OMG...I can't believe he was interested in me

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  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    I can so relate, I always would distrust if a man was talking to me..and think they were just doing it on a bet ect. I am by no means at my goal wt now but my attitude is so different. And I know how to tell a good man from a jerk now..atleast I hope I do.
    I think the most ironic thing thats happened to me since I started this journey is that the man I have found who gets me for who I really am and who I get completely..doesn't really care (other than wanting me to be healthy) about my looks ..he's almost totally blind..but it so doesn't matter he really sees me like no one ever has and now I actually am becoming hot hehe ironic..but I'm just grateful to be in a happy place now so I can attract a happy healthy man!
  • betzyrama
    betzyrama Posts: 26 Member
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    This is backwards. The reason you don't "see" it, and still think you're fat is that you have probably been really rough on yourself for a long time that you aren't quite sure how to treat yourself right and see yourself in a positive way. Losing weight is not going to make you suddenly confident and accepting of your body. There is no magical BMI number that clicks in the confidence. You have to learn love yourself and your body NOW. Everyone here, regardless of the distance you may be from goal, you don't have to wait until you're skinny to love your body!! You don't have to wait until you're skinny before you allow yourself to be happy, and flirty, and admit that people are attracted to you! Do it now! Treat yourselves well, love yourselves like crazy!! You all deserve it :)
  • rna2007
    rna2007 Posts: 9
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    I have had similar experiences, except mine didn't go as smoothly as yours. I have always had confidence issues, however let my friend set me up on a blind double date with her and her fiance' and a guy she knew from school. He and I texted and talked on the phone for about a week or two before we actually met, I even sent him*clean* pictures of myself. I thought things were going great until the day of the date. I could see it on his face the moment he walked in the door that i wasn't what he expected. We talked a bit and had a good time, but he didn't seem the least bit interested anymore. However on the phone he talked all kinds of stuff, even got to the point that he tried calling me baby. It was a HUGE blow to my self confidence and I now have that mind set that i'll never be good enough.
  • msmonarae
    msmonarae Posts: 30
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    I understand you...I just posted a similar thread the other day. I was wondering if my weight was keeping me from meeting my soul mate. I live in Los Angeles and this city will really make you feel ugly if you do not look like a Hot Chic in the Playboy Mansion. I was always a yo yo dieter and I feel like I been fighting my weight my whole life and I even had a boyfriend tell me I was too big for him at a size 12…He thought I should lose weight and it ruined our relationship but a year after we broke up he came back telling me I was the best women he ever had… :laugh:
    I moved to LA with my lost boyfriend and he looked for greener pasture too and after a few boyfriends that will really mess with my self esteem. I am working on myself and doing my best to rebuild my confidence. I have a really cute girlfriend who likes to go out dancing and she always gets the good looking men coming up to her. I am not trying to prove anything to anyone but I want to finally look in the mirror and be happy with what I am seeing. Self-confidence is not an easy pill to swallow but I understand so keep up the good work.
  • kajaknowers
    kajaknowers Posts: 113 Member
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    your response has been so positive so i thank u all but out of curiousity has anyone out there lost the weight but still not found there confidence align with there waist belt size x
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    Kaja, what the hell girl?? You are so pretty!
  • jac2lyn
    jac2lyn Posts: 90
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    When I met my husband I was 27lbs heavier then I am now and wore a size 10. That 27lbs was carried in my belly mostly, some in my boobs and butt but mostly the belly. He fell in love with me then and loved me for who I was. Of course I know he loves the way I look more now then before, I know that he will love me even if I did happen to gain some weight again. (He does complain now and then that my boobs have gotten smaller) I never really thought that I would find someone to love me for who I am when I was heavier. Before I met him I dated and had boyfriends but my heaviest weight was 168 and I was sooo uncomfortable with myself. I still feel like that sometimes, but then I realize that I am working really hard and look great. I think that if you have hit a point where you are that uncomfortable with yourself, it will take alot to realize that you look different, and it will take even longer to be comfortable with it...
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    I can relate to this a lot. I always say that it takes the brain longer to catch up to what the body has done.

    I have taken a lot of photos over the past couple of years. So many that some people make fun of me. I guess they assume I have a big head or something .I used to hate having my pic taken and would try to hide behind anything I could. And I didn't see myself as some seemed to see me. So, pics can allow you to see yourself in a way that mirrors don't. I call it photo therapy.

