Anybody start a family in their mid 30's

Susan0279
Susan0279 Posts: 69 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello I am 34 and my husband is 41. We have been married for 6 years together for 11. We are talking about starting a family this year. I know that there are risks, but we have always wanted a family (that is why I am here I want to be healthy). I know it sounds weird that I want to lose weight and then get pregnant, but with my age I need to be more cautious than somebody younger than me.

I am just sick and tired of people asking "so when are you going to have kids" I tried being polite, but my husband's uncle kept asking so I finally said no of your damn business.

Just had to vent a little and see if there are any others out there......
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Replies

  • cleotherio
    cleotherio Posts: 712 Member
    I had my two kids at 32 and 33. I didn't really want any before then, but I guess my clock kicked in. The fitter and healthier you are before pregnancy, the more likely you'll "bounce back" afterward. Sorry people have been on your back about having kids--you're right--it's really none of their business :)
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
    I was 31 and my wife 38 when we had our daughter, but then we were 30 and 37 when we got married.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    I was 33 and 37 with mine. Yes, the risks are there, but it isn't too late.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Graduate school and jobs got in the way until our mid-30s. I'm very glad that we waited.
  • fisherman11
    fisherman11 Posts: 13
    Hi, yes I had my first son at the age of 34, the second son at the age of 36 and the third son at the age of 37. Then my husband had a vasecotmy.
    After 4 year of trying, investigations etc I was told 'You are very unlikely to conceive, just go away and get on with your life' My father in law died after a short illness and a few weeks later I was pregnant with my first son, then I just seemed to be uber fertile and as soon as I finished breast feeding I got pregnant again and again.
    It is harder when you are older in some ways because it was a big change of lifestyle, I had always worked full time but then the change to full time motherhood was a bit of a shock. Don't let anyone kid you that its easy being a full time mum, its not. Its easier to go to work and let someone else look after the kids, but that was not for me. I had waited so long no one else was going to get all the pleasure my children gave me.
    another thing is that with my 3rd son because of my age I had a test to find out if he could have downs syndrome, this is a standard test in the British NHS - the only snag is that you have to wait weeks for the results and by that time I knew that even if the test was positive there was no way I was going to give him up for abortion.
    apart from that if you really want a child then go ahead. You will have so much more to give them in the way of life experience, patience and time than perhaps a younger mum, who may feel she has missed out on part of her life.
    My boys are all grown up now and instead of them asking me for advice I find myself asking them and respecting their opinions. All their other halves are aged 30 and I keep hoping that one of them will say Mum, you are gong to be a grandma. So I can understand where your relatives are coming from too.
    Good luck and don't worry but most of all only have a baby if its what you want to do not because of pressure from relatives.
    :heart:
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    We had our kids in our beginning 30's. No issues physically and I think, at least for me, I was more mentally ready being later in life.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
    My only regret is that we started so late that more than one became very high risk for us so we can only have one. However, that one kid we did have has brought me enough happiness to cover two.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    My husband and I were married when I was 33 and I became pregnant for the first time at age 36. He was born two days before my 37th birthday. I was pregnant again 11 months later, and boy number two was born when I was 38. And I was overweight through both pregnancies. And I have lost the "baby weight" and weigh less now than I have my entire adult life.

    So...GO FOR IT!! :happy:

    ETA: both were healthy pregnancies, and both boys are strong, healthy toddlers now. I had "risks" because of my age but I literally put NO stock in any of it, focused on my babies being healthy, and that is what came to pass.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
    We had our kids in our beginning 30's. No issues physically and I think, at least for me, I was more mentally ready being later in life.

    Yeah, I look back at it now and I'm greatful that I was older because i don't know if I would have been a good dad when I was younger. It's a tough, but rewarding job do be a Dad and a husband.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    I had my twins 15 months ago I am also 34. I had no risks or complications

    ETA: This is my second marriage I have 4 children from my late husband as well.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    We had our kids in our beginning 30's. No issues physically and I think, at least for me, I was more mentally ready being later in life.

