Abusive relationship?

missimperfect
missimperfect Posts: 66 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anyone here gone though one? I'm really struggling to just...wrap my mind around this. We've been off and on for four years and I'm pretty sure that we are not getting back together after this but I can't stop hurting over him..
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Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I have not, but I have watched many women go through it.

    Get out now, while you can...before it's too late..
  • MorgueBabe
    MorgueBabe Posts: 1,188 Member
    Do whatever you can to get out now.

    I left my exhusband (alcoholic and he hit one once) that one time was all I needed.

    Best thing I ever did.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Don't be "pretty sure" it's over, know it's over. You'll be a happier person for it.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Love should never make you question your worth to the other person. If you fear them in any way, or have to post a topic on a forum about how you wanna leave but can't, it's past time to go
  • marciebrian
    marciebrian Posts: 853 Member
    if anyone touches you inappropriately to hurt you, its abuse and you should be calling the police. emotional abuse is just as bad just not as east to detect if someone hurts you kick his sorry loser *kitten* to the curb and never look back.. now I'm pissed!
  • dawn_eichert
    dawn_eichert Posts: 487 Member
    Move on for you!!!! You deserve more than someone who is more than happy to beat you down (physically, emotionally, verbally, etc...). Getting out of these situations is not easy but it can be done. Find your own support system and you can start here.
    Feel free to add me and good luck
  • AmandaJCole13
    AmandaJCole13 Posts: 60
    Been there.
    Add me as a friend and send me a message if you'd like.
    :)
  • Akimajuktuq
    Akimajuktuq Posts: 3,037 Member
    I have lived through every kind of abuse. And I have a tough love attitude about it. It's up to each individual to DECIDE to not tolerate abuse and to not raise their kids in an abusive environment. That's how the cycle ends.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Love should never make you question your worth to the other person. If you fear them in any way, or have to post a topic on a forum about how you wanna leave but can't, it's past time to go

    QFT
  • LaLaAlways
    LaLaAlways Posts: 50 Member
    time will heal you and you will be better and stronger for it. You deserve more than that. I always reminded myself it will hurt for a little while but Im not dragging on the hurt by staying. once a realtionship of any kind goes to that there is nothing left.
  • DorisInTheDena
    DorisInTheDena Posts: 151 Member
    Anyone that describes their relationship as "off and on" pretty much knows the deal. :frown:
  • DavidC1857
    DavidC1857 Posts: 149 Member
    Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I haven't talked to or seen her in about 10 years.

    Make the on and off relationship off. And decide you are 100% sure it is over. They don't change.

    You will be happier for it and it will stop hurting. It may not seem like it at the moment, but you will.
  • Mrs_Bones
    Mrs_Bones Posts: 195 Member
    I was in an abusive relationship a couple of years ago. The reality is, that sometimes when you're in it, you don't realize the extent to which it tears you down and plants seeds of hate in your foundation. I didn't realize until after I ended the relationship and got involved with someone loving and kind just how bad it truly was. You may be hurting now, but you need to find strength within yourself to find something better.
  • M______
    M______ Posts: 288 Member
    Yep, I've been in one. Looking back the best advice I can give is to go with your first judgement. Not the one that creeps up on you after you think 'leave.'
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
    Yes, I have. I dealt with years and years of verbal and emotional abuse and manipulation by my alcoholic ex. He had all sorts of excuses and was a master manipulator. I didn't "believe in" divorce, so I waited and tried to be the best wife I could. Then he became physically abusive. And still I waited while he went through counseling. Then he became physically and emotionally abusive in front of our kids. And I turned tail and ran. I left. I filed. Slowly but surely I healed and moved on. My only regret is that I didn't leave him SOONER.

    If you know it's abusive, leave. Cut it off. Don't leave any bridges unburned. Sure, you'll hurt, but that doesn't mean you're not doing the right thing. It hurts because you were injured. You have to heal, and you can't do that when the other person keeps opening the wounds.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
    get rid of him move on get out of there............
  • mjculbertson4512
    mjculbertson4512 Posts: 157 Member
    I'd like to suggest calling your local United Way. They can put you in touch with folks to talk to, housing if you need it and places to gain job skills. (don't know your situation) Also, if you need one, the local UW can put you in touch with local shelters for abused women.

    Go, get yourself safe. If you have little ones, get them out with you. Even if it is just with the clothes on your back.

    This may sound harsh on the one you are leaving, but you are worth way, way more!
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
    Abusive relationships do not get better, so run and don't look back! Remember ... love should build you up not tear you down.
  • bacitracin
    bacitracin Posts: 921 Member
    http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/13i4is/boyfriend_24m_and_i_26f_had_a_fight_that_turned/c745t89
  • EdwarddeVere
    EdwarddeVere Posts: 178
    It will end only two ways...

