I do my best to keep him as active as possible when he's home AND provide the best food possible. Chicken nuggets are the equivalent of swearing in my house now lol
My advise is to get her to be more active and put her in sports. She will gain tons of new confidence and hopefully meet new, encouraging team mates
Just don't be too hard on her if she slips now and then...she's an impressionable young lady! 0 -
Has she seen a doctor? That might be a good place to start. He will have better advice for you then anyone here will, and he'll know if shes overweight because of what/how much shes eating vs. a medical issue.
And try not to focus on "calorie counting". Thats not something you want her worrying about at such a young age. Focus on talking and learning about healthy food choices, exercise etc. Does she play sports? Or have an interest in jogging/biking/swimming ect? Something that will keep her busy and active, without feeling like a chore?
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^^^This. If she does have a medical condition, you don't want her stressing over something she will not have control over until it is addressed. Definitely emphasize healthy eating though no matter what so she learns to make wise choices. Make sure you have her favorite fruits and veggies readily available, so it is just as easy or easier to grab that when she is hungry than cookies, cake,etc.and try to not have those options in the house. If she learns to make smart choices, it will help her later. I wish my mother had taught me about smart healthy options, but then she still does not make those choices herself unfortunately.
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I would teach her to learn to love and accept herself first and foremost.
If that doesn't help I would tie her to the back of your car and drive at a running pace.0 -
I was an over weight preteen. My parents (both mom and dad) were very hard on me about it. Limiting what I ate, only buying certain foods, etc etc. Let me tell you, it took a serious toll on my self esteem. It led to an eating disorder, taking supplements, yo yo dieting, and so on. As a parent your child should be reassured that you love her and accept her the way she is, and not for the way she looks, because she may internalize this and set this as an example for how EVERYONE in her life (present and future) views her. Also this may cause her to set her "worth" based solely on weight and appearance. I understand as a parent you don't want her bullied and treated poorly by her peers (if that's not already happening) she doesn't need to feel those same feelings at home. (Not that you are doing it intentionally, but by putting so much emphasis on her weight she may feel this way.) Encourage her, set a good example, tell her you love her no matter how she looks, explain how exercising makes you strong and feel good and that's why one should exercise. She is still a child and a child should not have to worry about those things. Also, if she has not begun to hit puberty her hormones could partially be to blame for her excess weight gain. As soon as I started to go through puberty I lost a lot of weight. So maybe this could help to put your mind at ease. I hope you don't take what I said of of context. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.0
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the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
You're right, it's much better that she love herself while developing diabetes than to fit a healthy, society mandated image.
Better yet, we could all do a better job of staying at a "Healthy" weight. At some point you have to be an adult.
No. Being overweight is *NOT* okay.
Getting an eating disorder is *NOT* okay. Socially mandated images are *NOT* okay. Being healthy definitely *IS* okay however. And our bodies are beautiful things. I'll always be considered overweight by societal standards but guess what? I'm going to be incredibly healthy whether or not society says my 'image' is what is acceptable.
^^^ this
Mental health IMO is as important as physical health, because if someone is mentally healthy and has lifestyle induced diabetes and obesity because they ate too much as a child but their parents loved and supported them and looked after their mental health, then they have the psychological tools to change their lifestyle and reverse the diabetes and get lean.
On the other hand, if they have a healthy body, but a ton of mental health issues along the lines of eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder, because of how their parents thought that their mental health doesn't matter, so they ignored the possible psychological damage done by putting their child on a diet, nagging at them to get thin, putting them down for being "too fat" and things like that, then a) their healthy body isn't going to make them happy, because they are unable to perceive it as such, and b) disordered eating is going to ruin their physical health probably more than being a bit overweight would have done. (note: I'm not saying the OP is doing this, I'm replying to the first quoted post above)
Note: I say this as someone who's had mental health issues on and off for many years. I know what it's like to have very bad mental health, and what it's like to feel mentally healthy. Being mentally healthy makes everything in life about 100x times easier. Bad mental health is like a very heavy millstone around your neck that drags you down in everything that you try to do. Thankfully I'm in good mental health right now and sincerely hope I stay that way. I don't want that millstone around my neck or around anyone else's. And I hate it when people seem to think it's okay for parents to risk a child's mental health in the pursuit of physical health. It's not!!0 -
As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.0 -
My preteen is heavy (poor thing is built like me *sigh*) but she's not calorie counting. We're talking healthy food choices, encouraging activity, doing things together, talking together about struggles instead of turning to food.
I wonder if she's calorie counting and you're both exercising what she's eating when she's not around you. I worry if I set my kid up for calorie counting, that sets up a lifetime of yoyo dieting. Is she under a doctor's care? If she's not, that's where I'd start, and I'd seriously considering some sort of nutrition education plus finding a super fun activity she loves and not labeling it "exercise".
Of course model model model good eating habits.
It's so hard as a mom sometimes.
this^
my son is overweight, he has medical issues which require medication that increases his appetite. i have bought less junk food, encouraged activity, lots of water, and i leave fruit bowls out, veggies, etc. he has lost three pounds and without us having to make a big deal out of it.0
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