preteen is over-weight
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As a Mother of 5 kids of my own and a step daughter. I have to look at things like this all the time. The choices as to how to approach such an issue is tricky. My 9 year old step daughter has really really gained alot of weight. Her and I can fit the sam clothes, I think she may be a size or two below me, but like I said she is 9 years old, I wear a size 10. I believe last time we checked when she was over she was aroun 130ish? She is stocky and built bigger, her mom is built the same way. She is vey active and is in sports year round, but she eats, and eats, and eats. We have to tell her to stop eating, or she would eat 6-8 full meals in a day. There is just so much that we can do, with her being with us only 4 days a month. I feel really really bad, and I am scared of her teen years. Not only is she overweight but she has alopecia as well.
My 8 year old daughter is overweight as well, not to the exteme as my step daughter, but I have to portion her food for her or she will go overboard. She seems to be constantly focused on anything food based. What it is, where ir is, whens the next time she can eat, etc I have her in a tumbling class, and she will go for walks and goes outside to play often.
If she asks me, I will help her with telling her what calories/fats/carbs/etc are. and what healthy ranges are. I wont hide them from her.. they are what fuels her body!0 -
Why hasn't anyone asked the question of how tall this girl is???
When I was 10 and in 5th grade I reached 5 foot 7 inches. I also wore a size 10 shoe. Guess what- I'm 26 years old and today I'm still 5'7" in a size 10 shoe.
When I was 11.. I remember getting on the scale in gym class and seeing 156. I was bigger than other girls and I'll admit, alot of that weight was unnecessary fluff.... but by the time I had reached high school all the fluff had converted to muscle and I still weighed 156.
Does 148 sound high for an 11 year old? Kind of. Does she probably need better direction/guidance at home? YES! But just because that's the case doesn't mean she's doomed and it doesn't mean she's not just going through a growth spurt.
The best thing my father did for me when I was that age was started to help me to eat better by BEING THE EXAMPLE.. he stopped giving me cereal for breakfast and made me eggs. He encouraged more water and fruits/veggies, no sodas or candy. Never once calorie counting. Not saying OP doesn't lead by example but just a thought...0 -
Good on you for going on the journey with her. Teach how to eat healthy, how to make good choices, how to let yourself enjoy food without guilt and how to include exercise in your life. Also teach that it's ok if you slip up now and again and that one bad day doesn't make a difference.
I was a fat kid and am now a fat adult and wish my parents had stopped me from eating all that chocolate or finishing off whole pizzas or guzzling Coke. I am very mindful but not obsessive or overly restrictive about what my kids eat and about teaching them habits that will set them up well for life. Thankfully, they are both normal weight for their age and height and eat reasonably well and do physical exercise both at school and on weekends.
Perhaps work in conjunction with your doctor or a nutritionist to make sure your daughter is getting all the appropriate nutrients for her developing body.0 -
There is a lot of really great advice in this thread, particularly the point about taking her in to see a doctor and make sure there is nothing medically wrong. That should come first.
I also think having an child focus on diet restriction (negative) sets a bad precedent at that age. I clearly remember that by the time I was 12, the girls around me had started talking about, and acting on, intentional starvation/food avoidance tactics because of the pressure to look a certain way. Positive action - healthy food choices, preparing food together/teaching her to cook - will have a much better long term impact on her self-image and teach her that food is not the enemy.
Honestly I am disturbed about the idea of a child of only 11 stepping on a scale every week! How traumatizing must that be?! I strongly urge you to remove the scale, for her mental and emotional health. I see adults on here all the time who can barely cope with the fluctuations. :frown:0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.
Yes.0 -
calorie counting is the one method of losing weight that has the best long term effect and teaches people the most about the stuff they are eating. So, yes absolutely teach your kid that. That's not 'omg you ate like 1250 calories today while you should only do 1200 you're always gonna be fat!' It's 'With your length and age it's healthy to eat x-number of calories on average. So if you have that cake you can't have dessert and can't have a snack in the evening. But it's up to you what you want to eat.'0
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Please consider seeing a nutritonist for your daughter. Sometimes we have different perceptions of "healthy". They can help you help her learn about food. Also look into what she is eating at lunch at school.0
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How tall is she? That might give a better perspecitve. I'm 149 and was this weight when I was 12. But I've been 5'8 since I was 10.....0
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Why don't you read as much as you can about nutrition and exercise and share the lifestyle?
Apple.. tree.0 -
When I was 10 and in 5th grade I reached 5 foot 7 inches. I also wore a size 10 shoe. Guess what- I'm 26 years old and today I'm still 5'7" in a size 10 shoe.
When I was 11.. I remember getting on the scale in gym class and seeing 156. I was bigger than other girls and I'll admit, alot of that weight was unnecessary fluff.... but by the time I had reached high school all the fluff had converted to muscle and I still weighed 156.
