The more I lose & the better I feel...
aimforhealthy
Posts: 449 Member
The more my friends and family seem to get aggressive in being as UNSUPPORTIVE as humanly possible. Has this happened to anyone else? I just posted my 20-lb weight loss photos on Facebook and got told things like:
"I found MyFitnessPal really oppressive, constantly berating me with how I was consuming thousands of calories and how what I thought was one serving was actually four, so I deleted it."
"I hope you don't gain it all back when you're done! That happened to my mother/cousin/whatever!"
"You don't NEED to lose 40 lbs - you're going to be skeletal!" (for the record, I was not skeletal when I weighed 55+ lbs less than I currently do, I won't be skeletal when I weigh 35 lbs less either).
"BMI doesn't even mean anything!"
"What are you, trying to look like a Hollywood actress? That's not even hot."
What the hell!
For the record, I'm 5'7", small to medium framed, and currently weigh 177 lbs. I'm very hourglassy, so I gain weight proportionately, and because of all the extra fat, I look bigger-boned than I really am, but my body fat % right now is 34%. I know I truly AM 35-40 lbs overweight and it seriously hinders my mobility and desired level of athleticism. I know I'm not going to any extremes - I'm only losing a half a pound to a pound per week, tops, because I'm going for a slow gradual weight loss over time. But I have completely changed my lifestyle and feel so much better physically and accomplished emotionally. You would think people who care about me would be happy for me that I'm making so many positive changes?? But it's gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can talk to hardly anyone about it (except my BFF who is a fitness instructor) because people in my life are so damn negative about it!
Why do you guys think people act like this and get so freaking defensive and weird? I'm about to give up talking about it to people I know IRL and just start blogging here.
"I found MyFitnessPal really oppressive, constantly berating me with how I was consuming thousands of calories and how what I thought was one serving was actually four, so I deleted it."
"I hope you don't gain it all back when you're done! That happened to my mother/cousin/whatever!"
"You don't NEED to lose 40 lbs - you're going to be skeletal!" (for the record, I was not skeletal when I weighed 55+ lbs less than I currently do, I won't be skeletal when I weigh 35 lbs less either).
"BMI doesn't even mean anything!"
"What are you, trying to look like a Hollywood actress? That's not even hot."
What the hell!
For the record, I'm 5'7", small to medium framed, and currently weigh 177 lbs. I'm very hourglassy, so I gain weight proportionately, and because of all the extra fat, I look bigger-boned than I really am, but my body fat % right now is 34%. I know I truly AM 35-40 lbs overweight and it seriously hinders my mobility and desired level of athleticism. I know I'm not going to any extremes - I'm only losing a half a pound to a pound per week, tops, because I'm going for a slow gradual weight loss over time. But I have completely changed my lifestyle and feel so much better physically and accomplished emotionally. You would think people who care about me would be happy for me that I'm making so many positive changes?? But it's gotten to the point where I don't feel like I can talk to hardly anyone about it (except my BFF who is a fitness instructor) because people in my life are so damn negative about it!
Why do you guys think people act like this and get so freaking defensive and weird? I'm about to give up talking about it to people I know IRL and just start blogging here.
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Replies
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First of all congratulations on the 20lbs so far! :drinker:
Secondly, many a member have stopped talking to friends & family regarding their weight loss; You're far from being alone on this. While I cannot explain the mentality, I can tell ya the best solution: "Ignore them"
Do what you want
Live how you want
And you may be inspiring someone and not even know it.0 -
I have just stopped talking or saying anything to anyone around me right now. I just come to these message boards when I need a bit of inspiration. I have also friended a few people and knowing someone is watching to see if I log has kept me honest. Sometimes people are jealous or simply don't want to admit that anything they are doing is wrong or unhealthy.0
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Yeah I'm hearing from a lot of people now that it's totally normal for friends and family to lose their minds and get aggressively negative when you start losing weight. SMH. It's just really sad and discouraging to me because I have a special needs teenage son and I'm in my 30s, so my ENTIRE adulthood has been about doing stuff for other people and now that I'm doing one thing for myself and feeling really good and empowered, people that supposedly care about me tear it down right and left.0
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You know what, and pardon my language, screw em'! You want to do this for you, don't you? Don't let these ignorant comments hold you back. You have come a long way, 20 lbs gone! That's awesome! You are the one that is going to be glowing with health and a healthier outlook on life.0
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Congrats on the 20 pounds!! It is an amazing feeling! Great work!
