preteen is over-weight
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I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.0 -
the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
You're right, it's much better that she love herself while developing diabetes than to fit a healthy, society mandated image.
Better yet, we could all do a better job of staying at a "Healthy" weight. At some point you have to be an adult.
No. Being overweight is *NOT* okay.
Getting an eating disorder is *NOT* okay. Socially mandated images are *NOT* okay. Being healthy definitely *IS* okay however. And our bodies are beautiful things. I'll always be considered overweight by societal standards but guess what? I'm going to be incredibly healthy whether or not society says my 'image' is what is acceptable.0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.
Very well said. Thank you.0 -
My sons have always gotten pudgy around the middle (I always called it their "root beer belly") and then they grew taller and stretched out.
Due to our divorce and lack of healthy choices, my youngest son put on some serious weight between my crutch of convenience foods for time strapped meals and the constant pizza buffet that is his dad's house. He is also asthmatic and is always on steroids for treatment.
All in all, of course I was concerned. I have always struggled with weight and didn't want my sons to struggle with it too. I took my son to the doctor and she said little kids shouldn't be put on a diet exactly. They need to move more and eat healthier. So that's what we have done since. He's been 107 lbs for the past two years and he is almost 7 years old.
He's gotten taller and therefore less round around the middle. He's not rockin a kid sized six pack yet, but he's well on his way. He's 4'5" and more comfortable in his body. He started playing basketball in the YMCA and baseball season is in full swing. I do my best to keep him as active as possible when he's home AND provide the best food possible. Chicken nuggets are the equivalent of swearing in my house now lol
My advise is to get her to be more active and put her in sports. She will gain tons of new confidence and hopefully meet new, encouraging team mates
Just don't be too hard on her if she slips now and then...she's an impressionable young lady! 0 -
Has she seen a doctor? That might be a good place to start. He will have better advice for you then anyone here will, and he'll know if shes overweight because of what/how much shes eating vs. a medical issue.
And try not to focus on "calorie counting". Thats not something you want her worrying about at such a young age. Focus on talking and learning about healthy food choices, exercise etc. Does she play sports? Or have an interest in jogging/biking/swimming ect? Something that will keep her busy and active, without feeling like a chore?
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^^^This. If she does have a medical condition, you don't want her stressing over something she will not have control over until it is addressed. Definitely emphasize healthy eating though no matter what so she learns to make wise choices. Make sure you have her favorite fruits and veggies readily available, so it is just as easy or easier to grab that when she is hungry than cookies, cake,etc.and try to not have those options in the house. If she learns to make smart choices, it will help her later. I wish my mother had taught me about smart healthy options, but then she still does not make those choices herself unfortunately.
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I would teach her to learn to love and accept herself first and foremost.
If that doesn't help I would tie her to the back of your car and drive at a running pace.0 -
I was an over weight preteen. My parents (both mom and dad) were very hard on me about it. Limiting what I ate, only buying certain foods, etc etc. Let me tell you, it took a serious toll on my self esteem. It led to an eating disorder, taking supplements, yo yo dieting, and so on. As a parent your child should be reassured that you love her and accept her the way she is, and not for the way she looks, because she may internalize this and set this as an example for how EVERYONE in her life (present and future) views her. Also this may cause her to set her "worth" based solely on weight and appearance. I understand as a parent you don't want her bullied and treated poorly by her peers (if that's not already happening) she doesn't need to feel those same feelings at home. (Not that you are doing it intentionally, but by putting so much emphasis on her weight she may feel this way.) Encourage her, set a good example, tell her you love her no matter how she looks, explain how exercising makes you strong and feel good and that's why one should exercise. She is still a child and a child should not have to worry about those things. Also, if she has not begun to hit puberty her hormones could partially be to blame for her excess weight gain. As soon as I started to go through puberty I lost a lot of weight. So maybe this could help to put your mind at ease. I hope you don't take what I said of of context. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.0
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the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
You're right, it's much better that she love herself while developing diabetes than to fit a healthy, society mandated image.
Better yet, we could all do a better job of staying at a "Healthy" weight. At some point you have to be an adult.
No. Being overweight is *NOT* okay.
Getting an eating disorder is *NOT* okay. Socially mandated images are *NOT* okay. Being healthy definitely *IS* okay however. And our bodies are beautiful things. I'll always be considered overweight by societal standards but guess what? I'm going to be incredibly healthy whether or not society says my 'image' is what is acceptable.
^^^ this
Mental health IMO is as important as physical health, because if someone is mentally healthy and has lifestyle induced diabetes and obesity because they ate too much as a child but their parents loved and supported them and looked after their mental health, then they have the psychological tools to change their lifestyle and reverse the diabetes and get lean.
