Surely I'm not the ONLY one here...
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I think you're looking in the wrong threads and don't have the right friends
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I may have confidence to save myself, but that doesn't mean other people do. My low self-esteem/lack of confidence isn't because I'm fat. It's due to the constant questioning of my abilities by other people.
In the Rate Yourself thread, I said I'm a 3 because I believe it, not to get pity compliments from strangers. Sucks if that bothers you, but that's how I am.
And now for Oolong, a bunny with a pancake on her head:
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More annoyed and disappointed with the over abundance of arrogance in general on here
True confidence doesn't need to be touted, it's evident
Just be true to yourself OP
^ This.0 -
I may have confidence to save myself, but that doesn't mean other people do. My low self-esteem/lack of confidence isn't because I'm fat. It's due to the constant questioning of my abilities by other people.
In the Rate Yourself thread, I said I'm a 3 because I believe it, not to get pity compliments from strangers. Sucks if that bothers you, but that's how I am.
I completely agree with this. I have spent much of my life being told I'm ugly/unattractive. Over the past couple years, I've gained a lot of confidence, and over the past couple months I've been really turning myself around.
On the Rate Yourself thread, I was honest. A few years ago I probably would have rated my looks a 2, but now I see myself as a 4-5. I know that will go up as I lose weight and feel more comfortable in my skin. That's why I'm here!
My personality, though, I love. I'm very confident in that, but sometimes it doesn't show because I'm still a bit insecure about my looks. I'm not fishing for compliments - I'm just being honest!0 -
Who gives a ****? I used to turn on alpha-male to pick up girls... it would always turn out badly because the girls that are attracted to that personality are not girls that I find attractive in the long wrong. I prefer taking my time and if that involves being awkward and a little self loathing that's up to me.0
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I am confident, but I am not going to rate myself as a number to make someone else happy. I am me, I see myself as a moderately attractive woman and don't need anyone else to tell me a number to make myself feel confident. Even if I was 100% ugly still would be that way.0
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I love what mustang_susie said0
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More annoyed and disappointed with the over abundance of arrogance in general on here
True confidence doesn't need to be touted, it's evident
Just be true to yourself OP
^^ love it 0 -
I'm not saying I'm annoyed at people who have low self -esteem. Just the fact that there are so many people here who have it. It's not even so much the actual poor self-image and low self-esteem itself but the fact that so many people don't see their worth. Maybe annoyed isn't the right term. Disappointed and sad really.
And for the record I didn't always have the confidence I gave now. Which is probably why it bothers me so much when other people don't see it. I just want to shake them and be like "see yourself! Inside and outside for who you truly are!" You don't have to be conventional pretty and you don't have to have a conventionally accepted body to be worth more than people allow themselves to be worth.
I realize that we end up in terrible situations where we are constantly beat down. Been there, done that. So much its ridiculous. But those people who beat us down should not be allowed to set our worth.
So you can think that I am judgemental, mean, and that I don't understand. Mind you, you couldn't he more wrong... However, the fact of the matter is you saw something in yourself worth saving and worth fighting for. THAT is why you are here and that is what will make you succeed. I'm sorry if my disappoint in the sad way the world works bothers you but someone needs to tell you your worth more, especislly if you won't. End of story.0 -
Well, I've been extremely shy and self-conscious since I was a little girl. I'm more open now but I'm still pretty shy in person. Sometimes I pretend I'm confident, but I don't think I really am. I doubt and belittle myself constantly and it's a real mental struggle. I don't think saying that you're annoyed by a lack of confidence will make un-confident people any more confident.
In general though, I believe there are different layers of confidence. Like, someone may not be confidant with their looks and they could be shy, and yet they're very confidant with other aspects of themselves. And then there's over-confident/ arrogant people, who tend to get on my nerves like nothing else. I think meek/unassuming people can be very endearing, and I think that's a commonly regarded sentiment. And as I said, people can have multiple sides and facets. I'm gonna use Michael Jackson as an example because I can, lol. On stage he was fiercely confidant, off stage he was quite shy and reserved. Course, that's also when introversion/extroversion come into play, which is a different conversation.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with shy and reserved. I love shy and reserved people as much as crazy and wild people. But you can still he reserved and quiet while being confident. That's where the terminology "quiet confidence" comes into play. I'm not saying people have to be arrogant or anything. Hut we should at least be able to respect ourselves and value our worth. You can do that and still be the introverted type.0 -
my looks is something I know I am good in. I have looked at a 1,000 mirrors in every angle imagineable. I have measured my face, nose - width ratio ect.... I have studied what makes people attractive.
So you rock the golden ratio? Hmm0 -
Who gives a ****? I used to turn on alpha-male to pick up girls... it would always turn out badly because the girls that are attracted to that personality are not girls that I find attractive in the long wrong. I prefer taking my time and if that involves being awkward and a little self loathing that's up to me.
Lightbulb!