I am kind of in the same boat. Not THAT extreme and 'in your face' though. The people around me "say" they support me. But they will be the first to put the unhealthiest, greasiest, and highest calorie foods in front of me. I have had to stop being around some people because they would not stop.
I think people do this because you have decided to make a lifestyle change. For the better. You want to be healthier for whatever reason (to look thinner, be fit, more mobility. etc etc..) It was not THEIR idea, and its not THEIR control, and THEY are not calling the shots. THEY may have not been successful, so they want to bring you down to their level, cause heaven forbid someone else succeeds. So maybe that is why they lash out to your proud and accomplished state of being.
SO, I would not allow those people into your GET FIT AND HEALTHY state of mind. Do not let them bring you down. And when the day comes that they are all gasping in disbelief that you DID IT and you look and feel amazing, and they ask you how you did it??? Just let them know you had a great support system backing you up and helped push you until you reached and exceeded your goals (even if it is us here on MFP :bigsmile: )
Keep at it! Your doing a great job. Do not let the jealous, envious and negative people slow you down!:flowerforyou:0 -
Defriend them :flowerforyou:0
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I don't know. I've never gotten a negative reaction from people. Then again, you're a lot closer to goal and extremely good looking. Jealousy?0
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Maybe confronting them on their behavior would help. I firmly believe that great friends and family should be able to talk about anything, and feel comfortable talking about that anything. Ask them why they are being so negative and let them know that they are hurting your feelings. It is quite possible that they do not even realize that that is what they are doing!0
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I have found that some people do not even realize they are being mean...I also found that telling them to shut it works just fine.0
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As others above have said - "screw 'em"! I'm sure (I hope) you get loads of positive feedback and encouragement on here, so keep the two separate and report your weight loss victories here and not on FB. They're probably jealous anyway!
Oh, and very well done on the loss so far - keep it up
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I've found that the very people who "pooh-pooh'ed" my efforts in the beginning have turned around and become really supportive, so don't lose hope. You may very well inspire them to improve their own health once they see your success and continued dedication. 0
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Oh yes, I can't talk about how great I feel to my extended family because most of them are really overweight and don't want to hear it. I have had to learn to shut up and only boast on this site.:bigsmile:
I tell my yoga teacher and people at yoga who seriously want to know, but in general - it's a no no.
My son told me I shouldn't lose any more weight because I am older now. I'm not even into healthy BMI yet! And I am only 63 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
MFP is for finding your body/fitness goal. And if nothing else, gives you an idea of how to get where you want to be, Miss Andie.
I dare not tell you what Facebook is about, because I WILL NEVER have an FB account. I don't see the point to it.
I'll just say, its a bunch of haters, who don't like being reminded of how slothful and lazy they are. That you are choose to take your own body and choices into your hands, and doing something about it.
Haters gonna hate, but is that going to stop you?
Kudos, by the way.0 -
I don't post it up on my FB at all. I am a HEAVY girl, I know this, but if I mention trying to lose weight, the 'You don't need to" comments pop up. Seems they're fine with the exercise portion, so I can still talk about that, but no to the weight loss.
Of course these are the same people who tell me how awesome I look when I'm slimmer too so, whatever.
My family is ok though since my mom has been struggling with weight all her life, and my two siblings are both very slender and very clean/healthy food conscious0 -
They are jealous and unfortunately some people take a close relationship as a green light to comment without a filter. Defriend them or delete their comments.... or even better... use it to fuel your fire.
