Abusive relationship?

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  • MightyDomo
    MightyDomo Posts: 1,265 Member
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    I certainly have and know a few others who have as well. If it is indeed abusive you will not want to go back to it. End it, end the feelings and learn how to move past it and into a healthy relationship.

    The biggest thing I noticed after leaving the situation I was in was that I had no confidence, no understanding of my worth to myself and the people of this world and had no idea what I was truly capable of. I have spent the last few years fixing myself and I can admit I have troubles trusting people being in the same house as me even now and I am struggling to reach out and allow people to get that close to me again.

    It's time to work on you for your own reasons to become that fantastic and incredible person you are mean't to be. Don't look back, just move on.
  • Kagemori
    Kagemori Posts: 88 Member
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    ive not been in one personally but I grew up in an abusive home, where my dad abused my mom and my brother is well known for abusing his girlfriends as well, and he's gotten semi physical with both my mother and myself.

    you get with your abuser because you don't think you deserve better than him, whether that is a conscious thought or an unconscious thought. You hurt now because you think you need him, and you don't think anyone else will accept you and that no one else will love you besides him. Again that can be consciously or unconsciously but the thought and the feelings are still there.

    I want you to know and understand something very important. You are better than you believe yourself to be. You deserve better than someone who hurts you. There is nothing wrong with you and his hurting you is not your fault. it was NEVER your fault.

    People do love you for who are you are. People do accept you for who you are. You ARE LOVED. You are CARED ABOUT. Never let him or anyone else tell you differently because it will BE A LIE.

    If you have a chance or an opportunity to get out of this abusive relationship TAKE IT.

    NEVER EVER LET YOURSELF GET PULLED BACK IN!!!

    Ive seen relationships like this destroy the lives of people I love, and I would hate to see this destroy you as well. Add me as a friend if you wish, and if you ever need someone to talk to I will be more than happy to do so.
  • literatelier
    literatelier Posts: 209 Member
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    Yes; both physical and emotional, but mostly emotional. I was with him for too long, and let him get to me too much. Now it's been ten years and I'm still too afraid to trust other people. I'm working on it, but for a long time I just tried to ignore it. Doesn't really go away.

    Walk away now. It'll be the best damn decision you ever made.
  • M______
    M______ Posts: 288 Member
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    Oh and to follow up on my last post. You will stop hurting, trust me that is guaranteed. You are sad because you are uncertain and about to make a change in your life. That is natural so don't confuse that with putting your partner on a fake pedestal.
  • ffhsanfran
    ffhsanfran Posts: 63 Member
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    sorry to hear that you had to experience this at the age of 20. One thing I learned myself (at this late age), trust your feelings. You think it is not good. then it is not good. If you don't feel happy, you are not happy. If you feel hurt. you are hurt. You are young. there are many good things to learn and experience.
  • amandapye78
    amandapye78 Posts: 820 Member
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    I was in an abusive relationship for 7 yrs. My dad was abusive before that so I thought it was just me causing them to do that stuff. Then when my ex left me ( thank god he did or I more than likely wouldn't have left) and there were men actually being nice to me, I was shocked. You need to get out of it now and move on with your life without him in it at all. You will be soo much happier. It takes some time but its worth in the long run.
  • BostonStrong617
    BostonStrong617 Posts: 117
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    Yes I was actually right around your age. He ended up leaving me. By breaking up with my on Facebook and going to another state across the country where his parents had moved to, a 23 year old I'd been with for a long time and loved very deeply...it hurt like hell that he could walk away so easily, but after months of abuse it was also, at the same time a relief because I could finally heal. I am still working on rebuilding my self-esteem (which was never really great to begin with) and bettering myself so I don't keep defaulting to guys who don't deserve me and learning not to accept less than what I deserve juts for the sake of not being alone or not wanting to give up something that has become familiar. But I can't tell you how much better I feel now that I'm not caught up in a codependent, painful mess of a relationship with someone completely indifferent to my feelings and has zero respect for me. Men like that don't make good husbands and they don't make good Father's. You could be so much happier with someone else. It's had, almost impossible maybe, to walk away but as you start to get distance, as the blinders of love start to get a little less foggy you'll realize him for who he realize is. Sometimes you will get lonely but I can't tell you how freeing it is not to be crying and fighting or worrying every minute of the day about doing something to anger him... ask your friends for support, your family...anyone you trust, you don't deserve to be around someone who abuses you
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    I spent 9 years in an abusive marriage. One of the best decisions I ever made was to GTFO. Abuse doesn't get better-- it only gets worse and worse.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    Do whatever you can to get out now.

