Do you ever think: how did I get to this point?

megbee617
megbee617 Posts: 100 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi all,

I've recently started using MFP on a regular basis again since March. I started at my heaviest at 208 and now I am down to 197... 11lbs, not bad, but...

I went to my Dr and she told me how much I weighed in 2007. 172lbs! I thought I was heavy back then, but I think to myself, "how could I have carelessly gained so much more weight??" I have friends and relatives who have never struggled with their weight, not once, in their whole lives. It makes me wonder what makes me so different that I've developed this unhealthy relationship with food. I hate to make comparisons, because everyone is unique, but I just hate myself for developing this vice with food.

I just can't stop kicking myself in the butt about it. Since my Drs visit, I feel even more disgusted with myself than ever, even though I'm doubling my efforts to lose weight.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?
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Replies

  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    I frequently wonder how I let things get so out of hand.

    But - we can't change the past - let's move forward, and resolve to not let things get that out of hand again!
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    Probably all of us do.
  • Nufraser
    Nufraser Posts: 87 Member
    You are not alone in feeling this way. Continue to do what you are doing because it is working!
  • nlsalvatore
    nlsalvatore Posts: 519 Member
    Absolutely! I had started MFP in Jan. of 2011 & lost 38 lbs over a year, and now I have gained back 24 of it & am trying to move in the right direction again. It's frustrating. I have a yearly dr. visit coming up soon & dread weighing in!
  • sinistras
    sinistras Posts: 244 Member
    Be glad you "caught" yourself when you did and that you are on the right path now.

    Good work on the first 11 pounds and may you have perseverance for those that remain! KEEP It UP!
  • Kismet_35
    Kismet_35 Posts: 28 Member
    I think everyone who is overweight has thought that at one time or another, I know I have...numerous times! I like to look at my life as a path and occasionally I get off the path and it is hard to find it again but the path is always there. I just have to remember to keep going forward. Good luck!
  • MeganGable
    MeganGable Posts: 68 Member
    I too developed an awful relationship with food.....hey, it's something for everyone I suppose....whether food, alcohol, drugs, career, gossipping, shopping.......everyone has something that needs to be worked on......lets work on our food problems :) lol. Don't let your DR visit disgust you, let it motivate and inspire you!!!!!
  • biggjenn
    biggjenn Posts: 58 Member
    I feel the exact same way!!!!
  • abolton5906
    abolton5906 Posts: 2 Member
    Absolutely! I think we all think this at times. I can remember starting Weight Watchers several years ago and my starting weight was 171. Between then and a couple of years ago, I got up to 213 and I think "How did I let this happen?". But I can't stress over it. I just keep pushing forward and taking one day at a time. I have been doing really well in the past 6 mos despite a minor setback here in the past month or so. But I recommited to my goals over the weekend and looked at the "obstacles" I was facing and made decisions to remove those obstacles even if it means getting out of my comfort zone. Best of luck to you!!
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    I think about this CONSTANTLY. And how I thought I was fat when I weighed 20-30lbs less than I do now...makes me feel so much worse, how did I let it get this out of hand??
  • OhioViking79
    OhioViking79 Posts: 76 Member
    Frequently - I absolutely get what you are saying. Especially after finding some old photoes yesterday of thanksgiving and christmas some 5 years ago. I hit my hightest at 270 the day my daughter was born, and at the point of these old pictures I was probably down to 235 - I don't recognize myself. In my mind I have always been slimmer and better looking then that LOL, but i guess that is what denial and not looking in the mirror gets you.

    It is easy to question yourself and to be disgusted, but I try hard not to be angry or upset with myself simply because I don't want to have an unhealthy relationship with myself. If that makes sense? I made mistakes - YES, I ate too much - YES, i made bad choices - YES, but at the same time, if I am constantly putting myself down for past doings, how am I going to gain the confidence to move forward? I have been at what i hope will be my worst, and i am looking forward to being my best. You have made a great decision to improve, you have already lost weight and you are determined to continue - don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. If you do, you will not be able to enjoy all the progress you are making! Don't play the blame game, just be happy and proud of yourself everytime you make the right choice!
  • mrp56839
    mrp56839 Posts: 159 Member
    yep, every time I've started over.... and over...and over...

