Please Don't Judge

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2

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  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    I'm not here to help you, unless you ask.
    I'm not here to judge you, unless you ask me to compare my perceptions about you and what you do to that of myself.


    Yes, Perception is the greatest evil....Judgement is not necessary.
  • operation_cute
    operation_cute Posts: 588 Member
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    Critiquing someone and judging them are two entirely different things... I think its wrong to judge (because are you so perfect you can judge someone else?), but constructive criticisim is what helps us grow and get better!
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
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    I distinguish between the judgement that is assesses, i.e., formulating data to be considered when making a subsequent decision, and judgement that condemns, i.e., estimates a measurement of value and condescendingly administers punishment (whether that punishment be physical, mental, etc.).
  • PhattiPhat
    PhattiPhat Posts: 349 Member
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    I already know when someone prefaces their statement with "please don't judge but....." I already know I'll be judging away. Just like when someone says "No offense but...." I get that punching-head urge.
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
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    What do you think when someone asks you not to judge?

    In my experience, that statement is usually followed by a really slutty story.

    Lol....those are the best! And....I never judge. :drinker:
    If I DO judge those...it's usually with two thumbs up. :drinker:
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
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    Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

    yep
  • kitka82
    kitka82 Posts: 350 Member
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    oh you, and your logic...

    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmm.

    Judgment is often mistaken for condescension. The definition of judgment is the evaluation of evidence to make a decision (according to Wikipedia -- yes I went there LOL). Doesn't seem so bad.

    If you are unable to accept constructive criticism, I don't see how you can experience as much personal growth. But what do I know?
  • watchhillgirl
    watchhillgirl Posts: 597 Member
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    I think they are really saying "don't tell me what I DON'T want to hear."

    This!
  • boothekm
    boothekm Posts: 60 Member
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    Judgement is necessary, and on MFP, in the form of constructive criticism or praise for a job well done. However, you shouldn't judge hipocritically. Don't tell a person "PUT THE CANDY DOWN!" when you gorge yourself with candy everyday!
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
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    2cy1vdz.gif

    We judge everything. It's how we stay alive. For instance:

    Can I jump this gap?

    Can I lift this weight?

    Will I survive on these calories?
  • Liatush
    Liatush Posts: 627 Member
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    I think they are really saying "don't tell me what I DON'T want to hear."

    yup. I only want you to tell me I'm fabulous and doing everything right and if I am not seeing results, it's only because I'm not drinking enough water... or I'm drinking too much water. Blame the water, dangit!
  • wwhickok
    wwhickok Posts: 29
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    I think when people say "please don't judge" they're not asking you not to be honest. They're asking you not to make fun of them or be cruel and hurtful.

    If someone shows you a picture of their progress and asks for a opinions, they want you to be honest. I think it's just in our best interest as people to be selective about the words we choose in sharing our honest opinion.

    For example.. hypothetically, if someone shows you a picture and you don't see much progress, a response of "Well...you have a long ways to go" or "Did you actually exercise?" is probably not the best response you can give. Perhaps instead you'd respond with "Good work so far, what kind of workouts are you doing right now?" Then share some opinions on how you think they could change up their workout to improve their progress, maybe you see something in their routine that is causing the 'slow progress' you see in the picture.

    I don't, this is just my thought and I'm not a psychiatrist and probably definitely not the best with words when discussing weight, but I definitely think a certain amout of judgement is not only essential but unavoidable. People just don't want to be made to feel worse about who they are.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    wine-and-judge_zpse222a9ef.gif


    I think there's a difference between using your judgment to determine that something is not the best idea, and judging a person's character based on their choices. It's the difference between saying "I don't think 1200 calories is a good choice," and saying "you're obviously stupid because you're eating 1200 calories."

    I think a lot of times someone says the former and the person they are talking to hears the latter.
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
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    It's the difference between saying "I don't think 1200 calories is a good choice," and saying "you're obviously stupid because you're eating 1200 calories."

    I think a lot of times someone says the former and the person they are talking to hears the latter.

    Agreed
  • TheBaileyHunter
    TheBaileyHunter Posts: 641 Member
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    I think there is a difference between constructive criticism and judgement. The first offers information on areas that are going well and others that aren't and provides solutions on how to make it better.

    Judgement is simply passing on opinion - positive or negative - without any actual support.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    100% of the time when people say "please don't judge" they already feel insecure about their choice(s), are judging themselves, and are really saying "Please don't confirm or validate my own judgement about myself."
  • joyincincy
    joyincincy Posts: 228 Member
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    This topic reminds me of one of my favorite quotes -

    “We find comfort among those who agree with us-- growth among those who don't.” Frank A Clark

    Which, I think, pretty much says it all.

    This.
  • joyincincy
    joyincincy Posts: 228 Member
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    [/quote]
    I believe to give useful advice some judgement needs to be made. But not to chastise a person's efforts or character is what is important. Post your pics and menu, get critiques, and know its coming from sources of support.
    [/quote]

    and this.

    (Hummmm, the above should have come through as a quote - -hey, don't judge me:)
  • kellijauch
    kellijauch Posts: 379 Member
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    I think when someone says "Don't judge me" it's because they already know what they're doing isn't right (meaning they have judged themselves, but don't want you to look down on them, because they know it's not the best, but are going to do it anyways).
  • JessiBelleW
    JessiBelleW Posts: 815 Member
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    I feel like when people ask not to be judged its because they don't want to get slammed by negativity. I agree that sometimes they know its a silly/stupid/embarrassing thing/choice but it can be hard to have everyone all pile in and tell you just how stupid/silly that thing you did was

    Sometimes its necessary to describe where you are in order to move forward and improve, even if where you are isn't the best place or you aren't all that proud of it

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