Same here. I was 5'8 and in a size 10 shoe by 5th grade when I was 10/11 years old. I also weighed 145. And grew to 155 as I put on curves in middle school.
I remember getting on the scale in 3rd grade and all the other girls were like 50 or 60 lbs and I weighed in at 110 and everyone in the class gasped and whispered about it, and it still haunts me to this day. The teacher didn't even say to them anything about my height being a factor, as I was head and shoulders above even her, she just let everyone sit there and react to my "massive" weight.0 -
At 11 years old I was 5'0 tall and that is what I am today at 32. It is possible she is going through a growth spurt but I wouldn't just write it off as that. Take her to the doctor for a physical and make sure there are no underlying medical issues.
I agree with everyone here that she shouldn't diet or count calories. She should be aware of the foods she eats and she should eat more of the good stuff than the bad. If foods are too restrictive she may feel the need to sneak food and I'm sure that will eventually lead to a terrible relationship with food.
My son is 13, 5'2 and 99 pounds. Luckily, he loves just about any food and would gladly eat a salad with oil and vinegar over junk food but he can eat some serious food while some of his peers eat less than him and are much bigger. He is really active in sports and is growing so I think that explains his voracious appetite.
I was overweight at 11 and I really wished my parents would have done something more to help me lose weight. They never shamed me but they never really did anything different either.0 -
obesity may well be the cause of early puberty and reaching adult height at an ealier age though.
the former is a proven link. the latter is, as far as i know, still the subject of research.
it may not be that you were heavy because you were tall and developed early,
it may be that you were tall and developed early because you were too heavy.0 -
Is she sneaking any food that you know of? I noticed my daughter ( age 8) putting on some pounds and discovered she was buying all kinds of snacks (chips, ice cream, etc) at school even though we were packing her lunch everyday. We don't keep many of those things in the house and she was going overboard with them at school. We've since come to a compromise and she is no longer binging on school snacks.
How is her BMI? I don't know your daughter's stats but I'm sure it has something to do with puberty. I would focus on making healthier food choices rather than being obsessed with counting calories. Perhaps you could take her to see a nutritionist?0 -
obesity may well be the cause of early puberty and reaching adult height at an ealier age though.
the former is a proven link. the latter is, as far as i know, still the subject of research.
it may not be that you were heavy because you were tall and developed early,
it may be that you were tall and developed early because you were too heavy.
And even if that's true, it's not necessarily pathological. It makes sense from an evolutionary point of view, to have children mature more quickly and start having babies earlier, during times of plenty. then, when food is more scarce, children mature more slowly, fewer babies are born.
While this will be true about over-fed individuals, it's also true about individuals who are well-fed but not over-fed, and I'm not aware of it being linked to any negative consequences in life either. You can also turn it on its head and say that under-feeding leads to later onset of puberty and shorter height in adulthood (though again, up to a point that's probably an evolutionary adaptation... but there will be a point where malnutrition has actually stunted the growth and it's pathological)
Additionally, there's a lot more variation in the age of onset of puberty, than the difference observed through being better fed. In women, the onset of menstruation can happen anywhere between 8 and 16, and genetics is the main thing that determines the difference... the average age of onset of menstruation is about 6 months earlier than the previous generation... that is possibly the result of this generation being better fed. Six months earlier onset of puberty, in a species where the onset can vary by 8 years (4 years either side of the average)... So while you're correct in what you're saying, it's quite a risky assumption to make that any individual 11 year old who is big for her age is so because she's too heavy, and not that she's heavy because she's genetically programmed to reach puberty earlier than average. Especially given that earlier onset of puberty in well fed populations is probably an evolutionary adaptation rather than a pathology, so even if she did reach puberty earlier, it's not necessarily a sign that she's too heavy.
My advice to the OP remains that she should see a paediatrician to determine a) if her daughter is actually overweight or if it's normal puberty weight gain, and b) if she is actually overweight, what to do about it. Do you know how many calories an 11 year old girl needs? Do you know how to determine what stage of puberty she's at and how many extra calories she needs for growth right now? I sure don't. Hence seeing a paediatrician or paediatric dietician. Childhood obesity *is* a problem, but it's for doctors to diagnose and treat it, not parents.0 -
From what I remember of being a bigger kid is that I was ravenously hungry nearly all the time. I don't think it did me any good to have to wait for the next mealtime to come around, when my parents wanted to eat. By then I was so hungry I would pile my plate high and shovel the food down. I would also spend whatever money I had on junk food and go eat it all at the park or something.
I also had no idea of the calories of certain items, like bread and pasta for instance. I used to eat two slices of toast and cheese for breakfast, maybe a slice of toast or a scone with jam for breaktime, a sandwich for lunch, then garlic bread with dinner... the problem is I wouldn't have thought that was bad.