    But, I think it's normal for you to feel the same way. I mean, you ARE the same person and our weight seemed to define us for so long..(definitely for me)...that it's so difficult to see yourself a certain way.

    It does get better over time. I still don't see myself as a little person some days. It was just so stuck in my brain to be a big girl. When someone calls me 'Tiny"...I marvel a bit.

    But congrats! You are awesome and deserve to have fun and enjoy the attention of a good-.looking, nice guy! :smile: :flowerforyou:

    -Tam
  • asteppaway
    asteppaway Posts: 54 Member
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    Every time I've lost weight, it has never helped my confidence...before I had my baby I was 126 lbs...and my confidence remained the same...The reason? I let what everyone who have always said bad things to me about the way I look or how much I weigh rule over me, instead of being honest with myself and looking in the mirror and seeing the truth...and realizing there is so much more to me than a weight or the way I look. You have to figure out your confidence, it won't just appear one day...take the experience with the hotty (way to go, by the way ;) and compile that and the many others you will receive and start seeing you were always great and beautiful...now you're just healthier! Find your confidence in who you are, not what you look like :)
  • Serenifly
    Serenifly Posts: 669 Member
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    When I first lost my weight, I felt the same yet different. I was actually really bitter at first.
    Because everyone treated me so differently, Males, Females, Servers, Bus Drivers. Everyone treated me like I was worth talking to. I didn't realize this change in how people treated me until I lost all my weight. but it made me lose a lot of respect for human beings.

    It took me about 3 years of being fit to get out of that mindset.

    My only explenation for how I'm feeling, hard to put, but a lot of people that lose a ton of weight (no pun intended) Usually gain it back because they dont' deal with the 'baggage' that is associated with being over weight. The worthlessness they feel, the 'not being good enough' ... You don't become cured overnight even if you lose 100 lbs, of the 'fat girl' mentality.

    People who lose significant weight should possibly talk to a professional to talk about the weight loss process and all the feelings (good and bad) associated with it.

    but huge congrats!!!! Gettin' hit on rocks! And the mentality you have now will change over time! Promise :)
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    bump
  • kajaknowers
    kajaknowers Posts: 113 Member
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    yesterday evening, I was feeling so low I actually cried. I am not one to cry too much either. All I could think was why am I still fat and ugly. Problem was I knew I was being stupid but my self worth has completely diminished.....yeh sure I got the guy but I am still thinking I was the end of an evil joke.....pull the fat bird....hahahaha.....so much so I don't want to go out clubbing for a while until I feel skinny.....all I see in the mirror is a big stomach, fatty thighs and flabby bingo arms....it doesn;t help that my 2 best friends are drop dead gorgeous and always get a lot of attention.....I feel like I want it too.....maybe part of the problem is that when your stone cold sober, your not as confident, yet I don't want to be a slave to the drink as that will get my further away from my final goal....its a double sided coin.....I need morale boosting activities.

    x
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    yesterday evening, I was feeling so low I actually cried. I am not one to cry too much either. All I could think was why am I still fat and ugly. Problem was I knew I was being stupid but my self worth has completely diminished.....yeh sure I got the guy but I am still thinking I was the end of an evil joke.....pull the fat bird....hahahaha.....so much so I don't want to go out clubbing for a while until I feel skinny.....all I see in the mirror is a big stomach, fatty thighs and flabby bingo arms....it doesn;t help that my 2 best friends are drop dead gorgeous and always get a lot of attention.....I feel like I want it too.....maybe part of the problem is that when your stone cold sober, your not as confident, yet I don't want to be a slave to the drink as that will get my further away from my final goal....its a double sided coin.....I need morale boosting activities.

    x

    First of all, you're very attractive. Seems like you are the only one that can't see that.

    Secondly, alcohol doesn't increase your objectivity; just lowers your inhibitions.

    Keep doing what you are doing. Hopefully, you'll begin seeing what the rest of the world sees as you reach each milestone in your weight loss.
  • BrownEyedG1rl
    BrownEyedG1rl Posts: 625 Member
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    You are beautiful, that's why he was talking to you! I do understand how you are feeling though. I have a similar situation going on RIGHT NOW with a guy at work. He is into me and I can't figure out WHY??? I'm so overweight, zero self confidence. He tells me I'm beautiful and that I should have confidence. It feels good to hear that, but I still question why? Meanwhile, HE is the picture of perfect health and very fit. Like I said, i don't get it.