    Each time before the REASON has been a different excuse. I'm too busy. I had a baby. Oh, theres another baby. I've lost 500 lbs - the same 50lbs at least 10 times! My doctor is about 5'1" and tiny. While she praises my weight loss efforts, she's pretty quick to tell me to get on the treadmill. I think I just need a fatter doctor. :)

    But let me tell you something. This time just FEELS different. It's like I need it for MYSELF. It's not for my kids, or for my husband or a wedding or pictures. It's just a desire to be healthier. To FEEL healthier. To not be limited and held back because I'm too heavy or slow. I take each day now as just another day of life. It's not focused entirely around meals or exercising or calories. It's just the way I want to be now. I think that's the big difference and why I'll keep the weight off this time.

    It's been a long time coming though. I'm at the same weight now as I was 10 years ago (after I lost about 50 lbs for my wedding.) Do I want to look back 10 years from now and still be where I started, or worse?

    Keep up what you're doing. Do as much as you can. When you start to feel sorry for yourself, you invite that doubt into your head and that never ends well. YOU CAN DO THIS.
  • fattyfoodie
    fattyfoodie Posts: 232 Member
    I can't believe that I had so little regard, so little care for myself that I let it get so bad.

    It makes me sad to think that I went through a time where I really just didn't care about myself.
  • briabner
    briabner Posts: 427 Member
    I too wonder how I got to this point and what I have come up with is EXCUSES. You name it I had an excuse for it. I used my having 5 foot surgeries as an excuse for a large part of my life. But I have taken control trying my hardest to not make excuses. April has not been a good month for me in the excuse department.
  • toridehaven
    toridehaven Posts: 95
    I can remember before my daughter was born being a size 8! I still wasn't comfortable in my skin back thin. Now ten years later at 250 or so pounds I just keep thinking how in the world did this happen???? Ugh, it's disheartening, but luckily it can be fixed!
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    For me, I cut it off ASAP when I get to a certain weight, because IF I don't, then I know it could get really bad. It is a constant battle...some days are worse than others due to hormones (PMS) and such. So those days are especially difficult...but you keep pushing on because what's the alternative???
  • wnbrice
    wnbrice Posts: 244 Member
    Crippling depression combined with excessive alcohol and food consumption. Was what got me from 250 to 297.

    What got me to 250 was regular depression combined with a unhealthy relationship with food and an uncontrollable home life.
  • shewhostamps
    shewhostamps Posts: 7
    I do think about that, and I often dread the scale, but those negative thoughts aren't really helpful. Not knowing my weight doesn't change what I weigh- it's still the same number even if I don't know what it is. Knowledge is power, and we do have the tools to improve. Praise yourself for your hard work and effort to change. No amount of guilt will change the past, and no amount of worry will change the future. We can only do what we can with what we have now, and we can do a lot!
  • einst3
    einst3 Posts: 4
    I hear you. I have a desk job and am on the computer 8+ hours a day. I only put on 5 lbs a year and after 15 years, well you get the picture. i look back at some of my old pics and shrug. ive been on mfp since january and have lost 30 lbs. taking my time and doing good. there is a point we all reach thinking this is our largest and i cant possibly get any bigger. then 6 months later you are up a few more lbs and its crushing.
  • ECos81
    ECos81 Posts: 25 Member
    I think if you don't hit that point is when you are in trouble. Once you do, take that self awareness and turn it into motivation. I hit that point myself and thinking about it is what gets me to the gym everyday.Don't dwell on it, but when you go to grab that third slice of pizza, think about those jeans you couldn't zip up and just say no!!
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    In this society, with the HIGH calorie-low nutrient foods it is VERY easy to overeat every day (just to get satiated) especially when you are not tracking what you eat. That is why I do not understand people on here who say they will leave when they reach their "goal" or they need a break from logging. That is NUTS, who leaves or stops something that is SUCCESSFUL. Most people do not know what is IMPORTANT, that's why they fail.
  • Isakizza
    Isakizza Posts: 754 Member
    Yup! I think most of us know just what you mean.

