Help! I'm afraid they'll end up better than me!

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TheNavet
TheNavet Posts: 162 Member
in Motivation and Support
First and foremost, I want to apologise, because what I'll say is probably so close and small minded that it will offend some people. And that's definitely not what I'm trying to achieve. Heck no.

My question is: has any one ever felt reluctant to share their success stories and secrets?

Let me explain:

I started my fitness journey in November 2012, and have, since then, achieved some incredible success. I mean, I've got beautiful muscles, have reverted from a chubby physique to an athletic one and finally feel proud of myself! And... and I've finally got a bit of attention from well... boys. I know, I'm being terribly juvenile...

Anyway.

I've been asked by girls in my class to share what I've done, mainly on the exercice topic. And I couldn't... I just couldn't avoid sharing it. I mean, sharing is good right? I bragged a bit along my journey, because, yeah, that's also one of my defaults and now... now some others are starting it to because I inspired them (and, heck, despite it all, I'm happy of that too!)


And I know that it's completely childish but you know, if they were to achieve the same results as I, I... I'd be alone again. I've always been that nerdy, good student and not so much the pretty one - the girl nobody found any interest in. And yet I managed to reverse things and for the first time in my life I finally... collect interested stares. And now it might all crumble apart again...

And I can't help but feel jealous of what they might achieve and afraid.
I'm really really sorry, I must seem so greedy and oh so terribly attention craving... :frown:

(I apologise for any mistakes and incoherence too, I'm incredibly tired...)
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice....

    Or just keep bringing your friends cake and hope that they stay fat for ever.
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
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    I can understand what you are feeling. However I, myself have never felt that way. I remember how hopeless and alone I felt when I was overweight. Now that I've achieved my goals, I am happy to help anyone who needs it. I can relate to their feelings and would do anything I can to make them feel better about themselves. I don't want anyone to feel they are alone in this. Where would we be if we didn't have the help and support of others when we started?
  • sexymuffintop
    sexymuffintop Posts: 636
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    Your friends losing weight isn't going to detract from your success. How could it possibly? Part of me thinks this sounds like a troll thread? :laugh:
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.
  • Runninglibrarian13
    Runninglibrarian13 Posts: 57 Member
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    I think I understand what you mean.. I, too have always been the smart one, the nerdy one, etc.

    Its natural, now that you've found something you enjoy and excel in to want to shine.... but think of it this way...

    You're not small minded or whatever, because you have shared your successes with these ladies... and its not like you are wishing them ILL... you yourself have said you're happy for them. And like you, if they put in the work, they deserve to reap the rewards.

    And maybe you need to think of it this way.... you ARE special... you have achieved this success and have been the inspiration for others.

    I'm not sure if I'm making sense either... lol... I've only had one cup of coffee and I think today is a 2 cup day!
  • Vansy
    Vansy Posts: 419 Member
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    It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice....

    Or just keep bringing your friends cake and hope that they stay fat for ever.

    ^lmao.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Take joy in the successes of your friends and others will see a loving generous person (who also just happens to be a fit and healthy one, too) and they'll think you hung the moon! Your inside beauty will shine through your outside beauty.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    ....if they were to achieve the same results as I, I... I'd be alone again. ....

    If they achieve the same results as you, you will not alone, but will have a group of healthy fit friends that you helped to make... Kinda making you the leader of the pack!
  • HappyHungryHealthy
    HappyHungryHealthy Posts: 121 Member
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    It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice....

    Or just keep bringing your friends cake and hope that they stay fat for ever.

    ^^ This!! Giving them cake could work! :)

    That said, you know how much work and dedication went into your overall transformation, it's not easy and you need some serious willpower to carry on and come out better for it the otherside, some people don't have this and give up easily - I know I was one of those people not so long ago. You could always just help them out and keep them on track, because even though you have seen some serious results you could help create those same results, and make other people feel just as good as you feel. Surely, all of that will make it worth it in the end, knowing you've helped someone to their own success!
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    Thinner doesn't equal better. Just thinner.
  • MarioLozano16
    MarioLozano16 Posts: 319 Member
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    So work harder than them
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I am trying to muster up an ounce of sympathy but it's really difficult.

    It would behoove you, before you get too far in life, to try and really figure out what actually defines you. Is it really that you've lost weight?

    I am certain that you did nothing radically new to achieve your results -- anything you did, those seeking your advice could likely locate on the internet. Whether to tell them what you did or they research for themselves, if they dedicate themselves to a program, they are likely going to see results too. How their success diminishes yours, I don't understand -- but you have to realize it could happen whether you tell them your "secrets" or not.
  • mjoshua87
    mjoshua87 Posts: 50
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.



    ^^^^ What they said!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,633 Member
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    A lot of the uber rich in America feel the same. If everyone had the same statis as them, then how can they domineer? People will realize others character by their actions. It's not hard to figure someone out if you're around them for a little while and you can trust that not everyone will say everything to your face and lots behind your back.
    Sharing information doesn't mean that people will get the same results since that has more to do with the person's desire and discipline. And what you've learned and done isn't a secret in weight loss. If they really want to know they can find out, especially in today's easy access to information.
    If they did do it on their own and got the same results you did, then you'd still feel the same way yes?So really this is more about your insecurity about yourself.
    I think inherently with females (because of how society puts pressure on women) that they are much more critical of themselves compared to how they are really viewed by the world.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

    I agree with this. It sounds like you are still unsure of yourself and that's why you have insecurities about others doing better than you. Did you get in better shape for you or for the attention it would get you? I know the attention is nice, but the above poster is right, it won't always be there. Someone else who's newer, shinier, or whatever will always come along and 'steal the spotlight.'

    Be generous with your inspiration to others and celebrate their victories just like you're celebrating your own and you will find that you will always have friends and support in your life. Giving is always better than receiving.
  • csand11
    csand11 Posts: 22 Member
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    It's okay to feel a little worried, but the fact that you are aware of it and don't want to be petty is excellent. As they achieve their goals it will help you to remember and maintain your own

    As to the boys, confidence is sexy. The fact that you are feeling better in your own body is most likely the cause of those stares. Keep owning the changes you have made in your body!
  • Microfiber
    Microfiber Posts: 956 Member
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    I must say the reason I did (and completed) Insanity again (finished about a month ago), was because some girls were talking about doing it at work. They said they would start it that weekend. I came home and dusted the DVD boxset off thinking "I'm not going to be left behind" :laugh: so I started it secretly :wink: Anyway, one by one, they dropped out of doing Insanity but I completed the programme thanks to them :drinker:

    You'll just have to up your fitness levels a notch :happy:
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
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    People are attracted to happiness and confidence at least as much as looks, if not more. If you have a great body but you're insecure and jealous of others, you will cease to be as attractive.

    Also, men [or insert gender(s) of choice here to make this applicable to everybody] are not objects that you compete with your friends to win. They're people. Don't you want to be with someone who specifically finds *you* attractive, and also likes your personality, rather than just ending up with someone who may not even be right for you because you won the pretty contest? Give them, and yourself, more credit than that.
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Friendship does not have to be competition. It can just be genuine care for each other. Why this need for others to feel jealous of you, when actually you've inspired them to take better care of themselves?
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    If your friends were to achieve the same success as you, it would in no way invalidate what YOU have done. To wish them failure (i.e., staying overweight) so that you stand out is indeed small minded. You don't build yourself up by tearing others down. If they want guidance, give it to them, and be glad that you can help.

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