Anyone suffered with Low Self-Esteem?

I know exactly how you are feeling, I used to be a confident person and love myself no matter what my weight got to until I got divorced 2 1/2 yrs ago. I was married for 10 yrs and always knew that no matter what my hubby would love me and he did. He just loved drugs more then our family at the end. Since then I have struggled with so many things but the main difference I see in myself is my self-esteem is gone. I am a single mom of 2 boys and their father is pretty much non existent so I do it all and love every minute of it but its not easy.My ex is now in a relationship and at times I think how unfair it is that he can be the type of man he turned out to be and still find someone. While I am here taking care of our boys all on my own and have not been in a relationship since the divorce. I have lost atleast 40 lbs since the divorce and should feel so proud of myself but when I look in the mirror I just seen what needs to be improved on and ugliness. I have talked to therapist and even my family who constantly tells me how great I look. (of course i tell them they love me they are suppose to say those things) My Mom constantly tells me that I need to love myself first before I can find someone else that loves me. I am not exactly sure how I am suppose to go about that and when I ask them they dont know either lol. They also tell me I need to get out and have a life outside of my kids but as a single mom thats not going to happen. lol Me being there for them is way more important then any man can bring into our life. I do know that in the last two months I have went back to exercising and dieting and somedays feel really good. But its still there I still dont like what I see. Instead of seeing how far I have came I just see what needs to be changed. Dont get me wrong some days are better then others, sometimes I love what my body is becoming and am so proud of myself. My fear is that when I get down to my goal weight I will still feel the same way. That it wont make me a happy person. I have always blamed my weight and have always thought if I could just get it off that I would feel so much better. But now I am questioning that. So I guess I am telling you this story because for one it hit home with me I deal with it on a daily basis but also because I want you to know you are not alone and people with all different lives still struggle with low self-esteem. It took a lot for you to just post this topic so I thought the least I could do was share mine. Have a great one and smile.

I am just getting over this same problem. Im 24 and just recently got married in February to my boyfriend of 7 years. I completely understand how you feel and me and my boyfriend almost completely ended our relationship because of this issue just a year and a half before we got married. Its not easy to have these feelings about yourself but, just like mines once were, yours are completely out of control. This can be fixed if your both willing to put in work, and your already on the right track by realizing you have a problem and asking for help. Therapy can be a good idea, though it didnt help me much, because when you have these kind of feelings its hard to take advice from someone who may not fully understand what you are going through, so I didnt trust in her advice. In my experience it takes two and a lot of patience to make this problem go away, it doesnt happen overnight, to this day i still have some problems with how i feel about myself but i no longer punish my husband for it and we are happier than we've ever been. If you ever want to talk about it on a more personal level or want my opinion and advice please feel free to message me, i know how much this problem can affect life so i'd be glad to help.

Good for you for being able to recognize what is going on. now you have to make a concerted effort to stop the behaviour. try: whenever you feel like you are pushing him away Give him a big hug and say I feel low right now so just hug me.... I know it sounds silly but it will help you AND him understand when you are feeling low and it will help to build your trust in him and the relationship. eventually you will be able to look him in the eye and feel confident to tell him how you feel and what you need him/you to do to make it better.
I hope this helped.....

I have to agree with this... along with so many others who have written. I suffer from self esteem issues myself. Always have. And they've almost all pertained to my weight and looks. What you have to realize is, there's a reason your husband is with you, and it's not all about looks. Your husband loves you, that's why he married you, and why he took that vow "til death do us part." That vow includes even when we gain some weight. He loves you, and he will whether you're 100 pounds or 300 pounds. However, letting your self esteem and jealousy get in the way can certainly push your relationship to a breaking point. You need to talk to your husband, have a very candid conversation with him. Tell him how you're feeling, and why you do and say the things you do, and ask that he tell you openly how he feels about your weight and appearance. It might hurt to hear what he has to say, but hey maybe that will be the push you need to find motivation and really get onto that weight loss journey.

I wish you all the best. I know this is difficult for you, but writing about it here and asking for advice is a great first step.

For him to accept to, you have to accept yourself.

I understand this completely, I have the same issue with thinking my other half would rather be with a slimmer, prettier girl but then I stop and think ..but he's with me, if he didn't think I was beautiful he wouldn't be with me,

You need to remember these are your insecurities and your thoughts, not his. He thinks you are amazing, and beautiful.. Because if he didn't, he wouldn't be with you start believing it! The number on the scale shouldn't define who you are as a person

Xxx

I have been working towards my weight loss for ALMOST a full year. It is fairly obvious that if you don't take care of yourself mentally as well as physically, the weight will come back on.