    I couldn't believe how heavy I got. I think what finally opened my eyes was the way it was affecting my health. Scary symptoms were enough for me to say "ENOUGH!"

    Feels too good now that I'm taking care of myself.... never going back!

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  • Nicole65
    Nicole65 Posts: 41 Member
    The depression is also what gets me, two years ago I lost 60lbs and then slowly gained it back because I was so depressed and I just didn't give a f*^&. I'm so mad that I let my depression get the best of me, but I've made a lot of changes in my life and in myself, and I refuse to let the depression get the best of me this time.
  • TdaniT
    TdaniT Posts: 331 Member
    What I think more is "why didn't I get it 30lbs ago"? I know how I got here. I kept eating like my husband and step-son, friends, family, etc. I never changed my eating from when I was in high school and very active to when I graduated and started a job that is sit down all day. Now 17 years later I am struggling to fix what I messed up. LOL It is my own fault and I am the only one who can get me out of it.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    I was bored, lazy, complacent and I looooove food. Pretty simple in my case actually.
  • wammi30
    wammi30 Posts: 4
    I have similar thoughts about myself. At one point I weighed 152. Even 150. I managed to keep my weight consistently around 160. And slowly over the past 3 years the numbers on the scale have crept up. At my worst (which has been the past 2 years) my highest weight was 190! I was so depressed the first time i saw that awful number. I just started seriously using mfp one month ago and have been doing pretty good so far. i am really motivated this time to stick with it. As of today i am 179.5. My goal is to weigh 160 and keep the weight off. I know how i got to this point, I LOVE FOOD, I LOVE TO EAT and I HATE TO EXERCISE.
  • megbee617
    megbee617 Posts: 100 Member
    Thanks for the support. Its tough to forgive myself and let the past stay where it is... the past. I can't help but make comparisons to everyone in my life... especially if I'm surrounded by skinny people who might be apathetic to how I feel.
  • TeamEdwardJenn
    TeamEdwardJenn Posts: 400 Member
    I think that all the time and at times it gets me down but i try and stay upbeat and keep going,. I heard this once and it really helped me
    " You cant move on to new chapters if your still holding the page from before" I try and make changes and think what can i do this time to make it a better way.....but my best advice always make your cup half full and be postivie
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
    Oh yes! I definitely asked myself that. I knew HOW I got to that point(I ate anything and everything) but I didn't know WHY I did. I was happy with my job, happy in my relationship and my home life. I just liked to eat. It was a picture taken in December of 2011 that got my butt into gear. I knew I was heavy but didn't think I was THAT heavy. I stepped on the scale and it stopped at 252 lbs. I cried! Right on my bathroom floor. I wondered what people thought when they looked at me, and every other horrible thing I could think up. Then I woke up the next day, joined the gym, and made adjustments to my eating habits. Thankfully, it all worked out! I went for 252 to 125 and feel like I was never even that other person.

    I was cleaning out some old papers in my file cabinet the other day and found my old gym registration(that I joined in 2005) and I was 181 lbs, so I had gained 71 lbs in 6 years!

    Let's all be proud of ourselves for gaining control and becoming the best versions of ourselves!
  • Linkdapink
    Linkdapink Posts: 128 Member
    I found some old weight watchers cards. It really bugs me that my lowest weight on WW was at 161lbs (I'm at 160.5 now haha!) and that I let myself put on a LOT more! Why didn't I just keep it off? Work at it? Get lower?! It's taken me 6 weeks to get this last 14lbs off... if I had stayed at the weight I was when I lost last time, I'd be 14lbs lower.... I'd be at 146 by now! Only 6lbs from my goal! Ahhh... maybe I should print this off and stick this on my fridge, or my scales!

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