No Support from 'Friends'

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24

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  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
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    I don't know if anyone's already said this..... but just give her a smack. Should sort things out nicely!
  • BeautifulArtemis
    BeautifulArtemis Posts: 641 Member
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    My co-workers never listen to me. I have told them almost on a daily basis I have made a lifestyle change and they still try their hardest daily to sabotage me. It is exhausting!
  • girlfromOklahoma
    girlfromOklahoma Posts: 129 Member
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    Keep working hard and try to ignore her. If she gets too out of hand, report her to your supervisor.

    If you need any more MFP friends to help support you, feel free to add me! :)
  • IronMikeFox
    IronMikeFox Posts: 458
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    I recently learned the hard way that "work friends" are not real friends. Don't count on them for anything outside professional responsibilities. I definitely agree with other posters that she is jealous. You have the desire, motivation, and fortitude to make a positive change. She does not and she is jealous. Period. Every time she flaunts her bad eating in front of you, think about what it will be like flaunting you new body in front of her when you reach your goals!
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Next time she's teasing you with that Diet Coke, grab the can and toss it in the trash. She'll get huffy about it, so tell her to suck it up and deal since what did she expect to happen with teasing you. Other option is come out and tell her to knock that shizzle off because it's annoying as fudge.
  • allisonlane61
    allisonlane61 Posts: 187 Member
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    Bring a rice cake to work with you. When she comes to you next as you described pull out the rice cake and say, "Oh! You reminded me. I brought this for you! I noticed you look like you put on a few pounds and I thought this may help."
  • lizzardsm
    lizzardsm Posts: 271 Member
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    Maybe she's trying to sabotage you. Maybe she's being insecure because she sees you doing it healthier. Maybe she's lying, maybe she's not. We'll never know. Anything we say is speculation.

    Just know, that you're doing great. You can only measure your weight loss success by your OWN accomplishments - not through comparisons with others.

    And the evil side of me says you should start fighting fire with fire. Start dropping off cookies, brownies, soda, etc at her desk. Say, oh I don't really eat this stuff anymore - but YOU seem to eat this junk all the time! Start seeing how awesome her progress is after that.... heh heh heh

    (BTW. You shouldn't have to give up ALL sweets! Moderation is a good thing! Check out Sarauk2sf's story!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/903628-one-year-of-barbells-and-ice-cream-my-story-so-far-pics )
  • SaebraSpirit
    SaebraSpirit Posts: 150 Member
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    So my sister is my biggest supporter right now, she's eighteen 5'6 and about 120 and super gorgeous but she works her *kitten* off to stay in shape and she has been really bringing me shopping and telling me what not to eat and refusing to let me spend my money on cookies and stuff. Then I get to work and this girl whose supposed to be my friend and is also using this site and just dropping weight but not showing it is constantly bringing over soda and drinking it teasingly in front of me. It makes it even harder to say no, and now she has other people at work doing it too, and they think it's all funny. I lost about five pounds before I even started using this site, and when I cut out the soda I felt ten times better about myself. Sure it's only been four days but I can already sleep better at night. It's so heart breaking to have to listen to her go on and on about her weight loss and how she's doing so good knowing that she's really shoving her face with the worst foods imaginable on most days (constantly going out for pizza and stuff) and to have her turn around and try and tease me with soda. I haven't even told her that I'm using this site even though we could have probably helped each other because I'm afraid she's just going to try and discourage me from what I'm doing. It sucks when you dont' have any friends who support what you're doing >.<

    In the long run she is doing damage to herself, she may not notice the effects now but the unhealthy eating will catch up!
    Stay true to yourself, do what YOU wanna do, stick to YOUR plans, and never give up.
    Because at the end of the day you will win for eating healthy, not just with weight loss and fat loss but with long term health and energy benefits, as you said you already cut out the soda and you sleep better at night! See? Proof that its better without!

    I have a friend who eats nothing but chocolate bars, chocolate sandwiches and a cookie every lunch time whilst I sit there with my home made chicken and avacado salads (sometimes with bacon mmm). I used to envy her (shes so SLIM!) but now I pity her, the fact that she eats such boring plastic foods that are all sugary and taste the same-blech. Nah I get my beautiful, juicy, flavourful meats and veggies!
    The grass is not always greener on the other side ;)


    Stay strong and keep going! Stay true to you!
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    How exactly is she 'teasing you' by drinking soda in front of you?

    Sometimes I feel teased when someone is drinking a Big Gulp and they flick soda at me through their straw. Flickflickflick
  • frenchfacey
    frenchfacey Posts: 237 Member
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    wow. this girl sounds SUPER worthless.

    im pretty sure this is bullying and harassing

    and yes you should just "rise above"

    but if it were me, id pull her aside and let her know youre THISCLOSE to filing harassment papers on her, and taking her back down to the gutter where she belongs, so she better back the **** off. and then have a sip of your soda. and always make eye contact with this woman. ALWAYS. dont give away your power.
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    wow. this girl sounds SUPER worthless.

    im pretty sure this is bullying and harassing

    and yes you should just "rise above"

    but if it were me, id pull her aside and let her know youre THISCLOSE to filing harassment papers on her, and taking her back down to the gutter where she belongs, so she better back the **** off. and then have a sip of your soda. and always make eye contact with this woman. ALWAYS. dont give away your power.