On the other hand, if they have a healthy body, but a ton of mental health issues along the lines of eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder, because of how their parents thought that their mental health doesn't matter, so they ignored the possible psychological damage done by putting their child on a diet, nagging at them to get thin, putting them down for being "too fat" and things like that, then a) their healthy body isn't going to make them happy, because they are unable to perceive it as such, and b) disordered eating is going to ruin their physical health probably more than being a bit overweight would have done. (note: I'm not saying the OP is doing this, I'm replying to the first quoted post above)
Note: I say this as someone who's had mental health issues on and off for many years. I know what it's like to have very bad mental health, and what it's like to feel mentally healthy. Being mentally healthy makes everything in life about 100x times easier. Bad mental health is like a very heavy millstone around your neck that drags you down in everything that you try to do. Thankfully I'm in good mental health right now and sincerely hope I stay that way. I don't want that millstone around my neck or around anyone else's. And I hate it when people seem to think it's okay for parents to risk a child's mental health in the pursuit of physical health. It's not!!0 -
As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.0 -
My preteen is heavy (poor thing is built like me *sigh*) but she's not calorie counting. We're talking healthy food choices, encouraging activity, doing things together, talking together about struggles instead of turning to food.
I wonder if she's calorie counting and you're both exercising what she's eating when she's not around you. I worry if I set my kid up for calorie counting, that sets up a lifetime of yoyo dieting. Is she under a doctor's care? If she's not, that's where I'd start, and I'd seriously considering some sort of nutrition education plus finding a super fun activity she loves and not labeling it "exercise".
Of course model model model good eating habits.
It's so hard as a mom sometimes.
this^
my son is overweight, he has medical issues which require medication that increases his appetite. i have bought less junk food, encouraged activity, lots of water, and i leave fruit bowls out, veggies, etc. he has lost three pounds and without us having to make a big deal out of it.0 -
As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
call me crazy but taking an 11 year old to a therapist because they are a bit heavy seems like it would be adding fuel to the fire.
as long as there is no health issues the kid should be left alone to grow.0 -
As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
call me crazy but taking an 11 year old to a therapist because they are a bit heavy seems like it would be adding fuel to the fire.
as long as there is no health issues the kid should be left alone to grow.
She said the kid cries about it. If shes in emotional distress because of what her body is going through a counselor is a feasible support source for the child. Parents can be supportive and reassuring and provide security by they cannot be confidants. Especially when they are actively trying to 'fix' a perceived issue.0 -
You should be counting calories not 'we'. Your daughter has got this way because of your poor choices and example and she should not be made to count calories and feel like she is on a diet - this is why she is saying things like 'she will always be fat'.
Well done you, for breaking your bad habits and trying to get healthy but this is something you should be worrying about and not your 11 year old. So make fitness into fun activities and make healthy meals for everyone so she doesn't feel like she is being singled out.0 -
why the therapy phobia?As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
call me crazy but taking an 11 year old to a therapist because they are a bit heavy seems like it would be adding fuel to the fire.
as long as there is no health issues the kid should be left alone to grow.
it's hardly a huge deal for her to have an hour a week with someone who is going to listen without judgement and without getting emotional. i think we could all do with a little therapy at some point.0 -
My 13 year old step-daughter (JUST turned 13) talks about wanting to count calories and stuff because she's on the heavy side and she has seen me control everything about my diet and fitness for well over a year now, but she's also tall and will be even taller soon... I keep reiterating to her that I don't believe kids should be counting calories. I suggest she find sports and activities she can continue to enjoy all year long. She plays volleyball and basketball at school and she has just taken up 1 night a week running with girlfriends while her siblings are at soccer practice (she doesn't like soccer). I have also been teaching her about how the body works and the benefits of doing some strength training as she comes into high school next year. That way, she won't have to focus on calories and much of the excess she may consume here and there can be used to add some muscle as she grows.
I don't think kids should aim to lose weight unless they are ridiculously obese. Overweight kids should be encouraged (in my opinion) to choose healthier foods, limit candy/junk and get outside to play every day... weight maintenance while growing is a better aim than weight loss.0 -
At 11, kids are still having growth spurts as in they grow up and they grow out, but not necessarily at the same time. You also don't say how tall she is, or if she's putting on weight that would be normal for things like breast development, which, at 11, is about the right time.
You're already modeling good choices with food and exercise, right? Because here's the thing: As women, we are the first and strongest influence on our girls. If we obsess over our own weight/food issues to an unhealthy degree, our daughters (and sons) can be all too quick to pick up this same habit. If we constantly focus on what's wrong with our bodies, chances are that they will, too.
