When your family didnt say anything...

Because it's a hard subject to bring up, especially with family members. Not only that, people won't do anything about it until THEY'RE ready to do something about it.

My friends never said anything about my weight. (They had friends overweight too so they were excepting of me. They just called me "a little bigger than them". At least they said "a little") But my family had no problems telling me that I am over weight. They would plain out tell me "your fat" or " you NEED to starve yourself for a few months" that on really hurt. And even if ii do get to my goal weight of 90 pounds as long as I have that memory of all the hurtful things they told me I'll never be skinny enough in their eyes.

You don't want this. My mother did say stuff about me gaining weight. She'd tell other people how much weight I gained. Even when I was a thin teenaager (117 lbs at 5'4 with a medium frame), she would pat my stomach and say "If you'd just lose this, you would be fine." Made me feel fat. At the time, I played tennis a couple hours a day with my brother and I ran track for my high school. I wasn't cut, but I was fine. When I went to college and stopped playing tennis and running track, I put on 20 lbs. I was still well within the accepted range for my height and frame. She would stand in a store and talk with a friend's mom about how fat I'd gotten in front of me and my friends. She'd talk to the rest of our family and my grandma would say "She'll lose the weight." Like I needed to lose the weight. To say that it gave me a distorted body image is to speak mildly. I also developed a horrible relationship with food and spent a lot of time eating my feelings. I tried and failed a lot at dieting and I have a love hate relationship with the scale and my weight because of this experience.

At nearly 35 years old, I finally have a good relationship with my body. I don't hate myself for being fat anymore. I don't view food as good or bad. I am trying to make good choices (for me) with what I eat and how I exercise. If I lose the weight, that would be wonderful. If I don't lose the weight, I will live in the body that I have. And my body is fabulous. It breathes, it moves, and it gets me from one place to the other. I am trying to make better choices because I want to take care of it. Not because I want my mother's approval or to meet the expectations of outsiders who don't have to live in my body.

TL:DR Don't be upset that your family and friends didn't tell you that you were fat.

My family was far too passive aggressive to actually say anything outright.

It would be things like:

"Have you ever tried diet soda?"

or

(them): "Have you been riding your bike much?"
(me): "Nope"
(them):"Why not?"
(me):"I just really haven't been."
(them):"Well why not?"

They think they're "helping".

No. It's not their job to monitor me, that's MY job.

Here's the thing: If you're not ready to hear the message (or even SEE it for yourself), what makes you think hearing it from the people you think are supposed to love you as you ARE is going to be any better?

You have to hear or see the message when you're ready. You can only make changes when you truly believe and are ready to commit. Having people who love you tell you that won't help this. It will only make you resentful or drive wedges in your relationships.

And if your family and friends are willing to dictate to you what your weight would be, wouldn't they be the same in other aspects of your life? Would you really want to hear about that sort of judgment all the time? I sure wouldn't.

Well, I WAS told and when I got clothes for Christmas, my dad would always buy me stuff from the plus-size women's section and it was WAY too big for me. When I got stuff that fit and everyone else told me I looked good, my dad and stepmom told me I was too big to wear that stuff and I shouldn't show off my body (even though it fit well and showed off my curves in a good way). Also, if I put on makeup and got my hair done to feel better about myself, I was told I looked like a *kitten* and shouldn't ever wear makeup (even just light eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss).

My real mom, however, was ok with me dressing in clothes that fit and wearing makeup/doing my hair. The issue I had then was growing up with sisters who have always been smaller. My little sister is a size 0/1 and my older has gained a little, but at most, has been a 7.

Well, I WAS told and when I got clothes for Christmas, my dad would always buy me stuff from the plus-size women's section and it was WAY too big for me. When I got stuff that fit and everyone else told me I looked good, my dad and stepmom told me I was too big to wear that stuff and I shouldn't show off my body (even though it fit well and showed off my curves in a good way). Also, if I put on makeup and got my hair done to feel better about myself, I was told I looked like a *kitten* and shouldn't ever wear makeup (even just light eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss).

Wow, what *kitten*! People like that don't deserve to be in your life.

Did you honestly think that nothing was wrong? Or were you just burying your head in the sand? I knew I was obese....my clothes, my mirror and the scales all told me that! But until I was ready and motivated to do something about it, it wasn't going to change.

Be glad your family and friends didn't say anything. My experience, like those of other posters on this thread, is horrible. Growing up in a family who say anything horrible they can about your weight is not motivational, believe me! :noway:

Well if you didn't see it yourself I doubt them saying something would've helped.

Honestly, I WISH they hadn't said anything. I have a lot of self-esteem issues left over from high school because my dad would say things like "You'd be so pretty if you just lost weight."