    I'm not sure what harassment papers are...but I would say to document, document, document because this is the type of person to try to bring you down in HR. I work in an employee-at-will state and when it's employer Vs employee the employee typically loses.
  • irishscootz
    irishscootz Posts: 97
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    I would totally use this as fuel for your success. Associate the negativity that this person is handing out, with the foods that she is doing it with. The next time that you get a craving for a soda, think about this person standing in front of you, with her can of soda, trying to tempt you. I bet you never go for one again!! The best revenge is to destroy her with your success.
  • Buff2022
    Buff2022 Posts: 373 Member
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    Minus the fact that I want to drop kick that *****. Really why does anyone have to be so darn mean. You can handle her and the best way is to let your changes shock her. Remember the better you do the worse she may get. That means you keep getting better and better.

    There is a woman I work with and she is nothing short of nasty with me. So you know what she gets back..exactly what she gives me. If she is walking behind me and I open a door I don't hold it for her, since that is how she treats me. I do not say hello or anything to her. She wants to act like she is the ****. Go ahead but with me you get what you give.

    I am not losing weight for anyone but me. I am doing it my way and in my own time. A few people know and yesterday one girl I said something to about walking to work to keep the 25 pounds off I lost. She said oh I don't want to hear it. Now I am sure she was kidding but I made a mental note. Never to say anything about my weight loss to her again.

    You lean on your sister in the hard times and you lean on us. We are here for you.
  • CatMcCheesey
    CatMcCheesey Posts: 143
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    I would not run to HR. While she is certainly acting like a jerk, her conduct does not seem tho fit the legal definition of harassment. (based on race, color, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age, national origin, disability, or other protected category.)
    Tell her to stop, if she doesn't ask your supervisor to talk to her.

    Stick to your guns and don't let her derail your efforts. Good luck!
  • mfleeg
    mfleeg Posts: 137 Member
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    I have kind of noticed this thing about women.... Somehow, a lot of women are raised to believe that everything is a competition. I have noticed this a lot when it comes to male attention, weight, career. They want to sabotage each other at every turn. I was raised by my mom to believe that we women are all on the same team and that it is our job to root for each other, support each other, and encourage each other. It seems to me that she is doing this to you so you will cave. How do you handle it? By smiling, being positive and encouraging to her, and not caving into what she wants you to do. Don't go to HR. I assume that you want to become a permanent employee there and you don't want to seem like you're not a team player. Don't make comments about how she will gain weight and you will lose it, because that is stooping down to a level where all things are a competition. Just smile and joke, "It must be great to eat whatever you want and still lose weight! I don't have that gene, so I have to stick with my water and healthy snacks!"

    You can do this!!!!! Your sister sounds like a great support system!
  • frenchfacey
    frenchfacey Posts: 237 Member
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    i guess everyone handles things different.

    id be worried id eventually punch her in the face so getting HR involved would be ME protecting MYSELF.

    short fuse :)
  • bmstee03
    bmstee03 Posts: 119 Member
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    I would not run to HR. While she is certainly acting like a jerk, her conduct does not seem tho fit the legal definition of harassment. (based on race, color, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age, national origin, disability, or other protected category.)
    Tell her to stop, if she doesn't ask your supervisor to talk to her.

    Stick to your guns and don't let her derail your efforts. Good luck!

    True story. I am an HR person and complaining about someone 'teasing you' by drinking soda in front of you would make me cringe and it would reflect negatively on you rather than them. Especially if you are a temp. It is much easier to replace a temp who is complaining because someone is drinking soda in front of them than a long standing employee. You will been seen as overly sensitive and a potential future risk if something as mundane as a soda can send you running to HR.
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
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    I was never planning to go to HR, that was other peoples suggestions, I don't care if she was tripping me down the stairs I live in NH, where anyone can be fired and you don't have to be given a reason...
  • sewingdiscontent
    sewingdiscontent Posts: 112
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    I have kind of noticed this thing about women.... Somehow, a lot of women are raised to believe that everything is a competition. I have noticed this a lot when it comes to male attention, weight, career. They want to sabotage each other at every turn. I was raised by my mom to believe that we women are all on the same team and that it is our job to root for each other, support each other, and encourage each other. It seems to me that she is doing this to you so you will cave. How do you handle it? By smiling, being positive and encouraging to her, and not caving into what she wants you to do. Don't go to HR. I assume that you want to become a permanent employee there and you don't want to seem like you're not a team player. Don't make comments about how she will gain weight and you will lose it, because that is stooping down to a level where all things are a competition. Just smile and joke, "It must be great to eat whatever you want and still lose weight! I don't have that gene, so I have to stick with my water and healthy snacks!"

    You can do this!!!!! Your sister sounds like a great support system!

    Thank you, Voice of Reason. OP, when you play into this competitive stuff, it will make YOU feel bad. It might make her feel bad, too, but at what cost to your own peace and contentment? I'd try to take a merciful approach, after all- it's HER issue, not your issue. You are doing great. Maybe try to see her as a sad product of a sad society. It will help you to feel compassion instead of competitiveness. After all, she's just a robot, doing what her programmers programmed her to do. You, however, can defy your own programming and be nice, cool, calm and unaffected by her meanness- if you see it for what it is.
  • Maggie_Pie1
    Maggie_Pie1 Posts: 322 Member
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    How exactly is she 'teasing you' by drinking soda in front of you?

    That's what I was wondering. Is she holding it to you for you to take a sip and then pulling it back while saying "psyche!" when you move to drink it? Is she saying "haha i'm drinking soda and you're not!"? I need more information than a girl at your work drinks soda and others at your work do too.

    You can't expect everyone else to change their habits so that it's easier for you to change yours.

    Anyway - if the friend uses this sight, she'll probably see this thread and since the OP is using her own picture, she'll know you were talking about her and maybe she'll stop.

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