Even as a late teen I would beat myself up about a bag of crisps during break, then pick pasta and cheese for my lunch and think I was making a good choice.0 -
edit to bite my tongue right off.0
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Ppl it's safe to assume she's not 5'9" after all she wouldn't look overweight at 148lbs if she was that tall.0
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My son just turned 13. He's severely autistic. He is on a medication for his anger/fear problems and he's 5'5" and 175. I'm swimming with him daily and encouraging him to ride his bike. Yesterday he had three eggo waffles and then about 20 minutes later had a plate with two pieces of pizza on it.
I asked him to wait until 3 pm to eat it (it was 1 pm). The meltdown that ensued lasted an hour.
The medicine isn't working, he's still very aggressive, but I can't take it away until we see the psychiatrist in June. I'm so frustrated.
Jan0 -
if your daughter isnt losing weight when your are doing all of this then it might be that she is eating stuff without you knowing (i never struggled with my weight as a pre-teen but i did like food and id sometime sneak downstairs and look for food) or she isnt eating enough so her body is storing more fat, at age 11 she sholud have a very active life style and be doing sports i school also so i dont see how she is not losing weight. putting your child on a clalorie controlled diet is a good idea but you should count those calories for her not with her as this may become a fixiation to her in the future always worried about eating too much then may cause further problems. the only sweets, biscuits, chocolate and crisps my children have is what i give them but if she does tend to help herself then id hide them from her and give them to her yourself. hope i helped x0
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It sounds like you are doing all of the right things. You are modeling food logging and exercise. You also control what food comes into the house. I don't buy junk food except every once in a while and then only a single serving bag. My daughter is not overweight, but could head down that path if I'm not careful. I make sure to cook most meals at home. Our family goes out to eat once a week as a treat. Just make it feel like a lifestyle and not a punishment. That's what it is in our household. I think it seems that you are doing just that. Good luck! It's great that you are concerned and trying to make changes before it becomes a serious problem.0
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having seen those sort of meltdowns, they look like a pretty good workout!My son just turned 13. He's severely autistic. He is on a medication for his anger/fear problems and he's 5'5" and 175. I'm swimming with him daily and encouraging him to ride his bike. Yesterday he had three eggo waffles and then about 20 minutes later had a plate with two pieces of pizza on it.
I asked him to wait until 3 pm to eat it (it was 1 pm). The meltdown that ensued lasted an hour.
The medicine isn't working, he's still very aggressive, but I can't take it away until we see the psychiatrist in June. I'm so frustrated.
Jan
it sounds frustrating for both of you. poor kid.0 -
My daughter is 11 and she is 148lbs. We are on the calorie counting thing, thingand we exercise everyday. But is is still gaining weight. At least a lb a week. Can someone give me any suggestions on what i should do. Im tired of my baby crying and saying she will always be fat no matter what she does. Im trying to stay postive but its starting to worry me. If you have an suggestions, i would appreciate it.
Get off the internet and discuss this with her doctor.0 -
You sound like a loving mom who just wants the best for her child. Every parent aches for their kids when they are picked on. Things I have noticed over the years is truly happy people don't use food as comfort. Food is not the highpoint of their day. Anyone struggling with food needs to find a happy replacement. When people find out what they look forward to, food becomes fuel and their hobby becomes their happiness. Weight comes off without trying because focus is rarely on food. Have her keep trying different things till she finds her bliss. Swimming,martial arts, musical instruments, skate boarding, reading, dancing, baseball, hockey, sewing, ceramics, bowling, roller blading, bike riding, shooting pool, figure skating, tennis, badminton, horse back riding, canoing, kayaking, anything. check with your city to see if buisnesses offer sample lessons (8 week programs) to see if the kids like that particular sport. I have seen lessons for dance, martial arts, tennis, arts and crafts, etc and usually under $30. Its clear you just want the best for your daughter. Good luck. I should add self confidence is so important, teach her that she doesn't deserve to be treated badly under any circumstances. She needs to know that people who pick on her are actually the ones with issues, not her. Explain to her that kids who pick on other kids to pump themselves up are small minded people that don't have enough self worth to shine on their own, they need to deflect bad feelings on someone else to feel important. The kids that are cruel will continue to be if you allow them to be. If they think they are not getting to you, they will eventually move on to someone else.0
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If it makes you feel any better I was slim and still picked on. In my case it was because I was tall of all things. Kids will always find something to pick on if they want to. If it's not weight then it's height, or hair, or you don't have the right clothes, or your parents don't have the right job etc etc.0
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Definitely take her to a doctor. Get her involved in making healthy, whole foods, snacks and meals. Model good behavior.0
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