I don't know how to feel good about myself.

For me, as far as self esteem goes, it's really hard to feel good about yourself when you have felt bad for so long. I understand how you feel. I have not joined a gym because I am self conscious. You have already done that and that is awesome! I workout in my basement. I figure when I am ready and comfortable enough to join a gym, then I will.
The way I look at it and how it has been helping to motivate me is that whether I workout or not, the time will pass. I don't want to sit here for another day of regret. Because I feel like I have been doing that for a long time now.
I hope that you can find it in yourself to just continue to push forward. You will lose weight but it will take time. You can do it and if you really want to you will.

Men just lose weight easier and faster than women. However, they die younger and WE have multiple orgasms, so it evens out.

My poor husband didn't even get the faster/easier weight loss he was promised. :frown:

Oh hunny, I'm sorry you feel so cruddy! I know that feeling, and it's tough. For me, the biggest (and hardest) thing to do was to really accept myself the way I am right now. I don't think you can really work towards positive change until you acknowledge where you're starting from. It's really hard, and it kind of sucks because you do have to see yourself in that way you've been trying for a long time to avoid, but it's like trying to make your way around in a dark room and then turning the lights on - when you can actually see what your dealing with, it will go so much better. So, I guess my advice is to try and just sit with those negative feelings for a little bit - try to figure out where they're really coming from, and what they are trying to tell you. Then they'll go from being big, overwhelming things to manageable problems (that will still need effort to work through) that are no longer impossible obstacles.

Best of luck! Please keep posted on your progress!

First thing you need to do , stop comparing yourself to your husband. Men alway's lose weight faster then woman. My husband and I started our journey together on Jan 15 this year, he has reached his goal, and lost 32 lbs in 2 1/2 months, I have lost 42 lbs to date (4/29/13) taking me 3 1/2 months to lose, and I have 38 more to go. As for starting to eat healthier, just start, Mind Over Matter!!!!! I know it's hard but all things are when you first start, and it does get easier. And you can find low cal versions of all your fav foods, using fat free, low fat, etc...... Trust me I used to eat out 4/5 times a week, eating all fried foods, pizza, ranch dressing on everything, and now I eat out 1 time a week, and use light ranch, and broiled or grilled foods wiyhout butter or oils..... Good Luck with your journey, and feel good about yourself.... Feel free to request me as freind, for support...

Every woman no matter what their weight has times when they don't feel good about themselves. Losing weight will not automatically open the "door" to happiness. It is great that you exercise because in the long run you should be exercising for health and not weight loss. Maybe you need to stop comparing your successes or failures to your husband's or for that matter anyone's. Frankly be proud of yourself for getting to the gym or eating moderately that day. Whenever I feel too overwhelmed with negativity about myself I go for a walk preferably in the forest or even just around the block. And like YolieCreator said wearing cool kicks always makes me feel better.

i feel your pain, i lost 2 stone last year, and have put one back on again, but i am back on track now! (5 stone still to go) the trick is to never give up on yourself! you are worth it, you quite obviously want to lose weight, but you are scared of failing again! just start, change your mind set, we are not "dieting" we are getting fit & healthy again, we are eating proper food, no junk, no rubbish, just good wholesome food that makes us feel better, we can and will do it! gyms are always full of "skinny lycra lovlies", i avoid it, do the excercise YOU like, i go to a fitness class twice a week, walk the dog, cycle to work, put a cd on and dance while doing housework, whatever makes you move is great!!! you deseve to feel good, we all do, but you just have to start! count your calories, make healthy food choices, do some excercise everyday! i plan my weeks menu, only buy what i need, (no biscuits, crisps etc) so i cant be tempted, and stick to it! add me a friend if you like!! good luck, but please just start! xx

First of all, you sound like you could use a hug. You remind me of someone I know very well: me. You can do this. One day and one step at a time. For nearly twenty years I didn't like myself. Wouldn't even look in a mirror because then I'd have to see what I didn't want to see. I finally got tired of that and made myself look. I've got a few ideas for you.
Number one, give hubby his old clothes back. Do they make cute workout clothes in your size? Research it. If you don't find something you like, find a pretty top and a pair of shorts or yoga pants that you like. Make sure they are comfortable enough to work out in and pick colors that bring a smile to your face. Wearing clothes that are too loose make you look bigger and more importantly, it makes you feel bad about yourself.
Next, about those food items that are hard to resist. What works for me is I either don't buy them or make them unless I truly, truly want it. Even then, I don't allow much of it within reach. If your downfall is chocolate, like mine, buy one good candy bar when you want it. If I know there is chocolate in the house, I tend to get cravings for it and start justifying a brownie here or a mini chocolate piece there until I gain five or 6 pounds (which is what prompted me to check out MFP in the first place. I got tired of the numbers going up). If it's cheetos that cause you to eat till the bag is empty, either buy the snack size bags one at a time or put the snacks in serving size bags and put them in an out of the way spot. My hubby keeps his sodas in the car because although I've taken myself off of Pepsi, if I see it in the house I'm more likely to want it. Fill the fridge and the pantry with bags of veggies and small containers already portioned out with a single serving of hummus or whatever your favorite dip is.
Now. Talk to your husband about what type of support you need. Give him your thoughts. As for the gym, are there classes that do fit into your schedule? Would you be able to work with a trainer?
And finally, don't compare yourself to your husband or anyone else. Losing 30 pounds is a great accomplishment! You've done it once, you can do it again. There is lots of support here on MFP, plus you have your husband. And you can feel free to add me if you wish. You can do this if you're ready.

At some point, you will make the decision to be healthier. Not to be skinny, not to compete with your husband, not to compete with anyone BUT yourself. At that time, nothing will stand in your way. No excuse, no deep-fried something, no cute gym clothes will prevent you from reaching your goal. You will slip up and you will come back. This is not a race, it is an obstacle-filled journey. And it's not how you end the journey, but how you handle the obstacles that will make you a strong, healthy person. You will do exercises you never thought you could. You will hate them at the time, then you will be proud of yourself for completing them.

I can't make you do any of this. No friend, no family, no personal trainer can set you on this path. You are the only one who can decide that TODAY is the day I make ONE small change to a healthier me.

Bon voyage!

What makes you feel motivated?

Someone commented they bought some hot running shoes - good starting point. Put in the effort to make yourself feel good. I dont think wearing your hubby's old gym clothes is really helping your case. I wouldn't feel good running around in my hubby's current clothes let alone in his old clothes from 100lbs ago (not that he has lost 100lbs). Get my point though?

Life is a series of choices and you have the choice to make good decisions to feed your mind, body and soul. Make choices that you make you proud and feel good about yourself. Start small, buy new runners. Buy a cute gym outfit, and do what you like to do.

Also, you could try to just record for the new two weeks everything that you have eaten. Don't try to cut out anything just keep going the way that you have been. Then, focus on cutting down 300-500 calories per day from what you were at. You'll be able to see easy places to cut. Example, you have a glass of juice for breaky so now, only have a half glass of juice. Say you normally have a bowl of ice cream for dessert, now, just have 3/4 of a bowl or half a bowl and slowly you'll see those cals add up but in a deficit.

Men just lose weight easier and faster than women. However, they die younger and WE have multiple orgasms, so it evens out.

LOL LOVE THIS!