Dating while losing weight

singlefemalelawyer
singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey everyone. Just wondering what others think of this - I have been taking a break from dating in the last few months since being told by a couple guys that they did not want to date me because I was too fat. Since then I've been focusing on myself and getting healthy, which is great I know. And I am doing this for myself first. But I am just wondering if I should give up on dating until I reach my goal weight, or if I should keep trying at my current weight in hopes that there is a guy out there who will like me for who I am no matter what the number on the scale.

Thoughts?

Replies

  • Kerilynnda
    Kerilynnda Posts: 129 Member
    Number 1 - Obviously the guys you were dating previously were jerks... so I wouldn't let their opinion influence you at all!!
    number 2 - If you feel ready have at it- you might find a guy who is perfect for you or who is also trying to get his life healthier and you two can do it together
    Number 3 - GOOD LUCK! :)
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    Do it if you want to date someone. Don't let your weight loss get in the way of your life, especially since weight loss is more successful with long-term, lifestyle changes rather than cutting "life" out while you work on your goal weight. Hey, you might even find somebody who is working on their health as well, and you could go on walks by the lake for a date, and get in some physical activity at the same time! (:
  • missmarjushka
    missmarjushka Posts: 29 Member
    You are beautiful, don't let guys lower your self-esteem.
  • peacelovelose
    peacelovelose Posts: 63 Member
    They said WHAT? What??? I can't believe that. Ridiculous!
    Also, do what's best for you. If you find someone you want to date, don't say no based on the face you're trying to lose weight. Having another person join your healthy lifestyle can be quite motivating - my boyfriend and I do plenty of active things together. BUT if you think it's better that you abstain from dating, then by all means, take time to date yourself and focus on you!
  • healthyandhappy81
    healthyandhappy81 Posts: 26 Member
    Guys can be jerks ( girls too), do what makes you happy. If dating is what you want to do, do it. Forget what others dates have said, and know you are still you even when the outside changes
  • bogo_baby
    bogo_baby Posts: 82 Member
    I agree, do not let what guys say affect whether you date or not. The right guy won't care and the ones that do care about your weight aren't worth your time.

    I do understand taking a break, though. I am single and not currently dating on purpose. I want to focus on MYSELF before I add someone else into that focus (apart from my son).

    It's important to love yourself first before you embark on a relationship. My weight loss is not STOPPING me from dating, it's how I feel about ME right now that is stopping me until I am ready.
  • spitfire1962
    spitfire1962 Posts: 347 Member
    First off, you're beautiful and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. Secondly, you most certainly should date! This will help you weed out the jerks from the good guys, and yes, there are good guys out there. I met my bf through online dating. I did have to meet a lot of weirdos, jerks and creeps, but the majority of them are just looking for someone to love. You have to love yourself first, and then you will attract the right kind of guy. My bf encourages me and we go for long walks, and hiking. Don't be in a rush, enjoy your new body, get a cute outfit. The right one is out there, just don't give up. :)
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    Thanks for your comments. It makes me feel a little bit better. But the online dating world is very cutthroat I have found, and it seems like guys are only looking for fitness model looking types. Even if we have everything else in common, it always comes down to my weight and I felt powerless. It does hurt to be overlooked because of your weight. I am trying to use this as motivation to be healthier. Just hoping there are nice guys out there.
  • jessepants
    jessepants Posts: 60 Member
    Those guys aren't necessarily jerks and you shouldn't necessarily stop dating. Just see what's out there and don't be discouraged if you aren't compatible with every guy.

    My new gf isn't attracted to my fat pics (50 lbs ago) that are all over fb from a few years ago but I completely get it. If either of us were 50 lbs heavier than we are now, we would have never had a first date but now that we're more serious we'd see past it (and of course push each other to be healthier).
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    I understand that everyone has their own preferences when it comes to who they want to date. My question was more if I should wait until reaching my goal weight before "getting back out there". I know these guys aren't necessarily jerks, however they were pretty harsh and could have said things differently in a way that was less hurtful.
  • Armyantzzz
    Armyantzzz Posts: 214 Member
    Don't stop ...! When you find the right person you will know it (and they will too). Just be yourself and let it happen... The guys you spoke of will one day realize they passed on a good thing. If that's the way they judge you... then for what reason would you even want to be around them. The pounds you can lose... Your personality and self worth you must hold onto with every ounce of your life. :wink: :wink:
  • robinhardysmall
    robinhardysmall Posts: 246 Member
    My husband now~ the guy I dated while I was losing weight is my best friend and cheerleader! While we were dating he gave me time to work-out and then spend time together~ we did activities that involved burning calories, kayaking, hiking- those kind of fun dates with healthy lunches packed. Keep dating and don't let those idiots get you down! You deserve better! That one special person is out there for you~ :)
  • Silvara_11
    Silvara_11 Posts: 133 Member
    Online dating is tough and good on you to put yourself out there and take a positive step when given negative feedback. I think you need to just focus on yourself and find your happiness on your own terms. You will find that when you feel happy as you've worked out, or eaten healthy or fit into those jeans from years ago it will show and people are attracted to happy confident people.

    I tried on-line dating for years, kept it honest with recent pics and at least one full body image and I did ok. There is always lots of rejection as you have a large menu of choices but then I returned the favour we all have our types - trust me not all men want fitness models or I would never have gone on any dates at all!!