I decided that for this year, my goal was to start dealing with my anxiety and emotional-eating.
In the last week since starting, I have realized that
1 - I fear judgement/ridicule/criticism/being yelled at/embarassment...to avoid this, i am a perfectionist. (highly linked to my anxiety)
2 - I NEVER appreciate myself. (emotional eating)
3 - I fear what I can not control. (also anxiety)

Anyway - This is a wonderful time to start working on both your mental and physical well being. For me, what has always worked is doing self-help books. Go purchase 1 or 2 good books that you believe will help you with low-self esteem and work on it. And i don't just mean "Read it" - I mean do the assignments, reflect on the outcomes and journal, journal, and journal some more.

Make yourself the priority. You are important, mind body and spirit. Make sure you schedule mental health time each day just like how you would with your exercise.

If you don't stop putting yourself down, comparing yourself to other women & assuming your husband is cheating on you, etc., I can pretty much guarantee the man you love will slowly, surely start walking away from you. Focus on your marriage and being happy/healthy. Think before you speak. (Words of wisdom from an "older" woman who's been there, done that!):flowerforyou:

^^^THIS.

I drove my ex-husband away by continually putting myself down, being jealous and insecure, etc. Well, we split for many other reasons too, but that was a big part of it.

Your attitude about yourself teaches others how to think and feel about you. And you CAN change it, if you want to. It takes a lot of work and focus, but it can be done.

When I met my real husband (the first one was fake, haha) and started speaking badly about myself, he said, "Stop insulting the woman I love." After a while, I did. I began to say nice things about myself out loud and in my head...stopped listening to the voice that tells me I am worthless/fat/ugly/old/etc...YES, I still have bad days, but they are fewer and farther between as time passes.

You can change this. Find a therapist, look into some self help literature, and start today.

My husband says that to me too! "stop insulting the woman I love."

He loves me the way I am but he does want the sex life we had when I was thinner, when we got married.

Beauty is more than looks. If you are in a relationship, then they must like you for you!! Bee carefull of what you eat. pick up your excesizing and care how you look. But above all be cheerfull!! God love you


Basil

I hear your pain, I have low self esteem as well and it is affecting all areas of my life. My husband notices it, my mom, even my work. After a huge fight with my husband, I confessed I don't love myself because I don't like the extra weight I carry on my body. I don't feel like me, I am uncomfortable in my own skin and is affecting me negatively on almost a daily basis. I am slowly working on it making it better, but I have realized I can't do this on my own. Once I move I will be seeking out professional help in that area. Until then, I try to spend at minimum 10 minutes a day working on making myself healthy on the outside and 10 doing something that makes me happy or helps my mental health. See if something like that would work for you. We will learn to love ourselves and truly enjoy life but its going to take some hard work and time

I think the desire to lose weight and low self-esteem are intrinsically linked. of course there are things like health that people focus on when it comes to weight loss, but even if you look through this thread, you'll find that LOTS of people lose weight do it because they hate their body. They constantly talk down about themselves and their body. What they don't realize is, if you have low self-esteem, changing your body isn't really going to change anything. Maybe it will temporarily, but soon you'll find something else to hate.

The most important thing to remember is that if you have low self-esteem re: your body, it's NOT your fault. Media and society being the way it is, you're trained from a very young age to hate your body and want to change it. Literally every single ad for every single product you see, from lipstick to jeans, is insinuating that you're not good enough the way you are and that THIS PRODUCT will magically fix you. It's been proven that women see/hear 400 messages a day telling them they're not good enough. That's enough to wear on anyone.

It's a really good idea to get rid of mainstream media. Stop reading magazines, stop watching advertisements. Stop comparing yourself to people you see on tv or in media (none of them actually look that way anyway.) Realize that you are fine exactly the way you are. Without self-love, any attempt at weight loss is not going to make you feel any better about yourself in the long term.

Good luck!

I know it's been said already, but find someone who you can talk to, a therapist, a close friend, family member, or even on here can help. There are reasons you are feeling this way that may stem from years ago, even to childhood. I'm a therapist and I've helped people work their way out of this before. You may not need a therapist, but you need to figure this out. Is it safe enough to talk to your husband about the way you are feeling, when you aren't highly emotional? That may be a good place to start. But, if that back fires. Try individual therapy or even marital therapy. People tend to wait for marital therapy until the marriage is on its last legs, be proactive and get help sooner rather than later. If you don't know where to start to find a therapist, talk to your doctor and they should be able to recommend someone. You don't have to tell your doctor what is going on, just that you are struggling and need some help. I hope you find a way to help yourself and your marriage through this.