If it was my daughter, and I am thankful every single day that both my kids are healthy eaters at healthy weights, I would stop counting her calories immediately. Kids at this age, if they are active, will eat when they're hungry and (usually) stop when they're full. If she's sneaking food, which is what I did at that age, talk to her about WHY. There was never any junk food in my house growing up, my mother was always very weight conscious as she'd been an overweight teen herself. So on my daily bike rides, I would ride across town and buy giant blueberry muffins or chips or whatever salty/sweet thing I was just dying for. There was no sense of moderation, just good food and bad food. And honestly, when I look at pictures from when I was younger, I realize that I was not fat. I was athletic, and had some extra padding for sure, but I was not the "fat kid" that my family made me out to be. I honestly believe that if there had been less focus on my size I wouldn't have expanded so rapidly once I hit high school.
And the thing is, if we want our kids to develop healthy attitudes towards food and nutrition, we have to teach them WHY some foods are less healthy than others. I mean, look at all the crap food that's specifically targeted at our kids! In our house, we talk very openly about why fresh is better than boxed or processed, portion sizing, and the necessity of adequate protein. We also talk constantly about sugar and how sneaky it can be. But what we don't do, is talk about being fat or thin, just healthy versus unhealthy. We also talk A LOT about eating for our mouths versus eating for our bodies. And I am very honest about my struggles with emotional eating.
So I guess my bottom line is, talk to your daughter. Without judgement. Put the focus on her health and happiness and not on her appearance. And above all, be the person you want your daughter to emulate. Because she will, for better or worse.
Best of luck to you both!0 -
I have been overweight since I was a young girl. I got made fun of by the other kids and my childhood was hard. I wish my parents had taken an active role in my health like you are doing for your daughter. I wish I would have went to a therapist who could have helped me deal with my feelings instead of using food as a coping mechanism to make the feelings and troubles go away. I am 43 years old now and I am finally learning how to use food as fuel for my body and not as a way to avoid feelings or to celebrate in my life.
I think being active and encouraging your daughter to be active with you is a big help. I have a neice that has struggled with her weight. She is 10 almost 11. Her parents have been teaching her about portion size, healthy food choices and being active. Her dad competes in triathalons and after watching him she decided she wanted to do one. He helped her train and prepare for it. Over the last three years she has lost the excess weight just by being active and making better food choices. She now loves to compete in triathalons, ride her bike, swim and be active. Her dad taught her about calories in helping her to understand about making healthier choices with food. It has made all the difference for her.
Each child is different but I think the woman who is a doctor had the best advice. Seeking professional help if she is gaining weight after changing her food and activity level is a good decision. I personally feel that giving a child the tools to remain healthy, active and learn to make good food choices is so important. I wish I had learned earlier. Life is just harder as an obese person. I have missed out on a lot. Best of luck.0 -
At 11 years old I was sneaking food and eating alone in my room. I was covering emotions with binge eating and then subsequent meal skipping to compensate. Do you think your daughter may be doing this as well? Just something to consider if gaining is still occurring and the healthy food and exercise aren't working and there are no underlying medical causes. Please see a doctor!
Also consider school food and snack machines if they are available to your daughter, as well as eating at friends houses.
I know it seems silly at 11 years old, but look for other signs of depression or anxiety as well, such as under sleeping or over sleeping (teenagers usually sleep more but I mean to excess), poor grades, decline in social activities or friends, more time spent alone, or lack of care about appearance and higeine. Just something to consider.0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.
I agree about not putting a kid on a diet, but you can teach her to eat well. I think one of the most important things that a lot of American kids do not learn is how to enjoy a variety of foods. I see so many picky eaters complain about not liking vegetables on this forum... And you bet they all learned to like only a handful of easily likable foods in their childhood (insert salt, sugar, fat trope here).
Focus on the positive--start a "new vegetable of the week" club with her, learn how to cook a variety of things together from a good healthy cookbook... Build good habits.0 -
Has she had her thyroid levels checked? I have been hypothyroid since well before puberty but man did it go into overdrive at that point. I weighed more than everyone else my age, NO MATTER how hard i tried. And losing weight, what was that?! totally wasn't getting anywhere.
Other health concerns that can cause issues with weight despite proper exercise and nutrition is estrogen dominance and progesterone deficiency. Though youre much more likely for a doctor to check thyroid than anything else. Unlike the good olde days, thyroid issues are running rampit in the US. It's actually becoming extremly common, even in young folks, and thats due to all of the excessive estrogen exposure in our daily lives and the foods we eat.
I think the other suggestions here about eating a vareity of foods and finding fun in exercise are great ideas and never hurt to teach your child about them. But i also think sometimes there can be medical reasons for problems like this as well. Not that it's an excuse but it is something worth checking if you feel she is truly doing her part and nothing is working. Either way, the effects of learning about nutrition and health are good for anyone, so in the meantime thats always a good thing. Just keep it positive and be sensitive to her age (teen girls are very impressionable and i think they are so hard on their body image bc of the media and such. so you do have to be careful but i think there are ways to go around that)
If it turns out to be a medical condition, be careful with your suggestions to her. There is nothing more frustrating when you know you are overweight, you are trying everything possible, and it's just not working. It's horrible not being in control of your body.0
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