    Hold your head high girl! You got it goin' on!!! :)
  • porter09
    porter09 Posts: 31 Member
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    i know how you feel, iv lost 135lbs (would like to lose another 20 to be where i want) and no matter how many poeple say dont be silly your already skinny enough it just doesnt resonate, to me im still big and it is very hard to get over. i dont go out clubbing or on nights out as i just think whats the point no body would bother with me, somedays it does upset me thinking that i am just going to be single all my life( iv never had a bf) but somedays it doesnt bother me, but i guess its all just down to us to get over these feelings, we can only try our best.
    im happy for you that this good looking chap chatted you up, obviously you have more to offer than you think, i would have quickly scurried away probably turning a bit red lol
  • Kasuko
    Kasuko Posts: 42
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    One thing I would like to put out there. While I am no amazing looker myself. I am honestly more physically attracted to women of a larger build. That's not to say I am attracted to BIG women though. Kaja, you may think you are "overweight" but thats to you and that shouldn't stop your self esteem. We all want to look better, that's just us. To me it's more the "beauty" of the girl than the "shape" of her body, and you have that going for you.

    I can also say that I am very unattracted to very thin girls. If I can so much as see a hint of rib cage they are out in my books. So don't be shocked that someone picks you over thinner girls. Just like we shouldn't be shocked when you [girls] pick us over the Arnold Schwarzenegger's of this world.
  • cheexe
    cheexe Posts: 7
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    Mkay, here's what I finally figured out: There is someone lovely for everyone, no matter who you are.

    When I was skinny, guys that were into skinny girls were into me. When I had braces in the middle of my 20's, guys who thought my braces were cute were into me. Now that I'm bigger I'm with a guy who loves my curves.

    At anytime in my life there were always cute boys around for one reason or another (I sure do love cute boys!).

    And I sure wish I realized how hot I was when I was 20, I would have taken advantage! ;)

    Which brings me to my next point!

    Right now you are the youngest you are ever going to be. Enjoy your beautiful face, sexy hair & young (whatever shape) body because 2, 5, 15, 50 years from now you are going to look at pictures of yourself and say "Wow, I was so pretty, why didn't I take advantage and enoy it!"

    I might add that I live in LA.
  • Rachael
    Rachael Posts: 168 Member
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    You are all so beautiful! Just from reading your posts, I can understand why people would want approach and talk to each of you (assuming they could get up the nerve).

    Plain and simple, this guy approached you because he saw an attractive woman he thought he’d like to meet! Please believe that he had no reason to see you as anything other than the lovely person who was right in front of him at that moment (and definitely not the butt of some evil joke).

    More important, though, please give yourself credit – both for your achievements and for the beautiful person you are! And give him some credit, too, for having the good sense and good taste to approach you!
  • OpalFruitJam
    OpalFruitJam Posts: 114 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel! There was a night I went out and some guy approached me and started chatting to me and only a few moments later his gang of friends came over and said it was a bet- who could pull the ugliest girl in the place. This is after I had dropped 10lb.
    I have now dropped almost 30lb and still feel like I felt on the dreadful night, that everyone is doing it as a joke or as a bet. I had a boyfriend when I was 30lb heavier... I have nothing now and have become ever more distrustful.

    You look fantastic though and I cannot imagine why you would be so down/low about yourself. You have come such a long way- I hope you remember the night and maybe even stay in touch with him! If not, put it down to a huge ego boost! You look lovely!
  • tn2010
    tn2010 Posts: 228 Member
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    I have been married to a really HOT guy (I'm serious...my friends and colleagues comment all the time and just recently I had a gay guy yell out his car window that my husband was hot and too bad he wasn't gay). In the time that we've been together I have never weighed as little as he does (160ish). I am a very confident woman, so I wasn't afraid to shamelessly flirt to get the guy, but I always lock the door before I weigh myself and I've NEVER told him how much I weigh. He has absolutely never made a comment about my weight (I've been in a relationship like that once...boy was that guy surprised when I booted him to the curb), and he supports me 100%. I don't wonder why he chose me, I know we complement each other incredibly well, so I have to believe that my confidence in myself as a strong woman is what drew him to me in the first place. So, the next time you go out to the clubs, read back through these posts, put on the clothes that make you feel the sexiest and most confident, and go get 'em! You are doing incredible work, and you should enjoy it every step of the way!

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