Mother of a problem...

Barring mental health issues, there's no excuse for treating your child so badly. Even my older kids who have made horrible choices and have hurt me with some of their actions get my love and affections. Perhaps a stern talking to when they've crossed boundaries, but then it's over. What she's doing is abusive.

I'm with the "get counseling" crew. You need to get your head right regarding HER bad behavior, and seek to be healthy in all arenas of your life.

I also have issues with my mom. Not so much or extreme as yourself. However it is strained to say the least. I just deal with it by not contributing to it, no seeing her, and if she wants to see me she will call.

I know it is your mom and we cant choose who our parents are, however you can chose how you will be if you have children. In addition give her space and either she will come around or she wont. You may need to confront her in front of everyone and be persistent, be rude, get your point across.

i always believed that you should love your family no matter what. me personally, i wouldn't visit her as oftan, but i wouldn't cut her out completely. maybe visit her every other month or even just on holidays, that may help.

I have family members that may as well be dead to me.

And couldn't be happier with the decision. Somewhere along the line my parents screwed up because they always talked about how important family was etc, and I'm not a family person.

To me a ****ty person is a ****ty person no matter what title I have to give them.

I'm so sorry honey. I couldn't ever imagine doing that to my own girls, and I have three. Each has their own unique gift to bring to the table and I love them all.
I would cut back on the visits, but do see a counselor. It would help a great deal.

unacceptable behavior is unacceptable. doesn't matter if it's ur mom. don't accept unnacceptable behavior.

i get a lot of unacceptable behavior from mine. i've had to cope by distancing myself.

i DON'T believe in giving someone a pass *just because* s/he is family.
i DON'T believe in respecting someone *just because* s/he is family.

if u r a db, i don't care who u r. u r not gonna b in my life, blood or no blood. what u described is db behavior. i would not stand for it.

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

THIS.

I had to walk away from my whole family because of my mother. Toxic relationships do toxic things to the mind.

I will tell you that I've never been happier and healthier now that that horrid woman is out of my life.

just because you're related does not mean you have to allow someone to treat you badly... love yourself FIRST!

unless you like feeling like a martyr...

Exactly!

I don't speak to my father anymore and haven't in 5yrs - maybe I'll regret it but I know I've been happier pretending he's dead

Edit:
Just wanted to add, I had my daughter at 20, been a single mom now for 5yrs (she's 6) and becoming a mother is the best thing to ever happen to me - I'd give my life for her and tell her EVERYDAY how much I love her and how beautiful she is.
Your mother has some serious mental issues that do NOT have to be YOUR issues

This is something that I have been struggling with on a daily basis. My mother is a manipulative creature from hell. For a lot of my life I was made to believe that she was a wonderful person and that all problems in my family were my problem. She even went so far as to blame me (to my face) for her eventual divorce to my father. As I got older I found out that a lot of the things she said were not true. She would make things up to my siblings and tell them awful things I had said, that I had NEVER said. I developed a severe drinking problem at a young age and in my eagerness to get away from the emotional abuse I moved out with roommates but things that she has said and done haunt me.

I have been living sober for a year and a half and have built a new life for myself surrounded by positive people and love. That need...that guilt that you feel when you walk away? It is so very hard to deal with. She will do something horrible that the people in my life shudder at and I will walk away but it never takes long for me to start to feel bad, that she's my mom and I want her love and I want that relationship that I see other women have with their mommies...and then she burns me again.

Someone mentioned staying away from toxic people and I completely agree with that. It hurts and you will feel horrible and from experience that pain of not having her doesn't really go away, because we're like pets that are beaten but still crave the approval and love from our owner. But you HAVE to stay away. People can change and grow but cruelty is just cruelty and some things never change.

Sorry this is so long. Your post really spoke to my heart. :flowerforyou:

prove to her that she was wrong..

She is being resented by her mother for existing.
No matter what she does, she won't be able to "prove" anything to her mother.

OP, like everyone else says.... seek counseling, and stop visiting her. If you want to have family around, call your sisters. But leave your mother out of it. You don't need that in your life anymore. You might have had to deal with it as a kid, but as an adult, you have the choice to walk away.
:flowerforyou:

I already posted but I just saw this comment and thank you...the goal of trying to "prove" to my mother that I am worth loving has been a painful one and your remark about no matter what she does...damn that rings true.

Good for you for trying to keep a decent relationship with your mom. It takes a strong person to look past hurt and know you'll miss her one day.

That said, you tried. You are consistently the better person, and she insists on trying to tear you down. You do not need that kind of poisonous influence in your life, even if it is your own mom. It's time to cut her out of your life. End it. Send her a Christmas card every year, and let that be the end. You deserve better.

prove to her that she was wrong..

NO. You DO NOT have to prove anything to her.
CUT HER OFF.
Shame on your mother.
SHAME SHAME SHAME.
Walk away from her and don't look back.
I did when I was 12..
Im strong, Im independent, Im brave and most of all. I am awesome....without her.

also, Im sorry you have gone thru this.
:flowerforyou:

This! Awesome advice, cut that toxic crap out your life.

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

THIS!

I'm in the opposite boat, but I do know that if family isn't there for you, stick with your friends. They can be like family, sometimes better than family.

This is totally what I wanted to say! My mom and I were very close as I was growing up. I remained at home to go to college because she was very ill and I wanted as much time with her as possible. I, too, didn't want to regret it when she was gone. She passed away right after I graduated from college. My father, though, has been one of my biggest cheerleaders! My sister-in -laws have also been cheering me on from the moment they found out what I was doing. But my sister is a different story...I have found that I needed to distance myself in order to not feel horrible about myself. My girlfriends have become as close as family, and I have clung to them for the support and love that I need to carry me through this journey. I love my sister more than you could imagine, and I still spend time with her, but I do not discuss anything about my weightloss with her anymore. She does not want anything to do with that part of my life, so I found people who do. Hugs to you. I hope things get better.

She only has power over you if you allow it. As others have said, get away from her and don't look back. I speak from experience and I've seen my mother very few times in the last 20 years. It's never pleasant but every once in a while I have to remind myself why I feel the way I do and I learn, once again, that nothing has changed. Move on and build a life as far away as you can.

It's time for some therapy, girl. No one has a right to treat you that way. And you are in no way obligated to subject yourself to emotional abuse just because it's your mom.

This. This. This. Period.