You're doing great things with yourself and there's going to be those who can't handle it.0 -
MFP > facebook.0
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Honestly they just sound like they are jealous and are doing everything they can to try to justify it. I'm lucky because my friends and family are so amazingly supportive of my weight loss. But the fact is you have worked hard and you should be proud of yourself! Screw the h8rs.0
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Bostonsndie, YOU ROCK! - That should be what F&F say to you every day. You set a goal to accomplish something and you are on your way to making it happen!! It may be that those people being negative have never done that. They are small thinkers and most likely intimidated by others' success.
I have many in my family like that, so, I just stay focused and let them talk. Usually when they make a negative comment, I don't respond. I just stand there silently............they simply can't stand the awkward silence but, they sometimes realize how small they sound, fidget, and then quickly change the subject. Sometimes they don't realize it, but I do the same thing to them every time. You have to embrace the awkward moments. I love those moments now. They are family and I still love them but I don't let them off the hook. If they really don't get it and ask me why I'm so quiet, I say I just have no response to their previous comment. It's fun. (guess I have a little mean streak)
Oh yeah, I sometimes eat junk food or sweets when they are around just to make them wonder how I do it. Probably irritates them a little.
Anyway, you're beautiful, you're in charge of you life and YOU ROCK!
Stay positive, good luck and congratulations!0 -
I've had this happen to me in the past and, unless they changed after I called them out, I've pretty much cut those people from my life. When I've passed on horrible delivery food at work some of my co-workers reacted as though I was starving myself and told me they were worried about me. Who knew saying no to fast food was so dangerous to my health? :laugh:
I believe it's because they're annoyed that you've got the motivation to do something about a situation you're unhappy with. I think they're jealous because they're unable to find the willpower to change their own life for the better. So, instead, they try to tear you down and make you falter.
Misery loves company!0 -
I can't believe the reactions you've had, I feel really sorry for you.
If I am being totally honest, most of those people just sound like they have a pessimistic outlook on life and/or are jealous of how far you've come.
In future, maybe keep your achievements a little closer to home. Alternatively, think "screw them" and start surrounding yourself with people who are most supportive and optimistic.
Well done on your loss so far :flowerforyou:0 -
My wife is the only one who supports my goals of getting in shape and actually being at a "healthy" BMI for my size and height.
Everyone else, they say things like, "Oh, you gonna look really skinny if you lose that much..." blah, blah, blah....
Every MAN in my life has this ridiculous notion that 5' 10" (almost 11") and 170-179 is small...I was 140 when I graduated high school, that was small. This is just not!
I usually just tell people, well you can look like an upper body weeble-wobble if you want, I don't.0 -
You are doing fabulous. Do not surround yourself around negative people. That will only cause you more frustration. I have found having friends on MFP outside of my normal daily interactions has been very helpful. Most people on here are positive and all looking to loose weight.0
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It's jealousy; you're a beautiful lady. Your weight loss is impressive. stay strong, ignore the negativity and most importantly, be you It will never fail to amaze me how rude some people can be! x 0
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You can talk to me. I live with the most unsupportive person ever!! In fact today I asked to use the yoga mat for a class I am taking. Once a week for 6 weeks. I heard you could have spent that money better on something else you need. The crazy thing is a FB friend bought me the Groupon. So I did not pay for it.
Whenever I want to go and do something for me. I hear...you need to be helping me do this or that. When this person only sits/lays on the couch eating junk.
You have to rise above it. You have to ignore those words and keep moving. Find new motivation.0 -
I would just not post anything on Facebook AT ALL about health or weight loss. Then I would show up to the next family reunion looking Smokin! :happy:0
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Thank you guys for all the kind words. People here are super positive (and all my most supportive RL friends are on here!) I really love MFP because... I LIKE BEING HAPPY FOR PEOPLE OVER THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS! It makes me happy to see people working toward their goals and feeling better about themselves. Apparently this isn't something everyone does and it's sad and depressing.