    Ultimately though it didn't work for me so I just decided to focus on me and being happy and voila I met someone. Now struggling to keep on my weight loss journey when being told constantly how beautiful I am, it is a tough life ;-)

    Stay positive and don't shut any doors! All the best :)
  • sunnysmile
    sunnysmile Posts: 1,192
    Some people don't want to look below the surface to discover the real person, regardless whether someone is overweight or slim. If that kind of person has shown himself to you by saying he doesn't want to date you if you're overweight, then you have been given a blessing to know that person's inner self. You don't want to date someone that will not love you and support you regardless of your weight. I met my current husband while very overweight, and I am still quite overweight, although with his support I have lost quite a bit of weight. My tall, athletic, slim husband has never seen me as anything but me, and what I mean by that is it didn't matter to him what my weight was, he always saw the real person inside. That's what you want in a relationship that's what you want in a friendship and in a marriage.

    I agree with all the earlier posts, it is very important that you love yourself and take care of yourself, that is regardless of whether you were dating someone or not. The one thing I didn't realize about myself, was that when I did not think as well as myself as I could, I attracted somebody who was like-minded, and did not think as well of himself as he could. So there is a value in my opinion, of knowing yourself and building your self-esteem. If that's something that is your goal right now and why you aren't dating, then there could be some sense in it. If you are not dating because you might meet a jerk, then don't stop dating because you will meet jerks regardless of your weight and you will always have to weed out the sincere person.

    Sorry this answer is so long, I hope it makes some sense. You are a beautiful person, a beautiful woman, and in loving yourself, you will find someone who loves himself, and in turn is able to love you.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    Focus on yourself. I'm not saying don't date, but is there a rush to "get out there" and date a lot just for the sake of dating? If someone worthwhile comes along, go for it. Otherwise, don't stress the little things. There will always be sucky people out there, and there will always be less sucky people out there (or non-sucky, I suppose).

    I will say that if you're not happy with yourself, you have little hope of being happy in a relationship.
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    Thanks everyone. It's also interesting to get the guys' point of view on this. I am working on building up my self esteem so it might not be a good idea to date right now, but it gives me hope that once I am ready I might find someone who accepts me for who I am even if I am not at my goal weight yet. This isn't about bashing guys or people's individual preferences. It's just about respect and learning how to love myself.
  • jessepants
    jessepants Posts: 60 Member
    I understand that everyone has their own preferences when it comes to who they want to date. My question was more if I should wait until reaching my goal weight before "getting back out there". I know these guys aren't necessarily jerks, however they were pretty harsh and could have said things differently in a way that was less hurtful.

    If you want to get out there then get out there. It comes down to how YOU feel. You'll have good experiences and bad regardless of when you get into the scene so just be yourself and feel good about whatever you decide to do.
  • FeelingLessChubby
    FeelingLessChubby Posts: 152 Member
    I agree with getting out there if you want to - looking after yourself is something you do for you on your own time :o) I would just say, don't talk about this when on a date, this is one of the most boring topics ever to discuss on a date... dieting and losing weight...

    I am newly single and I'm currently very focussed on myself, but I think in time I'd like to go on some dates, when I'm ready, regardless of where I am in my weightloss. It was the breakup that kicked me into action actually.
  • nicola1141
    nicola1141 Posts: 613 Member
    Get back out there!

    Online dating is ROUGH. You have to put on a bit of a thick skin and be ready to move away. There's a lot of crazy and boring guys, and it's a lot easier for people to be harsh to someone online in a way that people would never be in the real world. Don't approach online dating the same way you would with meeting someone IRL. Be more willing to go out with people you wouldn't necessarily go out with - it's harder to read what the person is "really" like until you actually meet. Try "just one date" with people, then move on if it's not right.

    But on the flipside, you have to put on a bit of a thick skin if the same happens to you on the other side.
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
    At the end of the day, you have to find someone that loves you for YOU. Just because one idiot said something about your weight does not mean that this is the way it is across the board. I met my fiance when I was 40lbs heavier.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    I thought this was going to be about how to manage calorie/macro intake while eating out and having drinks.

    But it's about random jerks on internet dating sites. Doh. I'm sure there are guys out there who are interested in exactly the same things - including healthy lifestyle and getting fit.
  • singlefemalelawyer
    singlefemalelawyer Posts: 382 Member
    I thought this was going to be about how to manage calorie/macro intake while eating out and having drinks.

    But it's about random jerks on internet dating sites. Doh. I'm sure there are guys out there who are interested in exactly the same things - including healthy lifestyle and getting fit.

    lol sorry to disappoint. But you're right - I do want to meet someone with similar goals and lifestyle. Just have to be patient I guess.
  • NewDayJMB
    NewDayJMB Posts: 2 Member
    Never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. If you feel beautiful you will look beautiful. If you want to tweak things so you do then that's fine too. The right guy will love you for you. Pay attention to their profiles...if he has tons on pictures of himself he is conceited so don't bother.
  • NewDayJMB
    NewDayJMB Posts: 2 Member
    One last thing....do things you enjoy. You might meet someone offline too. BTW l met my husband when l huge but l knew my worth...and felt my best bad-*kitten* self. He liked my attitude and the rest is history.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    Ma'am, you're a lawyer.

    This means you learned how to own the room along with the conversation using your cunning cognition and ability to tear apart arguments.

    What are you doing with people who are rude? And, to top it off, bringing them into your physical proximity and headspace. Please stop this.

    Not that it matters but I've been every weight from 135ish to (mumble mumble mumble)-ish. I've had either suitors or partners at every size. Not because of or despite size/weight. That factor never even occurred to me as being relevant.

    What does occur to me is as relevant is my opinion on the type of long-term partner I'm willing to allow into my life so that we can create a healthy, positive and successful life together.

    I hope you find a partner who lifts you up in every moment. Not one that tears you down...ever.

Categories