    Yeah, I look back at it now and I'm greatful that I was older because i don't know if I would have been a good dad when I was younger. It's a tough, but rewarding job do be a Dad and a husband.

    And I am also glad I waited, because I was sooooo selfish in my 20s!! I was also married to an emotional and mental abuser back then, so doubly glad I didn't have kids with him...
  • juleszephyr
    juleszephyr Posts: 442 Member
    I was 36 and 38 when I had my two boys and although the risks are higher and the second one was really tough, I don't regret it... Yes get in as good a shape as you can holistically first and look after yourself...
    Good luck
    Jules xx
  • skinnyforcruise2013
    skinnyforcruise2013 Posts: 74
    I was 34 when I had my daughter. I'm glad I was older and I've enjoyed every single moment of it. :smile:
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    My mother had me very young, and then she waited until her 30's to have more. She was 34 with my brother and 38 with my sister. With my brother, she didn't have many complications, although at first they thought he was twins lol. In your 30's, apparently you're more likely to have multiples. With my sister she had a TON of complications. She had gestational diabetes and couldn't eat sugar, and she ended up in the hospital a few times. She also went into early labor, which had to be stopped. Then when she did give birth, they had trouble stopping the bleeding. It was a very rough pregnancy.

    So I guess if you're going to start trying to get pregnant, you should do it soon, before it's too late!


    ETA: My mom's fine now, and both children are very healthy now!
  • 18guyhornet
    18guyhornet Posts: 195 Member
    Yep - First was born when I was 35, last when I was 42. Keeps you young and I think for the most part people are set in their careers by then or have stopped partying all night long. I love being a dad later in life - wasn't ready in my 20's for sure.
  • weinbagel
    weinbagel Posts: 337 Member
    so there is still hope for the "internal clock" to switch on? ... haha
  • pinkledoodledoo
    pinkledoodledoo Posts: 290 Member
    I'm interested in the answers here... I'm 31, hubby is 36 and we have not had kids yet (married 3 years next month). We've always had something in the way whether it was weight/health, smoking cigarettes or just not quite feeling ready. I'm also losing weight so that can be less of an obstacle for us if we decide to try. And I have had the same problem with relatives and friends asking when we're going to have kids... it does become annoying, especially after hearing it for almost 3 years! :tongue:
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    34 is a perfectly reasonable age to have kids at, and you shouldn't have any age related issues. I am only 24, but I am well aware that I won't have the time to start a family until my mid thirties or so.
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
    My mom had me at 40 and my brother a year and a half earlier. We seem normal enough. I think I was early and I had to stay in the hospital for a while, but I dont think it was serious. I think that as long as you take care of yourself, take those folic acid vitamins early, and keep calm, you'll be just fine!

    The only real issue we had was as we got older, some people would call my mom grandma and my mom didn't really relate to the younger moms at preschool.
  • allisonlane61
    allisonlane61 Posts: 187 Member
    I had my only child at the age of 38. I worried throughout the pregnancy because she didn't move very much, although her father told me she kicked a lot at night. I didn't have any issues due to age, but I will say it would've been way better had I lost weight before I got pregnant. I went into the pregnancy at 192 pounds so I topped out at a rather heavy weight, which I kept on for a long time.

    Also, now I'm 51 and she's wanting to hang with her friends on weekends until later and later in the evening, when I just don't feel much like leaving the apartment and going to pick her up. Had I not lost the weight, I fear I wouldn't have been able to keep up with her now.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I had my children at 31 and 34. My ex-husband (father of said children) remarried and his wife had their 2nd child at age 37.
  • tladame
    tladame Posts: 465 Member
    I was a "late bloomer". My husband and I were 35 when we got married, and 39 when our daughter was born (surprise!). I had a normal pregnancy and a healthy baby. I sort of regret waiting so long, because after I had her, I hit menopause and couldn't have any more. I was so lucky to have her! I think it's great to be a later-in-life parent. I have so much more patience than I did when I was in my 20's. Plus, I'm 43 years old and I get to play on the playground!

