unsuppostive fiancee

laserturkey wrote:

You realize that his attitude and behavior are NOT going to change once you are married, right?

^ This. If he cannot be supportive in an aspect of life so important to you, what else is he bound to disregard? I understand the all-too-common density of the male brain, but assuming you have communicated how this endeavor is important to you, what is important to you should be important to him, what matters to you should matter to him because you matter to him.

Definitely start by confirming he understands your feelings, start by giving him the benefit of the doubt and chock it up to density; innocent until proven male.

Leave his sorry butt. He is throwing so many red flags that he is not going to be a good FOREVER partner that it's crazy. Think about it.... FOREVER, (unless you divorce him for this very behavior later), till death do you part, you see his worst now, do you want to marry it? His worst is laughing at your better and doing all he can to cause you to fail.

worst response

he sounds like he's doing it in good humour......don't end a relationship over some rocky times.

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

my girls laugh when they catch a glimpsof my exercising my husband wants to loose weight too but seems to get angry/annoyed when he sees me work out then he says he wants to do it wth me asks for advice then doesnt do anything.
so im happy with mfp this is were i get my support.

Leave his sorry butt. He is throwing so many red flags that he is not going to be a good FOREVER partner that it's crazy. Think about it.... FOREVER, (unless you divorce him for this very behavior later), till death do you part, you see his worst now, do you want to marry it? His worst is laughing at your better and doing all he can to cause you to fail.

worst response

he sounds like he's doing it in good humour......don't end a relationship over some rocky times.

Oh, okay! As long as he is trying to sabotage her efforts in GOOD HUMOR it's totally excusable! My bad! :noway:

You know nothing about these two people. So your advice is to destroy what should be a joyous time in both of their lives?

We don't know if he understands the importance of this to her.
We don't know if he uses humor as a way to make hard things not so daunting.
We don't know if he is the perfect person in all other aspects of their relationship.

We don't know much of ANYTHING about him at all.

OP...don't listen to any of this leave him crap.
Talk to him, be direct and let him know this is a very important thing to you. If you communicate that to him and he dismisses your feelings or continues anyway, then I'd say you have some thinking to do.

An important thing to give a lot of thought to: if you feel he's not supportive is he the person you want for a life partner? Will he be supportive if you lose your job? Will he be supportive in the delivery room when you give birth? Is he just playfully teasing you or is he serious? Please carefully consider if this man should really be your life partner.

I personally wouldn't immediately start to question my relationship that hard.

I've been married for 17 years, it has taken many years for me to "learn" what my wife considers "important" to her and what she doesn't.

I've said and done many things over 17 years that have really pissed her off. Some of it was me being an idiot, some of it was simply not knowing she felt that "strongly" about something. If she "re-evaluated" our marriage every time I did something dumb, we'd have been divorced long ago. Relationships don't start with each person fully undersanding the other, that is built over time.

I have the best relationship in the world now, we know each other well and we are direct with each other, unafraid to tell each other when something bothers us about the other person. It didn't start off that way.

This^^^^^. I don't think my husband thought I was serious at first, as I had started and stopped this so many times. I think the moment he realized it was in the grocery store and we were talking about how much weight I had lost just by cutting out the crap.....he was being a smart *kitten* and grabbed a little debbies snack pack and laughed at me. My response was "yea, you go ahead and eat that, enjoy it....while I enjoy eating the huge amount of food I can eat now just by adjusting what I eat. (this includes ice cream, breyers sugar free). He's been a huge supporter since then and I'm lucky.......he will eat whatever I cook, and if he cooks he makes sure to tell me everything he uses so I can track it. Give it some time, change is hard for everyone. Keep doing what you're doing, he'll come around :flowerforyou:

Leave his sorry butt. He is throwing so many red flags that he is not going to be a good FOREVER partner that it's crazy. Think about it.... FOREVER, (unless you divorce him for this very behavior later), till death do you part, you see his worst now, do you want to marry it? His worst is laughing at your better and doing all he can to cause you to fail.

worst response

he sounds like he's doing it in good humour......don't end a relationship over some rocky times.

