Guys ALWAYS say "confidence matters" LOL.

I understand the sentiment of the original post but I think when people talk about confidence, they talk about it as a main quality and not thee quality they are attracted to. I dig a girl with confidence but its not all I look for in a person.

Confidence is important but you're right, if there's no physical attraction, it probably doesn't matter much. On the other hand, nervousness can be charming too. You know, when a guy is all shy to hit on you and you can tell it probably took him a while to work up the courage to talk to you...that's adorable.

in, this could get interesting.

edit to add I'm definitely in the group who sometimes is lacking in confidence, then again depending on the day or mood,
I'm way over confident, so it balances out I guess.

A person can be humble and still be confident. To be humble is to not think you are better or more important than everyone else. To be confident is to believe in yourself, to believe that you are good enough and that you don't need to compensate for being "less than" whomever you are dating.

And is any of this really a revelation? Hasn't it always been the case that a person must be attractive (to you) before you would consider dating him or her but that looks are not the only thing that matters? I don't think this is unmarked territory.

A person can be humble and still be confident. To be humble is to not think you are better or more important than everyone else. To be confident is to believe in yourself, to believe that you are good enough and that you don't need to compensate for being "less than" whomever you are dating.

And is any of this really a revelation? Hasn't it always been the case that a person must be attractive (to you) before you would consider dating him or her but that looks are not the only thing that matters? I don't think this is unmarked territory.

I've been friends with guys who I didn't find attractive, and later on I would have dated them if I was single. After getting to know them, they became attractive to me, and the reverse can happen too.

See you still think its about gender, its about humanity. Male, female irrelevant! You should be nice to a person REGARDLESS.:huh:

I'm just saying male or female, confident or not, if I don't like you, being nice doesn't matter...

I think they are saying you should be nice as a general purpose, not just because you want to get in someone's pants.

I think the thing is that confidence make people appear more attractive, and lack of takes away from your attraction

looks mean absolutely nothing, other wise how do blind people fall in love? and does anyone look like the way they started ?

To figure out how we pick mates, scientists have measured every shape and angle of the human face, studied the symmetry of dancers, crafted formulas from the measurements of Playboy models, and had both men and women rank attractiveness based on smelling armpit sweat.

After all this and more, the rules of attraction for the human species are still not clearly understood. How it all factors into true love is even more mysterious.

But a short list of scientific rules for the game of love is emerging. Some are as clearly defined as the prominent, feminine eyes of a supermodel or the desirable hips of a well-built man. Other rules work at the subconscious level, motivating us to action for evolutionary reasons that are tucked inside clouds of infatuation

True love

Somewhere amid attraction and sex, we all hope, are strong feelings of love. But which of all the motivations really drives us?

Interestingly, brain scans in people who'd recently fallen in love reveal more activity related to love than sex. "Romantic love is one of the most powerful of all human experiences," says Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University. "It is definitely more powerful than the sex drive."

The rules of attraction make up a pretty long list. No scientist knows the order of the list. But near the top is perhaps one of the toughest characteristics to gauge in advance in the search for the perfect partner.

Despite all their differences, men and women place high value on one trait: fidelity.

Cornell University's Stephen Emlen and colleagues asked nearly 1,000 people age 18 to 24 to rank several attributes, including physical attractiveness, health, social status, ambition, and faithfulness, on a desirability scale.

People who rated themselves favorably as long-term partners were more particular about the attributes of potential mates. After fidelity, the most important attributes were physical appearance, family commitment, and wealth and status.

"Good parenting, devotion, and sexual fidelity—that's what people say they're looking for in a long-term relationship," Emlen says.

See you still think its about gender, its about humanity. Male, female irrelevant! You should be nice to a person REGARDLESS.:huh:

Agree with this. Our society could do with a a bit more basic courtesy and respect.

I do agree with most; if you're not attracted to someone, confidence will only get them so far.
However, if you are attracted to them, that attraction will be harder to maintain if you're constantly required to pump up that persons opinion of themself (I don't think that's a word, but you get the point).

Fine line. Cocky is not okay, conceited is not okay. Courage and ability to hold a conversation, that's good stuff. Also, none of this matters if you stink.

In other breaking news water is discovered to be wet.

There are many attractive women (people). It comes down personal preferences. For some of us, the difference is confidence, boobs, a nice butt, eyes...really whatever that personal preference is. So once you take the attraction into account, then comes confidence, after confidence, hopefully some sort of chemistry.

A lack of confidence is not flattering.

HOWEVA....

JUST SAYING... its been my experience that guys can say that confidence is the number one attraction they have for us ladies (and I'm not saying its not important) but I have learned over time that when it all boils down to it, the girls gotta be hot to them or he ain't gonna be feelin' it. Sometimes no amount of confidence will make up for his not being attracted. Which is really totally fine.

So you know, theoretically, I can be as confident in my own skin as Kesha decked out in a tub full of glitter but if the guy isn't attracted to me, it ain't gonna matter. Not that I'd personally give a tiny rats behind (edited for MFP purposes) if he thought I was hot or not, I'm just saying a theoretical lack of confidence wouldn't be an important factor. So for guys that say, "well she just needs to be confident" or some other lame excuse, they can stuff it. Lol. If its cuz you don't think she's hot, then say so. Lets not hide behind, "Oh confidence is what she was lacking...." But perhaps not many women are like me and would want to hear that.

Thoughts? Just been pondering on this for a bit.

Yes. If you are ugly (IMHO) it doesn't matter how confident you are........If you are attractive(IMHO) though it does. I could think you were totally gorgeous but if you didn't have any confidence it wouldn't matter.......you would never get another chance.

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