    So, it's never too late...unless you hit early menopause. :mad:
  • itsanot
    itsanot Posts: 89 Member
    I was 33 when I got pregnant, healthy kiddo. But my doctor monitored me closely due to family history. I lost weight my entire pregnancy because all I craved was fresh fruit so I worked until the day before he was born(I work at a power plant, highly active). I came out of the hospital in less then 24 hours, 32 pounds lighter then when I got pregnant, with an 8lb. 1oz healthy baby boy! I was 262lbs when I got pregnant!
  • Blessedprincess
    Blessedprincess Posts: 11
    Glad you posted this. I wonder about this all the time. Thanks everyone for sharing.

    I've been married for over 11 years and still get asked when are we going to have kids.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    I had two kids, one at 38 and one at 39. No complications. Yes, at 30, everybody stopped telling me that "you have time" and started asking "when"

    The answer I used is "My husband and I plan to start a family when we are ready."

    I actually said this to my boss WHILE I was 6 weeks pregnant because I wasn't ready to tell anybody yet :)
  • ddarold
    ddarold Posts: 15 Member
    I was 33 and 36 with my boys. I felt my healthiest when I was pregnant because I was watching what I was eating more carefully. No lunch meat, no hot dogs, tried to avoid nitrates and preservatives as much as possible. When I was pregnant with #2 I was losing weight because I was working out. Best wishes and luck to you:smile:
  • crystal_loga
    crystal_loga Posts: 106 Member
    I have PCOS and had trouble conceiving. We had our first when I was 24, and then our second at 31 (he's 4 months old now). We tried for number two, since our oldest (now 7) was 10 months old. My Dr's pretty much told me that it wasn't possible. I was 240lbs, and very unhealthy. I found MFP, and within a year I had dropped 65lbs by watching my calories. Low and behold, my cycle came back regular, and SURPRISE, baby #2 was on his way!

    Loosing weight before baby will only help matters, and make the pregnancy less complicated.

    While being pregnant in my 30's was a little harder on me that in my 20's, it didn't slow me down. I am constantly busy, and on the go. No one will know if there will be any complications or not, no matter what your age. I say,l just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!

    God Bless you on your journey!
  • TangledUp_InBlue
    TangledUp_InBlue Posts: 397 Member
    I didn’t get married until I was 38 and my wife was 36. We had our son in 2005 when I was 41 and she was 38. Having a little guy around motivated me to lose weight (not initially, but lately), so I could do stuff with him and not be a dad who sat around all day. It kind of odd at school events looking at the other parents in their 20’s and 30’s and I’m sitting there at 48 with a 7 year old…but it’s well worth it.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    We had our kids in our beginning 30's. No issues physically and I think, at least for me, I was more mentally ready being later in life.

    Yeah, I look back at it now and I'm greatful that I was older because i don't know if I would have been a good dad when I was younger. It's a tough, but rewarding job do be a Dad and a husband.

    Definite benefits to being an older parent, I agree.

    And I am also glad I waited, because I was sooooo selfish in my 20s!! I was also married to an emotional and mental abuser back then, so doubly glad I didn't have kids with him...
  • K3Daw
    K3Daw Posts: 9
    Absolutely! I was 33 when my son was born and my husband was 40. A year and four days later, our twin daughters were born. I didn't have a grand scheme in mind when planning for a family, it is what it is, but I feel very fortunate to have had the freedom to live life and make mistakes in my twenties and then buckle down and get serious in my 30 when it came to motherhood and children. I feel I am a much better mother in my 30's than I would have been in my 20's, but that's my opinion.

    My body did not "Bounce" back as I would have liked it to but nor did I make it the priority I should have. I'm content in that I will not have the level of sex appeal I did at the age of 24 because I'm a mother now and frankly, I don't think it appropriate to look like a 24 year old. I'll settle for being a MILF but the important thing is being a Mother.

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