Oh, okay! As long as he is trying to sabotage her efforts in GOOD HUMOR it's totally excusable! My bad! :noway:

You know nothing about these two people. So your advice is to destroy what should be a joyous time in both of their lives?

We don't know if he understands the importance of this to her.
We don't know if he uses humor as a way to make hard things not so daunting.
We don't know if he is the perfect person in all other aspects of their relationship.

We don't know much of ANYTHING about him at all.

OP...don't listen to any of this leave him crap.
Talk to him, be direct and let him know this is a very important thing to you. If you communicate that to him and he dismisses your feelings or continues anyway, then I'd say you have some thinking to do.

I suppose you live with them? You know, since you know so much. The guy is not worthy. Period.

It's possible he just doesn't know HOW to be supportive. Culture and media teach guys that if they say anything about weight/food/exercise/fitness/etc. to a female we will be hurt or offended. Maybe he just doesn't know how to show support without saying something inadvertently offensive. My husband doesn't "support" me by providing motivation or reminding me to workout or anything like that. We've talked about how he can be supportive in ways that both of us are comfortable with, and for us that means he makes an effort to choose restaurants that have healthy options and little things like that.
It may well be that he just doesn't know how to respond to this change or what his appropriate role in it is, so he is being "humorous" to defuse it.

Added: He may also feel like he should be changing too, but he doesn't want to or isn't ready or doesn't know how. So he directs that feeling toward teasing or sabotaging your efforts.

Leave his sorry butt. He is throwing so many red flags that he is not going to be a good FOREVER partner that it's crazy. Think about it.... FOREVER, (unless you divorce him for this very behavior later), till death do you part, you see his worst now, do you want to marry it? His worst is laughing at your better and doing all he can to cause you to fail.

worst response

he sounds like he's doing it in good humour......don't end a relationship over some rocky times.

Oh, okay! As long as he is trying to sabotage her efforts in GOOD HUMOR it's totally excusable! My bad! :noway:

You know nothing about these two people. So your advice is to destroy what should be a joyous time in both of their lives?

We don't know if he understands the importance of this to her.
We don't know if he uses humor as a way to make hard things not so daunting.
We don't know if he is the perfect person in all other aspects of their relationship.

We don't know much of ANYTHING about him at all.

OP...don't listen to any of this leave him crap.
Talk to him, be direct and let him know this is a very important thing to you. If you communicate that to him and he dismisses your feelings or continues anyway, then I'd say you have some thinking to do.

I suppose you live with them? You know, since you know so much. The guy is not worthy. Period.

And what's my advice to the OP? COMMUNICATE the importance. Did you hear me telling the OP to "let it go", or "not worry about it"...NO.

Get over yourself. I got the sense the OP was looking for ways to approach him about it so that it doesn't create a big rift in their relationship....

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

I get the impression you haven't talked to him about it. If he doesn't know there is a problem how is he supposed to change?

I will let you in on a little secret. Men can't read our minds!!!! Ya'll are engaged so you need to learn how to communicate. If not you two might as well part ways now.

My husband was similar to your husband in the beginning but I just asked him why. His answer was that he never knew what to say and that is just how he acted. He was supportive or wanted to be he just didn't know how. I told him how and that was it. When we have an issue we talk it out and resolve the issue or at least compromise. That is how a successful marriage works.

Please don't listen to man haters on here at least give him a chance.

Communicate away. Then when he is still treating her like this what do you then say? Someone posted in the forums. Many people responded. One person is the self-proclaimed response police. Enjoy your self.

I didn't reply for me kid...I would rather not see someone enticed to do something rash based off the advice of someone they don't know, who doesn't have to live with any of the consequences of that advice. I could care less what you post.

One can only assume that any grown adult has the ability to make their own choices. I think it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to read one comment, and run off and do what ever that person tells them to do. Give OP a little credit for doing her own thinking will ya.