im at the end of my rope!!

Oh my gosh Luly, you remind me of so many women of our age that I talk to. First, you have to understand that we were raised to put EVERYONE else first and ourselves last. We have to STOP this thinking to maintain our weight loss because at least as far as our own body is concerned we come FIRST!

So first, understand that your children are grown. You raised them well and they can solve their own problems. You are no longer responsible for their "issues." If you are not in the mood to listen to their problems, just say "Sweetie, I love you but I was just on may way out. We will need to talk later." You deserve some peaceful time to yourself having raised them all. TAKE IT!

Secondly, your husband is a grown man, if he can make PB&J GOOD! He will not starve! Let him grumble as it is good for him to realize that you are a person too! Sometimes, husbands get too darn comfortable and it is good to shake them up a bit. I would make a really tasty meal that you like one day and make one he likes the next day and just eat a smaller portion of it with a salad. If he grumbles just say, "Sweetie, I have to do this for me, but I bought Pb&J for you and I'll make what you like for dinner tomorrow." Do not apologize or get angry. Just state it as a matter of fact! Understand that he is trying to manipulate you into the status quo that HE likes. That is human nature, but trust me he will get on board when you take charge of yourself and he realizes he has two options, get on board or get left behind. You need to take charge and change the dynamics and not back down from them.

Once your family realizes that they are dealing with a new Luly, they will adapt and be much happier because you are! It is not easy to shut off all the tapes that run, but tapes are old technology. Dump them and watch the weight fall off and stay off!!!!

You're not obligated to cook for your husband. If he doesn't like what you cook, tell him to get his own dinner.

oh yeah! Who needs potatoes every day try making veggie soup no pasta or potatoes or a chicken veggie
It's filling and good , the bottom line is take care of first because no one else will!

Also, exercise can be as simple as walking. Yard work and cleaning are good, but try to see how much you can walk. One of my friends has a health condition and can't walk very much, but still needs to exercise, so she walks the length of her hall way several times a day.

The last time I lost weight I SWORE I would never gain it back. Well...you are not alone there.

My b/f can eat anything...he has such a high metabolism that he burns everything off. He looks amazing. He eats ice cream, peanuts, chips, chocolate, donuts, Coke...you name it. And we buy it every week at the grocery store. He doesn't want "healthy" food...he thinks he doesn't need it.

I have my snacks...some pumpkin seeds, popcorn, beef jerky, sugar free candy and diet Snapple. And the occasional higher calorie foods in moderation...like a half slice of cheesecake or non fat-low sugar frozen yogurt, a cookie or granola bar.

When it comes to making dinner, I usually make the same food for both of us. But I don't eat the potatoes and I only eat a very small portion of pasta....and I wont eat the bread. I eat more of the greens. I make cheeseburgers, stuffed fish, casseroles as well as lean chicken, ham, pork. But there are days I will make him things like mac and cheese and I will have chicken breast. It CAN be done. When the person you live with can't or wont identify with your struggle, you have to dig deeper and find the motivation within yourself. That's what I had to do. Not saying its easy but you do what you gotta do to make yourself happy.

Well, I am way bigger than I want to be so I can't solve all your problems, but I can speak to the husband issue. Sometimes you have to give yourself what you wish you could get from somebody else. My husband exercises a ton and can therefore eat whatever he likes; he has no concept of the idea that anyone could need "support" to lose weight. He loves sports, isn't emotionally attached to food, and for him it's all very logical--if you gain a few pounds, exercise more and eat better until they're gone. Whining and crying that I can't do it without him or waiting on him to act a way he probably never will is not going to get me anywhere.

SO, cook for you. I'm not a big fan of the "he eats whatever I cook" foot-stamping philosophy--he's my husband, not my kid, and he is out working his butt off all day, so he deserves to eat food he likes for dinner at least some of the time. Try to cook things you would both like, make healthy tweaks if possible, and exercise portion control. If there's stuff you love and he hates, have it for lunch or have a couple of free for all, everyone cooks for themselves days each week (no sense wasting your expensive groceries on him if he's going to trash them). And try to make time to do something physical during the day--a walk or swim to clear your head and think about your own stuff rather than everyone else's is bound to feel good.

"I'm not a big fan of the "he eats whatever I cook" foot-stamping philosophy"

This made me laugh :bigsmile:

I've never stomped my foot in my life, and I don't think I made any kind of suggestion to that effect. My point was I cook dinner every night, if he doesn't like the good healthy meals I make, he can 1) make his own 2) go grab fast food 3) open a can of soup! Easy and simple, he's a big boy he'll figure it out. BTW I work hard all day also, and I deserve to eat what I like for dinner.

Take care of yourself, since no one else cares. Take it upon yourself to get back on track stay there and lose the weight you gained. I myself lost 10 and gained 20, so now I'm here struggling I have to stay but I'm determined to not let the fat (or lack of support from people not on this site) get me down. I believe you will be ok.

I've done this twice now. The second time is infinitely harder to get rolling, but once you commit to it you'll get it back. Very seriously... you CAN do this.

Know that no one can change you or sabbotage you but you. Don't let anyone or anything derail you. If hubby wants to eat crappy food let him. Remind yourself that you want to be healthy, fit, lean, strong, powerful, courageous, controlled and awesome. The crappy food won't help you with that.

You also have to put as much effort into you as you do into anything or anyone else. Don't let yourself get hungry. Don't forget to eat. Don't leave your needs to the very end after everyone else has been tended to. Stop and eat along the way. Plan your meals and prioritize yourself. You are, in fact, worthy of your own efforts. You don't exist merely to serve others.

Set yourself a very modest goal. Don't deprive yourself and you will be less inclined to eat mindlessly. Set your goal to lose 1/2 a pound weekly and in one year you'll feel awesome without having barely had to feel like you're restricting yourself.

Feel free to add me if you want. I want to see you succeed.

Wonderful post. I agree with every word.

Take charge of your life and accept that you gained the weight back because of choices that YOU made. You cannot account for your husband on judgement day so why are you accounting for him now? We as "foodies" sometimes overlook the big picture. Food will always be there and always be available but we don't have to be available to it. It's nobody's fault that YOU gained the weight. It's just something that happened while YOU enjoyed what YOU were doing. Own it and deal with it. We are all here to help you through this but the only way this can happen is if YOU own YOUR choices.