Help! I'm afraid they'll end up better than me!

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  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

    I agree with this.

    I would add that you can't always control feelings. Emotions just happen. But you can control your actions. So make sure they are good ones.
  • donrdon
    donrdon Posts: 216 Member
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    Go ahead and share your successes and how you achieved them. There are thousands of fitness programs out there that work, but for them to succeed one must have determination and commitment. (as you must have to do what you did) So share, it's not the program but the person that makes it work.
  • xstarxdustx
    xstarxdustx Posts: 591 Member
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

    ^ This. Really great advice. :)
  • mystiedragonfly
    mystiedragonfly Posts: 189 Member
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    My sister has lost 110 pounds. Her husband has lost 160. My brother has lost 170 and his wife has lost 120.

    ... I... have lost 20.... BUT, I have lost 10 pant sizes.

    I've been working out longer than them and eating healthier longer. Yet, they have gotten the results. I am excessively proud of my family!! ... just a bit jealous.

    My nutritionist pointed one thing out to me though.... He asked me how much can they bench press.

    This is what *I* have to remind myself of every time I get discouraged (or even jealous) that everyone else SEEMS to be doing better than me. That I lift weights. That is an accomplishment in itself.

    As for being the girl unnoticed, we all want to be noticed. We all want to be seen as pretty, but you have to be something more than pretty. Also, have you not noticed by now that the "odd" girls are the ones men (whoever) tend to notice the most. The confidence of us (me for sure) "odd" girls is the thing that could make or break us. Someone sees us shying away and jealous of the world, they will no longer care to see more of us. We stand up, smile, speak our mind, and beat them at video games... and suddenly we are kind of hot. People are surprised at how attracted to us they are.
  • TheNavet
    TheNavet Posts: 162 Member
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    I read every single of your replies and I just want to say thank you!

    And all of what you said (which I can't unfortunately sum up) is right an just. I'll try my best to change myself and not to... not to feel like this again. You've opened my eyes and already have given me a bit more confidence :heart: (and yes, 'confidence is sexy' :drinker: )

    Attention is just a phase and isn't a challenge, I'll get over it and learn to focus more on my happiness AND the one of others - we all merit it after all.

    Thank you again for all your words, they might just be truly life changing :flowerforyou:
  • TheNavet
    TheNavet Posts: 162 Member
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

    Thank you incredibly :flowerforyou:
  • EllytoSkinny
    EllytoSkinny Posts: 21
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    I understand what you are feeling, but it's not like by telling them what you are doing you are giving them a magic pill that will automatically transform them overnight. Share your success, tell them about this site, and be an inspiration. It will be up to them to do the work for themselves.
  • ImtheOnethatsCool
    ImtheOnethatsCool Posts: 212 Member
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    Meh... tell they how you did it. Once they realize how much work it is, most of them will give up anyway.
  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
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    Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

    I agree with this.

    I would add that you can't always control feelings. Emotions just happen. But you can control your actions. So make sure they are good ones.

    This is absolutely right. Good actions can override intentions and feelings. Feel what you feel, but find your good in what you do. Don't stop improving yourself, and you won't have to worry about someone being better than you. You'll be constantly working towards your own best, and if along the way, you can help others find their own best then you can truly be happy for both yourself and the friends you've helped along the way.
  • rmn79
    rmn79 Posts: 39
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    Someone looking their best will not make you less attractive just as someone looking their worst will not make you more attractive, you will make you more attractive. The problem is not with how you look externally but how you feel about yourself, you need to love and accept every part of you because if you need to compare yourself to others to feel worthy of attention you will always feel left out.
  • RichOC
    RichOC Posts: 243 Member
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    My sister has lost 110 pounds. Her husband has lost 160. My brother has lost 170 and his wife has lost 120.

    ... I... have lost 20.... BUT, I have lost 10 pant sizes.

    I've been working out longer than them and eating healthier longer. Yet, they have gotten the results. I am excessively proud of my family!! ... just a bit jealous.

    My nutritionist pointed one thing out to me though.... He asked me how much can they bench press.

    This is what *I* have to remind myself of every time I get discouraged (or even jealous) that everyone else SEEMS to be doing better than me. That I lift weights. That is an accomplishment in itself.

    As for being the girl unnoticed, we all want to be noticed. We all want to be seen as pretty, but you have to be something more than pretty. Also, have you not noticed by now that the "odd" girls are the ones men (whoever) tend to notice the most. The confidence of us (me for sure) "odd" girls is the thing that could make or break us. Someone sees us shying away and jealous of the world, they will no longer care to see more of us. We stand up, smile, speak our mind, and beat them at video games... and suddenly we are kind of hot. People are surprised at how attracted to us they are.

    It is pretty hot when a girl can beat you at video games...
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    The main reason you are getting the attention is because you made something happen and your "friends" saw the change and it inspired them. Let us fast forward a year from now, do you think they will look at you the same way? no they won't because they got used to athletic you, so your achievement today becomes tomorrow's norm.

    But now let us look at the same situation if you shared with them and they in turn followed you to a better and successful form of themselves. Fast forward a year from today and all of you are in excellent "athletic" shape, you are the hero now because you were the spark that started the fire in your group of friends' road to success.

    This might help you feel better about the situation but in reality nothing will if you don't learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. You are young and others views tend to affect you a lot, but trust me 10 or 20 years down the line you might struggle to even remember their names. So try to focus on making a positive impact in others lives by being excellent to each other rather than being that "fat" friend who lost weight.
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    Consider it this way - you may get the stares being the trim one of the group; but imagine the stares the lot of you will get if you are ALL in a 'fit' shape ;).
  • Rachlovesfitness
    Rachlovesfitness Posts: 219 Member
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    Honestly I personally feel that because there is a HUGE epidemic of obesity going on in this country (and world) that whenever anybody asks for help and admires what you can done...YOU HELP without judgement.

    We need healthier people in this world.

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