What was the funniest thing you kid ever said to you?

Things he has said out of the blue:

Mommy, girls pee out of a crack in their butt.
............................................................................................

Conversation: (he was laying on my belly watching TV together and he was about 4)

Mommy, I was in your belly once.

Yes, you were, that's why you have a belly button, we were attached to each other on the inside.

Oh, yeah.

(ME being curious to what he would say) But honey, how in the world did you get OUT of my belly!

OH Mommy, I crawled up your throat and out your mouth!

Oh the logic of children.

My daughter has said so many things it is hard to narrow down, but one of them is:

Me: "You are soooooo expensive" (Joking about how much I spend on her all the time)
Her: "You BOUGHT me?????" (in a totally serious and amazed voice while staring at me wide-eyed)


Love kids.

My 7 year old said a couple weeks ago:

How can cats eat catfish? Isn't that like eating their own kind?

Also, recently I was trying to say something and my words got mixed together, and he said "Mom, you just got autocorrected!"

I think my son was either 4 or 5. He asked me to put some deer in his hair (to tame a rather unruley cowlic)

It is hard to narrow it down, so I'll just go with recent. I overheard my 6 year old daughter say to my 8 year old daughter, "I'm happy that I'm a primate!" (They were climbing at the time)

O.o

I can't believe I'm sharing a poop story online but here goes...

Once my then toddler was in the stall with me and very loudly asked, "Mom, are you POO POOING?" At first I tried to ignore it but he said it again. Then I tried to just nod my head yes, but he still persisted. Again, I answered quietly, but each time he got louder as he repeated yet again, "MOOOOMMM, are you POO POOOING?" I gave up and using the same tone and loudness level as he was using, I finally relented and said, "Yes son, I'm POO POOING."

Also, recently I was trying to say something and my words got mixed together, and he said "Mom, you just got autocorrected!"

Back years ago when the Internet was relatively in its infancy compared to today, I remember a sudden explosion of commercials that were proudly announcing their websites as a rather central part of their advertisement. They all had a similar tone to them where the WWW and DOT and COM were almost over enunciated. So one day my three year old wanted to visit something he saw on t.v. and he says, "Can you go to www dot com."

My 5 (then 4) year old was eating cookies and offered me one...


Me: *examining the cookie* Did you lick this?
Her: No...
Me: *munching the cookie*
Her: ...but Chewy (my mom's dog) did

:laugh:

I'll paste one that I wrote up a few years ago. "Redwood" is code for my third boy, "Maple" is code for my lovely wife.

If there's one thing everybody agrees on about Redwood, it's that he's about as funny as a boy can be.

If there's one thing nobody knows about Redwood, it's that he hates underwear. The boy goes commando everywhere, it seems. We ALWAYS have to ask whether he has undies on right before he goes out the door for school. And in the past, sometimes, he'd lie to us...so we'd have to check.

Naturally, item #1 to come off when he gets home from school is the underoos. Off the bus, down the block, through the door, to the bedroom, strip down, put on shorts. The kid is a polar bear at heart, wears nothing but a pair of shorts around the house almost without regard to how cold or warm it is.

So early this week, Maple hears singing coming from down the hall right after Redwood gets home from school. She walks quietly down there, peeks around his bedroom door frame, and sees Captain Commando dancing around his room in just his shorts singing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuuuurrrtts!"

He's mortified at having been caught, and Maple asks him where he learned that song and whether he knows what it means. Naturally from school, and no, he has no idea what sexy means.

Long story short, attempt #1 to explain "sexy" to an eight year old fails. The task then falls to me on my return home from work. So, trying to play it low key, I settle down next to him in the living room as he's playing a computer game and get his attention focused on me.

Me: "Hey Redwood...I heard Mom caught you singing a funny song today after school."
Redwood: "Yup. I was just dancing."
Me: "Yeah, Mom said it was pretty funny. She also said you might need to know what sexy means."
Redwood: "Yeah, she tried to explain it. I still don't really understand."
...

[insert two minutes of trying to explain the meaning of "sexy" in eight year old terms. We finally get to the point where he knows that it means something like "physically desirable" in eight year old language]

...
Me: "So the guy in the song, when he's singing, he's saying he's too sexy, too attractive, too physically desirable to even be constrained by his clothes."

Redwood (in a deadpan, he either totally gets it or totally doesn't, no in between...and I still don't know which): "Yeah, that's why I don't wear underwear."

Wasn't to me but my sister had a 2 year old and was 9 months pregnant with another and my niece says


"Mommy, how long will you belly keep growing?" - My sister

"Well Molly, I've been growing you little brother in here for 9 months, so he can grow big and strong but he's almost ready to come out" - Mother

"And thats what being pregnant is? Growing a baby to get big inside your belly?" - Niece

"yes honey" - My sister

Then my niece looks up at my mother and says ' Oh Grammy, you've been pregnant for a LONG time, you baby is going to be SO BIG!"

Gosh, there are too many funny ones. I wish I had written them all down.

The first one that comes to mind was a couple of months ago. We were going to see the movie Parental Guidance. I was in the shower, hubby downstairs. My daughter walks into the bathroom and says, "I just watched the movie trailer on my iPod, and there's this really funny part where the grandpa gets kicked in the nuts". I pretend to play dumb and say, "what are nuts and where did you hear that?" She says "I heard it at school and nuts are your vagina". I about died from laughing so hard. After I got ready, I had to explain that boys and girls had different body parts and that boys often refer to theirs as nuts. She looked so bewildered by the fact that boys didn't have vagina.

I used to threaten my kids that I would sell them on e-bay when they were getting rowdy.

One day, middle son (who was about 9 at the time, AND the reason for EVERY grey hair & wrinkle I own) was being especially challenging so I told him that I already had the ad set up and I WOULD sell him.

He looked at me very directly and very seriously and said, "You can't I checked. It's against the law."

I told him it's only illegal if I get caught. Heh.

He also believed for years that I had eyes in the back of my head and would try to stealthily 'play with my hair' as he looked for them.

For my son's fourth birthday, I bought him both Woody and Buzz Lightyear figures (12" tall or so). I even wrote his first name on Woody's foot before wrapping them up. Anyway, he was unwrapping his gifts and his face lit up with the biggest smile and said, "I got a big Woody!"

It was too funny!!

I always pronounce things the way they are spelled just to screw around.

The boys asked what was for dinner so I said fajitas....(remember like it is spelled) My 8 year old says "did you say Vagina's?



I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SHOCKED IN MY LIFE!!!!