    You will leave now and thank the stars that you did down the road...

    Or leave later and hold regret for not leaving sooner.
  • MightyDomo
    MightyDomo Posts: 1,265 Member
    I certainly have and know a few others who have as well. If it is indeed abusive you will not want to go back to it. End it, end the feelings and learn how to move past it and into a healthy relationship.

    The biggest thing I noticed after leaving the situation I was in was that I had no confidence, no understanding of my worth to myself and the people of this world and had no idea what I was truly capable of. I have spent the last few years fixing myself and I can admit I have troubles trusting people being in the same house as me even now and I am struggling to reach out and allow people to get that close to me again.

    It's time to work on you for your own reasons to become that fantastic and incredible person you are mean't to be. Don't look back, just move on.
  • Kagemori
    Kagemori Posts: 88 Member
    ive not been in one personally but I grew up in an abusive home, where my dad abused my mom and my brother is well known for abusing his girlfriends as well, and he's gotten semi physical with both my mother and myself.

    you get with your abuser because you don't think you deserve better than him, whether that is a conscious thought or an unconscious thought. You hurt now because you think you need him, and you don't think anyone else will accept you and that no one else will love you besides him. Again that can be consciously or unconsciously but the thought and the feelings are still there.

    I want you to know and understand something very important. You are better than you believe yourself to be. You deserve better than someone who hurts you. There is nothing wrong with you and his hurting you is not your fault. it was NEVER your fault.

    People do love you for who are you are. People do accept you for who you are. You ARE LOVED. You are CARED ABOUT. Never let him or anyone else tell you differently because it will BE A LIE.

    If you have a chance or an opportunity to get out of this abusive relationship TAKE IT.

    NEVER EVER LET YOURSELF GET PULLED BACK IN!!!

    Ive seen relationships like this destroy the lives of people I love, and I would hate to see this destroy you as well. Add me as a friend if you wish, and if you ever need someone to talk to I will be more than happy to do so.
  • literatelier
    literatelier Posts: 209 Member
    Yes; both physical and emotional, but mostly emotional. I was with him for too long, and let him get to me too much. Now it's been ten years and I'm still too afraid to trust other people. I'm working on it, but for a long time I just tried to ignore it. Doesn't really go away.

    Walk away now. It'll be the best damn decision you ever made.
  • M______
    M______ Posts: 288 Member
    Oh and to follow up on my last post. You will stop hurting, trust me that is guaranteed. You are sad because you are uncertain and about to make a change in your life. That is natural so don't confuse that with putting your partner on a fake pedestal.
  • ffhsanfran
    ffhsanfran Posts: 63 Member
    sorry to hear that you had to experience this at the age of 20. One thing I learned myself (at this late age), trust your feelings. You think it is not good. then it is not good. If you don't feel happy, you are not happy. If you feel hurt. you are hurt. You are young. there are many good things to learn and experience.
  • amandapye78
    amandapye78 Posts: 820 Member
    I was in an abusive relationship for 7 yrs. My dad was abusive before that so I thought it was just me causing them to do that stuff. Then when my ex left me ( thank god he did or I more than likely wouldn't have left) and there were men actually being nice to me, I was shocked. You need to get out of it now and move on with your life without him in it at all. You will be soo much happier. It takes some time but its worth in the long run.
  • BostonStrong617
    BostonStrong617 Posts: 117
    Yes I was actually right around your age. He ended up leaving me. By breaking up with my on Facebook and going to another state across the country where his parents had moved to, a 23 year old I'd been with for a long time and loved very deeply...it hurt like hell that he could walk away so easily, but after months of abuse it was also, at the same time a relief because I could finally heal. I am still working on rebuilding my self-esteem (which was never really great to begin with) and bettering myself so I don't keep defaulting to guys who don't deserve me and learning not to accept less than what I deserve juts for the sake of not being alone or not wanting to give up something that has become familiar. But I can't tell you how much better I feel now that I'm not caught up in a codependent, painful mess of a relationship with someone completely indifferent to my feelings and has zero respect for me. Men like that don't make good husbands and they don't make good Father's. You could be so much happier with someone else. It's had, almost impossible maybe, to walk away but as you start to get distance, as the blinders of love start to get a little less foggy you'll realize him for who he realize is. Sometimes you will get lonely but I can't tell you how freeing it is not to be crying and fighting or worrying every minute of the day about doing something to anger him... ask your friends for support, your family...anyone you trust, you don't deserve to be around someone who abuses you
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    I spent 9 years in an abusive marriage. One of the best decisions I ever made was to GTFO. Abuse doesn't get better-- it only gets worse and worse.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Do whatever you can to get out now.

    Yes. This.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I've gone thru that. Yeah for some strange reason you still miss them even though they were horrible. Unsure why, but you DO get over them. You know what they say. The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.

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