It's gotten bad enough that other people have started calling out some of these comments on my status updates. Nicely, but they have. Some of these folks I've known for a decade or more and they are all indeed struggling with their weight, lifestyle illnesses and physical problems so I realize it is mostly coming from a place of defensiveness. I just wish they could look beyond their own drama and be happy for me since they all know I have never done anything of this scale for myself. It's really hurtful.
My son is 16 and has moderate autism and he's totally supportive and positive about what I'm doing. He celebrates with me every little achievement; we talk about fitness and nutrition a lot and he says stuff like, "Mom, I think you look great the way you are, but I'm happy you're going to be healthy because that means you'll live longer and have fewer health problems than grandma." I feel like when a teenage boy (with autism, no less) has more empathy and common sense than you do, maybe that's a clue to re-examine your tactics, IDK.0 -
I'm having the same issue.
My boyfriend told me on Sunday that I was becoming "obsessive" with counting my calories. I said you know what? "F you for not being supporting and F you for trying to bring me down when I'm trying to be healthy and get my life in order and I don't see you doing crap to get yours in order". He shut up and hasn't said a word since.
I weighed 105 in high school, I'm not trying to get back to that weight, I know that's unrealistic. I would like to be 120, but will be happy with 125.
People told me I needed to lose weight when I started at 167, I agree. When I got down to 140 I still didn't feel comfortable, but everyone told me to stop. Why should I stop because you think this is right for me? I'm the one who determines what's right for me, not you. If I'm not comfortable in my own skin, I'm going to fix it.
WE ARE ALL DOING FABULOUS! As long as we aren't starving ourselves, and are making positive lifestyle changes, whatever everyone else says is crap. Just because some of us have hit bottom and turned our lives back around, doesn't mean others can judge us because they cannot do the same. They need to hit their bottom and turn around and then we can be on the same playing field. Until then, ignore them. Family too if you need to. Don't let anyone tell you you're not doing good. As long as you are happy with yourself, that's what matters.0 -
Why do you guys think people act like this and get so freaking defensive and weird? I'm about to give up talking about it to people I know IRL and just start blogging here.
I've come to think there are two ways to view this sort of thing.
Either people genuinely care and may be concerned for one's welfare.
Or (more likely in my opinion) it is a symptom of the character trait whereby people seem to think they have all the answers to one's problems and the right to express them. This most often occurs when their own lives fall far below their own expectations and/or they are unhappy with themselves or the world in general.
I immediately turn off when people use "you should" or "you ought" to me. Taking constructive advice is one thing. Taking the diktats of the unimformed yet loud-mouthed is another.
(This doesn't only apply to weight loss or health matters).0 -
Yes... congrats on the loss that is GREAT!! :happy: I like so many others also have no or very little support from family members...not sure what the reasons are - but I am learning (slowly) that I need to take care of my needs and get to my goals because I want them - not for any other person...
This is a great site lots of sujpport and I am enjoying the journy and all the friends I am making...!0 -
EXACTLY. I weighed 117 lbs in high school because I was a dancer and dancing 6-8 hours a day. I am NEVER going to be back to that and that is OKAY BY ME. I was very slender but not at all "skeletal" even though that is the low end of BMI for my height, so I know I'll be fine if I'm 25 lbs heavier than that.I weighed 105 in high school, I'm not trying to get back to that weight, I know that's unrealistic. I would like to be 120, but will be happy with 125.
I'm one of those people that isn't necessarily convinced by negativity, per se - it just is upsetting that it's there at all when I feel like people should be happy for me doing something for me for once! If that makes sense. Like I'm not thinking "OMG maybe I'm suddenly anorexic and need to stop! MAYBE THEY'RE RIGHT!" when I hear stuff like that. I am confident that I'm on a really positive track that I won't go back from. But I'm just like, "Whyyy is everyone guzzling the haterade and trying to tear this down for me?!" It's just hurtful. Thank you all for at least letting me know that it's not just me that has gone through this.0
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