Too bad more guys don't get this :flowerforyou:0 -
I am confident, but I am not going to rate myself as a number to make someone else happy. I am me, I see myself as a moderately attractive woman and don't need anyone else to tell me a number to make myself feel confident. Even if I was 100% ugly still would be that way.
You could never be 100% ugly with your beautiful personality :flowerforyou:0 -
I can see it from both sides. I think confidence does make someone attractive, even if they are not the usual definition of good-looking. At the same time, it's not helpful having someone judge you because you're feeling insecure, in fact, it only makes things worse.
I've had people be frustrated at my lack of confidence before and all it did was make me feel misunderstood and a bit stupid.0 -
If you are annoyed then you are the one with the problem. To each there own.0
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it doesn't bother me, think of Maslow's needs pyramid. We are all at different levels and different journeys and here for our own reason.
Maybe the lack of confidence is why people decided to make a change. Being worth saving verses having high self esteem are two separate things altogether. Maybe some of these people want higher self esteem and would have more if they lost weight, gained muscle, have friends on here, etc.
Have a beer, a coffee, a chocolate bar, or your favorite..... and wish these people luck.
I completely agree with this! And I do love a man that can quote Maslow!
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There may be legitimate reasons why people lack confidence. Sometimes it's not just their weight. Like others have said... everyone has been through their own journey. I used to be extremely confident and outgoing and then got stuck in an emotionally, verbally, and on occasion physically abusive relationship and was miserable for 5 years. After that long of being told you're worthless and that you're disgusting and no one will ever want you, it's hard to believe otherwise. I've been on my own for about 14 months now, and am trying to improve myself and get back to where I was but I know it's going to be a long journey to repair the damage that he caused. Don't be too quick to judge people with low self confidence. (not looking for pity. I'm proud that I got myself out of the situation and am very happy I am where I am right now)0
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I agree that it can sometimes be frustrating that so many people don't understand that they do have value and they are worth taking care of themselves and being healthy. However, I understand where that lack of self worth comes from. We have all had influences speaking into our lives. Some of us were fortunate to have parents that helped to reverse the negativity that came from our peers at school (I was bullied for my weight buy my mom and dad were amazing). I had some self esteem issues when I was younger, but as I got older and wiser, I came to realize that more of what my parents told me was true than what my peers told me. Some people aren't that fortunate. My cousin had a mom that just reinforced all of that garbage because her own self esteem sucked. My cousin still struggles with self esteem issues. It's like the line from Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts tells Richard Gere, "The bad stuff is easier to believe." Until you realize that the "bad stuff" is just lies, you will believe it.
I love this site because there are a lot of positive people who encourage and help these people break the cycle they've been stuck in all their lives. I use my own experience to give advice and encouragement to others. My philosphy is that if I have more of something, I give more of it. I have more self confidence, so I try to help others see their worth so that they can build self confidence.0 -
Confidence is the expectation of future success, based on past repeated success. So, one has to have success in order to have confidence.
Otherwise it would be called optimism, or maybe delusions of grandeur
Tip: the way to help out people who aren't confident isn't to yell that them that they are unconfident and how awesome and sexy confident people are. All that does is make them think "wow, since I'm not confident, I must not be awesome".0 -
There may be legitimate reasons why people lack confidence. Sometimes it's not just their weight. Like others have said... everyone has been through their own journey. I used to be extremely confident and outgoing and then got stuck in an emotionally, verbally, and on occasion physically abusive relationship and was miserable for 5 years. After that long of being told you're worthless and that you're disgusting and no one will ever want you, it's hard to believe otherwise. I've been on my own for about 14 months now, and am trying to improve myself and get back to where I was but I know it's going to be a long journey to repair the damage that he caused. Don't be too quick to judge people with low self confidence. (not looking for pity. I'm proud that I got myself out of the situation and am very happy I am where I am right now)
This was my first marriage for 7 years.
My confidence has soared over the last 15 years.
You can and will do this! 0 -
Most people, especially women, undervalue their worth. Have you not seen the DOVE beauty sketches ad?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk
We live in a culture where the standard of beauty is unobtainable, even to the models portraying it! I have a good friend who was a model for Guess and believe me, she was the most insecure neurotic person I have ever known!
I am confident because I don't compare myself to other people. I don't base my self worth on my looks or what other people think of me. I base my self worth on my thoughts, on my intentions and on what I DO with those thoughts and intentions. I feel that everyone is beautiful and unique, like a butterfly, and if they don't see it then we who do have the responsibility to point it out to them so that they can.
That being said, I DO get insecure in certain situations, for sure - like pitching an idea to a potential client - it always scares the *kitten* out of me, but I do it anyway.0 -
...who is annoyed and disappointed in the amount of whiny people on here0
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I'm not yelling at people and I don't know how many times I have to reiterate the fact that I'm not annoyed at THE PEOPLE but just the FACT that they have the low-confidence.