    Yes. This.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I've gone thru that. Yeah for some strange reason you still miss them even though they were horrible. Unsure why, but you DO get over them. You know what they say. The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.
  • adoreabella
    adoreabella Posts: 87
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    I was in one for six years. Best thing I ever did was leave. It's been a year and I can't believe how much happier I am and how I have changed for the better and how amazing my life is. Feel free to add or PM me.
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
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    I have seen many abused... and they seem to stay... when they should run the other way... the over whelming desire to be a part of something that some call love... while others call abuse. Love does not hurt or leave marks on you... it does not put you in the hospital... You should love you self enough to find someone else...
  • TheStephil
    TheStephil Posts: 858 Member
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    I've been in an abusive relationship and it was my first relationship. It look me a long time to get out and it wasn't easy but I am so happy I finally did it. It's hard because you will talk yourself into trying to work it out or stay.. but if you define the relationship as abusive you should leave. Therapy is especially helpful in dealing with these things.
  • runzalot81
    runzalot81 Posts: 782 Member
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    A wise man knows what is right and true and does it.

    A foolish man knows what is right and true and doesn't do it.
  • Amie_Girl
    Amie_Girl Posts: 80 Member
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    If you don't think you are worthy of respect, why should anyone else. A healthy relationship starts with you.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
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    Been there, done that.

    Let's see, when I was 19 I dated a guy (didn't know him too well in the beginning). Moved in, learned he was in prison twice for trespassing and burglary (no weapon). He would belittle me and berate me constantly. I still lived there for a year. He choked me, hit me, pushed me through a plate glass window (thankfully only 12 stitches needed in whole!)

    I worked nights and one night I came home and there was another woman in our apartment. I moved out.

    3 months later he cried and begged, and I (stupidly) went back.

    3 months after that I sucked it up and moved back home with my parents after finding yet another woman in our apartment after I came home from work.

    The relationship never gets better. What you learn after them is amazing. My next serious boyfriend took such good care of me I thought something was up and he was trying to hide something. I had never been treated so well. Although we were together 2.5 years, we ended on good terms and are still good friends. I had dinner with him last week.

    My current boyfriend and I are celebrating 30 months next week (2.5 years). He's already gotten my engagement ring (it was passed down, originally my grandmothers), but is keeping the "when" a surprise. He is also my best friend, and it's so amazing how even if I'm upset with him for something, I can't stay mad long. We are truly best friends and talk about EVERYTHING. He's been the greatest support with my weight loss, although sometimes he thinks i go overboard calorie counting, but he says if i'm happy, he's happy. I had a lot of medical problems and infections over the past 2 years and he has come to every appoint, every hospital stay, every medication follow up...

    If you had told me 9 years ago when I was going through the abuse that those last 2 boyfriends would be in my future, i would have laughed you off.

    I've been there. Low self esteem, no confidence in myself, thought my world was ending, contemplated suicide quite a few time. I promise darling, it does get better. If you need support, emotionally, please add me. I would hate to see someone go through the same things I have, when I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will be ok. Even if you don't think so right now.

    Not lying, I am almost in tears for you. No one should have to go through an abusive relationship. But it helps us grow in the end.
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    file a devorce
  • clairabellle
    clairabellle Posts: 332 Member
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    I have been out of an abusive marriage for 6 years now, was married for 20 and 10 of those years were extremely abusive. I finally got the courage to leave and he was convicted and sent to prison. At the time I hit rock bottom and you really find out who your friends are including family.
    Stay strong, take one day at a time, even if it's one hour at a time and use the time on your self. This is most important!

    End result for me is meeting a wonderful new partner and we are due to be married.

    I am here for you if you need a friend so please feel free to add me, and good luck on your journey.
  • demonlullaby
    demonlullaby Posts: 499 Member
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    i sent you an extremely long message! please read it!
  • Snatched614
    Snatched614 Posts: 115 Member
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    Anyone here gone though one? I'm really struggling to just...wrap my mind around this. We've been off and on for four years and I'm pretty sure that we are not getting back together after this but I can't stop hurting over him..




    Time heals all. Everything happens for a reason...

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