I honestly know what it's like to have low-confidence. Believe me. I've been there. I grew up in a trailer with parents stuck in an unhappy marriage. THey beat me, they beat my brother. I was constantly told that I would never have a boyfriend because I was too fat and fat was ugly. They would lock me out of the house and tell me to come back when I lost weight. I was super awkward because I was 5'7" and a size 16 in 5th grade. Which is when my best friend died and I thought it was all my fault because I wasn't there to save her. at 18 I had my first boyfriend (ever). He asked me to marry him then convinced me that if I didn't do drugs with him and give up my virtue to him then I didn't love him and he would leave me. I thought if he left me I would be alone forever because no one would ever want me. We broke up. A year later I was raped by some guys who were suppose to be my friends. When I tried to tell my best friend (who was also friends with these guys) she turned against me and the entire group turned against me. They told me "why would they do that to you when they do that to you when they could have anyone"
So, yeah, I know what it's like to be beaten down. To have confidence so low that you don't even think you are worth being alive. I have the scars to prove, physically and emotionally.
THAT being said, I have managed to grow confidence in the years since then. I may only be 26 but I've lived. I understand that it's not easy and no, I am not yelling and I'm sorry if you misinterpreted my statement. That sucks. But the fact still stands that we are all WORTH IT. We are all WORTHY of confidence and love. Especially our own love. If you are here and you are tyring to make a change then you need to love yourself. You can take what I say and turn it around to the negative and tell me how mean I am and how I just don't understand. OR you can take my words for what they were intended. As an idea. That maybe we should think about how we value ourselves and why we value ourselves at that level. Maybe I'm delusional who knows. But this is my opinion and I'm sticking to my guns.0 -
Desperate people get laid more...proven fact.0
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I'm not yelling at people and I don't know how many times I have to reiterate the fact that I'm not annoyed at THE PEOPLE but just the FACT that they have the low-confidence.
I know you're not yelling. I was exaggerating. All I'm saying is, re-read what you've written, and put yourself in your mindset when you were 16. Would that have helped or not?
I find people who have come a long way sometimes forget where they came from, and how they viewed the world.
(To be fair, it's difficult in a forum post, because you're airing your thoughts to lots of people, and people who who have just started will be reading them, as well as people who've improved things.)0 -
I could agree with the sentiment, but not the words you use to describe it...I'd choose instead that I find it sad.
an·noy (-noi)
tr.v. an·noyed, an·noy·ing, an·noys
1. To cause slight irritation to (another) by troublesome, often repeated acts.
2. Archaic To harass or disturb by repeated attacks.
When you use that term, it's hard to read it in the way you later said you meant it. 'I'm not upset at you, but your actions or attitudes are annoying me' just doesn't fly. Saying the actions or behaviors are annoying is absolutely implied criticism of the person behind them.
dis·ap·point·ed (ds-pointd)
adj.
Thwarted in hope, desire, or expectation.
Again, the way it's most commonly used, diappointed suggests that YOU have been thwarted. Which suggests these people (or as you say their actions or attitudes) has let you down or failed to meet your expectations.
Anyway, I think that's why folks are reading your post in a way that you don't seem to have meant it.0 -
Thanks for the clarification, sir.
I did later amend what I said by saying.Maybe annoyed isn't the right term. Disappointed and sad really.
I think I was perhaps in an irritated state when writing the original post but as stated. It's the FACT of the low self-esteem that it's directed to. Not the people. I will try and choose my words more wisely next time.0 -
I'm not yelling at people and I don't know how many times I have to reiterate the fact that I'm not annoyed at THE PEOPLE but just the FACT that they have the low-confidence.
I know you're not yelling. I was exaggerating. All I'm saying is, re-read what you've written, and put yourself in your mindset when you were 16. Would that have helped or not?
I find people who have come a long way sometimes forget where they came from, and how they viewed the world.
(To be fair, it's difficult in a forum post, because you're airing your thoughts to lots of people, and people who who have just started will be reading them, as well as people who've improved things.)
I admit that I probably worded it correctly but I can't help but feel upset about it. When I heard how much my depression and self-confidence bothered those around it (and in fact annoyed them) I was mad. Hurt even, but the fact of the matter is that it eventually sunk in and hit home. Seed planted and what not. I realize everyone has to deal with things differently and in their own way but I'm glad it happened that way for me. I'm sensative and often defensive, at first. Which is why I try to never fight the same day that someone pisses me off. lol.
Also, admittedly, there are differences in people. There is the fact that I actually am pretty and just couldn't see it (which I can see I do see on here) and the fact that I spend a lot of time in self-reflection (which is how I brought myself out of depression without the use of medications which may sound unusual but it is how it worked).
But the sentiment of my thoughts are still there, even if poorly worded. It's just the fact that by the time I realized the poor choice of words it was too late the amend them.0 -
I guess I can understand being annoyed by someone who's extremely lacking in confidence. I know someone who's one of the most negative people I've ever seen. It can be rather tiresome after a while because it's almost incessant. Albeit, this person has other traits that are annoying as well, but yeah, lol.0
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